by Lori Ryan
“Be right with you, honey,” Gina said, then turned her smile back to Phoebe’s father. “All right, big guy, what can I get for you?” She said this you in a different way than Phoebe had ever heard. There was an emphasis on it, as though for him, Gina might just run back behind the grill and get his food herself, and they all knew that wasn’t going to happen. Well, come to think of it, her father wouldn’t know that, but anyone in town knew Gina couldn’t cook worth a lick. She handled the coffee and the tables, and Tina took care of the food.
“I’ll do the Full Plate Breakfast special with sausage and an extra side of bacon.”
“A man who can eat. I like that.” Another wink.
Phoebe resisted the urge to roll her eyes.
“And for you, Phoebe?”
“I’ll have the French Toast, please.”
“Fruit instead of bacon, right?” Gina turned to the General. “It’s how she always orders it.”
“She’s always been healthier than I am.” Now her father was looking at her and smiling the kind of smile that said he was proud of her, and Phoebe found herself forgetting all about the disgusting display of flirting. She missed him. It was nice having him visit her here, even if it was going to be a short visit.
Gina was all smiles as she walked away to hand the order ticket to her sister.
“So, tell me about your work. You like it?” Her dad asked.
Phoebe smiled. “I do.”
“So, I was right,” Her father sat back, one large arm going up on the booth as he looked at her with his eyes laughing.
“About what?” She was shaking her head already even though she had no idea what he was about to claim credit for.
“Your paralegal degree. I was right that getting it was a good backup.”
Phoebe tilted her head in acknowledgement. “All right, I’ll give you that one. It turns out, I really do like it.”
“It’s just you and Shane there?”
“Ah, now I see where you’re going with this. I told you, I’m not going to discuss that with you. But, no, it’s not just us. Margaret is the receptionist and all-around office manager. I can’t believe he was holding down the place without a paralegal for so long. People come to him for everything. Not just for work, either. People come in and out throughout the day to ask his take on things. It’s kind of nice to see the way the town trusts him.”
Her father murmured a response, but it sounded like he wasn’t quite ready to buy into the Shane Bishop fan club.
“I mean it. His neighbor, for example, she died recently. She asked Shane before she died to take care of some things she’d left in a safe deposit box.”
“What kind of things?”
Phoebe shrugged. “It wasn’t anything of great value, but the point was, she trusted him to get them to the people she cared about. Letters for her boyfriend and a journal she wanted her daughter to read.” Phoebe’s face fell. “Her daughter didn’t read it. It’s sad. She’s really angry. Her mom and she hadn’t been getting along. Shane asked me to read the journal to see if I could figure out any way to help us get through to the daughter. It’s that kind of thing. It’s more than just a job here. It’s the community. It’s like being a part of a larger family.”
Phoebe bit down on her lip, afraid she might have hurt her dad’s feelings. It had always just been she and her grandmother and him. Now, she and her dad were all that was left.
He didn’t seem to notice. “So, have you found anything that might help? Anything in the journal that might tell you how to help the daughter come to terms with whatever was going on between her and her mother?”
“No. I haven’t gotten into it as much as I’d like, but I will. She was a fascinating woman. I was sorry I never had the chance to meet her. She seemed to be so full of life, like she never hesitated to just grab life and live it.” Phoebe thought again how shocking it had been to read the journal knowing Fiona had taken her own life. It struck her every time she read the entries, but the entries she was reading were from years before. She guessed a lot could change in the intervening years.
After her father left for his flight Sunday evening, Phoebe pulled out Fiona’s journal. So far, she hadn’t found anything in it that she thought might instantly make Fiona’s daughter forgive Fiona. It was more the entirety of the journey her mother took within the pages that Emmaline would need to see. Fiona had talked some about her childhood in Ireland and about the feeling of excitement when she and Aengus had come to America together. A lot of what Fiona felt for Aengus seemed to be tied up in the idea of him taking her away from her family to explore new and exciting things.
She’d been so young when she and Aengus met. Having seen Aengus O’Malley, Phoebe could imagine how he’d seemed larger than life to a young woman. Young girl, really.
It turned out, there just wasn’t enough there between Fiona and Aengus to sustain a lifetime together.
Phoebe wondered if what she felt for Shane was enough to last a lifetime. Part of her said it could be, but another part was also scared. She was also realistic enough to know she hadn’t known him long enough to make that decision.
She was surprised by that. She’d often been ruled by her emotions and hadn’t really been one to slow herself down long enough to think things through. She liked that she was growing enough as a person to do that.
Still, the kick in her chest every time she thought about Shane told her this could go somewhere, if she let it.
She settled into the journal, willing thoughts of Shane from her mind. As much as she loved the start of a relationship where all you could think about was the other person, it did feel a tad obsessive.
June 21, 2014 Emmaline called today and for once, we talked like old times. I think she might be on the brink of finally, truly forgiving me for leaving Aengus. She’ll never see my side of it, but that’s more than I can hope for, I think.
Today, she told me she’s dating someone she’s really excited about. His name is Robert, and she met him through a work colleague. She sounds excited, and I’m glad for her. I didn’t have the heart to tell her about Elliot yet. Oh, I haven’t told you, Dear Diary, about Elliot, have I? I suppose I’ve been busy being swept off my feet.
I felt a little foolish when he first asked me out, but then I remembered my commitment to living my life to the fullest, and I said screw it. Oh, how Aengus would cringe if he heard how crass I’ve become.
Oh well, screw it! Ha! Look at me go.
Elliot moved to town to buy the pharmacy from the old geezer who used to own it. Grumpy old son of a gun, I tell you. Well, it’s a right nice twist to have a friendlier face in there. At first, I assumed he flirted with everyone, but Bev told me he doesn’t treat her the way he treats me. She said he’s friendly enough, but, as she put it, there are no goo goo eyes for her when he’s doling out her arthritis medication. She sounded a little put out at first, but she seems to be over that.
Of course, the whole town will have a field day when they find out we’re dating. We’ve kept it secret for a week, but I don’t think that’s going to last much longer.
The fact that Elliot’s new in town alone was enough to start the rumor mill going. Everyone always wants to know every scrip, scrap, and strudel from a body’s past when someone comes to town. Elliot’s story is tragic, really. Horrible thing for him to have gone through. His wife died, poor dear, and she was five months pregnant. There was no saving the baby. Elliot came home to find his wife had collapsed. It was some kind of allergic reaction. She was prescribed medicine she didn’t know she was allergic to. They couldn’t save her or the baby. I can’t imagine his pain. It seems it would leave a hole that would never be filled no matter that you find the strength to move on.
Of course, that was ten years ago. Even so, the town is having a field day with it. I’m not going to worry about the rumor mill for now, though. He makes me happy. And Emmaline sounds happy. For now, that’s more than enough for me!
Phoebe closed the jou
rnal and sighed. It was horrible, reading about Elliot’s wife, but the way Fiona had decided to grab life and live it no matter what others thought made Phoebe want to be that bold.
She had a feeling Chelsea had been right about some of what she had said. Phoebe had been afraid to commit to someone, to a life with another person. And she knew why. She was too afraid she’d end up being like her own mother. That she wouldn’t be able to hack it and she’d leave.
That fear, though, had ended up leaving her side-lined in a way. Most people might look at Phoebe and say she’d been grabbing life and living it. In some ways, she had. She’d tried a lot of things she wanted to try. She’d jumped around to jobs that had interested her. The only reason she had a paralegal degree was because her father had talked her into getting it years ago as a backup plan to her fly-by-the-seat-of-her-pants attitude.
But, she knew the truth was she’d been living her life that way because it meant not having to create ties. Not having to grab what she really wanted. Not having to test if she was capable of commitment, of love, of building a life and a family with one person. Or if she, like her mother, was somehow deficient.
Phoebe went to her closet and pulled out the small box of letters she’d written to her mom over the years. She ran her hand over the cover of the box, not at all sure she was ready to open this particular area of her life again. These letters had been written over the course of years, and they spelled out the pain she’d felt for her mother’s betrayal in harsh relief. With a deep breath, she cracked the lid, and she would swear a wave of heartache swept out like a dark cloud. It was always that way. Her mother’s memory was just that. A dark cloud that dimmed whatever light Phoebe had let into her life.
29
However long the day, night must fall.
Irish proverb recorded in Fiona O’Malley’s Journal
Phoebe was the first to arrive at the office the following morning. She was caught up on her work and probably didn’t need to keep coming in so early, but she’d found she liked the quiet of the morning. It wasn’t exactly quiet since she tended to blast music while she worked, but it was her time alone in the office. The rest of the office lay dormant and she didn’t need to worry she might bother Shane or Margaret.
She was here earlier than usual today. Sleep hadn’t come very easily to her the night before. She’d been tossing and turning with thoughts of Fiona and Elliot and her own worry about whether she had it in her to be the kind of person who could stay with a family or not.
She’d ended up sitting on the floor of her room looking over the letters she’d written but not sent to her mother over the years. She’d only sent the one. When she hadn’t gotten a reply, she’d stopped sending them, but she hadn’t stopped writing to her.
But it turned out, there were no answers for her in the letters shoved in a box in her closet. At five in the morning, she’d given up. She’d showered and dressed, then looked at the letters one last time before shoving them back into the closet.
She needed to let go of her mother. It was time to say goodbye to the ghost of a woman who wasn’t dead, but might as well be for all the care she’d ever had for her only daughter.
A half hour later, she let herself into the lobby of the law firm and flicked the lights on. A loud crash came from the back of the office.
“Shane? Is that you?” She started toward the noise, then froze. A shiver skated across the back of Phoebe’s neck as she realized Shane would have turned the lights on in the back hallway if he’d come in that way. And if he’d walked to work as she had and entered through the front door, he would have turned on the lobby lights.
“Shane.” She whispered the word this time holding her breath for a minute.
She couldn’t ignore the hairs on the back of her neck that told her to leave. If for no other reason, her dad would kill her if something happened and he found out she hadn’t listened to her instincts. Instincts were everything, he’d always told her.
She turned and went back out the way she’d come.
On the sidewalk, her chest felt tight and she fumbled with her cell phone as she looked around. The street was empty and too still. What had felt peaceful moments before now felt isolated. At this time, the diner around the corner and the feed store might have customers, but this side of town housed the law firm and several artist’s galleries. None of those businesses were open yet.
Screw the phone. Phoebe looked over her shoulder as she hustled around the corner to the police station. She flew through the doors, letting out a breath to find one of Garret’s patrol officers standing at a desk looking up at her in surprise.
“Ms. Joy? Are you all right?”
Phoebe looked down to see her hands were shaking, but she suddenly felt foolish. She’d likely just completely overreacted. She’d probably burst into the police station all because some of the extra pens and copy paper Margaret kept on the shelves by the back door had worked their way off a shelf.
“Hey, Phoebe, what’s going on?” Garret entered the room from his office off the main area.
“I…I’m sorry, I…”
“Okay,” Garret said moving forward and taking her by the arms to move her into a chair. “Take a breath, Phoebe.”
She did, and it came out as a laugh. She rubbed her hands over her face. “I’m sorry. This is silly. I just went to the office early and it was dark when I got there. I heard a noise in the back and I freaked.” She looked up at him. “Oh, God and I just ran out of there and left the front door unlocked.”
He smiled. “No worries. I’ll just walk down with you and we’ll be sure things are okay. I’d rather have a false alarm where everyone’s safe than you ending up like the stupid person in a horror movie who goes to investigate the noise. We all know how that turns out.”
Phoebe laughed and stood up, wrapping her hands around her waist. “Thank you, Garret. I’ll still feel like an idiot when it turns out to be nothing.”
30
A man may live after losing his life, but not after losing his honor.
Irish proverb recorded in Fiona O’Malley’s Journal
It didn’t turn out to be nothing. Phoebe stood in her office looking at the disarray. It hadn’t been trashed, exactly, but whoever had gone through her drawers hadn’t bothered being neat about it. There were open drawers, their contents strewn on the floor.
“Shane’s on his way,” Garret said, stepping back into the room. He had cleared the building when they arrived and found it empty, but it was clear someone had been there. A window in the back hall had been broken as the point-of-entry. “Does it look like there’s anything missing to you?”
“I don’t know.” Phoebe walked around the room looking at the contents of her office laid out on the floor. He’d already told her not to touch anything. “I don’t think so. It’s hard to remember everything that was here, but nothing strikes me as missing.”
He held up a case she hadn’t even known he was carrying. It looked like a dark blue tackle box for fishing. “I’m going to see if I can lift any prints from the window sill and then I’ll come in and check the drawers. Are you all right here?”
Phoebe nodded. “I’ll sit out here,” she said, moving toward the chairs in the lobby. The lobby hadn’t been touched.
The front door flew open and Shane came in, white as a sheet. His eyes found her and she stood.
There was no time for explanations or answers.
She was in Shane’s arms, wrapped in warmth and comfort and safety. Strong muscles held her and she rested her head against his chest. It was silly how much her heart was still pounding, and how much having him there to hold her helped. It wasn’t like she’d been here when the burglar broke in. It wasn’t like she’d seen him or interrupted him or had to fight anyone off.
Then something else occurred to Phoebe. Her heart wasn’t the only one pounding. Shane’s heart slammed in his chest, racing, as though he’d just gone ten rounds with someone.
Phoebe slid her ha
nd to his heart and pulled back to look him in the eye. “Are you okay?”
“I’m supposed to ask you that.” His voice was low and he looked over her as though he needed to see for himself that the answer was yes.
“I’m fine. I heard something at the back of the office as soon as I turned on the lights. Garret thinks they were either on their way out or they ran as soon as I turned the lights on.”
Shane let out a breath and leaned against her, nuzzling into her. He just stayed there, holding her and she stayed in his arms, not making any attempt to pull away.
She didn’t want to, she realized. She never wanted to pull away. She liked the way he made her feel. Liked the way she felt safe, treasured, wanted. Like she mattered.
31
You have only to let joy into your heart to find it in your life.
Fiona O’Malley’s Journal
Shane tried to listen to what Garret was saying, but his focus was on Phoebe. He’d been such an idiot. He’d thought about putting in an alarm over the years, but he hadn’t ever gotten around to it. This was Evers. If there was a break-in around here, it was teens messing around, and they never bothered with his office. He didn’t have anything exciting enough to entice them.
“Can you think of any reason anyone would want to break in?”
“No,” Shane said in response to Garret. He was pretty sure Garret had repeated the question for a second time for him after he’d missed it the first time. His eyes kept going back to where Phoebe sat with Margaret in the lobby. The color was back in Phoebe’s cheeks and she was laughing at something Margaret said.
“Did you have a chance to look through your office and see what might be missing?” Garret asked the question with the kind of look that told Shane he knew exactly where Shane’s mind was and that it sure as hell wasn’t in the conversation they were having.