I glanced back to see Simon looking the horse over, inspecting its legs and hooves. This was my chance. I took a deep breath, then set off at a full run. However, I wasn’t a stone’s throw away before Simon grabbed my waist and yanked me down with him onto the sandy hillside.
I fought against his grip, and even got in a decent cut on his arm before he wrenched the rock out of my hand. Then he knelt over me and pulled the binding cord from where it had been hung across his shoulders. He snapped one end against his wrist, which instantly curled and sealed in a full circle.
“Don’t you dare!” I cried.
But he lifted my arm and snapped the other end against my wrist, where it did the very same thing. Only then did he release me and get back to his feet.
I pulled at the cord, and when it failed to release, I tried to roll my wrist through the opening, but it wouldn’t budge. He gave the cord a tug of his own, though I noticed on his end, it widened when he pulled at it. The cord had recognized Simon as its master.
“Release me,” I said as firmly as possible. “You have no right—”
“No, but I have every responsibility.” The sharpness of his tone softened, though the urgency remained. “I’m your protector, Kestra, and in my judgment, the best protection is to get you away from the Coracks, away from the Halderians, and safe from Lord Endrick.”
“I can protect myself.”
“With a rock?” Simon withdrew his knife from its sheath and offered it to me. “Use this instead … if you can.”
Sensing a trick, I was slow to reach for it, and as I did, my eyes caught on the faint scar on my palm, a square cross. I clenched my hand into a fist and pulled my arm back.
With his eyes on my fist, Simon replaced the knife. He walked forward, taking my hand in his and opening it. Brushing his thumb over the scar, he said, “I can tell you about this.”
I already knew. “As a girl, I once tried practicing with my father’s dagger, but I misused it and cut my hand.”
Simon shook his head. “That never happened, Kes. It’s a false memory.”
“It did happen! It frightened me so much, I’ve never picked up a weapon since.”
“Kes—”
“I remember it, Simon! Enough with your lies!”
He stared at me, looking genuinely disappointed. It was probably nothing to the expression he’d wear after I escaped. Because more than ever before, that had to be my goal. First opportunity I had, I was leaving.
We rode for hours, with only the occasional tug of her arm against mine and my repeated pleas for her to talk to me, to help me understand what she did and didn’t remember, but she ignored every request as if I weren’t even there. It was a cold day, with slowly gathering storm clouds, a perfect parallel for Kestra’s mood. Rain was coming, and if that was another sign for Kestra and me, then I dreaded knowing what it was. I hoped at least that we’d get to a decent shelter before the storm came.
Our route that late afternoon was largely determined by occasional gashes in the earth known as the slots, steep-walled crevices that created a maze through the land. If we were being followed, our pursuers would have to stay on our same route, unless they traveled through the base of the slots.
And I knew in my heart that they were somewhere behind us. If we were caught this time, Tenger would probably kill me outright. This violation of my oath would be considered inexcusable. There was no going back for either of us.
After yet another failed request to get Kestra to talk to me, I decided on a new tactic: a story of my own.
“I once protected a girl very much like you. Equally stubborn, but I eventually learned that the more she cared about something, the more stubborn she became. I think you might be similar.”
“I’m not,” she insisted, unwittingly proving how stubborn she was.
“Obviously.” I chuckled at that and briefly felt her sharp glare, but when our eyes met, she blinked a few times, then looked forward again.
“She was curious and had a fierce intensity about her. She felt everything with such passion that it was impossible to be around her and not get caught up in it too.” Slowly, I exhaled, like breathing was an afterthought. “It was impossible to be around her and not feel passionate about her.”
I stopped there, realizing that I wasn’t only saying those words for her, I was feeling them more intensely than I wished. Kestra was right in front of me, so close that she was in every direction I looked, part of every breath I drew in. But if I couldn’t find a way to undo Endrick’s magic, I would lose her for good.
After a moment, Kestra asked, “What happened to this girl?”
A brief pause. I wanted to be careful here. “She fell into Lord Endrick’s clutches. He took her from me.”
She turned enough that I saw a hint of moisture in her eyes, but her voice was steady when she said, “If she was part of the rebellion, then he had to stop her, to protect the Dominion.”
Likely without realizing it, she had relaxed in the saddle to lean against me, turning my struggles in having her so close to sheer torture. I said, “It was his second attack on her. The first time, he sent so much pain through her body that she barely survived it, leaving behind a tracking ball at the base of her neck. We got it out, but it left a scar that would still be fresh.”
“You mean, it’d be fresh if Lord Endrick hadn’t killed her in the second attack.”
My eyes settled on her. “I never said he killed her. Only that he took her.”
Kestra sat up straight again. “Simon, stop—”
“Took her memories and made her believe in a history that isn’t true.”
“I’m not—”
“She has servants to bathe her and do her hair. It’s possible that in the week since she’s been awake, she’s never felt the back of her own neck.”
“I don’t have a scar there.”
I took her hand. She tried to pull it free, but I kept hold of it and lifted it to her neck, leaving my hand in place until she stopped fighting and felt the scar. Her breaths came in short, harsh bursts, a single tear falling to her cheek.
“What caused that?”
“You were shaking for almost an hour afterward, and he could have done worse. Trina dug the tracker out of your neck, but it left a deep scar that we sealed with wax.”
She turned around enough to face me directly, and this time her eyes betrayed a flicker of recognition. If I had reached some part of the real her, then I had to make this moment matter.
“Lord Endrick is an enemy to you, Kes.”
I knew immediately that I’d gone too far and wished for a way to take back my words. She blinked hard, and then she was gone again, or trying to make me think so. “He is your enemy. He is my king and I have to serve him.” She returned for one long look. “No, I want to serve him.”
“With or without your memories, tell me how you can kneel to such an evil man?”
“Please stop.” The intensity of her tone forced my obedience, yet I saw the questions in her eyes, her frustration with not even knowing what to ask to get the answers she needed. And I saw fear.
A fear deep enough to pierce my heart. I didn’t think she was afraid of me, though that was possible. Rather, I thought of how confused her world must be right now. If she did remember anything, who would she trust with that secret? Not me, for reasons I completely understood. Maybe we needed a rest.
After another few minutes, we came to a ridge that was tall enough to hide our horse, should anyone happen by on the trail behind us. Safely behind it, we dismounted, then while I began digging through the various bags attached to the saddle, she sat down, fingering the necklace from Lord Endrick. I wondered again what it really was.
“Are you hungry?” I asked, hoping to distract her. “Did you pack any food in here?”
“Trina packed the bags, and no, I’m not hungry.”
“Good, because we’ll need to stretch our supplies.” I pulled out a pad of pressed papers, which was flipped open to
the top page. Something in its angle against the sunlight caught my eye.
“Why does Trina dislike me?”
“The question isn’t why, it’s how much.” I held the blank page up to the sun, getting the angle just right. I angled it again, then pinched the bridge of my nose, sighing loudly as I did. “Are you sure that Trina packed these bags?”
“That’s what she told me.”
“Then this must be her notepad. I can read the impression of the last note she wrote.”
Kestra leaned forward. “What does it say?”
I wished I didn’t have to answer the way I did. “It was addressed to Commander Mindall, of the Halderians. Instructions for how to find you.”
For a moment, she couldn’t speak. And when she did, she mumbled, “Why?”
I waited until Kestra looked at me again, then said, “That must have been her plan this morning. While the Halderians distracted us, Trina intended to ride you out of Lonetree Camp and turn you over to them herself.” I shook my head in disbelief. “I never thought she’d be capable of that.”
The clopping sound of approaching horses caught my attention and then hers. I took the horse’s reins with one hand, then withdrew my knife before grabbing Kestra with the other, pulling us against the ridge.
“I thought you wouldn’t hurt me.”
“If we’re discovered, I’ll hurt them, and I really don’t want to.” It wasn’t likely to be travelers or traders this deep into the Drybelt. Chances were much higher that it was Coracks tracking us, and possibly friends of mine. Silently, I prayed it wasn’t that.
We waited in that position for less than a minute before the horses started past us on the road. I immediately recognized Wynnow’s voice in conversation.
“… this wasn’t the only way they could have come,” she was saying. “Let’s split up. It does little good for the three of us to be in a single place.”
“I know where Simon will go, and this is their route.” Trina was the second person. “He’d better hope we don’t find him. Tenger is furious.”
“Simon knows the risks,” Gabe said, the third member of their party. “But all he cares about is her.”
Kestra met my eyes and I held her gaze. But she immediately lowered her eyes when Trina said, “I knew his loyalties were already shifting on the first night of our mission. I should’ve forced him out then. This is my fault.”
Their conversation continued, but by then they were out of range. Kestra was clearly upset about something they had said, but I didn’t know why.
In a commanding voice, she asked, “Do you know what that conversation was about?”
“Yes.”
“When Trina said your loyalties shifted, what does that mean?”
“You know what it means.”
She shook her head. “You think there’s some connection between us, and that this connection gives you the right to keep me here. But there’s nothing between us, Simon. Accident or not, I’d never forget—”
“That was no accident, Kestra.” My temper felt brittle and I was out of patience. “You either jumped from that window or were pushed from it because you are now enemy number one to the Dominion. And you haven’t just forgotten certain details from your life. They were taken from you by Lord Endrick and that evil man you call Father! He isn’t—”
She cut me off with a slap to my face. “Never speak about my father that way! He loves me, he’d never let such a thing—”
“He doesn’t love you. If he’s pretended to care for you, then it’s only because those are his orders from Lord Endrick.”
She shook her head again, so furious that she spat out each word. “Lord Endrick saved my life! And I won’t hear this treasonous talk from you any longer! I demand you release me at once!”
“I can’t do that.”
“If you’re my protector, then you’re my servant. You must obey me.”
“Right now, I’m protecting you from yourself.”
She faced forward again, but not before tossing back a glare that made me nervous. She wasn’t simply angry anymore. She was calculating.
Kestra was beginning to plan. If any of the old Kestra was still active inside her, I knew I should be worried.
I spent most of the remaining afternoon trying to sort out all that Simon had said to me. There had been a cruelty to his words, but was that because he was cruel enough to lie to me? Or because the truth itself was cruel?
He had remained quiet too, and I wondered what he was thinking. Creating more lies, no doubt. He must be lying, because Endrick had no reason to deceive me. Nothing else made sense.
Simon finally pointed ahead. “A trail leads to the bottom of that slot. If we take it, we could reach Rutherhouse late tonight.”
“Rutherhouse?”
“It’s a little inn run by a woman I know and trust.”
I pointed at the skies, with clouds notably darker than they’d been earlier. “What if it rains?”
He looked up, obviously disappointed. “You’re right. We’ll camp here tonight.”
I dreaded the idea of sleeping outside in this treacherous area during what would likely be a major storm. Even more, I dreaded traveling through it.
Just off the trail was a mound barely large enough to qualify as a hill. Facing the slots was a narrow cave with a small rock overhang. I pointed it out to Simon, but he only shook his head, saying, “It’s too visible.”
“The cave will shelter us if it rains, and the hill will keep out any night winds.” I glanced up at the darkening skies. “No one will be out looking for us once the storm begins.”
Simon clicked his tongue as if he disagreed, but turned us off the trail anyway. While I cleared out loose debris inside the cave, Simon began unpacking the blankets from the saddle, tossing in one for each of us.
“I packed a fire starter,” I pointed out.
“We won’t have a fire.” He pulled out a water skin and took a sip, then returned it to the satchels. “I haven’t brought you all this way just to send a signal of our whereabouts up into the sky. Are you cold?”
“If I am, protector of mine, can you protect me from it?”
Simon smirked back at me. “I can, though I doubt you want me that close.”
I didn’t. While Simon saw to the horse, I sat on a blanket, curling my legs beneath me and reminding myself to breathe. It was going to be a long night.
Near my foot was a flowering plant that I recognized from the caves where I had slept with the Coracks on the night they took me from Woodcourt. Gabe had called it terrador and warned that it was poisonous.
Immediately a plan began to form in my mind. Three leaves consumed directly were lethal, but if I diluted only two of them in Simon’s water skin, he’d get sick enough that I could easily make an escape.
I didn’t know where I’d go afterward or how I’d get there. But at last, I had a plan, and any guilt for what I was about to do was muted when I remembered that it was his fault I was here in the first place.
I picked the leaves and stuffed them into my boot just as Simon sat down across from me. His eyes fixed on mine, solemn and intense, and I felt a tightening in my belly, heat rushing through me. I could no longer deny that I was drawn to him in ways I couldn’t explain and certainly couldn’t understand, but the pull was as real to me as the binding cord on my wrist. It frightened me, and yet I was still staring back at him.
After a moment, he said, “I owe you an apology for what I said earlier. You didn’t deserve that.”
I said nothing and became the first to look away.
He added, “If it feels like a lot of different groups have been fighting over you, then there’s a reason for it.”
“What does it matter?” I let out a sarcastic, humorless laugh. “Whatever their reasons, they are mistaken. There is nothing special about me, nothing noteworthy. There is nothing to me at all, and I don’t know how to make you see that.”
When I looked up, his gaze back at me had sof
tened. “Do you really believe that of yourself?”
I wasn’t about to surrender to the tender expression in his eyes or the gentleness in his voice. Arching my neck, I said, “Whatever I believe, you or someone else will be there to tell me I’m wrong.”
“You are wrong, Kes. If you describe yourself in such small terms, then you are wrong.”
I needed to escape this conversation. Escape him. Something about his presence kept my pulse uneven, and I couldn’t allow it to continue. But as soon as I began walking, he stood and pulled on the binding cord, stopping me.
“I’m trying to help you, but I need your help.” Simon closed the distance between us. “Can you trust me, maybe a little? I am your friend, Kes.”
I laughed again, keeping my defenses up. “A Corack and a Dallisor, friends? If you wanted to lie, you could have done better than that.”
“We were friends. Even something more.”
“I love Basil.” Why had I said that? I didn’t love Basil, and he’d never made my heart race the way it now was.
Simon didn’t even blink at my words. “You don’t love him. You were only following orders to marry him.”
He stepped closer to me, and I countered with a step back. “If we were friends, I would remember it. I’d remember how I feel … when you’re close.”
He took another step toward me, and this time I refused to step back, refused to acknowledge that strange emotions were flaring up within me, filling my chest until it seemed I couldn’t breathe. I fought them, tried to push them down or to ignore them, but the harder I tried, the stronger they became.
As he drew even closer, he asked softly, “How do I make you feel?”
“Nauseous.”
That wasn’t true. There was a fierceness in his eyes that kept me as captive in his gaze as I was with this binding cord. When his fingers brushed against mine, a shiver raced up my spine, though I couldn’t explain why. I only knew that when his glance shifted down to my lips, my heart stopped altogether.
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