“Hold on a minute.”
I hear his deep voice before I see him.
“We most definitely will be needing her. She did a great job for being thrown into the lion’s den with no training.”
Nadia turns to face Lucian and places her hands on her hips. “The last time I checked, I was in charge of hiring and firing around here. Just because you decide to grace us with your presence one night out of a year, doesn’t mean you know what’s best for Miracles.”
Like a whack-a-mole arcade game, heads start popping in and out all around the kitchen. Seems like everyone wants to hear what’s going on. I’m unable to move and I’m certain my mouth is hanging open.
A low growl-like sound escapes Lucian’s lips and even though I’ve known him for all of a minute, even I can tell he’s pissed. He places his hand on Nadia’s elbow and leans in to whisper to her. I’m close enough to hear.
“Do you really want to do this in front of your staff? You should know it won’t end well for you.”
Nadia pulls out of Lucian’s hold and huffs off toward the bar, slamming the double doors as she leaves the kitchen.
He takes a step toward me and sighs. “Could you give us a minute? Nadia will be right back. Don’t leave. Okay?”
“Uh, sure.”
He follows Nadia to the bar. I can hear the murmur of their voices, but I can’t make out what’s being said. Several people, including Patti, gather near the double doors. They’re all trying to listen. I’m so confused. What just happened?
“First night and they’re fighting over you. Nice.”
Julian smiles at me as he punches his time card.
“I really do stink. She should fire me.”
“I’ve seen worse, trust me. After a few days, you’ll be fine. You just need to get the hang of things. Come in a little early tomorrow and I’ll start teaching you about premium, call, and top-shelf liquors.”
“Thank you so much, but I doubt I’ll be back. Nadia hates me.”
Julian smirks as he unrolls the sleeves on his shirt. “But Lucian doesn’t and what he says, goes. Goodnight, Blaire.”
“G’night.”
I cross my arms over my chest and lean against the wall by the door. Are they really arguing over me? Does Lucian want me to stay after all I said and did tonight? Why?
A minute later, the crowd quickly scatters from the kitchen doors like cockroaches exposed to light. Patti straightens napkins and a couple of the other waitresses and waiters try to look busy. Nadia mumbles something angrily as she pushes through the door and marches over to me.
“You have one week to prove yourself. It’s three strikes and you’re out around here. And as far as I’m concerned, you already have one strike for breaking two glasses.”
“I understand. Thank you. I’ll work hard. I promise.”
Nadia scowls and without taking her eyes off me, she says, “Do the rest of you want to stay here all night, or do you have someplace to be?”
People rush around and push past me out the back door. Nadia grabs a clipboard and starts flipping pages and writing. I stare at her in admiration. I’m sure she’s tough for a reason. I’ve never met anyone like her.
I’m guessing she’s almost thirty, although I’m not a great judge of age. She’s tall with beautiful long legs. Her jawline looks like it was cut from stone. She makes me look like a wallflower. She’s wearing leather pants and heels. How in the world does she walk in those?
Her long silver-blond hair has streaks of black in it and it falls in curls down to the middle of her back. She would be even more beautiful if she smiled every once in a while. I wonder why she’s so angry. Is it me? Did I upset her?
“Let’s blow this joint.” Patti hands me my backpack and pulls my suitcase behind her. She was kind enough to hide it in a closet in the bar before I started. I’m glad she remembered. I’m so tired, I forgot all about it. She laces her free arm in mine. “Guess you’re coming back tomorrow.”
She elbows me lightly and laughs as she pulls me out the back door. I glance over my shoulder one last time and that’s when I think I see Lucian staring at me.
I do a double take just to make sure, but Patti leads me away before I can get a good look. As we walk through the parking lot, I yawn. Maybe I imagined him. To say he’s been on my mind all night would be an understatement. I really would have liked to thank him tonight before we left and maybe asked him why he wanted me to stay. I pause in my tracks for a moment. It was rude not to thank him. I make a promise to myself that when I see him tomorrow, I’ll say it. I yawn again. I’m exhausted. I barely slept on the bus and it’s been an insane day. How did my life change so much in twenty-four hours?
I jog lightly to catch up to Patti.
“Hey beautiful babes, want to get a nightcap?”
“Ugh.” Patti cringes and pulls me toward her, whispering in my ear. “That’s Geoff. The one I thought sent you. Yeah. Stay away from him. He might as well have a white van with blackened windows and a supposed puppy inside.”
Geoff has wavy hair that seems to continually block his vision. He brushes it away from his face over and over again. You’d think after a while he’d get annoyed enough to cut it off.
“Well? What do you say?” he yells, cupping his hand to his mouth like we’re too far away to hear him in a normal voice.
“Gosh, it’s soooo tempting, but fuck no!” Patti shouts. “I already warned her about you. You have a snowflake’s chance in Hell with her. Move along.”
“Aww, Patti. You just want me all for yourself.”
Patti pulls me with her as she continues to walk away from him. “Keep dreaming, Geoffrey. There’s a reason you have to leave the state to get a date. Girl’s talk. We all know you’re a ten-second wonder.”
“Dammit! That’s not true. Who the fuck said that? Patti? Who?”
Patti ignores him and eventually he stops calling her name.
“We’ll have to walk to my place. It’s not far. My beater crapped out again last week. It needs a new battery and spark plugs or some shit. I’m going to work an extra shift to save some money to get it fixed.”
I immediately hand her my cash. “Here. Take this. Will that help?”
She stares at my hand like I’m holding something vile. “No, I can’t take your money!”
“You’re letting me stay at your house. It’s the least I can do.”
She shakes her head. “It’s not a house. It’s an apartment. And no… you worked hard for that. You earned it!”
“You saved me today, Patti.” I touch her shoulder as we stop at the crosswalk. “It’s the least I can do.” I force the cash into her hand and she spins around and walks backward through the street, smiling at me.
“You might be my new favorite friend. Thank you!”
Friend? I have a friend? I can’t help the ridiculous smile on my face.
A lone streetlamp flickers on the corner. Patti’s apartment is just a short walk from Miracles. There’s barely any traffic and the slight breeze feels good on my skin. I close my eyes to take it in as she fiddles with the lock.
“Come on. We look like hookers standing on this corner. Let’s get inside.”
We climb two flights of stairs and turn left to apartment nine. “It’s not much, but it’s home,” Patti says with a shrug.
Patti opens the door and flips on the light. A black and white cat meows as it curls itself around her legs. “This is Skunk. She doesn’t smell, she just, well… when I first saw her by the trash cans out back, I thought she was a skunk, so I decided to give her an original, well thought out name.”
Patti laughs as I close the door behind me. It’s a small apartment, but very homey. I bend down to pet Skunk as I look around the room. There’s a brown couch facing a flat-screen television. A crate with a lamp on it fills the space between the couch and a bright red lawn chair. Patti touches the lamp three times and with each touch, it gets brighter and brighter.
Walking to the couch, I
run my fingers over the soft yarn of a blue and brown afghan. Patti gives me a verbal tour.
“This is the kitchen, obviously,” she says, pointing to the right. There’s a small cutout in the wall and a bar with a stool. Through the cutout, I see a fridge and an oven.
“Over here is the bathroom and that door leads to my room. Long tour, I know. That’s all of it. It’s not much, but the couch is all yours if you want it.”
I smile brightly. “I can sleep here?” I almost want to jump up and down.
“Um… yeah. I hope it’s not too lumpy.”
“My parents would never let me sleep on the couch. I always wanted to. This is so exciting!”
Patti stares at me as I sit down and run my fingers over the ridge of the cushions. “You’re a weird-ass chick, Blaire.”
“Is that bad?” I ask.
“Nope. I like it.” She yawns as she kicks off her shoes. “I’m beat to shit. Let’s discuss you in more detail in the morning. I’m going to bed. Help yourself to whatever.”
“Patti?”
She bends to pick up Skunk and glances at me.
“Thank you. You’re an angel.”
“Ha! Oh girl, I most certainly am not. But I’ll fill you in on me tomorrow. Lock the door, okay? Night.”
“Goodnight. Can I ask one question?”
“Yeah?”
“Do you mind if I turn on the TV or is that not allowed?”
“Do whatever you want. There are no rules here.”
As soon as Patti closes her bedroom door, I make sure to lock up as instructed. If there’s one thing I know about myself for certain, it’s that I always follow the rules.
Unzipping my small suitcase, I grimace at the sight of my habit. I quickly changed out of it before I left the convent and placed it in my suitcase. I should have left it behind, but it felt disrespectful.
I gaze at Patti’s door before returning my focus to my black polyester veil. What would she think of me if I told her I was studying to be a nun and abandoned it after a week? Would she treat me differently? Today was the first time in forever I felt like a regular person. It was nice. If I tell people about my past, they’ll start watching what they say and asking me questions I don’t want to answer. For once, I want to not just be the holy girl. There’s more to me than my religion. I think.
Almost everyone at the bar was friendly. No one avoided me like they used to at home. I don’t want that to change, so I decide some things are best left unsaid.
I tightly roll my habit and stuff it into the front compartment of my suitcase. I change into my nightgown and walk toward the bathroom to brush my teeth.
This is all so odd. Pulling the bobby pins from my bun, my long brown hair rolls in curls down my back. I brush it out and attempt to style it like Nadia. I turn to the side and pretend I have a clipboard in my hand. I’m not hideous, am I? Would Lucian like me with my hair down?
Staring at myself, I realize I’m being vain. I turn off the light and climb onto the couch. I say a small prayer asking for forgiveness. I wear my hair in a bun to avoid attention. Mom wears her hair like that every single day. In fact, I think I only saw it down one time in my whole life. She is perfect in every way. I remind myself that our bodies don’t make us beautiful. Our souls do. I miss my mom. I wish I could call her, but I know she wouldn’t understand.
I pray for my family, Patti, and for all the nuns at the convent. I even pray for Lucian Kane. Maybe he’s a nice guy after all.
Hitting power on the remote, the TV flicks on. I feel so free to be watching television with permission after three a.m. This is all so new to me. This entire day has been one first after another. I touch the light to turn it off and curl up with the soft blanket. I flip channels hoping to find my favorite show.
When I was younger, I longed to experience life and friendships like I saw on Friends. I used to set an alarm and get up while everyone was sleeping to watch it. That kind of television was off limits for me. I was already different than the other girls at school, and I desperately wanted to fit in in some way, so I used to tell people I had a boyfriend named Joey who lived in New York. No one believed me, but it was such an elaborate story, I still think of him as my first boyfriend. Actually, he was my only boyfriend. Better to have a fictional boyfriend than none at all.
I can’t find Friends on TV, so I settle on a show with several old women bickering. It makes me happy just having the TV on.
The theme song from Golden Girls lulls me to sleep. As much as I want to enjoy this moment, I’m too exhausted to keep my eyes open.
I dream of bearded men. One beard in particular and it doesn’t belong to Jesus.
• • •
“You’re up early.” Patti stretches her arms over her head as she enters the kitchen.
I’ve already showered and put my hair in a bun. I’m used to getting up early at both the convent and the farm. I stir scrambled eggs in a pan. “Was I too loud? Did I wake you?”
“The smell of food woke me, not you.” She opens the fridge and pops open a can of Diet Coke. “I take it you know how to cook?”
I nod. “Don’t you?”
“Hells no. Unless you call microwaving frozen shit, cooking?”
“On the farm it was my job to take care of the chickens, keep the house clean, do laundry, and cook for my family.”
“On the farm, huh? That sounds like an awful lot of work.”
“My parents and my brothers took care of the crops and the animals. I was protected.”
“Protected from what?”
I shrug. “I don’t know. Everything. Life. Anything fun.” I scoop some eggs onto a plate and butter some toast, handing it to Patti.
“You made this for me?”
“For both of us. I hope I didn’t overstep.”
“God no. If you want to cook for me every day, I’d love it.” She takes a big bite of eggs and moans. “Did you put cheese in these?”
I nod.
“So fucking good. What time is it anyway?”
“It’s eleven. I can’t believe I slept so long.”
“Really? Down on the farm you’re not allowed to sleep either?” she asks with a twang in her voice and a slight chuckle. I think she may be making fun of me. I make the Sign of the Cross and say a prayer inside my head thanking God for the food.
When I open my eyes, she’s staring. She points at me with her fork. “Are you one of those super religious folks?”
My eyes bulge. “What?” I clear my throat. “Um, what do you mean?”
“You prayed before you ate? Did I offend you by not praying?”
“Not at all. You can do whatever you like. I hope I didn’t offend you by praying. I didn’t ask what faith you practice.”
“I practice yoga and the only time I pray is when I feel the need to beg God for a break. I don’t want to end up stuck working at Miracles for the rest of my life. I’m definitely not a sheltered farm girl like you.”
Biting off a piece of toast, I ponder her answer.
Patti rests her fork on her plate and shakes her head. “I was just joking. I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings. I think it’s cool that you’re so different than me. I’m sure I could learn a lot from you.”
I smile. “Maybe we can learn from each other.”
“So tell me about this virgin shit. You’ve really never had sex?”
Placing my head in my hands, I laugh, remembering our conversation from last night. “Nu-uh.” I take another bite of my eggs.
“What exactly have you done? Oral? Please tell me at least oral.”
“You mean kissing? I kissed a boy once.”
“On the dick?”
I choke on my eggs and start to cough. Patti pats me on the back until I catch my breath.
“I’ll take that as a no. You mentioned your parents were strict, does that mean you weren’t allowed to date either?”
“No, I wasn’t. No dating, no books unless they were church approved, and no TV unless it wa
s the news or a religious show. I went to school and came right home until I was in the eighth grade, then my mom homeschooled me.”
“Ouch. How did you make friends?”
Shrugging, I stare at my food. “I had a friend named Stacy from church, but her family moved away when I was twelve. I hung out with my brothers a lot after that.”
Patti’s mouth hangs open in disbelief. She looks like I just told her I was from another planet. She leans in awkwardly and gives me a heavy nod full of pity.
“It wasn’t that bad. I guess I’m making it sound pretty awful, huh? I really loved growing up on the farm. I love animals and my brothers were always good to me. We’re all very close. I just haven’t been many places or done many things.”
“And here you are in Kane, spilling drinks on rock stars and working in a bar.”
I laugh. “Yeah. Crazy, right?”
Patti takes a bite of her toast and wipes her lips with a napkin before speaking. “What does your family think of your little trip to our town?”
I can’t look at her. I don’t want to lie, so I try to change the subject. “Thank you for letting me stay here and cook. I really appreciate it.” I motion toward her empty plate. “Are you done?”
She nods her head. Gathering up the plates and forks, I turn on the faucet and start washing the dishes. Patti walks over to the sink and leans against it to face me.
“Hey, you only have to tell me what you want to tell me. We just met and I love to talk, so you’re going to have to tell me to butt out if I ask too many questions. But just so you know, these lips are a steel trap.” She pinches them shut and throws away an invisible key. She mumbles, “What we say here stays here.”
I smile. “Thank you. That means a lot to me.”
Patti rolls her neck in a circle and touches her left breast. Her face scrunches up and she grabs her abdomen. “Oh man. Hold on. No way!”
She darts off to the bathroom and closes the door. I turn off the water and follow her.
“YES! Thank GOD!” The toilet flushes and the door flies open. “I got my period!” She hugs me tightly and we jump up and down together, laughing.
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