by Blair, E. K.
From over his shoulder, I find Trent jogging our way with his board under his arm. “I’ve got this, man.”
When Brogan heads back to the group, he echoes what his friend just told me, saying, “You’re leaning forward too much. You have to steady your weight because you don’t have any fins.” He shows me how to drop it. “Lean down with it before you let go and try to stay on the thinner part of the water.”
I continue to practice launching and mounting the board, and after a handful of times, I’m finally able to get a decent ride.
“How’d that feel?” he asks as I jog back to him.
“I think I’m getting the hang of it.”
The two of us stay off on our own for a little while longer before we go back to the group. When Trent joins the guys, I take a seat next to Ady on her towel.
“You picked that up pretty quick,” she says as she watches Micah throw down a couple of tricks.
“It’s nothing like surfing at all.” I dig a bottle of water out of my backpack, and as I’m unscrewing the lid, I catch Ady staring at me. “What?”
She shrugs. “You tell me.”
I take a long sip as her eyes linger. “Tell you what?”
“Whatever it is that’s going on between you and Trent?” She starts laughing when I choke on my water.
“What are you talking about? Why would you think something was going on?”
“Because he can’t keep his eyes off you.”
“Umm, that’s because he’s teaching me how to skim.”
“Even before that,” she says. “I don’t know, seems like you’re not telling me something.”
“Because there’s nothing to tell.”
She cocks her head, and I fold like a paper house doused in water.
“Okay, fine,” I say, and the girl lights up as if she’s about to get the best gossip of her life. “Wipe the obnoxious grin off your face first.”
“Spill it.”
“You can’t say anything,” I warn.
“Promise.”
“I’m serious.”
“So am I,” she asserts. “Now dish.”
“Last night, he admitted to catching feelings for me.”
“I knew it,” she chirps. “So, has anything happened?”
“We’re just . . . I don’t know, figuring it out, I guess.”
“Figuring it out?”
“It’s Trent,” I say, stating the obvious.
She gives a slow nod as she lifts her brows. “I’m surprised.”
“Yeah, me too.”
“I never thought he’d show an interest in anyone. What all did he say?”
“Basically, just that,” I tell her.
I run the back of my hand along the sweat beads forming along my brow and watch Trent as he runs onto the board and does a kickflip. I can’t deny how much I’m drawn to him, and after last night, the reasons have only multiplied.
“What are you going to do?”
“I don’t know. I’m still trying to deal with all the shit Caleb left me with.” And that’s the truth. I question if I should even entertain the idea of whatever is going on between Trent and me, but at the same time, I’m trying not to get too hung up on it. “Honestly, though . . . Trent scares me.”
“Yeah, he’s a risky person to throw your heart at, but at the same time, he’s calmed down a lot over the past year,” she tells me.
And she’s absolutely right. He used to come with so many red flags I could barely see through the barrage of them all. But day by day, I find them fading to white—bright white, blinding me from all the reasons why I should push him away. Instead, I only pull him closer. So, when Ady asks, “Do you want to stay with him again tonight?” I want to say yes, but I don’t.
“No, it’s fine.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yeah, I don’t want you to have to be by yourself,” I tell her, aware that Micah’s parents are old-fashioned and aren’t okay with Ady staying the night with their son. “Plus, I’ve been looking forward to having some time together without the guys around.”
She smiles, and I can tell she feels the same. I’m sure it can get old living with both Trent and Micah and never having any space from them. So, after we all decide to call it a day, I take a quick rinse under the beach shower before walking over to where Trent is waiting for me.
“Hey, we have to run back to your house so I can grab my bag.”
“Where are you going?” he asks as he tosses me a dry towel.
“I’m staying with Ady, remember?”
He doesn’t put up a fight when I tell him this, he only teases me by saying, “I didn’t expect you to hop off my jock so fast.”
“I was never on your jock.”
“You could’ve been,” he flirts as I shake my head.
After we grab my things from his place, he drives me over to Ady’s house, which is just as impressive as his. Trent grabs my hand and starts tugging me in, but I wouldn’t put it past Ady to be inside spying on us, so I dodge his kiss and quickly hop out of his Jeep with a casual, “See you later.”
“That was cold, Kate,” he hollers as I rush up to her front door. “You owe me a titty text later!”
I refuse to turn and show him my laughter and the huge smile he just put on my face, but Ady gets it the moment she opens the door.
“What’s got you so happy?” she asks as she peers over my shoulder at Trent, who’s still parked in her wrap-around drive.
I give in, and when I peek back over, he’s shooting the two of us the middle finger, in jest, before driving off.
Ady rolls her eyes. “Come in.”
Her mom is out of town, so we have the place to ourselves. It’s a huge home with a remarkable pool out back, and we spend the rest of the afternoon, lying out and soaking in the sun before ordering in dinner. When night falls, we crawl into her bed, and I listen as she gabs about Micah and their relationship.
“What do you think will happen after graduation?” I ask.
“I don’t really know. He’s been talking about moving to San Diego.”
“For surfing?”
“Yeah.”
Micah recently snagged a sports agent who has been guiding his surfing career toward the professional circuit.
“Would you go with him?”
“If he wanted me to, I would. I honestly can’t imagine not being with him.”
“And I can’t imagine not having you in Miami,” I tell her right back. I would hate to lose her to California, but I totally understand where she’s coming from. She and Micah have been dating for two years, and they are still going strong. You would think living together would put a strain on the relationship, but it doesn’t seem to impact them at all.
As we wind down and grow tired, Ady lets go of a heavy yawn. After we turn out the lights, it isn’t long until she passes out. I’m exhausted too, but my mind won’t let me sleep with Trent running through it. The light from the pool below casts its veiny reflection onto the ceiling, and I stare up at the glowing webs floating around and get lost in them.
A buzzing from the nightstand causes me to startle, and I grab it fast before it wakes up Ady.
Trent: I can’t sleep. Are you still up?
Looking at the time on my phone, I see it’s almost one o’clock.
Me: Yes. Why can’t you sleep?
When Ady stirs, I press the phone against my chest to snuff the light. It takes a few seconds until she settles back down and her breathing evens out. Rolling over on to my side, I tap the screen to light it back up, but Trent still hasn’t responded. I wonder what’s taking him so long. I want to text him back, but I also don’t want him to know how eager he makes me, so I play it cool, even though I’m not cool at all.
After a few minutes of nothing, I give up and set the cell down on the nightstand, perplexed as to why he isn’t answering my message. Shifting on to my back again, my focus returns to the streaks of lights dancing along the ceiling.
Maybe
this is a bad idea.
Is Trent really someone I should be considering getting involved with?
My heart lurches in my chest when my phone vibrates, and I can’t pick it up fast enough.
Trent: Because I can’t stop thinking about you.
KATE
“What are you going to do while I’m gone?”
Sitting on Trent’s bed, I catch a few T-shirts he tosses to me as I help him pack. “Waste away my youth, I guess.” I stack the shirts and set them in the suitcase. “It’ll be quiet with everyone gone.”
“Well, if you get bored at your place, you can always come over here.”
“And do what? Nobody will be here.”
“I don’t know,” he mumbles as he throws a few pairs of board shorts into his luggage. When a smirk grows, he adds, “You could drop by and do dirty things to yourself in my bed.”
“You’re such a pervert.”
We’ve only been back from Tampa for a couple of weeks, and in that time, we’ve been hanging out a lot more. Although we’re growing closer, we still haven’t talked about what we are to each other. We’re still wading in the gray, which isn’t a bad place to be. It’s nice to take things slow without the pressure of having to define or label whatever this relationship is that we’ve been falling into.
With Trent, there’s no conformity—there’s no mold he attempts to fit into. He’s nothing like Caleb and doesn’t act as if he needs to win me over by taking me out to fancy places or planning special events. Even though we’ve crossed over the friendship line, we’ve yet to go on an actual date, and we are both completely happy with simply hanging out. It’s refreshing that we can still be exactly who we were a few weeks ago and don’t feel like this shift has to change us.
With all that, it’ll still be strange not to have him around. He’s packing to go meet up with his older brother in La Jolla for a guys’ trip. On top of that, Micah and Ady left yesterday to the Pacific Northwest for the next two weeks. I’m not quite sure what I’m going to do to fill the time aside from the few plans I’ve made to hang out with Brody while everyone is away.
“Are you sure you don’t want me to drive you to the airport in the morning?”
“No, it’s cool,” he says from deep within his closet. He pulls down his board coffin and sets it on the bed next to me. “I have to be there around six thirty, so that means I need to leave here at the ass crack of dawn.”
“Why did you book such an early flight?”
“Because Garrett has a buddy who just moved there, and he’s throwing a party at his new house tomorrow night. He wanted me to fly out early so we have time to chill beforehand.” He grabs his shortboard and slips it into his travel coffin before asking, “Would you go into Micah’s room and get my hybrid?”
Micah has a vast collection of boards in his room, but I easily spot Trent’s teal Cannibal board and bring it back to him. “Here you go,” I say as I hand it over.
I stand and watch him zip up the coffin before he props it against the wall and an unforeseen zing of jealousy creeps in. Trent’s about to spend a week around all the west coast bunnies, and I’m going to be here. It’s a strange feeling because I have no idea where his head is at exactly with us, but it also seems way too premature to ask him. I have no clue if we’re just casual and still free to do our own thing. Not that I have any interest in talking to anyone else, but what if he does?
Maybe gray isn’t where I want to be.
“Is Garrett single?” I ask in my curiosity.
“Yeah, why?”
With a shake of my head and a shrug, I respond as casually as possible. “Just wondering.”
After he tosses in a few pairs of flip-flops, he closes the suitcase and wheels it next to the boards. When he turns back to me, he gives me a peculiar look. “You thinking about ditching me for him or something?”
Pushing my fingers through my hair, I ask, “Are you even mine to ditch?”
There’s a shift in his eyes, and I instantly regret asking. There is no doubt he just saw right through me. “Is something worrying you about this trip?”
“No,” I defend, but it comes out too quick and too sharp.
The corners of his lips lift as he steps closer. “You seem unsettled. Almost as if you might be a little insecure.”
“Oh my god. Insecure about what?”
“The thought that I might hookup with someone while I’m there.”
I open my mouth to say something, to press further, but I get hung up and stall.
“You tongue-tied?” he taunts.
“No.”
With a cock of his head, he keeps goading. “If there’s something you want to ask me, just ask.”
“There’s nothing I want to ask you.”
His lips pull into a full smile, and I bite my cheek to keep from cracking my own.
Two more steps, and he’s standing right in front of me. “Are you sure about that?”
I fold my arms across my chest and throw the ball back into his court. “What do you think I want to ask you?”
He peers down at me with his perfectly imperfect eyes that make my tummy somersault. “I think you want to know if we’re solid or if we’re casual.”
A swell of nerves builds around me, and he has me on needles. Trent’s a free-spirited guy, one who avoids strings at all costs, and to expect anything other than that would be dumb of me.
“Well, since you brought it up . . .”
He slips his hands along my jaw as he chuckles lightly. “You have nothing to worry about,” he says, soothing the insecurity he knew was there. “I’m solid with you.”
Relief washes over me.
“Is that what you wanted to hear?”
I give him a bashful nod, and he gives me a reassuring kiss before smacking my ass.
“Ouch!” I screech as I push him away. He only laughs as he approaches again.
His eyes grow deviously playful as he taunts me step for step. Holding out my arms in front of me, I backup but with no escape.
“Don’t pretend like you don’t want me.”
“I don’t,” I try asserting through a fit of giggles as he closes in.
I launch to my right, but he’s quick to block me. My laughter only grows when I bolt to my left, only to fake him out and dart back to the right. As I charge away from him, he loops his arms around my waist, capturing me against his chest from behind. I squeal happily while he ravages my neck, tickling me with his kisses as I squirm in his hold.
Bursts of laughter barrel out of me as his arms constrict, making it impossible for me to free myself. My skin breaks out in goose bumps, and I grow short of breath. Grabbing on to his forearms, something inside me snaps, and suddenly, my smile hurts and I can’t breathe.
Panic crashes over me like a tidal wave, shooting my heart into my throat. He has me trapped, and the moment I close my eyes, I get a flash of Caleb’s rage.
“Stop,” I attempt to scream, but it comes out too weak because I’m winded and can’t take in a decent breath.
Trent’s laughter gets buried beneath the screaming in my head, and I freak out. The weight of him is smothering. Tears spring from my eyes as fear takes me captive, and I don’t even realize that I’m free from his hold until I’m halfway across the room with a heart hammering against my ribs.
Trent stares at me in horror. “Shit,” he breathes heavily. “I’m sorry, Kate.”
He takes a step toward me, and this time, when I hold my arms out, he stops.
I try to catch my breath, but the sudden rush of fright that just came out of nowhere is startling and slightly disorienting, but somehow, I manage to mutter a faint, “I’m sorry.”
All the joy this room just held is sucked out in an instant because of me. Embarrassment scorches my neck as the alarm stays rooted in Trent’s expression.
With a heart that won’t stop terrorizing me, I’m on the brink of crying, so I quickly mutter, “Just give me a minute,” before rushing out of the room and
shutting the door behind me.
On wobbly knees, I lean against the wall and hunch over. I don’t know how to make sense out of what just happened. I’ve never experienced anything like that before. Taking in a few deep breaths, I feel my pulse slow to a steadier pace, which helps bring my senses back to life. As my head clears, my emotions become too ripe, and I lower myself to the floor. With my knees pulled to my chest and my forehead pressed against them, I tell myself to calm down, that everything is fine, and that Trent would never . . . never hurt me, but my confusion makes it difficult to compose myself.
When the door opens, I lift my head, and Trent steps out into the hall before kneeling in front of me. He doesn’t say anything as he lays his hands on my knees, but he sees the tears, which are reflections of bad memories, on my face.
“Are you okay?” he asks gently, but I’m not sure how to answer him.
The question is more complex than it sounds. Truth is, I’m a mix of peace and chaos, torn between two spheres. It reminds me that I still have issues I need to deal with. The majority of the time, I feel okay, but right now, it’s as if I’m caged by my own flesh and bone in a swarm of petrifying memories.
“I’m sorry,” I whisper. “I don’t know what happened.”
Slipping his feet out from under him, he sits by my side, the two of us facing each other when he asks, “Does this have something to do with Caleb?”
His name is like a razor digging through scars I wish would heal, but they won’t because he silently haunts me. I wipe my damp cheeks and shamefully nod. “I’m sorry,” I tell him again.
“Why are you sorry?”
“Because you shouldn’t have to deal with this.”
“Hey.” The word is barely a breath of sound as he scoots closer to me and pushes my loose hair behind my ear. “You say that as if you’re a burden.”
It’s exactly what I feel like I am—a burden.
When I don’t respond, he assures, “You’re not.”
I look at him and the veracity in his eyes—something Caleb’s never held, something I didn’t know I needed until now. It’s as if looking at Trent is like looking up at the infinite sky in wonderment of what all it holds and if it’s holding it for me alone.