When I finally dared to steal a glance at Simon, he immediately met my eyes and I caught my breath in my throat. I’d never seen him like this before, the ferocity of his intent chilling and warming me with every look he sent my way.
We walked in silence for some distance, into a walled-off vegetable garden, one which might have provided much of the evening’s feast. The sun had already been low on the horizon, stars beginning to shine in the deep blue sky. The glow of sunset tinted the air around us, casting golden tones on Simon’s profile.
I froze in the entry, but he grabbed my hand instead and pulled me deeper into the darkening corner.
I didn’t want another fight, but that seemed to be his intention. I yanked my hand away and stepped back, squaring my body to his. Time stopped between us. His breaths were deep and deliberate. I’d barely breathed since the moment I faced him. Finally, I mumbled, “Simon—”
In a single stride, he closed the space between us, cupped my cheek with one hand, and kissed me. The kiss was fierce and hungry and instantly melted every defense I had. He followed it with another, one which created a fire in me that burned for his next kiss, the next beat of his heart against mine. His left hand curled around my waist, pressing us closer, and then slid up the small of my back, leaving me to tremble in his arms, wanting more. Wanting only him.
I longed to live in this imaginary world where only he and I existed. Where our existence together wasn’t questioned or challenged or … torn apart. But that’s all we could ever have now, an imagined life within a temporary dream.
I tilted my face away from him, then slowly backed deeper into the corner, each step away like splitting myself in half. When I found the courage for it, my eyes rose to his and I saw the hurt in his expression. But neither of us spoke. He didn’t seem to know what to say any more than I did.
He finally began, “Since we left Woodcourt, I can’t count the number of times you’ve tried to leave me.”
I shrugged. “You should have let me go.” But even though I said the words, even though I believed them, I still couldn’t make myself walk away.
He rubbed one hand over his mouth and jaw, but dropped it before saying, “Please stay.” As if a simple request could fix everything. Or was it a command? He was a king now, after all.
“You ask me to stay and watch you marry that girl?”
His eyes darted away before returning to me. “Those were only words for the people’s sake.”
“Yes, but after Harlyn bowed to you, the way you looked at her was more than words.” He started to shake his head, but I said, “It makes sense to choose her, Simon, more than it’ll ever make sense to choose me. She will secure your rule. I threaten it. She agrees with everything you say, and I think we only fight. She has no magic—”
He stepped forward. “Your magic, Kes. Is there anything I should know?”
I lowered my eyes. “What do you mean?”
A pause, then, “These powers you have … are they affecting you?”
When I looked up again, his expression had changed. No longer with the soft gaze of his eyes or the intensity of his feelings, but with suspicion, just as it had after I’d healed him in the forest. Like that, we were there again, with his doubt, his mistrust. How were we ever to build a relationship on that foundation?
The answer took me back to where it always did: We couldn’t.
Blinking back the sting in my eyes, I said, “The truth is that we’ve gone as far as we’ll ever go together.”
“Because you have magic? We can figure out—”
“There is nothing to figure out. This is who I am, what I am. Whether you like it or not, we have to face reality.”
“I agree. It is reality that my heart stops every time I see you. The knot in my gut when you turn away is real, because this is real, Kes. This moment. You and I here, right now, this is all that’s real.”
A pressure rose in my chest. “What is this, then? You and I sneaking off for a moment alone, hoping not to be caught because then you’ll be pulled in one direction and I in the other? This is our future?”
“It’s a start.” He crossed to me again, and his hands slid up my arms, coming to rest as they tangled in my hair and wrapped around my shoulders. “I know you’ve got battles ahead, on the ground, and in your heart. Let me fight them with you.”
I tried to absorb his words the way he wanted me to. Tried to pretend that wanting the words to be true would make them true. But that wasn’t enough.
He asked, “Do you want to go? Or do you feel you have to go?”
My answer froze in my throat. I was only aware that his hands were circling around my back and he was drawing me to him again.
“Because if you want to stay here, we’ll find a way.”
“Tenger said—”
His eyes rolled. “And Gerald says, and Loelle says, and everyone has something to say about whether we can be together. But we don’t have to listen to them. I’m telling you, Kes, they’re wrong.”
“How do you know?”
His answer came with another brush of his lips against mine, sending my heart racing. Before he pulled away, I stole a second kiss, a deeper kiss, and one that invited him to stay for a third. He backed me against the garden wall, and I molded my body to his, shivering beneath the lines of his fingers, warming when his hand flattened across my back, bringing me even closer.
His lips drifted to my jaw, then close to my ear where he whispered, “I know they’re wrong, because I know that what I feel for you is real. I’m in love with you, Kes.”
I pulled back, my heart pounding in my ears. Had I truly heard those words? Happiness flooded through me, carrying a peace such as I’d never felt before.
But nothing so good could ever last.
From the entrance of the garden, someone coughed loudly, then called, “Your Grace?”
Simon leaned back and rolled his eyes. “Yes?”
“You are wanted, my king.”
Simon’s expression was full of irritation when he looked back at me, but I said, “Go to your people.”
“Please don’t leave. We’ll speak tomorrow. We’ll figure this out.” When I nodded, he smiled and gave me a final kiss. “I will see you again soon. I promise.”
I returned his smile as he left, though I didn’t miss the tender way he brushed a hand over his right arm. Something there was bothering him. I could help, when I was stronger. Tomorrow. Until then, I ran a finger over my lips, sealing the memory of what had just passed between us.
He loved me. That was real.
And for now, it was enough.
Because of the rapidly cooling weather, Simon offered us rooms in the manor that was serving as his castle-in-exile. It was smaller than Woodcourt and far less grand, but it seemed to be the finest home here in Nessel and had escaped any damage from when the Dominion had come through. I was assigned a room with Trina and Loelle while the men were in another room down the corridor.
Sometime in the middle of the night, someone jostled my shoulder. I bolted upright in bed, instinctively reaching for the Brillian sword until Loelle’s hand came over my mine and she whispered my name.
“What’s wrong?” I asked, deeply alarmed by the terse set of Loelle’s expression and the late hour.
“Get dressed.” Loelle handed me an overdress for my shift. “Trina will help you.”
Like Loelle, Trina was already awake and dressed. While I laced and buttoned the overdress, she fetched my boots, then handed me the satchel I’d taken from Wynnow when I escaped Brill. “You’ll want this,” she whispered.
“What’s happening?” I asked. “Are we leaving?”
Before anyone answered, a knock came at the door. Loelle opened it and I heard her brief mumblings with Gerald, then she turned and said, “Trina, will you keep watch in the corridor?”
Trina handed me the Brillian sword to strap to my side, gave me a grim smile, and obeyed.
“Keep watch for what?” I asked, worry be
ginning to claw at my heart.
Gerald entered and shut the door, then he and Loelle faced me, looking deadly serious.
“Will you sit down, my lady?” Gerald asked, offering me a chair.
“I will not.”
“That’s for the best anyway,” Loelle said. “We must leave at once.”
My eyes narrowed. “Why now?”
Her frown deepened, and she glanced at Gerald before continuing, “You are in danger, from Captain Tenger.”
By now, my pulse was racing and I shook my head, incredulous. “He means to harm me? Because I didn’t end the relationship with Simon?”
“No, my lady. It’s because—” Gerald sighed. “When you healed the king before, was there a moment when your souls connected?”
I hesitated, but if my life was in danger, I had to be honest. “Yes. It was the only way to keep Simon … with us.”
“Of course.” Gerald cleared his throat before continuing. “During that connection, the king observed something in you that is very concerning.”
I stared over at him with no idea of what he could possibly mean. Finally, he added a single word: “Corruption.”
My face felt hot. “That’s impossible. I’ve not had magic for even a week.”
“Yes.” Gerald nodded. “So you can understand the problem.”
I crossed my hands over my stomach, as if the corruption were there, as if it were a tangible mass that could be cut out surgically. Simon had tried to talk to me about this in the garden. And apparently Tenger already knew about the corruption too. He wasn’t going to wait for me to kill Endrick. He’d replace me with a new Infidante instead.
Trina.
I shook my head. “I won’t run away—I can defend myself against Tenger and against anyone else.”
“Defending yourself is not the problem,” Loelle said. “And you’re not running away.”
“You must be sent away.” Gerald took a step toward me before adding, “When the Halderians came to Lonetree, Captain Tenger offered us a compromise. If we backed down and allowed him to restore your memories, in exchange, you would stay out of the Hiplands.”
I looked to Loelle for confirmation and she nodded, twisting my heart even deeper. So Tenger had always intended to separate me and Simon. The necklace was only an excuse.
As gently as possible, Gerald continued, “You must leave the Hiplands tonight and promise to never return. You bring danger to our king, and to all our people.”
“I saved your king, and I’m trying to save your people!”
“We are grateful for what you did in the battle, please believe that. But many Halderians are frightened of you.”
What had started as a tremor of worry was quickly swelling, filling my entire chest with heartache. “Simon asked me to stay, and I agreed. When he wakes up and finds I’m gone, he’ll come after me. He always does.”
Gerald’s eyes saddened. “My lady, if you do not leave, then the king will never wake up.”
My attention shifted to Loelle. “What is he talking about? Is Simon sick?”
“There’s an infection in Simon’s arm, and it’s spreading.”
“Infection?” This must have been in the arm he’d been favoring earlier. Why had he hidden that from me? “Is it serious?”
Loelle’s eyes betrayed her answer. “Very serious.”
Without another word, I pushed past them both and marched into the corridor. Trina stood upright, though from her position, she had obviously been listening through the door.
She quickly said, “I swear to you, Kestra, I’m not part of any plot to replace you as Infidante.”
I ignored her and went to the east wing of the home, where Simon’s room was supposed to be. I wouldn’t have known which one was his except that two guards stood at either side of a door.
They saw me coming and raised their sabers. I stopped with one hand on the Brillian sword and my other hand directed at them. “Let me pass and you will survive.”
“You’ll have to get through us,” one guard said, a challenge I was more than happy to meet.
But Gerald and Loelle must have followed. Gerald said to the guards, “Let her pass.”
They lowered their weapons, and without another word, I entered Simon’s mostly darkened room. It was larger than I’d expected, divided into areas for living space, grooming, resting, and study.
Yet Simon was all that mattered. He was in the bed, but restless, throwing off his bedcovers then shivering and clutching at them again. I started forward, but Harlyn Mindall, the girl who had been attached to his side before he was crowned, was apparently also attached to him here. She entered the room from a side door, seemingly unware of my presence.
She carried a bowl of water and a rag, then sat on a stool beside his bed. She dipped the rag in the water and began gently washing his face. Her fingers traced over his cheeks as she did, and he briefly stirred beneath her touch, then went still again. She slowly leaned forward as if to kiss him.
Anger boiled inside me, erupting in a voice loud enough to ensure she heard my every word. “His arm is injured. You will not cure him that way.”
Harlyn jumped, nearly dropping the bowl of water. But she stood and placed it on the stool behind her. Barely looking at me, she said, “I only meant to comfort him.” Then she lifted her gaze until our eyes locked. “Why are you here?”
“I want to see the infection.” And heal it, if I could.
After a brief hesitation, Harlyn pulled at the bandage on Simon’s right arm. The flesh was burned and bright red, except for a cauterized wound running up his vein. On either side of that line, the flesh was raised and lighter in color. That must be the infection. I didn’t know what it would cost me to heal it, but I had to try.
I moved to lay my hand on his arm, when Loelle said, “Not this, my lady. We don’t know what that infection is. It’s different than anything I’ve seen before.”
And Loelle had surely seen everything. She pulled me back, then Harlyn returned to the chair beside Simon, protectively placing an arm on his shoulder.
“There must be something you can do for him,” I said to Loelle.
“I’ve offered them medications.” Loelle frowned at me. “But he is the Halderian king. They insist on administering the treatment.”
I grabbed Gerald’s arm. “Then do it!” But he only stared back at me, which was infuriating.
“Let me talk to her alone.” Harlyn stood and nodded for Loelle and Gerald to leave.
My temper warmed while I waited for them to go. Then she stepped closer to me, and this time I noticed tears were in her eyes.
“I care for Simon,” she began. “Sincerely care for him, and I beg you not to let him die.”
“Then tell your people to give him those medicines.”
The expression in her eyes shifted to something between sadness and suspicion, enough that when she spoke, I’d already known what was coming. “You kissed Simon earlier tonight, in that little garden.”
“He kissed me.”
Her eyes flashed. “Word of it spread to the heads of houses. They don’t like the idea of an Endrean being so … close to the king. They set conditions that must be met before he can receive Loelle’s treatments.”
“How dare they? He’s their king!”
She sniffed. “By morning, he might not be.”
I looked from Simon back to Harlyn. The depth of her emotion carried through the air, piercing me and answering my unspoken question. “I’m the condition.”
“Loelle claims to have a place where you can go and be safe … far from here.”
I closed my eyes, trying to keep my composure. “And when Simon is healed, you two will marry.”
“As soon as it can be arranged. Whatever feelings he has for you will fade in time.”
And grow for her. I knew how this game worked.
Simon rolled in his bed again. I started forward but Harlyn blocked my path, saying, “If you have feelings for him too, then pl
ease let us save him. Please go.”
Tears welled in my eyes, but I nodded, barely trusting myself with words. With one final look at Simon, I turned and left the room, walking directly past Gerald, Loelle, and Trina, who all silently followed in my wake. Shortly before reaching my own room, I turned to them, addressing Gerald specifically.
I said, “If you don’t save him then know this: I will return with my magic and my blade and an unquenchable fury. I will destroy every Halderian who is responsible for his death, and it will start with you.”
Gerald’s eyes became solemn. “This, my lady, is why the Halderians fear you.”
The first tear spilled onto my cheek. “I ask only one favor before I go.”
Gerald dipped his head at me. “If I can.”
“Will you tell him, please, that I wanted to go, that I chose this? Tell him the corruption is worse than he suspects, and that I am irredeemable.” My face felt hot, but I closed my eyes, trying to steady my emotions. When I had, I added, “Tell Simon anything you must to keep his heart from breaking too.”
He nodded at me again, then Loelle took my arm. “A carriage is waiting for us outside. Trina, gather anything from our room that we may have left behind, and hurry. You will ride with us.”
Loelle led me farther down the empty corridor to a rear exit of the manor where two Halderian guards were waiting to admit us into the carriage. I slumped against the side wall, determined to ignore Loelle’s attempts at conversation.
“For what it’s worth,” she said, “I am sorry it has to be this way.”
It was worth nothing. She was simply the last in a long line of people who’d trampled over me, bent me to their will, then apologized with the excuse that they had no other choice.
My eyes were closed and I was facing away from her when Trina joined us in the carriage, ready to leave. Loelle called up to the driver and we rode away.
“You should sleep,” Loelle said. “We have a long journey ahead.”
I had no intention of sleeping. I just needed enough quiet so that I could plan. This wasn’t over yet.
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