by Jiffy Kate
I stand there, watching her beautiful face crumble in sadness, along with her walls, and it breaks my heart all over again, because regardless of the shit that’s happened, I still love her.
I love her beat-up bug and her combat boots.
I love the girl who thinks she’s scared but is actually really brave.
I love the girl who cares about other people’s lives more than her own.
I especially love the love she has for Henry.
I love her fierceness and protectiveness.
I love the way she comes undone beneath me.
I love that she’d rather have a hamburger than a salad and that she shoots tequila straight.
She’s not perfect.
But I don’t want perfect.
I want her.
Flaws and all.
Unable to stand it any longer, I pull her to me, and she slowly begins to melt into my chest. Her shoulders relax and I feel her entire body shudder. But what I feel the most is an immediate sense of wholeness. Having her this close is a soothing balm.
I love the way she fits so perfectly in my arms.
As I rest my head on top of hers and hold her tight, my mom’s words from earlier come back to me.
Promise me you’ll still jump.
When you fall in extreme sports… when your equipment fails you or you crash and burn, the best thing you can do is get back out there and do it again. Because if you don’t, fear and what-ifs will keep you from taking risks. And without risks, we never truly live.
“Maybe I should’ve fought harder,” I whisper against her hair. “You fight for what you love. I shouldn’t have let my fear of losing you keep me from telling you how I felt.”
We stand there for so long my legs begin to burn from holding us both up and staying in the same position. Quinn’s sobs stopped a while ago, but her hold on me hasn’t loosened. I lean back and try to get a look at her face to judge her emotional stability, but she squeezes tighter.
“Don’t look at me,” she mumbles into my chest, her voice raspy from crying. “I’m hideous.”
I laugh and then feel the shake of her shoulders against me. “You’re never hideous.” It’s the truth. Even when I wanted to hate her, I couldn’t. I fell in love with the girl who didn’t want me to, not to spite her, but in spite of her… in spite of the walls, in spite of the heartache, in spite of the circumstances… I fell in love with her anyway. “I love you,” I whisper.
“Still?”
“Always.” I sigh, pulling her even tighter. “Even if you don’t want me to. Even if you marry Daniel.”
Fifty years from now, regardless of what happens, there will still be a piece of my heart that she owns.
“I’m not marrying Daniel.”
My body stills; my heart beats a little faster.
“I was never meant to marry Daniel. That was just another wall I put up. I think I always knew it, but it took me a while to see it.” She lets out a deep sigh and melts deeper into my chest. “Even if Daniel had proposed, I would’ve said no,” she says firmly, pulling her head back and looking straight in my eyes. “I need you to know you’re not my second choice or some consolation prize. You’re the only choice.”
My lips crash into hers, a little more forcefully than necessary, because I need to feel her. I need to know this is real—that she’s here and that her words aren’t some figment of my imagination.
“You love me?” I ask against her lips.
“I do,” she says, kissing my jaw.
“Tell me.” I need to hear her say it.
“I love you, Jude. I’ve loved you for longer than I know, because you snuck up on me and jumped over my walls before I even knew what hit me.” She kisses me again, and then our lips still as we breathe each other in.
“I love you.”
Epilogue
7 months later
“Jude! Henry!”
The cute kid sitting beside me, who’s nestled down into the couch, just looks up and snickers. “Maybe she’ll think we disappeared,” he whispers.
“Doubt it, dude. She probably saw the car in the driveway.”
Fergie’s feet click-clack on the floor and quickly round the corner, greeting Quinn at the door.
“Hey, girl,” Quinn says. The two of them have formed a female alliance. Somehow Fergie gets votes and shit. Not sure how that happened. “Where are the boys?”
The big-ass dog runs back down the hallway and straight into the family room, selling us out.
“She can’t not keep a secret,” Henry says, giggling beside me.
Pretty sure those not’s cancel each other out, but I let it slide. I’ve learned over the months there’s no sense arguing with him. His little-kid rationalization always wins.
“Were you two hiding from me?” Quinn asks, coming to stand between us and the television.
“No,” Henry says in his higher-pitched voice, the one he uses when he’s lying. He’s a horrible liar, just like his mother.
I smile up at Quinn, letting my eyes rake over her. The light-blue scrubs are my favorite, and she knows it.
“Why don’t you go pick up the Legos in your room? We’ve got dinner at MeMe and Pop’s house tonight,” I tell Henry, ruffling his hair.
“MeMe and Pop’s! Yay!” he exclaims, hands in the air. “Will Penelope be there?”
“Nah, they’ll just leave her at home,” Quinn teases.
Henry’s excited behavior halts as he looks up at Quinn with wide eyes. “Seriously?”
Seriously. It’s his new favorite word.
“Sure, I bet she’ll just sleep anyway,” I say, joining in the ruse with Quinn.
We’re horrible parents.
Parents. It took me a while to go from Jude, the cool guy, to Jude, the step-dad, but I’m so there. Something that seemed so far away and completely off my radar was exactly what I needed in my life. I just didn’t know it. At least not until Quinn and Henry showed up. She says I snuck into her life. Well, she snuck into mine too, right through the back door. I wasn’t looking for love or a family or any of that, but I found it… or it found me.
Regardless, I’m never letting them go.
“Jude,” Henry warns, turning to me. “Aunt Luce would not leave Penelope at home alone,” he says, shaking his head. “MeMe wouldn’t let her.”
“You don’t think so?”
“No way, dude. Seriously.”
“Yeah, true. Well, I guess she’ll be there, then.”
“Sweet!”
Sweet is another new word he uses constantly. He picked that one up from Sebastian. Between Daniel, Zach, Sebastian, Will, and my dad, Henry has a lot of bad influences. It’s surprising he’s such a good kid.
After he takes off down the hall to his bedroom, Quinn looks at me with a smile. “Maybe we should leave him at home?” she teases, plopping down beside me and taking Henry’s place under my arm.
“Maybe we should leave him with MeMe and Pops,” I counter. “You’re off tomorrow, right?” Pulling her to me, I kiss the top of her head and then her temple… and then just below her ear, where it makes her squirm.
“On call,” she says, distracted by my lips.
Moving farther down, kissing her neck, I growl. “I’ll take it.” In one swift move, I have her under me, lifting her hips, wanting more than I’m able to give her right now. My cock grinds into her heat anyway, begging for release.
It’s been less than twelve hours, but he’s needy. For her. Always.
“Mom!” Henry calls from his room, making us freeze. “I can’t find my lightsaber. The blue one!”
“In your closet!” Quinn yells back.
We stay still for a moment, listening to a door opening and rummaging and then, “Found it!”
Quinn laughs, looking up at me. “We’ve only got thirty minutes, and I need a shower.”
“I’d like to say I’d join you, but we already know that takes longer than thirty minutes.”
She groans. “And Hen
ry would be asking what we’re doing in the bathroom together.”
Yeah, we’ve had to get creative with our alone time and our lies we tell when we get caught.
“Rain check?” she asks.
“I’ll be cashing in tonight,” I assure her, kissing her so hard she groans in pleasure.
“MeMe!” Henry calls as we walk through the door. He sheds his jacket, tossing it on the table in the foyer and jets toward the living room.
I would’ve been in trouble for that shit when I was his age. Go hang that jacket up, young man. I can hear my mom’s voice plain as day. But nope, not Henry. The kid walks on water and heals the blind.
“Henry!” my mom calls out in excitement. “I’ve missed you!”
He laughs, colliding with her legs. “You saw me three days ago.”
“Three days is too long,” she says, squeezing him in a bear hug.
He squeals as she tickles his side. “Mom and Jude said Aunt Luce was leaving Penelope at home, but I told them that she wouldn’t and that you wouldn’t let her. Babies can’t stay at home by themselves. Isn’t that right, MeMe?”
My mother gives me the look over Henry’s head. “That’s right. Don’t worry. Baby Penelope is in the kitchen with Pops.”
“You never left Jude at home by himself when he was a baby, did you, MeMe?”
“Only once,” she says, shrugging as she walks by. “But I came right back and got him.”
What?
“That’s right,” Lucy says, chiming in on her way through the living room. “Mom left you in the car seat by the front door.” My sister laughs like she’s watching Comedy Central.
“That could’ve scarred me for life,” I tell them.
“Oh, you were fine,” my mother says, swatting me away. “You don’t even remember. The only reason Lucy knows is because your father ratted me out.”
“Don’t let her fool you, son,” my dad says, bouncing a small bundle in his arms as he walks slowly around the kitchen. “She was about to have a nervous breakdown when she called me and told me what happened.”
My mother is now swatting him with the dishtowel on his ass, of course. I swear this is some sort of old people foreplay. Every time they start bantering in the kitchen and my mom swats him with a towel, he gets a look in his eyes. “You’re over-exaggerating.”
“Man with a baby here,” my dad says, placing a protective hand on Penelope’s little head.
“Oh, she’s fine. Aren’t you, beautiful,” my mom coos to Penelope. “You like it when I spank Grandpa, don’t you?”
“Hey! Let’s keep it PG,” Will says, walking into the kitchen. “We’re not starting sex ed until she’s at least old enough to talk.”
“What’s sex ed?” Henry asks.
“Nothing,” we all sing in unison like a choir in church.
And everybody says amen.
“Seth W. says he hears his parents having sex,” Henry says, settling in at the bar as my mom slides him a pre-dinner cookie. Something else that never would’ve happened when I was his age.
It’s like hell hath frozen over and I didn’t get the memo.
“Don’t listen to Seth W.,” my mom says.
“It’s okay for parents to have sex. Right, Mom?” Henry asks.
Quinn rolls her eyes behind his back. “Yes, Henry.”
“How old do you have to be before you have sex?”
“Really old,” I tell him, rubbing up against Quinn. If the old people can do it, so can I.
“Do you and Pops have sex, MeMe?”
Why?
Why must Sunday dinners always end up in inappropriate conversations? You’d think having Henry and Penelope around would make things different, but nope. Just another generation of Harrises who are going to need therapy.
“You sure it’s okay for Henry to stay the night?” I ask, helping Quinn with her jacket as we ease toward the door.
I’m only asking to be polite.
If she says no, I plan on throwing Quinn over my shoulder and making a run for it.
“He’s already asleep. Besides, we love it when he stays the night. You know that.”
“I know. Just making sure.” I kiss her cheek and then lean my head out the door to push the remote start on Quinn’s SUV. “Oh, and Daniel and Zach will be by to get him tomorrow morning. They’re taking him to a Comic-Con thing.”
“How fun!” my mom says, beaming.
She loves Daniel and Zach.
“I’ll have to get up a little early and make them some banana nut muffins. Zach loves them. He brought my container back by last week and left the sweetest note and a bunch of flowers on the porch,” she gushes, placing her hand over her heart. “So sweet.”
Yeah, so fucking sweet.
Daniel and Zach are becoming the friends you started to hate when you were little because your parents thought they were so well-behaved and that you should act more like them.
A few months ago, they bought my house. They’re trying to adopt and needed a bigger place with a yard. Since Fergie and I were basically living at Quinn’s anyway, I sold them my house. Now, they have coffee and cocktails with my parents on a regular basis. Will and Daniel golf on Saturdays. Zach has been helping my mom with her new website.
Somehow, we all fit.
It’s weird, and it’s unconventional and definitely not perfect. But it works.
Henry has three dads, kind of like that ‘90s television show, except there are three instead of two and we don’t all live together. Thank God. He only refers to Daniel as dad, but that’s okay with me. All I care about is that I get to be a part of his life. Everything’s better with Quinn and Henry…a random Monday night, a random Tuesday night, Sundays at the park, Harris Family Dinners. All of it.
“Thanks again, Susan,” Quinn says, leaning in for a hug.
After the door closes behind us, we can’t get to the car fast enough.
“Drive fast,” Quinn says, buckling her seat belt.
“Planned on it,” I tell her, practically peeling out of the driveway. “We could stop in a back alley for a quickie.”
“I want our bed.”
Our bed.
Yeah, I want that too.
Five minutes later, we’re pulling into the driveway. Before I even have the car in park, Quinn has her seatbelt off and the door halfway open.
We race each other up the sidewalk, and Quinn giggles as I struggle to get the door open.
“Stick it in, Harris. Geez,” she teases, her hands sneaking under my shirt and down the waist of my jeans.
“Fuck,” I groan, partially at the fucking lock that won’t cooperate and partially at the fucking hot woman with her hands on me.
When I finally get it, I pull her in and press her up against the wall, kicking the door closed behind us. Blindly, I move us down the wall and press in the code for the alarm, disarming and then arming it again. Picking Quinn up in my arms, I walk quickly to the bedroom, my pants sagging because she’s already managed to unbutton them and pull the zipper down.
She’s fast.
As I toss her onto the bed, her hair fans out around her. She’s so damn beautiful. And she’s mine—made just for me.
“God, I love you,” I tell her, pulling my shirt off and tossing it onto the floor.
“I love you, too,” she says, ridding herself of her jeans and panties. No need for pretenses. We both know what’s getting ready to go down here.
I brace my arms on either side of her, caging her in. “I’m gonna need this off too,” I say, pulling at the edge of her shirt. “I want to see all of you.”
Her face disappears from view for a second as she pulls the shirt over her head. I make quick work of her bra.
Thank you, Lord, for front clasps.
We take a second to let our eyes and hands roam, needing a minute to appreciate each other.
“Kiss me,” she finally whispers.
I press my lips to hers and she opens her mouth, inviting me in. Her hands cup my
jaw, but as the kiss intensifies, her fingers find my hair. I love when she’s desperate and needy.
I love that she wants me as badly as I want her.
I love that we’re always on the same page, whether it’s fast and hard or slow and easy.
“I need to feel you inside me.”
I love that she knows what she wants and she’s not afraid to tell me.
I love that there are no longer any walls.
Just her.
And me.
I pull back and kneel in front of her, wanting to watch as I slide inside. Running my fingers between her slick heat, I groan. She’s so wet, ready for me, always. “Fuck, Quinn. You feel so good.”
Her hips lift up off the bed, forcing my fingers deeper. As she begins to ride my hand, I lean back and enjoy the show, my cock weeping, wanting to get in on the action.
“I’m gonna come,” she says breathlessly, gripping the blanket beneath her. “Oh, God, I’m gonna come.”
I press my thumb to her clit and continue to pump in and out of her. “You’re so fucking beautiful,” I tell her. “I love watching you come undone for me.”
With a cry, her body tenses, and her walls tighten. Unable to wait another second, I hook my arms under her knees and pull her hips onto my lap, my cock slamming into her, causing her to cry out in pleasure. After a few hard thrusts, her body begins to tremble beneath me.
“Oh, my God,” she chants, her hands moving from her sides to above her head as she comes back down from her high and joins in the game, pressing herself down. “Fuck.”
Filthy words coming out of that beautiful mouth only makes me thrust harder and faster, leaning back to watch my cock slide in and out of her. In moments like these, when everything between us is raw and primal, I’m reminded of our beginning.