Speak With Confection: An Amish Cupcake Cozy Mystery

by Ruth Hartzler

  The owner turned around, and at the sight of Mr. Crumbles, tightened his grip on his dog’s leash. When Mr. Crumbles drew level with the dog, he hissed and swiped at the dog, which yelped and ran behind his owner’s legs.

  I bit back a smile.

  “That must be the trainer.” Matilda nodded to a tall, well-built man.

  “How do you know?” I asked her.

  Matilda held up her fingers. “One, he doesn’t have a dog. Two, he’s very good-looking. Three, I imagine Gemma Calhoun would want a young, good-looking man as her pool boy.”

  I had to agree. “You do have a point.”

  I had wondered how Eleanor was going to broach the subject with the trainer, but she marched straight up to him. “Aaron Alexander?”

  He swung around and regarded the scene before him with obvious horror. “Yes?” he said, staring fixedly at Mr. Crumbles.

  “I’ve come to enroll in your class.”

  The man’s jaw dropped open. “Excuse me?”

  “I’ve come to enroll in your class,” Eleanor repeated.

  “But, but, this is for Pet Protection dogs,” he stammered.

  “Your Facebook page says it’s for Pet Protection animals. You can’t legally oppose having a cat here. That’s speciesist.”

  Aaron’s jaw continued to work furiously. Finally, he said, “If you’ve got the money, I won’t refuse you, but I can’t promise you any results.”

  Eleanor handed him some bills. He flipped through them and then smiled. “Sure, you can join in, but I don’t like to take your money.”

  Eleanor simply shrugged and gave Mr. Crumbles a treat.

  “Come over here, everybody,” he said. “Give the cat a wide berth.”

  Mr. Crumbles turned around and hissed at the owners, and their dogs all took a step backward.

  Aaron then made a speech, which to me which was long and rather boring, about the different types of philosophies and training methods of pet protection. “And so the whole point of this is that your pet protection animal is not a guard dog but rather a pet that will protect you should you need it. I hope I have made the distinction clear.”

  A murmur of agreement went up amongst the people.

  “Most people think their dogs—err, and cats—will protect them should they be attacked, but that is rarely the case. It requires specialist training, and it all hinges upon the solid foundation of normal obedience training,” he continued. “I want to see you all on board with this. Sure, I know it’s the beginners’ class, but your dogs need basic obedience training before we can start. Make a circle around me now.” He gestured expansively in a circle around himself.

  The owners led their dogs in a circle.

  “So far so good,” I whispered to Matilda.

  “Sit!” Aaron yelled.

  “Cats don’t sit,” Eleanor protested.

  Aaron walked over to her. “Of course, cats sit,” he said. “I don’t know what you mean.”

  “They don’t sit on command because they’re cats,” Eleanor said in a painstaking tone. “They only sit when they want to sit.”

  Aaron was clearly entirely exasperated. He drew the back of his hand across his forehead. “And that is why cats aren’t suitable for Pet Protection training.”

  “But Mr. Crumbles leads well. It’s only that he doesn’t want to sit on command. Besides, he’s already saved our flatmate there, Jane, from three murderers.”

  Aaron’s jaw dropped open once more. “Excuse me?”

  “Is there something wrong with your hearing, young man?” Eleanor said loudly. “Mr. Crumbles has saved our flatmate there, Jane, from three murderers.” She yelled, so I assumed everybody in the park heard her.

  Aaron looked at me. “Is that right?”

  I hesitated. “Well yes, but I don’t know if it was deliberate as such. It’s just that …”

  Eleanor interrupted me. “How can you say that, Jane? Mr. Crumbles is very clever. I’m certain it was not a coincidence that he saved you, but I admit I’m not so certain about him flying off the stripper’s pole.”

  “The strippers pole?” I’m sure Aaron wanted further clarification, but he turned back to the others. “Walk on!” he called out.

  He spent a few more minutes putting the dogs and Mr. Crumbles through their paces. He seemed amazed that Mr. Crumbles could stay on command and would also go to Eleanor on command.

  “Can we sit on a park bench?” Matilda said. “Standing here is making my legs ache.”

  I looked about and spotted a park bench under a tree. “How about over there?”

  Soon we were both sitting on the bench, watching Mr. Crumbles. “I don’t know what’s going to happen when they reach the training where he has to run and attack somebody and bite their arm,” I said with a chuckle.

  Matilda laughed too. “Oh, I’m sure Eleanor won’t bring him back after today. This is just a way to question the suspect without him being suspicious.”

  I thought a cat turning up at Pet Protection training session was exceptionally suspicious in itself, but I wasn’t about to point that out. Thankfully, the training finally came to an end, and Matilda and I hurried over to Eleanor. She was deep in conversation with Aaron.

  “I must say, I’m impressed by your cat,” he said. “Did you do all the training yourself?”

  Eleanor nodded. “Sometimes my sister, Matilda, helped me.”

  He looked at me. “And did he really save you from three murderers?”

  I thought I had better explain. “The first time, a murderer was trying to strangle me, when Mr. Crumbles knocked something onto his head from a high shelf. The second time, well, you see, Matilda and Eleanor put a stripper’s pole in the middle of our apartment.”

  Matilda interrupted me. “It was just for exercise.”

  Eleanor nodded vigorously. “Matilda and I actually don’t work as strippers, not professionally.”

  Aaron turned pale. I pushed on. “Eleanor had trained Mr. Crumbles to slide down the pole, and he flew off it and hit the murderer in the stomach. The third time, Mr. Crumbles ran around the murderer’s legs and trapped him with his leash, because I shook the bag of cat treats.”

  His eyebrows shot skyward, and he appeared to be having trouble speaking. Finally, he said, “That’s amazing. Most people haven’t around one murder in their lifetime, but you have been around three!”

  Matilda seized the opportunity. “Four actually. We showed our goat at a goat show the other day, and somebody was murdered while we were there.”

  Aaron gasped. Before he could speak, Matilda pressed on. “We’re not show goat breeders or goat show exhibitors or anything like that, but we did rescue some wild goats, and we thought it would be fun to put one in the Any Other Variety class. When we arrived, a woman barred our way and yelled at us that we had no right showing a goat like that. She turned out to be the woman who was murdered.”

  “That’s right,” Eleanor said. She scooped and picked up Mr. Crumbles, who purred loudly. “And last night the police took us in for questioning, didn’t they, Matilda?”

  Matilda took a tissue out of her purse and wiped a pretend tear away. “Yes, it was terrifying. I mean, why would we murder her? We only ever saw her for a little more than a minute, and we had never met her before. That’s hardly a motive to murder someone.”

  “And the police have impounded my car looking for evidence,” I added. “I drove Matilda and Eleanor to the goat show, but I was sitting in the car when the woman appeared and yelled at them. The whole thing is entirely bizarre.”

  “She was my boss!” Aaron exclaimed.

  Matilda and Eleanor gasped. They were quite good actresses. “What an amazing coincidence,” Matilda said.

  Eleanor nodded. “It’s a small world, isn’t it? Just like Kevin Bacon.”

  “Kevin Bacon?” Matilda snapped. “What’s Kevin Bacon got to do with anything?”

  “You know, seven degrees of separation. It’s all about Kevin Bacon, how somebody knows som
ebody who knows somebody else who knows somebody famous. Kevin Bacon was in a movie about it.”

  Matilda waved her arms in the air. “Don’t be silly, Eleanor! Kevin Bacon wasn’t in a movie about it. It was a game. And it was six degrees, not seven.”

  Thankfully, Aaron spoke before the bickering could escalate. “The police questioned me too.”

  “Then maybe we shouldn’t feel sad about being questioned, Eleanor,” Matilda said. “Maybe they’re questioning everybody who’d ever met Mrs. Calhoun.” To Aaron, she said, “You said you worked for her? Were you training her dogs?”

  Aaron chuckled. “She didn’t have any dogs. I used to milk her goats, and I cleaned her pool on a regular basis.”

  I had intended to leave the questioning to Matilda and Eleanor, but something he said bothered me. “You used to milk her goats. You’re not milking her goats anymore?”

  He shook his head. “I’m afraid not. Her son gave me notice last night.”

  “For what reason?” Matilda asked.

  Aaron shrugged. “I have no idea. I had just gotten back from the police questioning me. Horatio banged on my door and said I had to be out of there in forty-eight hours. He told me to milk the goats on time the following morning and then never again. He did say he would pay me what he owed me, but I had to be gone.”

  “That’s terrible!” Matilda said. “Who’s going to milk the goats now? Maybe Horatio will.”

  Aaron seemed to find Matilda’s remark awfully funny. “Horatio doesn’t know the first thing about goats. Gemma didn’t even know how to milk a goat. She just liked the glory of taking goats to shows, but she didn’t really know much about them. She always had advice on what to do.”

  “But didn’t she breed that champion show goat?” I asked him.

  He nodded. “Sure, but only because she paid a small fortune for the goat’s mother, and got expert advice on the buck she should breed her with. She wasn’t an animal person, and Horatio is even less so. I don’t think he’s ever gotten his hands dirty.” He broke off for a moment and looked downcast. “Maybe he thinks I did murder his mother and doesn’t want a suspect on the property. I don’t know where I’m going to find any accommodation at such short notice.”

  “Do you have a dog?” Matilda asked him. “Or any pets?”

  “No, I wasn’t allowed to have a dog because I was living on Gemma’s property,” he said.

  “I know of a vacant apartment that might suit you,” Matilda said.

  Chapter 9

  Eleanor let out a shriek. “Jane, it’s your car!”

  I stumbled out of the shower and hastily threw on my clothes and some make-up. I was running late. I grabbed my purse and ran down the stairs.

  I expected a uniformed officer would be returning my car, so I was surprised to see Damon sitting in Matilda’s old Adirondack chair on the porch.

  I hurried over to him while Matilda and Eleanor beat a hasty retreat back inside the house.

  “Thanks so much for bringing my car back,” I said.

  Damon smiled at me. “I’m sorry that Carter took it in the first place.”

  At least, that was I guessed he said. His Scottish accent was even thicker today.

  Damon pushed on. “I’m glad you’re here. I was just about to catch a taxi.”

  “I wouldn’t hear of it! I’ll drive you. I have to go to work now anyway, and Matilda and Eleanor are showing someone Rebecca’s apartment.”

  Damon chuckled. “Does Rebecca know?”

  “No, she doesn’t.” I was not too happy about Matilda and Eleanor suggesting that Aaron see Rebecca’s apartment. After all, he was a suspect in a murder case and we didn’t know anything about him. Still, I figured Rebecca would ask for references. I would have time to warn her before he arrived. I looked up to see Damon regarding me strangely.

  “Is anything wrong?”

  I gestured to my car and raised my eyebrows. “Um, well, the police took my car. Matilda and Eleanor were questioned.”

  Damon laid his hand on my shoulder briefly before snatching it away and looking awkward. “Don’t let it trouble you. I’m sure Carter will soon turn his attention to somebody else.”

  “I hope you’re right,” I said.

  “So, what have you been doing lately?”

  I knew he was fishing as to whether we had been investigating the murder. “Eleanor took Mr. Crumbles to obedience class.” It wasn’t exactly a lie, but I didn’t want to mention pet protection in case he put two and two together and realized we were, in fact, looking into the murder.

  Still, he shot me a penetrating look. “Jane, are you investigating?”

  I had cleared my throat. “Investigating? Why, do you think I need to investigate? Do you really think Detective Stirling suspects us?”

  Damon’s eyes narrowed, but before he could say anything, Matilda and Eleanor hurried out of the door. “Come on, Jane, we’re going to be late,” Matilda said.

  I suspected she had overheard what Damon said and had come to my rescue.

  When we went to the car, Damon tried to insist that either Eleanor or Matilda sit in the front, to no avail. Soon, I was driving with Damon sitting next to me. It was quite pleasant. I could get used to this, although no one spoke and the heavy silence was most uncomfortable.

  I left Damon at the police station after thanking him again for bringing back my car.

  He winked at me. “I’ll be in touch soon.” With that, he was on his way, and I continued down to Rebecca’s Amish cupcake shop.

  I parked the car around the back. Rebecca’s buggy wasn’t there, so I had plenty of time after all. I unlocked the door, and we all walked inside.

  I set about getting everything ready for opening, with Matilda and Eleanor helping me. “Aaron will be here soon,” Matilda said after she and Eleanor had spent a good five minutes arguing whether Shoo-fly pie cupcakes or Amish sour cream spice cupcakes should take pride of place in the display cabinet.

  “Rebecca might not be too happy about that,” I said.

  Rebecca stepped through the door. “I won’t be too happy about what?”

  I opened my mouth to speak, but Matilda beat me to it. “We met a nice young man.”

  Eleanor waved her aside. “He doesn’t have any pets, but he’s very kind to animals. He does train pets for a living, although he is also a pool boy and goat milker. Or rather he was, and that’s why he needs the apartment.”

  Rebecca clutched her head with both hands. I knew that feeling well. “I don’t understand.”

  Matilda shot Eleanor a quelling look. “Of course, you don’t understand! Allow me to explain it properly. A nice young man by the name of Aaron Alexander is looking for an apartment to rent. He has just been given notice from his current accommodation. It was quite unexpected.”

  “Why, was it something he did?” Rebecca narrowed her eyes.

  “No, it wasn’t his fault. His employee died,” Matilda said.

  “Actually, she was murdered, and that’s why the detective came to take us from dinner last night,” Eleanor supplied. “But we don’t think he did it.”

  Matilda folded her arms over her chest. “Of course we don’t think he did it! Otherwise, we wouldn’t have told him about your apartment.”

  “That’s not to say we don’t suspect him,” Eleanor added. “It pays to be suspicious of everybody. Not especially everybody—we know Jane didn’t murder the vic, and we know Matilda didn’t do it, but even if he is the murderer, I’m sure he won’t murder you, Rebecca.”

  Rebecca looked too shocked to speak, so I thought I had better say something. “Look, this is a bad idea,” I said. “When he arrives, we’ll just tell him this has been a mistake.”

  “I am looking for somebody to rent the apartment,” Rebecca said.

  “But what if he’s the murderer?” I said, shocked that she didn’t seem to be taking this seriously.

  “Then I’m sure Gott would know that.”

  I took a deep breath and let it ou
t slowly. An Amish principal was Gelassenheit, a rarely spoken word but one to which the Amish adhered. It was hard to explain, but part of the concept embraced the fact that the Amish surrendered to God’s will. They believed all things worked together for good.

  “It wasn’t his fault he was evicted from his current accommodation,” Matilda said. “The victim’s son, Horatio, inherits everything, and he doesn’t like goats. The victim had dairy goats. Aaron lived in a cabin on the property and used to milk the goats, but now Horatio doesn’t need Aaron any more.”

  “I’ll meet him soon enough,” said Rebecca. “Are you certain he doesn’t have any pets?”

  Matilda shook her head. “He wasn’t allowed to have pets where he lived before. He is very good with goats, though.”

  “I will not allow him to keep a goat in my apartment!” Rebecca’s tone was firm.

  “I’m sure he doesn’t want to,” Matilda said, exchanging glances with Eleanor.

  Aaron was five minutes late. He hurried through the door, apologizing. “I’m so sorry I’m late,” he said. “Horatio told me I had to leave right away. He said I could send for the furniture and other stuff later. He wanted me out of the way before the goats left.”

  “So exactly what is happening to the goats?” I asked him.

  He shrugged. “I assume he sold them.”

  “And they’re leaving today?” Matilda asked. “He found a buyer awfully fast, didn’t he?”

  Aaron shook his head. “They are top show goats, and I assume there’s a waiting list of people who want them.”

  Rebecca came out of the back room. Aaron looked surprised to see her. I realized we hadn’t told him she was Amish. He nodded to her. “Pleased to meet you, Mrs. Yoder,” he said. “The ladies did tell me the apartment was above an Amish cupcake store, but I didn’t realize the owner was actually Amish.”