I pushed off of Wren’s bed and made my way to the kitchen. She stood in front of the refrigerator, dressed in a pair of light gray scrubs.
“You headed to clinical?”
“Yeah. I should be back around four. Would you mind meeting me at the Campus Grill around then? I was thinking we could grab a burger and some fries.”
“Sure. It would be good for me to leave this apartment.”
“I wasn’t going to say anything, but I also think it would be good for you.”
“I’m ninety percent certain I’m starting to smell.”
“I was thinking more along the lines of ninety-five percent,” she teased.
I poured myself a steaming mug of coffee and added a healthy splash of hazelnut creamer. “Ugh, I’m such a mess.”
“There isn’t some law stating that you have to be perfect every second of the day.”
Taking a sip of the piping liquid, I sighed at the rush of caffeine entering my system. “I know.”
“But I would also love you even more if you took it upon yourself to wash your damn hair.”
“If this is supposed to be a pep talk, not gonna lie, you kind of suck at it.”
“I love you, but there ain’t no way you’re going to get Ryan back looking like an extra who just walked off the set of The Walking Dead.”
“Your confidence in me is astounding.”
“It’s one of God’s little miracles,” she countered. “Seriously, though, take a shower, borrow some of my clothes, and meet me at the diner later. That sound simple enough?”
“I think I can manage.”
“Good!” I watched as she slathered two pieces of toast with strawberry jam and poured a glass of orange juice. “Well, I’m off. Love you, babe.”
“Love you too.”
I watched as she left, the deadbolt clicking into place as she locked the door from the outside. She was right, I needed to do something besides sulk in her apartment all day. I’d had plenty of time to soak in my despair, and to be honest, I was tired of feeling like a slug. Foregoing my usual bowl of cereal, I decided to carry my coffee into the bathroom and shower. At the very least, I needed to give this positivity thing a valiant effort. Otherwise, Wren would have my ass. She may have been pint-sized, but the girl was strong, and I didn’t want to find myself on her bad side.
Cranking on the hot water, I waited patiently for the shower to heat up. After draining the last sip of coffee, I stripped off my pajamas and stepped beneath the scalding stream. Tranquility poured over my muscles as I simply stood there and enjoyed the feeling.
After I finished scrubbing every inch of my body, I emerged from the shower feeling like a new woman. And I didn’t stop there either. Not only did I dry my hair and apply a full face of makeup, but I also slathered my body in lotion and dabbed on a bit of Wren’s favorite perfume.
The show was next week, and I needed to finish a couple paintings before then. On Thursday, Wren had somehow managed to talk me into going to statistics class. I agreed only because I knew he would be there. Sure, I may have looked as though I’d walked through a hurricane to get to class, but I couldn’t have cared less. The only thing that had mattered was getting to see him.
However, Ry had been nowhere to be found. Turns out he hadn’t been lying.
He simply wanted nothing to do with me.
Wren was convinced he would be in class next week, but I wasn’t so sure. The guy had aced every single test we’d taken. It wasn’t like he needed to listen to the lectures or anything. His brain was hardwired for that shit, unlike mine.
I was already working on a backup plan for the show. Originally, I’d planned on painting Ry and Wren to represent my parents, but now that he wasn’t even speaking to me, I decided to regroup. Instead of painting my parents, I would paint myself draped in chains and Wren would be covered head to toe in gold with angel wings decorating her back.
It wouldn’t evoke the same emotions as my original idea, but I believed it would still be a beautiful display. And I hoped Jonas and my dad would both be proud.
I worked for hours on end. I painted until my hands were splattered with every color known to man. But this time, my muse wasn’t the woman who’d given birth to me; it was Ry. I drew him standing outside, the dark night sky enveloping him. Technically, black wasn’t a color. Instead, it absorbed every other color in the spectrum and reflected none of them back to the human eye. I surrounded Ry with an eerie black sky. In French, it was pronounced noir, in German, schwarz, but no matter what language was used, it still referenced an unending abyss.
The only dab of color I wanted on the entire piece was blue, for his eyes. When I finished, I took a moment to stare at the work. His expression said it all. I may not have been able to see his face when I stopped by his apartment a few days ago, but if I had, this is how I imagined he would’ve look.
Unmistakable pain was embedded into the lines of his face. That same emotion had been reflected in his voice when he asked me to leave. Maybe most people wouldn’t want a visual representation of that memory, but I always wanted to be able to look back and remember exactly how I let Ry slip through my fingers. It’s impossible to redo past mistakes, but if I tried hard enough, I could keep myself from making new ones.
Withdrawing from the creative daze I had been swept up in, I glanced at the clock for the first time. I only had a few minutes to spare before I needed to meet Wren. Cleaning up the mess I’d made on the floor, I washed all my paintbrushes and laid my painting on top of her dresser to dry. Then, I snagged a red sweater from her closet and slid it over my head. Luckily, my makeup still looked fresh. If I continued functioning like a zombie, she would never let me live it down. Combing my fingers through my hair, I slid on my brown booties and grabbed my purse.
When I made it to the diner, I realized I had beaten her here. I stepped inside and was immediately seated at a booth next to a window.
“What can I get you to drink?” the waitress asked.
“Oh, I’ll have a sweet tea.”
“And for the person you’re meeting?”
“I’m sure she’ll want one too, so just bring two teas if you don’t mind.”
“I’ll get those right out,” she replied, shoving her order pad back into the apron tied around her waist.
“Thank you.”
Barely a minute had passed before the waitress returned with two plastic cups of tea. Grabbing the lemon wedged onto the rim of my cup, I squeezed its juice into my tea.
“Hey, I finally made it,” Wren stated, sliding into the booth next to me. It was somewhat odd that she hadn’t taken the seat across from me, but I quickly brushed the thought aside. She could sit wherever she damn well pleased.
“How was clinical?”
“Crazy.” She stopped talking for a moment to take a long drink of tea. “We had a code green on my assigned floor and it was like some Jerry Springer shit.”
“What is a code green?”
“It’s a security code.”
“Oh, dang.”
“Yeah.”
“What happened?” I asked, unable to mask the curiosity creeping into my voice. I’d spent the past few days squatting in her apartment, so any kind of drama was extremely exciting.
“This man was admitted for pneumonia, and his wife was there in his room to help take care of him and stuff. Well, right as she’s helping him to the bathroom, his girlfriend shows up.”
“Holy shit!”
“That was my exact reaction too!”
“Apparently, neither of them knew about the other, so naturally, they’re both pissed off.”
I twisted my hair and laid it over my shoulder. “Yeah, I would be too.”
“But the drama doesn’t stop there.”
“What else happened?”
“They started arguing about who should be taking care of him while he was in the hospital, and their argument progressed into a fist fight. They were pulling each other’s hair and screaming so loud t
hat the nurses on the floor had to call security to escort them off hospital grounds.”
“Oh my God!”
“Yeah, it was insanity. That dude so didn’t have a handle on his scandal.”
“Sure sounds like it.”
Our waitress then reappeared at our table. “Are the two of you ready to order or would you like me to come back in a few minutes?”
“I’m ready. What about you, Wren?”
“Me too.”
I watched as she produced the order pad from her apron once more. “What can I get ya?”
“I’ll have a cheeseburger and fries,” I answered, handing over the menus we didn’t even glance at. You only came to a place like this when you wanted to consume something dripping with grease.
“The same for me. Thank you.”
“I’ll get those burgers out to you as quick as I can.”
As soon as she rushed to give our order to the cook, the bell on the door chimed. At the same time, our heads turned toward the sound. Ry stepped inside the diner and immediately locked eyes with us.
My body sank deeper into the booth. After our conversation the other day, I wasn’t ready to see him.
“What the hell did you do?” I asked Wren.
“The two of you need to talk.”
“Actually, I’m good. I’ve grown used to solitude.”
“You’ve been at my apartment. That really can’t be considered isolation.”
“Good point,” I agreed.
“Don’t even think about bailing.” Her hand fastened around my wrist as she held me in place.
“Judas Iscariot was also a traitor.”
Her eyes rolled in the direction of the ceiling as she scoffed at me. “I’m going to do you a favor and pretend like you didn’t just make that reference.”
“What the hell is going on? You promised it would be just the two of us meeting to eat.” Ry stood at the edge of our table, his hands balled into tight fists. He refused to make eye contact with me and, instead, focused his glare on Wren.
“Well, I lied. Sue me.”
“I’m gone,” he spat, turning on his heel.
“The hell you are. Sit your ass down or I swear to heaven above that the two of you will wake up drugged and taped together. We’ve got some shit to discuss, so you might as well get comfy.”
Dropping into the empty booth across from us, Ry draped his arms over the back of the seat. “Pretty sure holding someone against their will is illegal.”
“Pretty sure I remember you beating my ex to a bloody pulp on Halloween. It’s not like you’re a real stickler for the rules anyway.”
“True.”
She paused for a moment, and it was obvious she was hoping the two of us would strike up a conversation, but I hoped she was prepared to wait indefinitely. I could tell from Ry’s body language that he wanted nothing to do with me. When she finally realized we weren’t about to do anything of our own accord, she opened her mouth to speak. “I don’t know what the hell went down, but the two of you need to sort it out. All I want is for both of my friends to be happy.”
“That’s easier said than done,” he replied with a sarcastic laugh.
“What about you, Ter? Don’t you have anything you’d like to say?”
Chewing on my lip, I played with my hair absentmindedly. I had a whole book of things I wanted to say to him, but that didn’t mean I was brave enough to open my mouth and speak. Shaking my head, I prayed for my body to spontaneously combust.
Wren’s gaze cut from Ry to me, her head shooting back and forth like the disc in an air hockey game. “Oh my God!” she cried.
“What now?” Ry questioned.
“You guys slept together!” Glee tugged at her features, her lips breaking into a wide smile. “I mean, I really thought you guys did, but I wasn’t sure. But staring at the two of you right now, it’s so obvious.”
Ry and I glanced at each other for the first time since he’d sat down. A mixture of shock and embarrassment radiated from our flesh. “No,” we immediately replied in unison.
“Yes, you did! I can tell. It’s written all over both of your faces.”
I squirmed in my seat. “You’re imaging things,” I countered with feigned confidence. I wasn’t sure why my voice suddenly decided to make its appearance, but I was grateful all the same.
“Ryan?”
“Nothing happened.”
“Bull fucking shit!” she cried, drawing the attention of more than one customer. “I’m right. Just fess up to it like a couple of adults.”
“You’re wrong,” Ry countered coolly.
“You know what’s amusing about the two of you?” Wren questioned. “You’re both so similar. You both chased after the one thing you never wanted.”
“What are you talking about?” Ry asked. His arms crossed over his chest, and his jaw clenched to the point I could almost hear his teeth grinding together.
“I’m talking about the fact y’all clearly have feelings for one another. Deny it all you want, but there has been an intense chemistry between the two of you since day one.”
“No, we don’t.”
His denial cut deeper than any knife ever could. We did share an intense connection. In fact, it was like electricity, surging back and forth between our bodies.
Wren laughed slightly and shook her head. “The two of you are the biggest cowards I’ve ever seen! You both use the pain your parents experienced as an excuse to avoid any kind of romantic relationship. Y’all care for each other deeply, and the looks you give . . .” She whistled loudly. “Looks that intense should be considered a sin.”
“Interesting theory you have there,” Ry commented, standing to his feet.
“The way you’re acting just informed me that it isn’t a theory at all.”
“You don’t know what you’re talking about,” I whispered. I shouldn’t have opened my mouth. I should have kept quiet, because the moment I opened my mouth to speak, his blue gaze fixed on me. The intensity of his stare rendered me immobile. Pain, sadness, regret—it was all there, etched in every line of his face.
“I have an assignment I need to work on, so I’ll see both of you around.” He didn’t even wait for a reply before stomping out of the diner.
My eyes registered every movement he made as he left. The moment he was gone, Wren rounded on me. However, before she could begin cursing me six ways from Sunday, our food arrived. Two plates laden with fries and cheeseburgers appeared in front of our eyes like magic.
“Is there anything else I can get the two of you?”
“No, thank you. This looks great,” Wren replied sweetly. Once our waitress was out of earshot, she initiated her verbal assault on me.
“Girl, what the actual fuck?”
I cringed at her question. “I know!”
“How did it finally happen?”
Taking a giant bite of my burger, I mentally prepared myself to relive the sexcapades Ry and I had engaged in. “Well, we were at his apartment and I was working on my living canvas project. There I am, painting his body, and Jesus, the man is a walking, talking work of art. I mean, every inch of him is utter perfection. As you can imagine, there was all this sexual tension hovering in the air around us, and then, it was like something in both of us just snapped. The next thing I know, I’m taking off my clothes, and the paint decorating his flesh is smeared all over mine.”
“And?”
“It was hands down the most sensual thing I’ve ever experienced in my life.”
“I’m not even surprised. The sexual tension hovering between the two of you was so palpable, so obvious, you could’ve cut it with a damn cheese spreader.”
“That may be true, but you saw what just happened. We fucked, and it screwed everything up! We should’ve stayed friends. If we’d done that, none of this would’ve happened.”
“Yeah, I don’t want to burst your bubble, but I don’t think staying friends was really an option for the two of you.” She shoved a coup
le fries in her mouth.
All right, so she had a point there.
“Even if that were true, it’s all fucked up anyway. There’s no way to fix this.”
“Babe, you don’t know that.”
“He didn’t even want to look at me, and you know what? I don’t blame him! I wouldn’t want to be anywhere near me either. I mean, we spent an amazing few days together, and when things started to get serious, I bailed faster than men on Maury after they hear the paternity test results.”
“You were scared. That happens to everyone. He won’t be able to hold a grudge for long.”
“I wouldn’t be so sure about that. I think he’ll hold this grudge for a very long time.”
“Well, you can’t avoid each other indefinitely,” she replied, her voice soft.
“I’ve never felt this way about a guy before.”
“I know, babe.” She slid her arm around my shoulders, wrapping me up in a hug I hadn’t realized I needed. “He feels the same way about you.”
“Hardly. He can’t even stand to be around me anymore.”
“He’s scared too. He’s afraid you’ll realize he’s not enough for you and leave him behind, like his dad did.”
“When I ran away, I wasn’t thinking about that. The only thoughts running through my head were that one day I would lose him and it would be more pain than I was capable of withstanding. Not only that, but I believed that, by my leaving, he would be able to find someone truly deserving of his love.”
“You need to be saying those words to Ryan, not me.”
“I know, but as you saw, that’s never going to happen.”
“You made a mistake.”
“A huge fucking mistake.”
Setting her tea back on the table, she leveled me with a serious look. “Would you ever do it again?”
“No,” I replied. “I wouldn’t leave him again, not for the world.”
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