Chapter 10 - How Mitch Finally Met his Match
A year had passed since Mitch was made sheriff of Broken Jaw Junction. He had faced Bad Bart, bank robbers, cattle rustlers, the claim jumper, the knife man, Big Tom, a range war, the saloon keeper, lazy good-for-nothing loafers, and the Ladies Aid, and had surprised everyone by overcoming all of them. Cousin Elias had packed his bags and left town over half a dozen times, only to return in embarrassment each time. He had finally resolved to not leave town again no matter how bad things looked, since Mitch always seemed to find a way to overcome any problem that came along. (But of course, Cousin Elias—being Cousin Elias—knew deep down inside that he would still pack his bags again at the first sign of trouble). It was beginning to look like Mitch was invincible and that no one could take him down, and if people made bets anymore, they would now bet on Mitch rather than against him.
But they were all wrong.
It all started the day farmer Jones showed up in town in a covered wagon, with three pigs and two milk cows following behind on tether ropes. He was coming from Iowa and was looking for a place to homestead and have a farm. He had met rancher Bomont outside of town who had kindly suggested a 10 acre chunk of property just south of town that was (naturally) no good for cattle grazing, but which did have a little empty cabin on it and a trickle of water running through it to grow a few crops. That's where farmer Jones was headed on that warm Nevada day when his wagon rolled through town and changed Broken Jaw Junction forever.
When the wagon was half way through town, a girl poked her head out from behind the back wagon covering. She had blond hair and blue eyes and the most beautiful features anyone had ever seen. Several miners walking down the street stared with their mouths open, and one of them walked right into a hitching post and knocked himself senseless. A minute later, some of Bomont's ranch hands saw her as they came ambling out of the saloon and they were so google-eyed they didn't watch where they were going and all of them fell off the boardwalk into the mud.
As the wagon left town, about 30 men stood in the street gawking at it. The girl waved at them all, and they were all bunched so close together they nearly knocked each other silly waving back.
Then another girl poked her head out as well! She was dark haired and brown eyed and although anyone could see she was the first girl's sister, she was more plain and ordinary looking in comparison. When she saw all the men waving at her sister she quickly popped her head back under the canvas and disappeared.
Within two hours every single man in town was talking about farmer Jones' beautiful daughter. They had found out that her name was Suzy Mae and that she was 18 years old. Her homely sister's name was Judith Mae, who was two years older. They also found out that Farmer Jones had vowed that no man could approach Suzy Mae to say even two words to her—let alone to court her—until Judith Mae was married. (He knew it would be no trouble to marry off Suzy Mae, so holding her back until Judith Mae was married was the only way he thought he could get them both hitched).
Of course, all the miners and cowhands didn't intend to let Farmer Jones' plans for Judith Mae stop them from calling on Suzy Mae. Never in the history of Broken Jaw Junction had so many men gone to the creek to take a bath as they did that afternoon. (After the first fifty, the water became so polluted that anybody who took a bath after that got dirtier, rather than cleaner). Burt Gurgle, the town barber, had a line waiting for a shave and a haircut that went clear down the street and out of town. The General Store sold out all of its combs and soap within thirty minutes of Suzy Mae's arrival, and old Joe Cloober (who was married to a Ladies Aider and therefore couldn’t pursue Suzy Mae) sold two bottles of cologne that he owned for $100.00 a piece.
The only single man in town who hadn't been affected by the arrival of Suzy Mae was Sheriff Mitch. He was sitting in his office reading the latest edition of 'The Gardener's Rake,' when Cousin Elias burst in and flopped into a chair. Elias had such a big smile on his face you'd think he'd swallowed a gallon of chocolate.
"I'm in love!" he said in a creaky voice, his eyes glowing. He gave a long sigh then looked at Mitch as if realizing for the first time that he was even there.
"Did you see her, Mitch?" he asked excitedly.
"Who?" said Mitch absently.
"Who?!" cried Elias in amazement. "Farmer Jones' daughter Suzy Mae, that's who! Everybody's talking about her. She's the most beautiful girl in the world." Cousin Elias' eyes glazed over as he sank back in his chair with a sigh.
"I thought you were sweet on Charlotte Mudrag back in West Virginia," said Mitch with a smile.
Cousin Elias jerked out of his chair as if he'd been hit with a rock. "Charlotte Mudrag?!" he yelled. "Why, that crazy girl's been chasin' me since I was three! All I ever wanted was for her to stay away from me. She's part of the reason I came out here, you know!"
Mitch laughed and reached for his watering can. "I know, I know. But what I don’t understand is why you're trying to run from Charlotte--in the last year before we left she turned out to be a fine looking young lady."
"Oh, I suppose," admitted Elias with a wave of his hand. "But she's nothing compared to my Suzy Mae!"
"Your Suzy Mae?" said Mitch with a raise of his eyebrows. "From what I hear, you'd have to fight off every single man in town to make her yours."
Cousin Elias face turned white at the mention of fighting. But where love was concerned, he could be very creative (even if he wasn't very courageous)
"I won't have to fight anybody," said Elias with a sly smile, "as long as you come with me."
"Me?" said Mitch in surprise. "What would you want to drag me along for if you're going to see a girl?"
"Aw, c'mon, Mitch," said Elias. "You're the only man around that nobody would want to fight! With you along, nobody would touch me! Then you could kind of stay in the background while Suzy Mae and I spent some time together.”
"Sorry, cousin," said Mitch as he watered the tomato plants in his windowsill. "I've got a garden to take care of and a town to watch. I can't go running off to Farmer Jones' place just because you want to go see a girl."
"Well, now," said Elias with a smile. "You said a minute ago I'd have to fight for Suzy Mae to be my girl. Well, I know for a fact that about 100 fellers will be headin' over to Farmer Jones' place any minute now, and every one of 'em's willing to fight the rest to make her his girl. And Farmer Jones' place is inside town limits, you know."
"Hmmm ..." said Mitch thoughtfully, setting down his watering can. "You may have a point there. I can’t allow a big fight in town limits."
Cousin Elias smiled broadly. "Just stick with me cousin and we'll protect the people at Farmer Jones' place--and see about my courtin' Suzy Mae! Let’s go!!" Then he fairly charged out of the office and ran down the street, with Mitch following more slowly behind him.
A sizeable crowd of eligible bachelors were milling around Farmer Jones' new home as Mitch and Cousin Elias drew near. Many of them were so greatly changed from their former sleazy, greasy selves, that they could hardly be recognized, since they had had a shave and a haircut, and wore clean clothes.
As Mitch and Elias drew near they noticed that a few of the bachelors had fresh bruises and bloody noses, and that several others were shoving and hitting each other in order to get closer to Farmer Jones' house. There was a lot of shouting and cursing, and almost all of them were claiming that Suzy Mae was their girl, and nobody else's. However, at the sight of Sheriff Mitch the crowd quieted down and moved back a respectful distance.
"Hey, sheriff!" called a loud mouthed miner, "how about if you shoot all these other guys with itch bullets, so's I can have a chance to see my girl Suzy Mae in peace."
"Your girl?!" cried a dozen voices at once. A massive fight would have broken out if Mitch's gun hadn't suddenly appeared in his hand.
"Gentlemen, please," cried Mitch. "Is this any way to act when you're trying to impress a gir
l?"
There was deathly silence while the men looked at each other curiously.
"What's wrong with beatin' on each other?" asked one.
"Yeah!" yelled another. "I always thought girls liked that."
"How's she gonna know I'm tough if I don't knock somebody else silly to show her?" asked a third. There was a general murmur of approval from the crowd.
Mitch shook his head sadly. "Now fellas, when was the last time you saw a girl get all happy and excited when you knocked somebody's tooth out? That's crazy!"
"When was the last time we even saw a girl?" one cowboy responded. "I swear, I been lookin' at cows so long I almost forgot what a girl looked like."
"Hey!" shouted a miner. "What are you doin' here, sheriff? Come to steal Suzy Mae from me just because you're fast with a gun?"
"Yeah!" shouted a dozen others. "That ain't fair!" There was a sudden uproar of shouting and yelling until Mitch fired a shot in the air. Then there was deathly silence.
"I assure you I am not here to steal anyone's girl, but only to keep the peace. And if you all don't behave yourselves, you'll be spending a night in my jail!" Nobody moved a muscle. Not one of them wanted to go to Mitch’s jail, for fear of being forced to eat celery sticks and garlic.
But the silence of the crowd didn’t last long. Either they were less scared of Mitch because there were so many of them all bunched together, or their brains had become addled because they had all gone girl crazy. The crowd started to murmur and grumble. Then someone shouted, "What's the matter? Suzy Mae not purty enough for you?"
"Yeah!" said a cowboy hotly. "No real man would not want to steal her! What’s wrong with you? You have seen her, haven't you?"
Mitch shook his head ‘no,’ and amazed gasps came from the crowd.
"You haven't even seen her?!"
"You’ve got to be kidding!"
"Keep him away! Keep him away! If he sees her, we're all done for!"
"Too late! She's coming out!!"
A collective gasp went up from the crowd as they craned their necks to get a view of the farmhouse door. Then there was a collective sigh of disappointment when only Farmer Jones came out. He was carrying a large stick and a shotgun, and he looked very grumpy. Without a word he took ten paces out from the house, jabbed the stick in the dirt, and pulled it along the ground, leaving a visible cut. He kept going until he had made a mark all the way around the house, about ten paces out. Then he tossed the stick high into the air and blasted it to smithereens with the shotgun.
"See what's left of that stick?” he grumbled in a deep, unfriendly voice. “That's what's gonna be left of any man who’s crazy enough to set foot inside this line I made on the ground. Soon's I get the wood, I'm going to build a fence on that line, and you’d all better stay on the other side of it!" With that he turned and sauntered back into his house.
There was another murmur from the crowd.
"Do you think he really means it?"
"Did you see what happened to that stick?"
"Maybe we could come at night. He's got to sleep sometime."
"If enough other guys crossed the line first, he'd run out of ammunition--then I could go in!"
“You?!” yelled a dozen voices. “You think we’re gonna cross the line first and get blasted to help you out? We’ll push you across the line first!” There started to be a lot of pushing and shoving, and it looked like Mitch would have to use his gun again. But suddenly two girls came out onto the farmhouse porch.
Instantly there was complete silence while the men just gawked in wonder. The first girl was Suzy Mae, who was every bit as lovely as all the men remembered her. With sunlight streaming through her golden hair, and her blue eyes sparkling, she looked like an angel. The other girl was Judith Mae, who looked plain and homely standing next to her beautiful younger sister. She had her head down and, unlike Suzy Mae, didn't seem to like all the men gawking at them. She quickly watered some flowers sitting in pots on the edge of the porch, then ran back inside the house. They could still barely see her through the window, standing in the shadows in the house. Suzy Mae stayed outside, waving at all the speechless men staring at her, and loving every minute of it.
A collective sigh went up from the group of cowboys and miners. Then, as one man, they made a dash for the porch.
A shotgun blast ripped through the air and a hole suddenly appeared in the ground right in front of the group of men. Farmer Jones had fired his shot from the open window and cocked his shotgun to fire again. The men dashed back across the line and stood grumbling and mumbling (except for a few who kept running all the way back into town—one of whom was Cousin Elias).
Then somebody called out, "Hey! Look at the sheriff!" Everyone turned and saw Mitch standing as still as a statue, his eyes wide as saucers. One of the miners waved his hand in front of Mitch's face, but he didn't even blink.
"Sheriff," said a cowboy standing two feet away. Mitch didn't respond. "Sheriff!" he yelled. Still no response. "SHERIFF!!" A dozen cowboys and miners yelled at once.
Mitch blinked his eyes and looked around as if he didn't know where he was. There was an odd, glazed look in his eyes.
"So, what did you think, sheriff?" asked one of the miners with a broad smile. "Ain't she purty?"
"Wow!" was all Mitch could say.
"Looks like he's done for," said a cowboy with a laugh.
"Yep!" said another. "Looks like somebody's finally got the best of sheriff Mitch at last."
"Which ruins it for the rest of us," wailed a miner. "What hope do any of us have on courtin' Suzy Mae with him around?"
There was a lot of grumpy complaining and moaning after this comment, but all Mitch would say was "wow!" over and over again.
"Aw, shucks," said a miner at last. "Ain't no use standin' around here—she’s gone back inside. I'm gonna go back to my claim and dig some gold."
"Me too!" said another. One by one the miners and cowboys started to drift away, all of them still complaining about Sheriff Mitch taking their girl. Finally, the only ones left were Farmer Jones sitting on his porch with his shotgun in his lap and Sheriff Mitch still standing and saying "wow!" over and over.
By nightfall the news was all over town that Sheriff Mitch had fallen head over heels for Suzy Mae. A bunch of miners and cowboys got together to figure out how to get him out of the way, so they'd have a chance at her themselves. Before long however, they got to fighting over whose girl she was and the meeting fell apart.
Meanwhile, the women of the Ladies Aid all thought the whole thing was ridiculous and that all of the men were acting silly--especially Sheriff Mitch. They called on the Mayor and Town Council to fire him, since they said he'd probably be out to Farmer Jones' place all the time and not do his job anymore. However, the saloon keeper had a good long talk with the mayor and town council and convinced them to let Mitch go ahead and waste his time at Farmer Jones' place and let the town go back to lawlessness, so they could all make more money. That way, they wouldn't have to pretend to hire someone to take his place.
At the sheriff's office, Cousin Elias was faced with the unusual job of trying to talk some sense into Mitch and bring him back to real life. For someone like Elias this was not an easy task, especially since he was in love with Suzy Mae himself.
"Glad to see you can appreciate real beauty, cousin," said Elias. "I never thought you had it in you." Then he added fiercely, "but Suzy Mae is my girl and you need to keep away from her!"
"Wow!" was all that Mitch said, his eyes still glazed over.
"Didn't you hear me?" demanded Cousin Elias. "She's my girl!"
Mitch stared blankly at Elias. Finally he mumbled, "I've never seen anyone so beautiful. Never."
"She's mine, I tell you!" cried Elias. "Mine!!"
"Did you see the look in her eyes?" said Mitch as if Elias wasn't there. "Did you see how the sunlight glowed on her hair?"
"Mine
! Mine! Mine! Mine! Mine!" yelled Cousin Elias going red in the face.
They probably would have kept going on like this forever if little Sonny Glup hadn't burst into the office.
"Sheriff!" he blurted. "There's fightin' at the saloon!"
Mitch looked at him blankly. Sonny continued.
"A whole bunch of cowboys and miners are beating each other up over whose girl Suzy Mae is!"
"Hmmm ..." said Mitch, rubbing his chin. Slowly he rose to his feet and strapped on his six shooter. Then turning to Sonny, he said, "I'd go take care of the problem, but I need to go over to Farmer Jones' place. Why don't you go back and tell those boys to behave themselves." And then he was gone.
Sonny stared after him, his mouth wide open in astonishment.
"Drat that cousin of mine!" grumbled Cousin Elias, grabbing his hat and heading for the door. "He's going to let all his rivals beat each other up while he goes and courts Suzy Mae! And he can't do that BECAUSE SHE'S MINE!!" And on the way out to chase after Mitch he slammed the door so hard that one of Mitch's tomato plant pots fell off the windowsill and broke on Sonny's foot.
Mitch and Elias and about a dozen other eligible bachelors stayed all afternoon out at Farmer Jones' place. Cousin Elias spent the whole time whispering to Mitch about how Suzy Mae was his girl. (He had to whisper because the other dozen cowboys and miners would have probably beaten him up if they'd heard him). The other fellows jostled and punched each other and argued among themselves about whose girl Suzy Mae was. Mitch paid no attention to anyone, but just kept staring and occasionally saying, “wow!”
Farmer Jones, Suzy Mae and Judith Mae were all outside. Farmer Jones was pounding in stakes for the fence he was going to build around his house. Suzy Mae was admiring her fingernails and combing her hair and occasionally waving to the men staring at her (which made them start fighting about whose girl she was every time she did). Judith Mae was trying her best to ignore everyone while she planted some flowers around the house.
When Farmer Jones and his daughters went inside for supper, Cousin Elias had to push and prod and pull Mitch before he finally got him to go home. When they finally got there, Mitch just sat stupidly in his chair and didn't even water his zuchini plants like he always did in the evening.
What followed next were some of the most bizarre days people in Broken Jaw Junction had seen since before Mitch came to town. If miners or cowboys got into a fight right in front of Mitch (and they were fighting a lot these days over Suzy Mae), he would absently make a half-hearted effort to make them stop. But if there was a fight in the saloon or somewhere else he would say he was too busy and go join the ever present crowd standing outside Farmer Jones' new picket fence, who had all come to get a glimpse of Suzy Mae. He would spend hours there with the others while Suzy Mae fussed with her hair and smiled coyly at all of her admirers, and Judith Mae weeded her flower beds in the background. Of course Farmer Jones always sat nearby with his shotgun loaded and ready to use. (You might wonder how Farmer Jones could survive and keep food on his table if he spent all his time sitting on the porch instead of working. However, Suzy Mae received so many gifts of goodies and bread and other things from her admirers that they lived quite comfortably).
The town of Broken Jaw Junction wasn't the only thing that suffered during this time. To the amazement of all, actual weeds appeared in Mitch's garden, and some of his plants began to droop from lack of water. Many of his ripe tomatoes went unpicked and his watermelons actually started to shrivel. Poor Mrs. Gates nearly passed out when she saw how bad it was starting to look, and rushed over with a watering can. She then hunted down Mitch and gave him a stern lecture about fulfilling his responsibility to his plants, but the poor man just stared at her with a vacant look in his eyes until she gave up in disgust.
It certainly looked like Suzy Mae had done to Mitch what Bad Bart, the saloon keeper and dozens of others had been unable to do--and she had done it all without saying a single word! Mitch was clearly letting his sheriff responsibilities slide, as well as his garden, and it was a pathetic sight. Where before he was confident and took action against lawbreakers, now he would stare vacantly into space or mumble to himself and pay little attention to anyone or anything. Where before he would constantly water and weed his plants and baby them along, now he hardly touched his watering can, and left his garden to fend for itself against weeds and the hot Nevada sun. All this just so he could join the crowds that constantly gathered around Farmer Jones' house. The saloon keeper was so ecstatic about it all that he sent a daily jug to Farmer Jones as a present. He also started going over to Mitch’s garden and watering it with whiskey every afternoon. (Mitch’s plants started rapidly dying after this).
A day finally came when Cousin Elias had had enough. He and Mitch were sitting in the Sheriff's office on a sultry afternoon. Mitch was once again staring vacantly into space while Elias was trying to swat flies with his knife (which is quite difficult to do if you have ever tried it). All of a sudden Mitch mumbled, "She's so beautiful."
Cousin Elias looked at Mitch. "You know, cousin," he said slowly, "I don't know how many times I've told you she's my girl, so you need to stay away from her!”
“But you know what else?” Cousin Elias continued, “I'm thinkin' now that you must really believe me when I say it. ‘Cause you haven't done a thing about pursuing her all this time, even though you're the only person in town that could! All you do is go and stare at her house like all the rest of us!"
Mitch looked up at Cousin Elias as if seeing him for the first time.
"I'm right, aren't I?" Elias said, jabbing a finger in Mitch's face. "You're skeered of her, aren't you? That's why you haven't done anything even though you could. You're just plain skeered!”
Mitch's face clowded over. "Yes, you're right," he blurted out in shame, while burying his face in his hands. “I've always been timid around beautiful girls. I was even scared of Ethyl Modcrop back in West Virginia that used to chase me, before she married that liver tonic salesman. But when I first saw Farmer Jones' daughter ..." his voice trailed off listlessly.
"Well, how about that!" said Cousin Elias with a laugh. "The great sheriff Mitch who could gun down Bad Bart and outfight Big Tom and outsmart cattle rustlers and bank robbers is skeered of a girl!"
Mitch sat up and shook his head in agreement, a miserable look on his face. "Give me a horde of ladybugs or a gunfighter any day and I can handle them. But not her!"
"Now isn't that just dandy!" said Cousin Elias as he waved his knife at a passing fly. "How can you have no fear of a gunslinger, yet shake in your boots because of a girl? Believe me, I know what fear is all about. A guy carryin' a gun is someone to be skeered of, but not a girl."
"She is for me," Mitch said sadly.
Cousin Elias tossed his knife on the table and grabbed Mitch by the shoulders, pulling him up out of his chair (something no one else in town would have dared to do). He looked intently into Mitch's eyes and said, "Mitch, listen to me! If there's anybody in town that has a chance at Farmer Jones' daughter, it's you! You’re the only one who’s got the guts to stand up to Farmer Jones, just like you stood up to Bad Bart and all those other ornery cahoots like him since we got here. Not only that, but you've got the reputation of being a gentleman, which girls seem to like for some reason!"
Mitch mumbled something incoherent, but Cousin Elias wouldn't let him go.
"Look!" he said intently, "you're the one that's taught me over the last year to not be afraid, and to figure out ways to solve my problems rather than to run from them! You haven’t let anything stop you, even when I’ve run away! It didn't matter if it was Big Tom, or cattle rustlers or anybody--you weren't afraid! A dozen times everybody in town was betting you wouldn't last the day, and you didn't even bat an eyelash--because you believed in yourself! You knew you could do it! You knew nothing could stop you, not even fear itself! And you did it! Every time you did it!"
"And I know you can do it again! You can go right up to Farmer Jones' daughter and talk to her! You can do it! Just put aside your fear, be yourself, and talk to her like you talk with everybody else, and you'll be just fine. I know you will! I just know it!"
Mitch stared at his cousin for a moment with his soft grey eyes. It was so quiet you could almost hear a ladybug walking across the leaf of one of Mitch’s wilting tomato plants in the window. No one moved. Even the flies had stopped buzzing and seemed to be waiting anxiously to see what would happen next.
Then slowly a look of resolve spread across Mitch’s face. He squared his shoulders and set his jaw. "You know," he said with more strength in his voice than Elias had heard in days, "I believe you're right. I think I can do this!" A smile spread across his face and color came back into his cheeks. "Anyway," he added, "It can't be any worse than an infestation of aphids. I'm going over there right now and talk with her!" Then he picked up his hat and strode from the room.
Cousin Elias watched him through the window for a moment, with a look of pride on his face. "I knew he could do it!" he said softly to himself. “I just knew it!”
Then a sudden thought came into his mind. He slapped his head with his hand and cried, "What in tarnation am I doing?! I just gave away my girl!!" He ran from the office after his cousin, yelling at the top of his lungs for him to stop.
The usual crowd were lounging around Farmer Jones' house, gazing longingly at Suzy Mae. She was just inside the door, combing her long blond hair and occasionally waiving at all of her admirers. Farmer Jones was in his usual position on the porch, his shotgun in his lap, leaning back with his chair tipped against the house. Judith Mae was inside but standing at the open window, watering a row of petunias on the windowsill.
As Mitch drew near the crowd sensed that there was something different about him. There was a determined spring in his step and a look in his eye that said nobody was going to stop him, and nobody better get in his way. Running alongside him and talking a mile a minute was Cousin Elias.
"Why did ya have to go and listen to me back in the office?" he was saying. "I didn't mean any of it--honest! After all, she's my girl! And don't forget that shotgun Farmer Jones has! You'll get blown to smithereens!"
Mitch paid no attention to him but strode boldly through the crowd, passed through the fence (where Cousin Elias abruptly stopped following him), and paced right up to the porch.
Instantly Farmer Jones was on his feet, his shotgun pointed menacingly at the sheriff. "Please tell me your intentions, sir, for coming on my property," he said gruffly. “Whether you’re the sheriff or not, I have rights, you know.”
Without hesitation, Mitch responded, "I am aware you have rights, and I am not here as sheriff. I'm here to see your daughter."
There was deathly silence. Farmer Jones' shotgun was about a foot from Mitch's chest. Farmer Jones rubbed his chin in surprise. This had never happened before and he wasn't quite sure what to do.
Finally he said out of the corner of his mouth, "Suzy Mae, go inside. Judith Mae, close the shutters on the window. Sheriff," he said while lowering his gun and shaking Mitch's hand, "You’re one of the bravest men I ever saw. Let's go inside and talk."
After they had all disappeared into the house the crowd buzzed with excitement at what had just happened.
"Did you see that?" said a miner. "Mitch got in to see Suzy Mae!"
"But she's my girl!" said a cowboy.
"No, she's mine!" said a dozen others. A fight would have broken out then and there, but a miner cried out, "She's Mitch's girl now, unless you want to fight him for her!"
"Yeah!" said another. "He had the guts to do what we all wanted to do. That shotgun was one foot from his chest! But he got in!"
After that there was a bit more grumbling and mumbling, but secretly they all admired Mitch for his courage at doing what they had all wanted to do. They all knew that no one was going to try to take Suzy Mae away from Mitch now, no matter how much he claimed to be in love with her. Poor Cousin Elias sat glumly off to the side, grumbling to himself about how silly he was to talk Mitch into stealing his girl.
A long time passed. No one left even though they all knew they had lost Suzy Mae forever. They were all waiting to see what would happen next, wondering if they would hear a shotgun blast from inside the house, or if Sheriff Mitch would come out with Suzy Mae on his arm.
Finally the door creaked open. Every miner and cowboy held his breath in anticipation. After a moment Farmer Jones stepped out--and he was smiling! He turned and called back into the house, "Sheriff, I want you to know that today you have made me a very happy man." And he added with a sly grin, "I think maybe you made my daughter happy too."
All of the miners and cowboys groaned, and Cousin Elias started beating himself on the head for his stupidity. Clearly Suzy Mae was out of reach forever.
But then every one of them froze in complete shock and amazement when Mitch stepped out onto the porch—
--AND JUDITH MAE WAS HANGING ON HIS ARM!!
Mitch and Judith Mae stood there awkwardly, red faced and nervous and embarrassed and happy all at the same time. Judith Mae looked like she was in as much shock as the cowboys and miners. Behind them stood Suzy Mae, scowling and angry at the impossibility of having been passed over for her plain and homely sister.
"Why don't you take my horse and carriage for a ride in the country?" said Farmer Jones, waving his hand towards his barn. "Save yourself the trouble of walking back into town."
"Uh ..." stammered Mitch, not knowing what to do.
"Oh, please," said Judith Mae, looking up at Mitch, "I'd rather walk to town. I want to see your garden!"
"My garden?" stammered Mitch. "Well, actually, it's not looking its best right now. I've been kind of ... uhm ... busy lately, and haven't been able to water and weed as much as I should." Then he coughed and said, "but your flowers sure look good! I've watched you watering and weeding them every day!"
Judith Mae laughed shyly. "I've actually been watering them a bit too much lately."
The two stepped down from the porch and walked through the crowd of cowboys and miners who still gaped at them with their tongues all hanging out. Then they set off for town, giddy and laughing as if they had both just found a silver dollar in their shoe.
One by one the cowboys and miners started to overcome their shock. Then one by one they all started to smile. Suzy Mae was still free! In fact, with Judith Mae out of the picture, she was freer than ever! Cousin Elias started to pat himself on the back for being such a genius, talking Mitch into courting Judith Mae. With a lot of yelling and laughing the cowboys and miners turned as one man and raced for the house.
They were stopped short by a shotgun blast that ripped an ugly hole in the earth two feet in front of them.
"Just what do you think you're doing, coming on my property?" demanded Farmer Jones.
"We want to see Suzy Mae!" they all cried. Farmer Jones still held the shotgun pointed at them all, a grim smile on his face. "Not until Judith Mae is married," he said firmly. “That day still hasn’t come.” Behind him Suzy Mae waved and smiled at all her admirers. Every cowboy and miner let out a sigh of discouragement and then went sadly back out to their traditional places outside the picket fence.
Later that afternoon when Cousin Elias got back to the office he found Mitch tipped back in his chair with a dreamy look on his face. (Judith Mae had gone home to freshen up before their date that evening).
“Cousin Mitch,” said Elias accusingly, “why in tarnation did you go on so long lettin’ me think you were in love with Suzy Mae when you were really in love with her sister?”
Mitch looked surprised. “I thought you knew,” he said sincerely.
“Now, how in tarnation could I have known that?” demanded Cousin Elias.
“Well, that’s pretty obvious,” said Mitch with a cough. “I mean, I don’t want to say
anything unkind about Suzy Mae, but she really can’t compare in terms of beauty with her sister.”
Cousin Elias gaped at Mitch as if a fly had just flown out of his ear. “Are you blind?!” he cried. “Judith Mae can’t hold a candle to Suzy Mae! Every man in town can see that!”
Mitch laughed. “I’m sure Suzy Mae would be very flattered to hear you say that. I suppose she’s not bad looking, although perhaps a little plain and homely. You know, you ought to call on her. It might cheer her up. She seemed kind of upset when I asked to court Judith Mae. I think maybe she must be feeling lonely or left out.”
Cousin Elias just stared at his cousin in disbelief. Mitch picked up his watering can and went over to the cherry tomato plants on his windowsill. “Now, as for Judith Mae,” he said dreamily, “there’s a real beauty. Rich, earth brown hair, eyes clear as cherry blossoms, skin soft as a peach.” Mitch smiled happily, staring out the window at nothing while water from his watering can poured all over his windowsill and onto the floor.
Cousin Elias shook his head in amazement. “To each his own, I guess. Although I can’t for the life of me understand why you think she’s beautiful. But I’m grateful! Now if you’ll just hurry up and marry Judith Mae, then I can start courtin’ Suzy Mae.”
“MARRY!” cried Mitch, nearly dropping his watering can. “Hold on there. I just started courtin’ Judith Mae three hours ago! She’s a wonderful girl and I look forward to seeing her again, but I don’t know about getting married.”
“But you’ve got to!” blurted Cousin Elias. “Otherwise Suzy Mae will be a prisoner forever, and I’ll never be able to court her!”
Mitch looked sharply at Cousin Elias for a minute. “And I suppose if you did court Suzy Mae, you’d be wanting to marry her right away?”
“Me?!” cried Cousin Elias. “Married?! No, I don’t think so. Not that fast.” Then he suddenly realized what he was saying. “Oh, all right!” he said while swatting at a fly with his hat. “Maybe it is too soon to talk about marriage. But don’t take too long. Suzy Mae needs to be set free so’s she can spend all her time with me! I’ll give you until next week before I mention marriage again.”
Mitch just shook his head with a smile and went back to watering his cherry tomato plants.
And that is how the invincible Sheriff Mitch finally met his match, from a person who hadn’t even said a single word to him. And that is also why, in the hopes of being able to soon court Suzy Mae, every bachelor in Broken Jaw Junction suddenly went on his best behavior so that Mitch would spend less time breaking up fights, and more time with Judith Mae.
Itchy Mitch and the Taming of Broken Jaw Junction Page 10