by Erin Zak
She kisses my check. “I love you,” she says with a tentative voice.
I want to say it back. I do…but something in me freezes.
She pulls away. “Can you stand?”
I laugh. “Yes.”
She moves into the stream of water, and I watch it rush over her hard body. She turns so her backside is facing me. I place my hands on her ass cheeks. God, her ass is…well, it’s perfect. I then slide my hands around the front of her. I glide up her slick skin over her abs to her breasts. I squeeze, and she leans her head back to my shoulder. I move one of my hands behind her again, down her back. She spreads her legs a little farther apart as I get closer to her thighs. I slip my hand between and quickly find the spot I’m looking for. She presses her ass into me and leans her body into mine. I wrap my arm around her as I slip my fingers into her from behind. She lets out a low, guttural sound, and then she’s leaning forward. She places her hands on the shower wall so we’re almost out of the water.
“Fuck me like this.”
I am not a sexually adventurous person. Hell, last night against the window and in the chair was the first time I’ve ever done it somewhere other than a bed in a very, very, very long time. And her fingering me from behind is the very first time I’ve ever had that done to me. But doing this to her from behind is turning me on so much, so I do exactly as instructed and start to push into her and pull out.
“Harder,” she groans. “Harder.” I push hard into her, and she moans loudly. I do it again. And again. And again. She is bouncing with me, and embarrassingly, I start to feel my own orgasm building. The way her ass keeps bumping into me is hitting me just right. I thrust into her again and again until I feel her muscles tighten around my fingers, and her back stiffens. I keep pushing, though. She hasn’t said to stop, and oh my God, I start to come with her.
Clearly, I’ve been deprived. I never knew orgasms could happen like this…both of us at the same time, her doing nothing to me. I’m floored by how intimate this is, yet I’ve only ever experienced it with her, with Francesca, a woman I never expected and now will never be able to forget.
I moan her name, and she says, “Oh, please tell me you’re coming, too.”
I freeze inside her, lean forward, and brace myself against the wall as I ride out my own orgasm. When I’m finished, she straightens up, and my fingers slip out of her as she turns. She wraps her arms around me. “I am so fucking happy right now.”
I laugh through my own embarrassment. “Oh, yeah?”
“Yes,” she says softly. “You have made me so very happy.”
My legs are still wobbly, but I find the strength to pull away and look into her eyes. “You deserve to be happy, Francesca.”
She kisses me. “I could do this with you all day.”
“Well, lucky for you,” I say as I pull away and pump shampoo into my hand, then turn her around to wash her hair, “we have all day and night together.” I know full well this time we have could be the last we ever see each other. A part of me wonders if she feels the same way.
Francesca
When the room service arrives, I swear it’s as if we haven’t eaten in days. We both scarf it down. I ordered a burger and fries. She ordered French toast. And we get a separate order of fries. We eat from each other’s plates like an old married couple.
We’re sitting on the couch, her legs propped on the coffee table, my head in her lap. She’s playing with my hair, telling me about her first trip to Vegas with Luke, the husband she’s separating from. We haven’t talked much about her past, about her fears, about her hopes and dreams, and I have a feeling if we do, this becomes even more real. She is just as scared as I am about what the future holds. And the longer we are together, the further we both fall, and the closer we get to her departure.
She chuckles when she describes how Luke lost most of his gambling money at the roulette table. “He always thought if he apologized to God, he’d find a way around the whole gambling is a sin thing.” Her hand pauses in my hair. I look up at her. Her mind is somewhere else. I can only imagine what she’s going through. “He is such a good guy, Francesca.”
“I’m sure he is.”
“He doesn’t deserve what I’ve done to him.”
“While I somewhat agree,” I start, and she looks down. She is so beautiful, even at this angle. “I also believe you deserve to be happy.”
“I should have left.”
“You’re leaving now.”
“I know, but I should have done the right thing.” She shrugs. “I’ll always have that guilt, I suppose.”
“That sounds like a miserable existence.”
“It’s what I deserve.”
“Cecily,” I say but am interrupted when the doorbell rings.
“Saved by the bell.”
I sigh. “That’s probably Di with my clothes.” I’m still wearing a bathrobe. I’m going to have to answer a bazillion questions when I let Diamond in. I don’t even know the answer to most of what she could ask, so part of me argues with another part about it being okay to go home in a bathrobe.
“Lift your head. I’ll let her in.” Cecily’s voice is so smooth, even while saying something small and insignificant. She slips out from under me, and I right myself on the couch. I hear her say, “Oh, Di, hello!”
And then I hear Diamond’s, “Well, well, well,” echo down the entryway. I shake my head and place it in my hands as I wait for her to appear.
“Well, well, well,” she says again, and her voice is in front of me. I laugh and continue to not look. “First of all,” she says, “this room is amazing.” She drops the duffel bag and rushes to the windows. “Second…” She turns. “How did this happen?” She motions between us. “I thought you were married, sweetheart.” She looks at Cecily. “I mean, you were wearing a ring, weren’t ya?”
I wait for Cecily’s reply. She sits and crosses her legs, pulling them up under her. “I was wearing a ring, yes.” My mind flashes back to seeing her without it last night. “And I’m separated from my husband.”
“Oh, well, then…Congratulations, you two.” Diamond giggles and throws her arms in the air in celebration. She jumps onto my lap and hugs me tight. “I’m so happy for you!”
Even though she won’t be working tonight, she is still wearing an outfit that would stop traffic, so when I laugh, it’s directly into her cleavage. “So tell me everything.” She pulls away, stands, and moves around the coffee table gracefully in her heels to the open seat next to Cecily. She places her hand on Cecily’s knee. “When, where, how? I know who and what.” She raises her eyebrows suggestively. I laugh, and Cecily blushes.
“You don’t need to hear all the details.” I wave at her, and she gasps before she leans forward and grabs the Starbucks iced coffee she brought.
“I most certainly do. Don’t skimp.”
I smile at Cecily. She’s handling this so well, considering we’ve only known each other for less than four days. “Well, I guess you could say we sort of fell into each other’s laps.”
“Oh, I’m sure you did.” Diamond drops the joke right before she pulls the straw of her drink into her mouth.
I laugh and shake my head. “She came up to the bar the other night, and we sort of—”
“We really just hit it off,” Cecily finishes. She shrugs.
“Wait a second here. You’ve only known each other then for…what is it?”
“It’s not important,” Cecily and I say in unison. We chuckle as Diamond rolls her eyes.
“You two are both the world’s worst storytellers. I want juicy details. Hearts beating and palms sweaty and legs weak details. Is that not something you can give me?” She is exasperated. I love it.
Cecily leans forward and props her elbows on her knees. She glances at Diamond before she says with a laugh, “You are too much.”
“Listen, it went like this. Girl needs a drink. Girl sits at bar. Bartender sees girl. Is enamored with girl. Flirts with girl. Gives girl best dr
ink she’s ever had. Proceeds to take girl out on the town. Won’t let girl go back to her room to sleep. Then the bartender makes sure she monopolizes every last second of girl’s time.” I smile. “Is that good enough?”
“If you would have thrown in ‘bartender rocks girl’s world all night long in the bedroom,’ I’d say yes. But alas, you have not. So I guess I’ll just have to settle on being disappointed.”
Cecily is laughing as our eyes lock. “You’re not far off,” Cecily says, not looking away.
After Diamond gives up pushing for details, the three of us settle into an easy conversation about her journey from Ohio to the strip clubs of Las Vegas. The story is super glamorous, aside from some handsy men. When Di tells Cecily about the one or two men who took it too far, Cecily’s concern is written all over her face. “Don’t worry, sweetheart,” Di says with a wave of her hand. “I have a gun, and I’m not afraid to use it.”
She doesn’t stay much longer after she finishes her story. I don’t know why she decided to spill her guts to Cecily. Cecily is easy to talk to, though, and she has this way of making you want to tell her things, things you’d never tell anyone else. That easy and open-minded conversational style is part of what pulled me to her. Well, that and her megawatt smile and her ridiculous cleavage.
We stand at the door with Diamond as she says her good-byes. “Don’t forget, Cecily. The next time you’re in town, we will go out and have some real fun. Not that Frankie here didn’t show you a good time.” She drops her voice, “You know what I’m sayin’?”
Cecily laughs as she hugs Diamond. “I know exactly what you’re saying.”
As Diamond moves to me, she places both hands on my face. “Please know that I’m happy for you. I really am.”
“Thank you, mi amor.”
“No, listen to me, Frankie.” She holds on to me a little tighter. “You didn’t deserve what that Willow woman did to you. At all.” My eyes are filling with tears when I feel Cecily’s hand on my arm. I glance over at her.
“What did she just say?”
“The ex…her name.”
“Was Willow?”
Diamond’s hands drop as I nod, and the color drains from Cecily’s face. “What’s wrong?”
“Willow Carmichael?” She has her hand on the wall, and it’s then I realize what is happening.
Diamond gasps as she finally catches up. “Oh, holy fuck,” she says softly. “Frankie, baby, I’m gonna…go.” Her hand is on the door handle and for someone who can basically handle anything, she is not handling this well. I can’t blame her. I feel as if I may pass out.
“Yeah, I think that’s a good idea.”
Call me, she mouths, and like a flash she’s out the door, and it’s closing after her.
Cecily has slid down the wall and is now on the floor. Her head is in her hands. “Please tell me this isn’t true…Oh, God. I think I’m going to be sick.” And within seconds, she’s grabbing the small wastebasket under the entryway table and is retching into it.
Meanwhile, I’m frozen in place. Willow Carmichael, the woman who broke my heart, the woman who broke Cecily’s heart, is the person who connects the two of us. She’s the reason we are both hurting, and we’ve been bound together by our pain. The weight of the situation settles like a boulder on my chest.
Cecily
I finally pull my head out of the trash. The smell of my own vomit is making me sick all over again. I lean my head against the wall, and it hits with a heavy thud. I do it again. I need to feel something right now, and the stark reality happening around us isn’t appetizing.
I clamp my eyes shut. Francesca is the woman Willow cheated on me with, the woman who Willow slept with while continuing a long-distance relationship with me. The woman who Willow could barely be honest with me about.
The woman who I just spent the entire evening with…who had her face between my thighs, and I had mine… Oh, God, I’m gonna vomit again. I lean over and dry heave into the plastic liner. How attractive. I am so disgusting right now. I am also disgusted, and I’m not sure which is worse. Not worse for me. No. But worse for Francesca…
“You knew it was me all along, didn’t you?” My voice echoes in the metal bin. I place it down and wipe my mouth with the back of my hand. My head thuds again against the wall. “You had to have known.”
“Cecily, you can’t be serious.”
“How could you not know?”
“Why would she have told me anything about you?”
“Why wouldn’t you have asked?”
“Are you fucking kidding me?” Her voice is low, and she says the last word through clenched teeth. “Why the fuck would I have wanted to know about you? I hated the very idea of you.”
“Excuse me?”
“You…” She crosses her arms so tight, it looks as if she’s squeezing herself to death. “You are the reason she broke my heart.”
“Oh, get over yourself,” I say breathlessly.
“Excuse me?”
“You heard me.” I let out a laugh that really does not belong in this moment, but I am borderline delirious. This is the most ridiculous thing I have lived through in my entire life, and the fact that I almost told this woman I was in love with her is…My heart clenches, and I squeeze my eyes together. “I knew this was too good to be true.”
“Cecily!” Her voice is shrill, and for the first time, this suite feels small and suffocating.
“Stop trying, Frankie.” I don’t know where I’m getting this anger, but it’s a red-hot flame, and it’s only a matter of time before my anger ignites a fire that could kill us both. “I don’t believe you. I will never believe you.”
“That is bullshit.”
I open my eyes to glare. “I’m sorry? You think me not believing you is bullshit? I barely fucking know you.” I see how me using that word hits her in the face. Her eyes had been brimming with tears, and me shouting that word at her has them pouring over the edges. Seeing her cry is almost too much for me. “You need to leave.”
“I cannot believe—”
“Frankie. Leave. Now.”
“I am not leaving like this, Cecily. This is not fair. Why won’t you believe me? I told you how she broke it off with me. She went on and on about this woman she couldn’t stop thinking about…this woman who wasn’t leaving her husband…this woman who she loved more than anything in this world, and I was just a distraction. A lousy distraction.” She covers her mouth as a sob escapes, and I bite the inside of my cheek. I am failing. I want to comfort her so badly. But not a single bone in my body believes she had no idea who I am. I am all over Willow’s Facebook page. I am on her Instagram page. I am in her life. Or at least I was. And now I’m not. I glare.
“I cannot believe she cheated on me with you.” I snarl the last word, and if I have ever been ashamed of how I’m acting, it’s right now. It’s seeing what my words are doing to her, but I can’t stop. She is the reason Willow cheated. She is why I will never trust Willow again. She may be the reason I never trust another person ever again. Now I don’t even trust what we’ve shared.
She pulls her shoulders back and adjusts her stance. “Fine.” She uncrosses her arms. “You know what? Before she told me about how awful you were to her, she told me how spectacular I am. How I was everything she ever wanted. How I was the best sex she’s ever had. She told me I was exactly her type—”
“No, you aren’t.”
“Yes, Cecily. I was. I was everything she needed to take her mind off you. And it worked. So don’t even think you had that big a hold on her. You didn’t. And I guarantee you, I am not the only person she has done this to since she’s been mixed up with you.”
“Shut up.”
She smiles through her tears, and I want to hate her so much. “But of everything she told me, I never knew who you were. So believe whatever you want. I hope you know I would never hurt you like this on purpose. Ever. Not like she did.” She shakes her head as more tears start to take over. “I never k
new anything more about you. I just wish you would believe me.”
“What about social media?” I shout, and it takes every ounce of energy I have.
She lets out a puff of air and huffs. “Do you really think I thought to look there? I don’t even have a Facebook account. Or an Instagram.”
I try to stand. I want my phone. I want to prove her wrong. But I’m too weak, and the room is spinning, and please, God, don’t let me throw up again. Throwing up in front of someone you love is one thing but in front of someone you should hate…it’s another thing altogether. “Leave. Before I call security to escort you out.” I watch her wipe her eyes before she turns for the door, and before I know it, she’s gone. And I fall over on the floor and cry.
Chapter Fifteen
Francesca
I swing open my condo door, and Diamond is standing there holding a bag of Chinese takeout and a bottle of wine, and I’ve never been happier to see her. She catches me while not dropping the food when I fall into her arms.
“What the fuck happened?” she asks. Her voice is soothing, and for the first time since I’ve been home, I think maybe I can stop crying.
“She is Willow’s other woman,” I say through my sobs. Maybe not…
“Honey, let’s get inside.” She helps me into the condo. “Jesus, turn a goddamn light on.”
“I don’t want to.”
“Alexa! Turn the lamps on.” Diamond waits a beat until the lights are on. “There. Now come on. You need to eat.”
“I don’t want to.”
She stops and turns to glare at me. “Stop.”
I sigh as I follow her. She’s a great best friend, but she can be a mean mom, too, and I don’t know if I like this side of her. I slide onto a stool at the kitchen island and watch her move from cabinet to drawer, gathering plates and eating utensils. She makes quick work of piling my plate full of chicken and broccoli. She spoons out a giant pile of fried rice. The very idea of eating is making my stomach turn, but fighting her seems to be futile.