A memory. A possibility that no longer existed.
Harlyn squeezed my fingers, drawing my attention back to her again. “Give me a chance, Simon.”
I stared back at her, feeling pulled to her in ways I couldn’t understand. My emotions had been blown apart over the past few days. Maybe all that I was feeling was gratitude at having someone nearby to help me pick up the pieces. Or was there something between us? Was this heat she was generating in me real? It would be so easy to lean forward, to open that door with Harlyn and accept the future that I was being funneled into anyway. One kiss, that’s all it would take.
One kiss.
With her free hand, Harlyn reached up and touched my cheek. I jerked away, shaking reality back into my mind.
“I’m sorry,” she said. “I just noticed a bruise forming there. I wondered if it hurts.”
“We should get back on the road.” I faced forward again, trying to slow my breathing. Failing miserably at it.
“Some bruises are visible,” Harlyn said, picking up the reins. “But the deepest wounds are rarely seen. Some are in you, Simon. No one should have to hurt alone.”
I said nothing, but once our wagon started up again, she placed a hand over mine as it rested on the bench. And this time, I let it stay.
Nearly an hour later, we reached the outer borders of the Nesting Woods. The undergrowth was impossibly thick to bring a wagon through. We tied off the horses in a safe place, then left to explore the woods on foot.
It quickly became obvious that the undergrowth was denser than what it had first seemed, with vines that grew unseen beneath thick brush and fallen autumn leaves. Every footstep had to be deliberate and slow, and even then Harlyn tripped at one point. I reached out and grabbed her, pulling her back to her feet, but when I did, she came closer than I’d expected. Much closer.
She blushed, but didn’t immediately step back. “This isn’t a hint … unless you want it to be.”
Something in her tone made me smile, which relieved some of the tension between us. We hadn’t gone much farther before we heard the sounds of an approaching army from the same direction we had just come. I pulled out my sword and Harlyn did the same, then we crept back to the edge of the forest, keeping ourselves masked by the undergrowth. Whoever it was, they were on horseback, and the rumbling sounds suggested we were about to receive dozens of riders, or more.
Harlyn was the first to recognize them. She let out a cry and ran from the woods, waving them down. That was when I first saw the brown flag with the blue Halderian stripe.
I wasn’t sure whether to be relieved or upset, but either way, I sheathed my sword, and walked from the woods in time to see Commander Mindall dismounting. He put an arm around Harlyn and gave her an affectionate squeeze, then they both approached me.
“You changed my orders.” Mindall’s stern expression matched his tone.
“I did.” If this was where our argument began, I was more than ready for it.
Except that Mindall reached out to shake my hand. “I know what happened in Nessel. I believe we’d have lost a lot of people had we stayed there.”
“We have a chance here.” Harlyn gestured to the woods behind us. “Basil told us there are rope ladders into the trees and access up there to a canopy from which we can fight.”
“Fight from the tree canopy?” Mindall shook his head. “We’d do better to meet them here in open battle. That’s a more honorable way to fight.”
“And an honorable way to die,” I said. “I’ve fought the Dominion in the open, and we always lose.”
“You think we’ll win up there, poking at the enemy from above like we’re spearing a fish? You’re still a boy, and I admire your courage and ambition, but you obviously don’t know what a terrible plan that would be.”
“If that were my plan, I’d agree with you.” I pointed to Harlyn’s wagon. “Inside there, we have enough raw ingredients to give us a chance in this battle. But we have to hurry.”
Mindall arched a brow and looked over at his daughter, who said, “Simon’s right. Give his plan a chance.”
Mindall pushed past us and peeked inside the wagon, then without speaking, he walked into the forest. He returned several minutes later and pushed past me once again to announce to his men, “Anyone who has experience working with saltpeter stays here with my daughter, who will show you what to do. Simon will take the rest of you into the forest and give you instructions there. Everyone, move!”
I nodded and started back into the forest, but Mindall grabbed my arm. “You’d better know what you’re doing,” he warned.
I stared back at him. “I never said this will guarantee our victory, and we will lose men. But I firmly believe that we have a better chance in the canopy.”
“‘We will lose men’?” Mindall held out his arms as he turned around. “Tell me, where are your people, the Coracks? Since your captain begged us to come here, even forced us here, I would expect him to be here too.”
“He’ll come,” I said firmly, hoping I was right. But it bothered me that we had not seen any other Coracks by now. Even if Tenger was trying to retrieve Kestra’s blade, surely he had ordered everyone who could be spared down to this battle. Something must have gone wrong.
I kept that thought to myself, but as the day passed, it was a growing concern on my mind, constantly interrupting my thoughts while we stationed weapons and explosives in key positions among the trees.
At a halberd’s reach overhead, an entire system of wooden pathways had been built into the canopy of the trees. Basil had called them tracks. The width varied to accommodate one to three people. There were no railings for support, but the construction seemed sturdy and allowed easy passage over great distances. Several of the trees had rope ladders to provide access to the tracks, though I couldn’t detect any system for which tree had a ladder and which did not.
We worked hard but were less than halfway through our search that late afternoon when the Halderians standing guard at the border of the forest called out that more soldiers were coming. Hoping to see Coracks, I hurried out, only to be greeted by Basil and Trina, and a sizable number of Reddengrad soldiers behind them, though not as many as I’d have wanted.
Trina was clearly disheartened and Basil looked exhausted. When I studied his army more carefully, I saw their bloodstained uniforms, dirty and bruised faces, and expressions of defeat.
“It was a slaughter,” Basil said quietly. “And they aren’t far behind. I hope you’ve got a bigger army in hiding than what I can see now.”
My attention shifted to Trina, who must have been wondering the same thing I did. But it was Mindall who asked the same question as before: “When can we expect to fight with the Coracks?”
“We’ll fight with what we have,” I replied, then to Basil, I added, “Let’s get everyone onto the tracks. I doubt we have much time.”
We had less time than I had expected. For even as I spoke, I heard the first screech of a giant condor.
The battle was about to begin. We weren’t likely to win, but I hoped what we were facing was a mere defeat, not the near decimation Basil and Trina had just endured.
Either way, I raced up the nearest ladder, grabbed one of the many halberds that Reddengrad had stationed in the trees, and readied myself to find out.
I began my morning in a rotten mood, fueled by exhaustion and starvation from the sweet cream and air that passed as Brillian food, and perfectly aware it would be a long day of disappointing everyone around me.
So I was already irritated when I was led to an open field near the castle where Wynnow and Imri Stout stood with a stern reminder that they had been waiting for nearly fifteen minutes. Thinking of the stolen necklace, I approached them with caution. “Where’s Loelle?”
“We have no need of a physician,” Wynnow said, eyeing Imri. When she saw my concern, she added, “I told you before, Kestra, that I don’t trust her. I think she wants to use your magic for her own purposes. Not as Infidant
e, but something she wants from you.”
I’d gotten the same feeling from Loelle last night. But then, I had the same feeling from Wynnow too, that there was something more behind her offer to train me than simply wanting Lord Endrick’s defeat. I’d been naïve far too often, but no longer.
“Let’s be clear about something,” I said. “The decision whether to trust Loelle is entirely mine. You are the princess of these lands, but I am the Infidante of Antora and I will not yield that decision to you.”
Surprisingly, Wynnow nodded her head in respect. “Agreed. Shall we begin?”
Imri stepped forward. “It’s a beautiful morning. I thought perhaps we might start by testing your influence on nature.”
I shook my head. “I already tried—”
“We rushed you yesterday in the carriage. That wasn’t fair, especially given your … fears in there, which would prevent the proper focus and relaxation.” Her false smile turned sour. “I suspect that with your memories returning, you are rarely relaxed and that your focus on any given topic shifts like leaves in the wind.”
There was more truth to her words than I wanted to admit. I tried to remember a time in my life when I’d been perfectly relaxed and came up with nothing. I wished I could recall—or trust—who I’d once been. As I was now, was this always me?
“Kestra?” Wynnow touched my arm.
My eyes flew open. “We should wait to do this. I’m still not entirely myself.”
“Will Endrick wait until your memories are intact? Until you’ve had proper time to understand your powers?”
I nodded and tried to push the nagging worries from my mind. “You’re right. Let’s begin.”
Imri shook her head, doubting me only slightly less than I already doubted myself. “I fear you lack—”
“What’s the first test?”
Imri smiled and gestured to the skies. “Something simple, perhaps. Can you give us a slight breeze?”
A slight breeze wouldn’t trouble Lord Endrick. Instead, I focused on creating a storm. Gathering clouds, generating lightning. If I could control the weather, in combination with the Olden Blade, I could do more than defeat Lord Endrick. I could singlehandedly defeat the Dominion.
But for all my concentration, my determination, and a full hour of sincere effort, I couldn’t generate a storm, nor a slight breeze, nor the rustle of a single blade of grass. The effort exhausted me, but I wouldn’t admit that to Imri or Winnow. They’d only rattle on about how Brillians never became tired from mental work.
“Pity,” Imri said. “I rather hoped that would be your power.”
She shifted to testing me for what had once been my mother’s ability, to become undetectable. “Without this power, Anaya never could have stolen the Olden Blade. It would be natural for you to have inherited it.” She angled away from me. “When I turn around again, I should not notice you, even if you are directly in front of me.”
It was a nice thought, but when she did turn back to me, her lips pressed together in utter disappointment. There I was, my arms widened in a hopeless gesture.
Wynnow stepped in and took my hand. “What are you thinking about right now?”
I twisted my expression. “Do you want the full list?”
“It’s cruel that the Brillians weren’t given the gift of magic,” Imri said. “We’d never struggle so much to find our own powers.”
“Imri!” Wynnow scolded.
The older woman dipped her head. “My apologies, princess.”
No apologies were offered to me, whom she’d actually insulted. I had been trying to remain focused and to do as Imri had instructed. Maybe Imri was right, that I couldn’t be taught.
Imri frowned at me. Again. “Perhaps you are meant to create.”
“If I am, I refuse to test it.” We’d all seen what Lord Endrick did when he combined one cruel animal with another. I wanted no part of it.
“What if this is your power?” Wynnow asked.
“It’s not!” I was losing patience with her, and Imri, and mostly with myself. “Maybe I have no powers.”
“You need to start trying.”
My temper warmed, and I opened my mouth for what was about to be a sharp retort when we noticed Loelle crossing the field.
“What Kestra needs is to rest,” Loelle said. “Her magic is young and it will take more energy from her at first.” Her eyes fell upon Wynnow and their expression was cool. “Forgive me for coming late. I believe the servant you sent to tell me of this meeting must have gone astray, for she never made it to my room.”
Wynnow folded her arms and faced Loelle. “The servant made it to Kestra’s room last night while you were there. What do you want from her, if she gains her powers?”
Loelle’s eyes flashed with guilt. But rather than answer, she asked, “Have you tested her yet for the influence of health?”
“As you must know, in battle that would be a less desirable power,” Imri said. “The Coracks already have you for a physician, and such abilities would have limited use for an Infidante. I was saving that one for nearer to the end.”
“Well, I’d like to test it now,” Loelle said, “because since walking onto this field I’ve developed a piercing headache. Kestra, can you heal it?”
I stared back at her. “I don’t know how.”
“Put your hand on my head, here.” Loelle lifted my hand and placed my fingers on her forehead. I immediately yanked them away and leapt back as a sudden fear rushed through me. Endrick had placed his hands on me thus, when he stole my memories.
“What’s wrong?” Wynnow asked.
I shook my head, unwilling to explain the emotions that were overwhelming my heart and mind. The fear that I’d experienced in that room was awful, but it was nothing compared to the helplessness of having one memory after another pulled from my head, knowing I was losing pieces of myself. It was almost as terrible now to have to relive it again.
“We’ll try again tomorrow,” Loelle said.
“No.” I closed my eyes and tried to calm myself. Perhaps the panic now was only because I had panicked then. After a few deep breaths, I lifted my hand again and placed it on Loelle’s forehead. “Tell me what to do.”
“Let all thoughts empty from your mind, except what you feel with your fingers. Can you find the pain in me?”
I tried, sincerely and wholeheartedly, until I was worn out from the attempt. Finally, I pulled my hand away. “I can’t.”
“You should be able to. I felt the magic working within you, through your hand. It knows I’m hurting.”
“No, I know you’re hurting because you told me that. I can’t feel anything special and even if I did, I wouldn’t know what to do about it.”
“You need time,” Imri said, “and more patience.”
“I have no time.” My attention shifted to Wynnow, who was inspecting her nails as if she’d given up on me. “Hasn’t that been your point all along?”
Wynnow glanced over to Loelle. “Will you fetch the Infidante some tea? I believe it will refresh her.”
Loelle grunted with the insult of being treated as a servant, but she nodded to me and returned to the castle.
Meanwhile, Imri said, “There are other clusters. Recalling, taking power from others. And endless possibilities for powers within the clusters we’ve already tested. We could easily have missed something.”
My eyes narrowed. “But Brillians never miss anything, do they.” I shook my head, then began walking from the field. “I’m done with these tests!”
“You’re not concentrating!” Imri scolded. “It’s obvious your mind is elsewhere.”
“And it should be obvious why!” I could scarcely hold two thoughts together with all my worries for what was happening in Reddengrad. “Has there been any word about the Dominion attack in the south? Has the battle begun?”
Wynnow nodded at Imri. “Leave us alone. You need a rest.”
I scoffed. Imri needed the rest? Why? Was it tiring for her to
scold me, demean me? Was it hard for her to be as cruel as she had been?
When we were alone, Wynnow said, “We have a Dominion tablet, and have been carefully following any news of the battles.”
My eyes widened. “You have a tablet?” When she nodded, I added, “They can’t be trusted. Everything written on them comes from Endrick himself.”
“Yes, but I believe what I’ve seen on the tablet is real.” Wynnow paced, biting her lip. “The battle is not going well. The Dominion entered Reddengrad. They fight there with giant condors, oropods, carnoxen, and a full slate of weapons. This battle’s ending has already been written.”
I took her hand in mine, hoping to make her understand how desperate I was to help them. “Speak to your mother. Convince her to send Brillian armies into Reddengrad to help them fight.”
“Brillians do not act in the interest of other countries. Only for our own.”
“Defeating the Dominion is in Brill’s interest, wherever it happens! If Reddengrad falls, you must know Endrick’s eye will turn to Brill.”
That didn’t seem to bother her. “Brill is safe from the Dominion.”
“No, it’s not. In the end, arrogance will not save you, imitating Endrick’s technologies will not save you. And if all else has been destroyed on his path to Brill, then no ally will come to save you either.” I released her hands and marched away.
“Nor, it seems, will you save us.”
Her words hit me like a knife. My muscles tightened, and I began walking again, anything to get as far from her as possible, shouting back, “That is not fair!”
“When were you ever promised that your duties would be fair? What is your magic, Kestra? How many lives must be destroyed before you care enough to find it?”
I swung around to face her. “I’m trying my best!”
“This is your best?”
Just then, the gardener’s door near us opened and Loelle came through it with a cup of tea in her hands. “I heard arguing—”
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