by Cam Barber
I love Alan Pease. He has been known as ‘Mr Body Language’ since he published his first book on the subject in 1981. He’s clever, funny and an entertaining speaker. I’ve chatted to him a few times at the National Speaker’s Association.
He and his wife Barbara also wrote and published the 10 million copy best seller, Why Men Don’t Listen and Women Can’t Read Maps which pulls together research on the differences between men and women. It’s funny and interesting because there is some underlying truth to it.
In his body language books, he also pulls together research that has an underlying truth in certain circumstances. He explains techniques such as not touching your nose (it means you are lying), keeping your palms up (you will be seen as non-threatening and people will respond positively to you), keeping your fingers together (you will be seen as authoritative), keeping your elbows out (you will be perceived as powerful and strong), keeping your distance (so people won’t lean away from you because they’re irritated) and mirroring others’ body language (you will build rapport quickly).
These insights have some truth to them in certain situations. And Alan Pease presents them in an interesting and amusing way. But they certainly can’t be relied on to be true in all situations.
And if you tried to follow them all, you risk looking awkward or devious, as these techniques take you out of the moment and into mechanical, thought-driven and unnatural movements.
Consider Alan’s Body Language Book. The table of contents alone goes for 9 pages and has 270 headings! They include:
• The head nod
• The head shake
• The head shrug
• The basic head positions
• Why you should learn to nod
• Wearing glasses on the head
• Peering over the glasses
• The four main standing positions
• The cowboy stance
• Straddling a chair
• How we move from closed to open
• The European leg cross
• The American figure four
• And 260 more…
Imagine the confusion and uncertainty trying to decide which ones to apply! Don’t you think they might interrupt your natural train of thought?
The original science of body language
There have been a number of respected researchers who have looked into the impact of nonverbal communication over the years. Anthropologist Ray Birdwhistell, founded Kinesics as a field of inquiry in 1952. He studied the meaning of animal and human facial expression, gestures, posture and gait, and visible arm and body movements.
Even though he famously stated that ‘no more than 35% of the social meaning of a conversation or an interaction is carried by the words’, he also knew that body language could not be interpreted or orchestrated to have a fixed meaning. Here is how The Dictionary of Anthropology (1997) summarises his position:
“Birdwhistell pointed out that ‘human gestures differ from those of other animals in that they are polysemic, that they can be interpreted to have many different meanings depending on the communicative context in which they are produced’.”
And,
“He resisted the idea that ‘body language’ could be deciphered in some absolute fashion.”
And that,
“Every body movement must be interpreted broadly and in conjunction with every other element in communication.”
This is sooo important. Whenever an expert speaking coach tells you something like: ‘Research shows that ‘X’ gesture, movement or action will have ‘Y’ impact’, they are not being accurate.
What they should be saying is ‘Research indicates it’s possible in some circumstances that ‘X’ gesture, movement or action will have ‘Y’ impact, but the only thing we know for certain is that this won’t be true for everybody or in every situation’.
How to get on TV as a body language expert
Unfortunately for these experts, this correct explanation won’t get them on TV as a body language expert. But there are plenty of ‘experts’ on TV who are willing to state incorrectly that ‘X’ body language absolutely means ‘Y’ result.
Given that everybody is different and every speaking situation is unique, context is key. The point is, body language theories won’t make you a great speaker.
Your rough edges might be OK!
We teach public speaking to thousands of people every year and we have never had a phone call from a client asking us to make all their speakers the same.
The opposite is true.
Clients call and say: “We just sat through a 2-day conference and every speaker had the same orchestrated style and it drove us to tears. Please help…”
Maybe your imperfect speaking style is just what the audience needs to be engaged. Consider the following example.
Bill Gates persuades Congress with bad body language
While I was researching the truth about public speaking some years ago, I saw a fascinating example of the focus on body language playing out in the United States Congress.
Today, companies like Apple, Samsung and Google are so powerful in the computer space, few people remember how dominant Microsoft was in 1997. They had so much power and market share the US Congress labeled them a monopoly and decreed Microsoft be split into two companies (one for the Windows operating system and another for applications).
Bill Gates, CEO of Microsoft at the time, was hit with many questions as he sat on a lonely chair being grilled by members of Congress. In response, he made short presentations arguing his position. Daily progress of these Congressional hearings was reported by TV, Financial news networks and technology shows.
I followed this closely. It was puzzling to see that many headlines and commentary focused on Gates’ body language. They talked about how he sat, how long he took to respond to questions and how he rocked in his chair awkwardly. If you read the headlines and listened to this commentary, you’d believe that Gates was getting hammered in the sessions and Congress was winning the argument. But this was just a silly side-show.
Gates won the argument
While all this attention was placed on his body language, people lost focus on the real story – his explanations, his arguments, his message. Bill Gates was excellent in this regard. And he won the argument! His supposedly ‘awkward’ body language did not weaken those messages.
Did Microsoft get split in two? No. Gates’ style may not have been perfect from the ‘performance’ viewpoint, but it didn’t need to be. Although the (misdirected) body language commentary seemed to think otherwise.
So, am I saying body language doesn’t matter? No. It matters a lot. It supports and reinforces what you say. I’m suggesting there is a better way to achieve natural, compelling body language - let it flow instinctively from the clarity of your message and the ease of your natural style.
Why do we keep making the same robotic mistakes?
There was an important attempt to understand the impact of non-verbal communication in France in the 1800s. Francois Delsarte was born in 1811 and studied arts at the Paris Conservatory, but was disappointed with the posed style of acting they taught. So he started observing people, particularly in public places, to see how they actually moved and responded to real life situations.
He wanted acting and stage performance to more naturally reflect real life – as opposed to the wooden acting that existed at the time. He observed certain patterns of expression associated with voice, breath and movement. He was interested in the physical gestures that indicated emotions, yet recognised the difficulty in replicating them when acting because they’re not the actor’s real emotions.
He developed what he called ‘the Science of Applied Aesthetics’. Essentially an acting style that attempted to connect the inner emotional experience of the actor with a set of gestures and movements to accurately convey those emotions to the audience.
More irony - his aim was freedom of movement
De
lsarte was attempting to teach people how to release restrictions and free their movement to convey feelings accurately - and thus connect with an audience. Cool. Unfortunately, Delsarte didn’t write a book explaining his method. However, 14 years after his death in 1871, The Delsarte System of Expression was published by the student of one of Delsarte’s students, and it became a wild success.
The problem was that the key idea from Delsarte’s actual work - that the gestures should flow from within, from the connection to the actual emotions - was lost. And the opposite idea drove the training.
By the 1890s, The Delsarte System was being taught all over the world, particularly in America, by teachers who didn’t understand the emotional connection underpinning the movements. Soon, the teaching of gestures and body language became just mechanised poses. The exact problem Delsarte set out to change!
Stephen Wangh concluded, in his book on A Physical Approach to Acting, ‘It led others into stereotyped and melodramatic gesticulation, devoid of the very heart that Delsarte had sought to restore.’
When you make a speech or presentation, it’s your belief, your certainty about your idea that engages your audience. Not amateur acting skills. Getting comfortable in your own skin and getting clear in your mind about what you are saying are the keys. Not to clutter your mind with techniques, cut and pasted onto your talk.
The point: Don’t worry about orchestrating body language.
The other 7 Public Speaking Myths
There are a number of other obstacles that can waste your energy and reduce your impact when speaking, because they add confusion, uncertainty and even guilt. Let’s dissolve them now. I’ve listed them here as seven myths.
Myth 1: Bad first impressions can’t be overcome
Have you heard that audiences form their lasting impression in the first 30 seconds? Or the first 8 seconds?
This is very misleading. It implies that the lasting impression of your talk won’t be your wisdom, the clarity of your message or the relevance of your information; it all rests on the first few seconds. People believe that if they make a mistake at the start they won’t be able to recover.
What pressure! Public speaking is not that hard. Or mysterious.
There are many versions of the first impression myth. Most recently, Malcolm Gladwell’s popular book, Blink: The Power of Thinking Without Thinking, promoted the idea that spontaneous or unconscious impressions are as good as carefully considered ones.
However, the book was criticised by a range of researchers, including Nobel prize winner Daniel Kahneman, author of Thinking, Fast and Slow. He stated that Gladwell’s book created the impression that intuition is magical, which he argues is false.
So what’s the reality? No matter how you slice it, the first few seconds will only ever form a first impression, not a lasting impression.
Look at how this myth stacks the cards against you. Imagine you’re about to stand up in front of an audience and you believe that first impressions are everything. We know that nerves are typically strongest at the start, because that’s the point of most uncertainty. So what happens if you stumble on a word or trip on a cord or forget part of your intro at the start?
In your mind it’s a disaster because the first 30 seconds have gone poorly and you’re thinking ‘I can’t recover!’ So you tighten up, feel more nervous, think less clearly and forget the next point. You believe all is lost and act accordingly - and end up making a series of bad impressions.
Just remember, the audience’s impression of you is developed and reinforced throughout your entire talk. I’ve known many speakers who’ve started awkwardly, and wowed them by the end. You don’t need to sabotage yourself just because you have a challenge at the start. Let yourself off the hook. Laugh it off.
In fact, making ‘a save’ can form a greater connection with the audience after a problem. When a joke bombs, a good comedian acknowledges it and laughs it off. In the same way, you can ‘make a save’ by smiling, and naming the problem in front of the audience so they get that you get what the problem is. (Got that?!) This point of recognition releases the tension and the problem dissolves.
For example, the technology doesn’t work. You smile and say something like ‘This is not working’. You talk about something else while the problem is fixed and then you continue.
When you smile at the problem, name it, and the audience smiles at the problem too, you’re viewing the problem together. That’s a connection with your audience. Many presenters are polished and rehearsed but make no connection with their audience at all.
In other words, making a ‘save’ after a setback on stage, can actually give you more impact than a perfect, ‘flawless’ presentation. Don’t focus on the mistakes, focus on the next line. Engage them with subsequent impressions and they will be left with a positive overall impression - no matter what happened in the first 30 seconds.
Myth 2: You must eliminate nerves to be a great speaker
Many people have a niggling thought; ‘If I was a good speaker, I wouldn’t get nervous. But I do get nervous, so I’m not good enough’.
Some worry it’s a sign of weakness to admit they get nervous, and this idea embeds itself into their mind creating more uncertainty every time they speak in public.
The reality is, it’s normal to feel speaking anxiety, no matter how experienced or polished you are.
Richard Branson admits he gets nervous in public speaking situations and has done since he was a teenager. The nerves haven’t held him back, he’s one of the most sought-after speakers on the planet. I’ve worked with professional sportspeople and TV presenters, and they also get nervous before an important event. Football players, tennis players, as well as actors and musicians often have a pre-event ritual to manage their anxiety.
Nerves are normal, we just need to put them into perspective. Far from holding you back, anxiety can focus the mind and lead to a better result. Nerves don’t need to be eliminated – they just need to be understood.
Myth 3: Good speakers don’t use notes
Here’s something I’ve heard from speakers who worry they’re not good enough; “Oh! He’s such a good speaker - He didn’t look at his notes once!”
Who cares if you look at your notes?
Many people believe you can’t be an accomplished speaker unless you’re able to deliver a presentation without notes. In practice there is nothing wrong with using notes if they help you speak with clarity and certainty. The Steve Jobs ‘Stanford Graduation Speech’ was read from notes, yet it’s one of the most famous speeches in the world, more popular than any TED talk.
Notes can be used poorly, of course. Particularly if you read a speech in a way that implies you’re not familiar with the content. For example:
“Good morning. My name is Cam…
[pause to turn the page to read the next word]
Barber. And I’m excited to speak to you today about...
[pause to turn the page to read the next word]
clear communication.”
This is an exaggerated example of course, but some speakers using notes/slides make it seem like they’re ‘phoning it in.’ The same applies to the use of TelePrompTers or auto-cues; they can be used well, but when used poorly the speaker appears lifeless and robotic. Checking your slides and then talking to the audience is fine, but planting your feet with your back to the audience and reading every word on your slides is not!
So, notes aren’t a problem, it’s how we use them.
Don’t feel guilty about using notes. Everybody needs to find the right balance of notes to suit the event and the subject. Some professional speakers make one speech over and over. It’s easier to jettison notes in this situation. Most business presenters are not in that position, so there’s no point comparing yourself.
If notes give you greater clarity or certainty, use them. The way to find the right balance of notes and free talking is addressed in the Structure section of the Vivid Method.
Myth 4: Eliminate errors and you’ll be a great speaker
Another unproductive idea is; ‘if you eliminate every mistake you’ll be a great speaker’. Training courses that follow this myth give you a list of mistakes to avoid. They might even record a video of you making these ‘mistakes’, show it to the rest of the class and get you to focus all your effort on eradicating them. The list often includes:
• Never say ‘um’!
• Don’t put your hands in your pockets.
• Use ‘open’ gestures, never ‘closed’ gestures.
• Don’t move around the room too much (or too little!).
• Maintain eye contact for the optimum time.
• Pause for the optimum 3 seconds.
• Etc.
This myth wastes energy by overemphasising minor distractions and can create the kind of self-consciousness that leads to situations like the famous Michael Bay meltdown.
Do you know about the Michael Bay meltdown? Search it. While being interviewed on stage at the Consumer Electronics Show in Vegas in 2014, the successful Hollywood director missed a line and got out of synch with his auto-cue for about 3 seconds. He became so flustered and embarrassed that he walked off the stage in the middle of the interview - head bowed and tail between his legs. The audience and the interviewer were stunned.
Irony strikes again. The belief that small mistakes are a deal-breaker, can create an environment where you make more mistakes. Michael Bay believed he had to be mistake-free; this increased his anxiety to the point where he created an embarrassing result that was front page news all around the world. However, if he believed that stumbling on his words for a couple of seconds was irrelevant (which it is), he could have taken a moment and continued without incident.