by V. K. Ludwig
I lifted a shaky hand toward the warrior. “He is mutilating himself.”
“At least he stopped throwing himself against the laser bars.” Torin pointed out the patches of singed flesh on his chest, an angry red beneath the warrior’s gray skin, and weeping. “Perhaps he carries some sort of disease—”
The warrior’s roar cut through Torin’s words, and his tailclaw through the gap in the bars. Black and slightly curved, it came at me repeatedly, stabbing at the air between us while the skin along his tail went up in smoke. The laser scalded his flesh, cauterizing blood vessels with the occasional pop.
But he did not care.
“Naney… is… m-mine!” he choked out, his strangled voice matching the crazed look in his eyes, like liquid rage swirling at the bottom of his irises. “Mine to chase. Mine to sting. Mine to s-seed.”
Had I a tail, I might have stabbed it right back at him. My fingers itched to grab my knife, step in there, and sever that tailclaw, but my fists balled instead. He would claim no female, and certainly not Naney. She carried my seed at this very moment. Had spent the night in my arms—
“Who is Naney?”
Torin’s question ripped me out of my fury, my veins so full of possessiveness they ached. What was wrong with me? Naney was not mine and could never be. What was she but an entertaining pastime? A warm body to practice my gentle touch on in preparation for my anam ghail, who waited on Earth?
“He’s clearly delirious,” I murmured. “Perhaps some sort of… I don’t know. Rage disease.”
“You filthy demon,” the Jal’zar snarled from beneath flaring nostrils, boring his poison-dipped gaze into me. “Your scent is a sin against Mekara herself. I will rip your throat out!”
No, not my scent.
Her scent… on me
My spine snapped straight and my muscles tightened into a collective spasm. The scent of Naney’s heat had lured this warrior out of hiding — something I’d already suspected. But now that I carried it all over me? Brought it this close to him? It crazed this male to a point of self-mutilation, exposing a weakness of their kind previously unknown.
Two entities fought within me.
Again…
The male wanted to kidnap Naney, hide her inside my habitat, and lock her up so no other male could get to her. The Vetusian, a warden of the Empire, no less, already plotted to round up all the females in heat. That was the solution to our problem, wasn’t it?
Why would we ride the endless plains in search of young warriors if we could lure them all out? String the females on a line and march them across Solgad, then capture their heat-crazed males?
The problem with this…? Naney was one of them. She’d promised me death already, but she would make it a slow one if I dared to capture her, even for her own safety.
The thought of another male coming near her, however… Over my fucking dead body. The thought alone heated my veins and pushed me deeper into my inherent insanity. What else should I call this urge to sabotage my own kind by holding back this valuable information?
I could walk away from this and keep this revelation to myself. The Jal’zar warrior might still talk and give us the locations of the other young males of fighting age. Problem temporarily solved.
Yeah, I could do that.
Betray my own kind just a little bit.
That plan sounded good enough in my head, but only until Torin lifted a brow at me and asked, “Who was the female you were with?”
Older female.
Black hair.
Limp in her left leg.
Lies poured into my mind but they never made it onto my tongue. My warriors had seen Naney and would report on it. With her white hair and purple eyes, she stood out. Torin was a smart male; it wouldn’t take him long to figure out it was the same one I’d interrogated a few suns ago.
I cleared my throat. “The same one who had attacked me.”
“Her name?”
I shrugged. “Never told me. She mostly hisses.”
And already his other brow arched. “But she let you live the night? That makes no sense, Zavis.”
“Well, it does because… she’s one of their shamans. She would never, um… spill my blood inside one of their yonis.”
He nodded. “Because they are sacred to them.”
“Exactly.”
“Never have we spoken to a shaman. We should bring her in for interrogation,” Torin said, and my guts tied into a knot. “Confront her with this warrior and find out what all this is about.”
I shook my head. “We don’t take female prisoners.”
“What is wrong with you?” Torin tilted his head. “Who said anything about prisoner? We take her, we talk to her, we return her.”
“Right.” And once he figured out what I already knew, we would order warriors to round her up with the other females. I wouldn’t let that happen. “Given our… history, I’m certain she will come with me willingly.”
“You should take warriors with you.”
“They will only scare her off, and we might lose this lead.”
Torin gave a curt nod. “Very well. Find your bearings, then get her.”
I turned away and left the building, quickly bringing distance between Naney’s scent and the warrior. Inside me, the male and the Vetusian fought.
Who would win?
Nine
Naney
“How do you know they are holding one of our young warriors captive?” Mother asked, the brows above her purple eyes bunched.
“I saw them bring him in when I patrolled the forest to watch their camp,” I lied and clasped my knees tighter against my aching belly. “A weak male, given how he’d failed to stay away, or might even have allowed himself to fall into a rut over a female’s scent. He’ll betray the others and give up their locations… unless we kill him.”
Mug clasped between her hands, Yral took a sip of her luplap tea and nodded. “Do you know where they keep him?”
“From what I observed, the rectangular building with the caged air handler on the roof. It’s well-guarded, and only high-ranking Vetusians go in there.”
“Have you ever seen them take the prisoner out?” Yral sighed when I shook my head. “We should rotate and keep watch as our condition allows, regardless of the captive. But if they ever take him out, it’ll require our best archer to kill him at that distance.”
Which was me, and the wrinkles on Mother’s forehead deepened as she frowned at me. “Naney is in no condition to patrol that area or hide for an entire sun to kill a warrior who might never even show his face.”
Her observing stare turned heavier with each ragged beat of my heart, weighing me down with an unspoken question. Why did Mekara grant everyone relief from their heat? Everyone but me, her shimid daughter, who was supposed to be closer to the goddess than most?
“I’ll speak to the others,” Yral said and rose from the cold fire pit we’d gathered around. “With one thing I agree, we need to kill him. What is one life taken if it saves many?”
A cramp announced itself, scraping its claws along my womb until I whimpered. “How can Mekara be so cruel and abandon me to this heat?”
Mother leaned into me, and the ends of her white strands stroked my damp temple. “The goddess is as cruel as she needs to be. If Mekara does not allow you relief from the mating heat, then it is for a reason. You are shimid, Naney. Mekara speaks through you.”
My throat narrowed, turning my sobs into wheezes. What reason could Mekara possibly have to drive me into Zavis’ arms, other than to shame me?
“I had a vision,” I said. “But I can’t make sense of it.”
She clasped my chin and brought my gaze to hers. “When?”
“A few suns ago. In the shape of a dream.”
She eyed me warily, knowing full well I hadn’t had a vision in so long. “Tell me about it.”
“I drove my tailclaw between the ribs of a Vetusian.” Not any Vetusian. Zavis. “I killed him.”
L
ike I said I would.
But where I should have remained asleep with a smile on my face, I’d startled awake to my own sobs inside the yoni, my breathing choked by despair. The heat flares are still raging, Zavis had said and held me tighter, go back to sleep, Naney, while I watch over you. And I had, finding a sense of safety in his arms I hadn’t felt ever since they landed their ships.
“You have brought down Vetusians before,” Mother said as she lifted her chin slightly. “What else did you see that causes this turmoil swirling within your soul?”
“He smiled at me and laughed when it happened.” I shuddered at the memory of how the sound at the back of Zavis’ throat had drowned under bloody gargles.
Mother prodded me to straighten, her eyes narrowed. “If Mekara showed you this, it will come to pass.”
Those words shouldn’t have pained me the way they did, should they? “It was the first time Mekara has gifted me a vision since Naresh died.”
“A shimid is but a vessel, Naney.” Mother hummed for me like she had when I was young, the comforting sound easing my mind. “Mekara cannot pour her visions into a vessel filled with hate, and you have been so full of it ever since your brother became one with Solgad.”
My stomach hollowed, making room for another cramp that made my breastbone curl toward my navel. If there was room within me for visions once more, where had that hate gone it replaced? Did Zavis scoop it out by the handful each time he held me, kissed me, stroked me as if he were not, indeed, my enemy?
Maybe he did.
Even I had to confess he was not what I had expected a Vetusian to be up close. He could have done many things to me that night in the yoni, some of which he’d threatened. Instead, he’d petted, stroked, and caressed me into sleep, protecting me while storms raged outside.
In a way, we weren’t so different. We fought his kind off to protect our families; he attacked because he wanted one as well — he’d said so himself.
“Shimid!” Yral called out for my mother, her golden eyes wide, the hem of her silk dress gathered in her fists. “A Vetusian warrior is sprinting his yuleshi toward our tree!”
Mother cocked her head. “Only one?”
“Yes. The one who came to speak to Naney many suns ago.”
“We should send him back to his camp,” I said quickly. “He asks too many questions.”
And kept too many secrets about me.
Mother held my gaze for long moments before she turned her attention to Yral. “Bring him to me. Let me look upon the spirit of this Vetusian.”
My skin crawled. What would she see in his spirit? What if she found my betrayal beneath the deepest layers of his soul?
I rose and brushed the dust from my white cotton dress, standing slightly crooked with how my womb burned. The other females sat around cold fire pits underneath the thick foliage of our mother tree. They sipped their luplap tea, but their chants came to a stop when Zavis crossed our gathering area.
He stopped several paces from Mother and me, his eyes red-rimmed. Right underneath, his skin had grayed in the shape of a half moon and his features appeared drained.
“Naney,” he said and dipped his head, “I came to speak with you.”
Had Mother noticed how I flinched at how easily my name rolled off his tongue? “I have nothing to say to you.”
“It’s important.”
I held his gaze, but only until Mother took a step toward him. “My mother, our shimid, wants to look upon your soul.”
“Your… mother.” His pupils flicked between the three of us, weight shifting from one leg to the other. “I’ve never met a mother before.”
Mother walked up to him, her hand reaching toward his head. “Zavis da taigh Broknar.”
Zavis’ gaze lifted, and his eyes searched mine before they snapped to Mother, his brows rising. “You know who I am?”
Mother gestured him to bend his knees so she might reach, and placed her palm against his forehead when he did. “Mekara told me your name, Vetusian, but that does not mean I know who you are.” A slight tremble settled onto her arm, and her voice returned thinner when she said, “Neither do you. Warrior. Warden. Vetusian. So many names surround the male underneath.”
I exchanged a look with Yral, who only shrugged before she continued to watch the moment unfold. Zavis’ shoulders rounded, and his black uniform wrinkled beneath his broad chest.
“War rages all around us, but it is the most violent within your spirit,” Mother said. “In the end, you came before us as the male.”
Zavis shifted away from her touch, his jawline stiff as his eyes sought mine. “Naney. A moment, please?”
What other choice did I have but to nod and wave him away from Mother before she saw things I couldn’t explain?
I led him away from the tree and along a layered rock wall where the occasional pebble rolled down winding ravines. The last monsoon had formed them, and the claws of small beasts scrabbled somewhere between the larger stones.
A glance over my shoulder made certain nobody had followed. “Don’t seek me out, Zavis.”
“I like the sound of my name on your lips.” His eyes softened the longer they lingered on how I pressed a palm to my belly, but he kept remarks about my heat to himself. “The warrior we captured caught your scent on me when I returned to camp a few suns ago.”
A tremble gripped my legs.
I should have considered that and asked Zavis to wash before he returned. If the Vetusians learned about their rut, they might use us females against them.
“He stabbed his tailclaw at me, hurting himself as if he had no regard for pain whatsoever,” Zavis continued and, when I remained silent, he stepped in front of me. “Naney, it’s only a matter of time until others figure this out.”
“I don’t know what you mean.”
“Yes, you do. Entire battalions will show up to capture the females and use their heat to lure the warriors out of hiding.”
By Mekara…
A flare of anger sparked at my core, and I took a step away from him. “Is that what you came for? To capture me? Us? To use our heat to kill our males?”
“After everything you and I went through, you still distrust me so much? How many times did you see me will my armor when we fought, huh? I could have killed or captured you a dozen times. Believe it or not, Naney, but I care about—” He stopped himself with a click of his tongue.
A strange kind of hope that shouldn’t have been there rose beneath my sternum. Just what could I hope for? That he was not an invader? Not my enemy? That his care would make this… thing between us any less wrong?
“Care about what?”
“About… your safety,” he scoffed, and the hint of a smile died a quick death on his lips. “I came to capture you, alright. Tie you up, gag you, and smuggle you into our camp. There, I wanted to hide you away in my private quarters until this entire damn occupation is over.”
His words clouded my head, making no sense and too much at once. “Why would you want to do that?”
“Why?” A huff blew from his nostrils. “The idea of you captured and used in our schemes pisses me off. But the thought of any male coming near you…? Standing a chance to claim you as his?” His ears twitched with how he ground his teeth. “Any male daring to angle that damn claw at you would not be detained. I’d kill him.”
A shudder formed between my shoulders, shaping into this treacherous longing as it raced down my body and ended as an excited flicker between my legs. The thought of another male claiming me shouldn’t bother him. Just like the knowledge that it did shouldn’t put such longing in my belly.
But it did. By Mekara… he wasn’t Jal’zar, but my instincts didn’t seem to care at the sight of how ferocious he was.
I swallowed a few times, not trusting how much arousal my voice might betray. “I’m not yours to claim, Zavis.”
“I know that,” he rasped, and his eyes slipped to my lips as he took a step toward me. “But you’re mine to protect. At
least for now.”
“And leave the others behind to be arrested and used as bait? You won’t take me away from them without a fight.”
“Yeah, I figured that, too.” His fingertips stroked over mine, tentatively at first and then more persistent when I found no strength to resist his touch. “You’re too damn stubborn and proud for it, so I had to come up with another idea. Let me help you. All of you.”
“Help me?”
All of us?
Why would he do that?
Perhaps it was the way he squeezed my hand, or the tremble I detected on his fingers, but I sensed another drop of hate dissipate from my core. What if this went beyond lust for him?
“Whatever smaller groups of females are out there, Naney, you need to warn them.” Unexpected coldness gripped my fingers when he retreated his touch and pulled a small satellite sphere from his chest pocket. “I marked those groups of which we know the locations. All need to move to other trees, preferably toward the west between these plateaus.”
My throat thickened, putting a higher pitch in my voice I couldn’t fight. “Storms rage in the west.”
“The magnetic unbalance messes with our satellites, trackers, and heat-detection equipment,” he said, and handed me the satellite sphere, the metal smooth against my palm. “If it comes to it and the Empire deploys troops to capture the females, chances that they will find you there are slim.”
I searched for his eyes and deepened our connection. “They?”
His jaws shifted, and his gaze dropped as if weighted down by guilt. “They. We. I. It’s all the same, Naney.”
I clasped the sphere tighter, the cold emanating from the material telling me just what this was — his betrayal. Zavis had figured out a solution to end this occupation in their favor, yet he chose to mislead the other wardens? What did that make him?
A traitor to his kind.
An ally to mine.
Zavis was a villain, yes, but I could no longer pretend he was my enemy. Neither could I keep up the lie that I wanted him dead because despite whatever aloofness I’d first seen in him, he had a good heart.