Jessie pressed a hand to her throat. “But after what I’ve done?”
“Listen to me, both of you,” Birdie stressed. “You’ve got to think clearly, and I’m the only older, experienced voice of reason you have right now. Jessie, you need to get over this and stay on. Chase, you must find a way to forgive her. Whatever it takes.”
He swallowed hard. Birdie is right. Jessie had made a mistake—a costly one, to be sure. But it was still a mistake. And he’d made plenty. Maybe this one could be fixed with her proposition.
Besides, he loved Jessie. He needed her, and so did the girls.
“There really is no other way,” he admitted. “We need you here.”
How much damage had been done? Could it be mended? Chase didn’t know the answers, but he couldn’t let Jessie walk out of his life. Not like this.
He loved her too much to let her go.
Chapter Twenty
Jessie pulled a lacy white curtain to the side and peered through the nursery window. A light still shone in the stables.
Chase was late again. Third night in a row.
The girls need him home more. So do I.
But how could she tell him when Jade’s unpleasant visit still hung over the household like a storm cloud? Nothing was the same.
And I’m to blame.
Her actions were the cause of his absence, the source of growing distance between them. Maybe the damage done ran a little too deep?
Her phone rang, and she glanced at the number. Brian, again. But that matter she could handle. There was no chance of reconciliation under any circumstances.
Breathe in, breathe out.
She answered, and once again told him her reasons, keeping it brief for both of their sakes.
Thankfully, he’d expressed no interest in visitation with Peanut. It didn’t free her from future conflict, but, for now, she could put that fear on the back burner.
Whew. One thing to mark off the list of concerns. Problems with the ex.
The second thing she could remove from her list was the possibility of buying Attorney Taylor’s property. Already sold. The perfect place for a combination home and law office—gone. The spark of hope she’d had quickly extinguished.
I’ll start a new search to find some place to go. Tomorrow. Things will look better in the morning. They just about had to.
The third, and most important, thing she could eliminate from her inventory of worries was Jade. Her sister had called and left two messages that afternoon. The first for Chase—thanking him for his time and letting him know the case was closed. The other for Jessie—asking for an appointment to discuss family trusts, wills, and a real estate transaction.
“It doesn’t matter if it costs thousands of dollars in free legal work, as long as the gift brings peace to this household,” she whispered in the silence. No price is too high.
Settling into the rocking chair, Jessie cradled Poppy until the child dozed off in her arms. She continued to move rhythmically, back and forth. Could she ever resurrect the tranquil feeling she’d found so many times in this nursery, with these children, with Chase? He was still upset with her. Hurt, if not angry, and rightfully so. She’d betrayed him, squandered his trust, and lost everything she’d dreamed of with a single, stupid remark.
Jessie bit her lower lip until it hurt. Poppy wiggled in her sleep, and she kissed the baby’s wispy blonde hair. Leaving these little girls would be one of the most difficult things she’d have to do in her life. And loving Chase? Walking away from all they almost had? She wasn’t sure how she would find the strength to do it.
She blinked back the threat of tears. If he couldn’t forgive her, couldn’t get past this…
“Oh, Peanut, what have I done?” Her baby wouldn’t have the wonderful dad Chase could be. The little soul wouldn’t have a father at all. Just a mom. She found herself doubting if she could ever truly be enough.
Standing up slowly, she eased Poppy into the crib. Daisy was sleeping soundly in the bed nearby. Then she heard boots on the staircase.
Chase.
She’d been waiting for what seemed like forever. Taking a quick breath, she stepped into the hallway.
He stopped, his expression softening at first sight of her. “Jess, I want to apologize.”
She didn’t know quite what to say. Her feet barely stayed on the floor. She wanted to rush into his arms for comfort, celebration, forgiveness. But it was too soon for that, and uncertainty nearly overwhelmed her. “Th-that was such good news from Jade.”
“Yes, it was.” He rubbed a hand to his temple. “Thank you for—”
“For resolving a mess I made?” She cast a withering glance. “I don’t think I deserve any credit for that.”
“But I am grateful. And I’m sorry for being so angry. I was harsh, rude, and unreasonable.” He tipped his head toward the staircase leading downstairs. “Just ask Birdie.”
“No, no, I had it coming, no matter what Birdie says.” She folded her hands together to keep from reaching out to him, moving right into his arms, wishing away the past few days.
“I understand why you said those things to Jade. I wasn’t doing a good job with the babies that morning. It’s the only reason you agreed to help out. And all you did was relay facts to your sister, not knowing what she’d do with them. I get that. I overreacted.”
“Still, I had no right—”
“It doesn’t matter now.” A tender smile curved his mouth. “I miss you. I want us to figure this out, to get beyond it. To talk. To work on it.”
Work on it? She nearly gasped. What she’d found with Chase had been extraordinary. Genuine. Spontaneous. Real. It had never needed work, until now, when she’d managed to screw up absolute perfection. But if working on it was all they had left, she’d take it.
Jessie nodded and cleared her throat, torn between wanting to run down the steps away from the heartache…or fall right into his arms. She forced herself to stand still, waiting, wondering. But he made no movement toward her.
Are the wounds too fresh? If only she could end this awkwardness between them and return to normalcy. But it didn’t look like that was happening any time soon. And other important matters needed tending to, namely, the twins.
“I…I was wondering… The babies will be turning a year old, and we need to get them in for their next immunizations. Do you have their medical information?”
“Charlotte left a bunch of stuff in that tall dresser in her bedroom. Check there.” He reached out, gently tilting her chin to bring her gaze up to meet his. “We’ll be okay, Jess.”
She gave an uneasy nod. How she wanted to believe him, and yet, how unsure she felt about the future she’d trusted in only days earlier. And not only for herself. Instinctively, she placed her hand on her stomach.
He followed her movement, covering her fingers with his hand. “Are you feeling okay?”
“I’m fine.” She swallowed back the words welling in her throat. I love you. I want our life back. The way it was.
He inclined his head toward his sister’s room. “After you’re finished in there, meet me in the library?”
She agreed and turned, pushing open the bedroom door, glad for a moment to collect her thoughts privately. Birdie had cleaned and straightened up the area. It looked eerily ready for Charlotte’s return. There was actually a subtle fear creeping into the household that she might come back and disrupt everything. Claiming those babies back would be her rightful position. She could take them away, embark on a life not good for the twins. Jessie rubbed a chill away at the dreadful thought. Those girls needed love and stability, the two things their mother sadly lacked.
“I don’t like rummaging around in your personal things, Charlotte,” she muttered under her breath.
She’d been in the room several times to find necessary items for the kids, but she didn’t feel good about it. It seemed like snooping. Still, she needed information about the pediatrician for the twins and a record of their shots. Careful
ly pulling open the first drawer, she found a pink and yellow baby book buried beneath tiny socks and sleepers.
“Aha. Just what I need.” As she flipped open the fancy album, several papers slid out, tumbling to the floor. She leaned down to gather up the items and her gaze landed on one of the birth certificates…and a familiar name.
Jonas McKinnon.
Father.
Jessie lost her grip on the documents. The album and its contents all hit the carpet in a pile. Grabbing for a nearby rocker, she sank into it.
Breathe in, breathe out. Breathe in, breathe out.
Jonas? And Charlotte?
She raised both hands to her mouth, smothering a gasp. Seriously? Her brother was the father of Charlotte’s babies?
“That means Poppy and Daisy are my nieces, too.” As much as they belonged to Chase, they belonged to her. The same blood ran through their veins.
A rap of knuckles against the bedroom door startled her, and Chase’s calm voice followed. “Did you find what you were looking for?”
“Why didn’t you tell me? How could you keep a secret like that?” She stared in sheer disbelief. How could he have done this? “Jonas? My brother is their father?”
Chase froze, color draining from his face, the straight line of his mouth grim, desolate.
“It’s all secrets. Lies. You knew all along. You said you didn’t, but you knew those babies are my nieces as much as they are yours. Is it any wonder I love them so much?” She pushed up from the rocking chair and stood on unsteady legs.
“I never lied to you, honey. I did not say I didn’t know who the father was. I just said that Charlotte wouldn’t tell anyone who he was. There’s a difference.”
“Not much!” she shot back, her face flush from anger. “You knew the truth.”
“I happened to see the birth certificates when she brought the babies here. That’s how I found out. Charlotte didn’t confide in me. She isn’t even aware I know about Jonas. I think she was afraid of what I’d do if she ever told me the truth.”
“You let me fall in love with those little girls and all along you knew I have a right to a relationship with them, every bit as much as you do.”
“Yes, but it’s not what you—”
“You keep secrets like that from me? And I’m supposed to trust you? To believe in us?”
“Yes,” he said emphatically. “Us. We can get beyond this.”
“I’m sure you can.” She raised both hands in an empty gesture. “You’re the guy in control. You decide what you’ll tell me and when I can know it.”
“Listen to me, Jessie. I am in love with you. Nothing will change. We both love those girls. And that baby you’re carrying? I’m already excited about being a dad to that little soul. Don’t let Jonas come between us. I lost you once because of him. Don’t let it happen again.”
“Yeah, yeah. I know,” she snapped. “Everything is always Jonas’ fault. And now he’s in jail. Did you know that, too, and not bother to tell me?”
Chase didn’t answer. He didn’t need to. She could see it in his eyes.
Jessie’s mind was spinning and her stomach churning. How could he be so deceitful? What other secrets is he keeping? She might be physically sick if she didn’t get out of there. She couldn’t stand still, not one more second. Bolting for the door, she slipped past him and raced down the staircase.
He didn’t follow.
“Birdie?” she called out. “Can you help with the girls?”
“Milo is here for coffee, but we can look after the babies. Where are you off to?”
“Anywhere. Away from here.” She pulled on her boots, grabbed her coat, and picked up her purse in mere seconds. Then she rushed out the front door.
Within moments, she sat in her cold car, blowing on her fingers to fight the chill as she waited for the inside of the vehicle to warm up.
“Jonas, you’ve struck again. You found yet another way to disrupt my life. How many happy endings are you going to take away from people?” She pounded the steering wheel in a mixture of sheer anger and hopelessness, and then looked around to see if anyone had witnessed her useless outburst.
Jessie shoved disheveled hair from her eyes. Jonas was impossible; Jade was jealous and small-minded; and Charlotte was just plain reckless.
“Oh, Chase, our siblings are ruining our lives.”
Then stark realization seeped in. Cold, hard facts. “We are letting our siblings ruin our lives. This isn’t our fault. We’re just picking up pieces of their broken lives and getting cut by the shards in the process.” Turning the heater fan on high, she sat silently surveying the snowy horizon as a deep sadness engulfed her with more unpleasant truths.
Chase couldn’t confide in me about Jonas being the father. What if I leave here, upset? Like today? And tell someone? He knows I’ve already said too much to Jade. How could he possibly trust me with this secret?
The answer was crystal clear. She pressed a hand to her aching heart.
“He couldn’t.”
Chapter Twenty-One
A key turned in the lock.
Finally. Chase rubbed a hand down his face and took a seat on a step halfway up the staircase. A gamut of emotions rushed through him. At least he could stop worrying she might never come back.
The front door opened slowly, and Jessie stepped inside. She looked up, meeting his gaze.
“I saw the headlights when you pulled in,” he said quietly. “You okay?”
Barlow left his place on the steps to move to her side as she slipped out of her coat and boots.
“Yes, I just went for a drive.”
He hesitated, measuring her for a moment. “Long drive.”
“Sorry.” She patted the dog’s head. “I wanted some time away. To think.”
Thinking was what he’d been doing, too. Lots of it. He had decisions to make, so did Jessie. And some of their options weren’t good ones. He gestured toward the empty space beside him on the wide step.
She sat down and folded her hands together. “We need to talk.”
He nodded reluctantly. The dark circles under her eyes tore at his insides. She looked distraught, tired, maybe even a little broken. Because of what he’d done. It was all he could do to keep from slipping an arm around her and pulling her close. But it was too soon. They weren’t there yet. “I’m sorry I couldn’t tell you about Jonas. I had to think about the girls, and I just didn’t see any other way.”
“It’s okay. Honestly.”
“No, it’s not,” he insisted. “I felt like I couldn’t tell you, but still, I know it hurts. I regret that. The girls are your nieces, too. Every bit as much as they are mine. I didn’t feel good about keeping that from you.”
“Your responsibility was to keep Charlotte’s secret, especially from me, Jonas’ sister. I can see that now.” Her words faltered. “I shouldn’t have blamed you for something you couldn’t fix.”
He swiped a hand across his forehead. “Jessie—”
“No, hear me out. I need you to understand.” She turned to him, her voice tinged with emotion. “This complicated mess originates with our siblings. Your sister, my brother. None of this was our fault. They are the ones who made poor choices. They did. Not you. Not me. Don’t you see? Our hearts can break for them, but we can’t make their decisions. We can’t change them. We’re stuck in the midst of it. I know I created the problem with Jade, but that’s taken care of. And we are not to blame for the rest of this turmoil.”
He stared at her for a long moment, allowing the depth of her words to sink in.
Not to blame? The guilt he’d lugged around all these years could somehow be set aside?
“You think Charlotte is going to be Charlotte, no matter how much I try to change her?”
“Could she change you?”
He rubbed the back of his neck. “No.” A smile tugged at the corners of his lips. Clouds were parting. A burden, lifting. “She couldn’t.”
Jessie raised both hands to her hear
t. “Sometimes there’s no right or wrong, black or white. There’s just this vast gray area we try to weave our way through. You tried to help your sister, to keep her out of trouble, to guide her, advise her. You did what you thought best. That’s all you could do. But she’s going to live the way she wants. So is Jonas. Now, there are these two adorable little girls to love. I know you didn’t plan on raising twin babies, but here they are. They need you. And we both love them. And I believe some of the best things that happen in life are the surprises along the way.”
“I’m glad I have the girls, but I’m so tired of this guilt. Charlotte wouldn’t grow up and settle down, no matter what I did, what anyone said,” he admitted, raking a hand through his hair. “Now, those babies don’t have their mom, even after I tried so hard to change her.”
“But you couldn’t change the path of her choosing. It wasn’t in your power to do so.” Her soft hand touched his cheek. “Charlotte is an adult. Even your parents couldn’t control her. And remember, she’s your sister, not your daughter. You didn’t raise her. It wasn’t all on you.”
Chase nodded. Her words made sense. He slid an arm around her easily, naturally, pulling her close. “Thank you.” He brushed her forehead with a kiss as the weight on his chest lifted.
“I know how much your sister means to you. And I love that about you.” Her mouth crinkled into a sad smile. “I’m sorry I was so angry. You were just protecting Charlotte and the babies.”
“It doesn’t matter.” But uncertainty nagged at him. “Jessie, honey, I need you to be sure.” She needed to understand what she was signing on for. “You have a choice to make. Walk away now and live a quiet, sane life with this baby, just the two of you. Or, stay with me, and we’ve got three kids out of the starting gate. Charlotte could come back. Your brother could learn the truth and show up at our door. Who knows what will happen?” He paused, hating the words that needed to be said as he weighed their futures in the balance. His. Hers. Together. Alone. “Leaving now, before things get messier, is your only chance at freedom.”
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