“So, you can be embarrassed. I was beginning to think such a thing wasn’t possible for someone like you.”
Ryan scoffed at my teasing comment. “Maybe there is more to me than what meets the eye.”
“I figured that out the moment you told me you had a double major.”
His lips tipped up on the left in a lopsided grin. “Impressed you, did I?”
“You’re exasperating, has anyone ever told you that before?” I asked as I collapsed on my bed once more.
“You’d be the first.”
“Somehow, I find that rather impossible.”
“Alright, you caught me. My mom tells me that at least three times a day.”
I snorted and chewed on another slice of pizza. “Can’t really say I’m surprised by this revelation. Where do your parents live?”
“My mom lives in Chattanooga. We used to live in Florida, but she had to relocate for work.”
“That explains it.”
“Explains what?” he questioned.
“You’re surfer boy thing.”
“Excuse me?”
I rolled my eyes and watched as he sat beside me. “Your look. If I didn’t know any better, I’d think you stepped out of an Abercrombie & Fitch catalog.”
He chuckled quietly. “Ah, that’s what you mean by surfer boy thing.”
“Yep. And what about your dad? Where does he live?”
“Somewhere else,” he spat.
There was no mistaking that tone of voice. Whatever emotions Ryan held for his father weren’t warm or fuzzy. “There’s a story there.”
“Yeah. One I’d rather not get into.”
“I feel you on that. I only have a dad.”
Ryan’s head tilted to meet my gaze. A sense of understanding played across his features, as if we were kindred spirits. “There’s a story there.” His voice was soft, all traces of contempt flushed away.
“One I’d rather not get into as well,” I answered, repeating his earlier reply.
When he nodded, golden locks of hair tumbled into his line of sight, and before I even knew what was happening, his arm curled around my body as he pulled me in for a hug. This time, I wasn’t nervous at the thought of being close to him. Instead, the only thing filling my body was comfort. And the feeling was better than I had ever imagined.
My parents had shared this kind of comfort with one another. They drew reassurance in one another’s presence, and I couldn’t help but wonder how much my father missed it. Like most fathers, he sought to protect me from the pain life can cause, but losing a loved one was impossible to prevent. The fact he never moved on after Mom passed only reaffirmed the belief that allowing yourself to be vulnerable would only result in heartache. Even if you were loved unconditionally, the day would come when that connection would cease to exist.
“I’m not good at the serious stuff,” I confessed, my voice not much louder than an exhaled breath. It wasn’t typical for me to be so forthcoming, especially not where my mom was concerned, but talking to a stranger could almost be liberating. Ryan didn’t really know me. He wasn’t privy to all of the intricate layers that my mind and soul were comprised of, and because of this, it was easy to utter the truth. If he wasn’t familiar with all my faults and virtues, then Ryan couldn’t judge me.
“Neither am I.”
Three words were all it took for me to realize I was in the presence of someone more than just a kindred spirit.
And deep down, I didn’t know whether to be horrified or relieved.
UNFORTUNATELY, WREN WAS WORKING another long stretch this weekend. But even if she couldn’t take a break from work, I could take a few things off her to-do list. Decorating her new place was my way of helping her start this new chapter of her life. She needed a fresh start, and I would ensure she had it.
Liam and his bullshit be damned.
“What about this?” Ryan asked. The decorative pillow he held up seemed out of place in his hands, but much to my surprise, the guy had great taste. I hadn’t expected his offer to help decorate Wren’s apartment, but who was I to turn him down?
“I like that one! It’s very pretty . . . and girly.”
Ryan tossed the pillow into the buggy with a triumphant grin. “I’m very in touch with my feminine side.”
“I’ve noticed,” I teased. “I mean, what guy would willingly venture to Bed Bath & Beyond in their spare time?”
“Well, in all honesty, I came for the company.”
I turned my head and feigned interest in a small vase on the shelf next to me. Per usual whenever I was around Ryan, my cheeks filled with heat. I really needed to get my dang emotions in check. Maybe I could blame the excess hormones in my birth control?
“So, did our scheme last night work in your favor?” he asked in response to my silence.
I picked up the vase I was trying to distract myself with and added it to the numerous items littering the buggy. “I’d say it was beyond successful. I haven’t seen Brooklyn since she bolted from the room. Last night was the best sleep I’ve ever had at the dorm.”
Ryan held up his hand for a high five. “Nice.”
Slapping my palm against his, I grinned. “We are masters of deception.”
“This is true, and if we ever need to repeat our scheme, just let me know.”
“I will,” I replied. “So, what about you? Do you have any awful roommates you need to play a prank on?”
“No roommates from hell on my end. I’m lucky enough to have an apartment all to myself.”
“Geez, you are lucky!”
“Some of us are just born awesome.”
My eyes rolled in a dramatic fashion. Honestly, those damn things had a mind of their own sometimes. “If you’re awesome, then what am I?”
“Incredible,” he answered without skipping a beat.
“Ha.”
“You don’t believe me?”
“Not even for a second.”
“Why?”
I stopped the buggy in the middle of a crowded aisle. “Because you don’t even know me.” I was pretty sure that my tone was wavering on the side of being bitchy, but Ryan’s comment had caught me off guard. I mean, what did he know about me?
“You’re spending your weekend buying things to decorate your best friend’s apartment in the hopes of cheering her up. Such a selfless act is pretty incredible, if you ask me.”
“It’s not that selfless.”
“Maybe you don’t see it that way, but I do.”
“Whatever.”
“Are you always this stubborn?”
“I know no other way.”
“I figured as much.” Ryan playfully knocked his shoulder into mine. “So, what else do
we need to get for Wren’s apartment?”
“Some candles, a throw blanket, and I wanted to pick up a few groceries as well. She hasn’t had much time to go grocery shopping because of work and school, and I don’t want her to be without food at the apartment.”
“Sounds like a plan. You want to grab a bite to eat before we head over to her place?”
“Yeah. That’s a good idea. It’ll be best if we go over to her place after she’s left for work so that we won’t be in her way,” I replied. “Also, you know how to do guy things, right?” I didn’t have the slightest idea how to work a power drill. There were pictures I wanted to hang up for Wren, and undertaking that task by myself was sure to result in disaster. Part of being a responsible adult was knowing your limitations; at least, that’s what Dad always said.
But as soon as I asked my question, Ryan’s eyebrow quirked. If I had drawn the mischievous expression on his face, I’d be selling prints of my work to women all over the country. “There are lots of guy things I can help you with.”
“I didn’t mean it like that!” The sound of my voice earned us more than a few curious glances from people nearby.
“Then I’m going to need you to explain what you meant.”
“I meant using a power dri
ll and hammer to hang things! Jesus!” My palms cupped my cheeks as I tried and failed to hide my embarrassment. “I wasn’t talking about your power drill.”
“Got me all excited for no reason,” he teased.
“I’m going to say this again, but you’re extremely exasperating.”
“If you keep saying things like that, I’m going to develop a complex.”
I picked up a fleece blanket and some lavender-scented candles before placing them in the buggy. “Ugh,” I groaned. “Let’s finish up before I decide to uninvite you to my decorating party.”
Ryan faced me and held his hand over his heart. “I promise to be on my best behavior.”
“Does that promise actually mean anything?”
My question earned me a wink and a smirk. “I guess you’ll just have to wait and see.”
By the time Ryan and I finished eating and picking up supplies from the grocery store, it was almost nine. Granted, we did spend two hours at the restaurant engrossed in our conversation. Despite his devilish charm, Ryan was very easy to talk to. Even if we had avoided all emotional topics, there were still plenty to discuss. And much to my surprise, we had a fair bit in common, to the point that I could see Ryan being the perfect addition to the dynamic duo of Wren and me.
“Can you hand me that guy tool?”
I groaned as I set a hammer in Ryan’s palm. “Never going to let me live that down, are you?”
He plucked a nail from his mouth and held it against the wall. “Not if I can help it.”
“I was afraid of that.”
“You could always bribe me to forget.”
I waited until he was finished with the nail before answering. “Alright, name your price.”
Those periwinkle irises surveyed every inch of my body before meeting my gaze. “Are you sure you want me to?”
“Well, not now.”
Laughter poured from his mouth and filled the empty apartment. I never thought it was possible for a laugh to be sexy, but it seemed as if Ryan had been specifically created to blow all of my preconceived notions out of the water.
“What were you just thinking?” he asked.
“What?”
“I want to know what you were just thinking about.”
“You’re very demanding.”
“You’ve no idea,” he countered with a smirk.
“I hope you’re also accustomed to disappointment, because I’m not telling you.”
“Not even if I beg?”
“Absolutely not!”
“Ah, sweet victory.”
I stopped arranging the slew of sequined pillows on Wren’s bed and spun around to face him. “Excuse me?”
“I don’t know if you’ve noticed this about me or not, but I thoroughly enjoy getting under your skin.”
A fire ignited in the depths of my soul. Two could play at that game. Sure, Ryan may have affected me, but it was time for me to see if the feeling was mutual. “Yeah, I’ve come to realize that.” In a fraction of a second, my brain concocted a ploy to turn the tables on his annoying ass. “Oh, you have a string from one of the pillows stuck in your hair.”
Ryan ran a hand through his hair. “Did I get it?”
“No, it’s still there,” I replied with a slight laugh.
This time, he shook his head from side to side. “What about now?”
“Nope.”
“Damn.”
“Sit on the bed and I’ll get it out for you.” Ryan did as he was instructed, and the moment his ridiculously sculpted derriere hit the mattress, I moved to stand in front of him. Leaning forward until my cleavage was the only thing in his line of sight, I slowly raked my fingertips through his blond locks.
All right, so maybe what I was doing was more like massaging his scalp than trying to untangle a string. But Ryan didn’t need to be privy to that bit of information.
“Umm . . .”
“Dang, this string is really knotted in your hair.” Wanting to increase our proximity, I pushed closer, forcing Ryan’s knees apart.
“Ter—”
“Hold on just a second. I’ve almost got it.” When the tip of his nose pressed into my rack, I knew I’d hit pay dirt. It wasn’t that I was trying to suffocate him with my boobs, but I wanted him to be completely aware of their existence.
In an instant, Ryan’s hands fastened around my waist. He carried me across the room and set me down before putting ten feet between us. “Forget the fucking string.”
“Did I do something wrong?” I questioned in the most innocent tone I could muster.
“Nope. I need to use the restroom. I’ll be right back.”
“Okay.” The second I heard the door slam shut, I smiled in victory. It seemed Ryan wasn’t too keen on getting a taste of his own medicine.
While he was indisposed, I finished straightening the pillows and started setting out all the candles. When he returned a few minutes later, it was my turn to smirk.
“Are you feeling okay?”
“I’m fine.”
“Did you get everything taken care of?” I made sure to pointedly glance at Ryan’s crotch as I posed my question.
The look Ryan gave me was teeming with shock. “Excuse me?”
Unable to control my amusement any longer, I burst into a fit of laughter. “Just so you know, Ry, I enjoy getting under your skin too.”
“Okay, I’ll give you that one. You got me.”
“I didn’t just get you . . . I got you good.”
“Yeah, yeah,” he added with a sigh. “So, you seem to be a big fan of lace.”
“Huh?” My attention dropped, and sure enough, I caught sight of my bra poking out of my shirt.
Today’s color was pink.
“I’m a big fan of it too.”
“Believe me, I know.” Snagging a pillow, I flung it in Ryan’s direction.
“You’re the one who practically shoved my head down your shirt! What was I supposed to do? Not look?”
“No, my goal was to get your attention.”
“This feels a lot like entrapment.”
Grinning from ear to ear, I took a couple steps in his direction. “If you’re having such shameful thoughts, then maybe you need to get right with Jesus.”
“Maybe you should help me.” The words spilled from Ryan’s lips as he lunged in my direction. One second, my feet were planted on the ground, and the next, I was draped over Ryan’s shoulder like a fur stole.
“You’re beyond help!” I shouted, my reply teeming with laughter.
“Forgive me, but you don’t sound like you hate it up there.” His hand squeezed my thigh, holding on to me as he spun in a circle.
“It’s terrible.” More laughter sprang from my lips.
“You have a very strange definition of terrible.”
I slapped his ass as hard as I could, my lungs burning with the need for air. “Sanctuary,” I called out with a laugh. “I claim sanctuary.”
“I thought that only worked with the church.”
“Have you no mercy?”
“For you?” he questioned with a smirk. “I have more than you know.”
After what seemed like an eternity, I felt Ryan’s hands shift to my waist as he set me back on the floor. My palms pressed against his chest as I searched for balance. When I lifted my gaze to meet his, I felt like I was floating with no stability in sight. His eyes brimmed with heat, an unspoken suggestion of the things that could happen next if we so chose.
Breath poured from my lips as I exhaled. A vision of our arms tangled around one another danced inside my mind. But passion was swiftly replaced with panic as I considered the gravity of our situation. Giving in to this moment would be the equivalent of walking through a field littered with land mines.
There was no way I would walk away unscathed.
“Terayn?” The way he said my name demanded my attention. His mouth was curled into the sexiest grin I had ever seen in my life. That smile was accompanied by his perfect eyes. And the desi
re to recreate it seeped all the way into the depths of my bones.
“I want to draw you!”
“Come again?”
“I have to draw your expression . . . right now.”
“Okay,” he replied slowly.
I dashed to my purse and withdrew the sketch pad and set of charcoal pencils I always kept with me. When I turned to face him once more, Ryan looked to me for instruction.
“Just sit on the couch over there.” I pointed to the left and watched as he sank into the soft cushions. Wren’s place was nothing more than a tiny studio apartment, but with all the decorations we had added tonight, it was starting to feel like a home.
“How is this?”
“Perfect,” I replied, turning to a clean page.
His mercurial smile froze for me as my hand flew across the paper. Lines and smudges of charcoal melded together, forming Ryan’s facial features.
Drawing Ryan forced me to take note of all the minute details of his face. The subtle changes in his eyes as he regarded me were captivating—some expressions playful, some serious, all Ryan.
An hour passed and then two. I must have sketched him at least half a dozen times, and to my surprise, my hands ached for more. The creative sabbatical I’d been lamenting over for the past few months had all but dissipated. For so long, I had lacked inspiration. It was impossible to create while living in a vacuum, after all. But at that moment, my creative well was overflowing with excitement.
And it had everything to do with the man sitting in front of me.
Completely lost in the creative magic of focusing on a current project, I had forgotten the existing world until Ryan’s voice demanded my attention.
“Do you ever draw yourself?”
Smudging a line of charcoal with my pinky, I glanced at him. “Huh?”
“Do you ever draw pictures of yourself?”
“Like a self-portrait?”
“Yeah.”
“No. Why would I do one of those?”
“Because you’re beautiful,” he answered, as if it were the simplest explanation in the world. “And that is something you should share with people.”
Not Without You Page 6