by Lynn Mann
If you do not know for certain then you do not know, I was informed.
Trying to convince myself wasn’t going to work, I realised. Infinity had told me with utmost sincerity that I could bone-sing. I felt her total conviction and allowed it to fill me. And I knew that I could do it. I would heal myself. I sat down on the bank of the stream and slowed my breathing, taking long, deep breaths as I allowed my attention to wander around my body.
It was easy. I quickly sorted through the different tissues, getting a feel for them. I then turned my awareness to focus solely on my bones. Once I had tuned into one of them, it was effortless to tune into any of the others and when I came across the one that was broken, the discord that emanated from it shook me. Infinity was with me instantly, steadying me until the shock passed. Then she faded into the background, leaving me to carry on by myself. I was still tuned into the broken bone and I had to clamp my jaws together to stop my teeth from chattering at the discord that it was broadcasting. I suddenly noticed that without trying, I was making a low, harsh tone that resonated exactly with the broken bone. Instinct took over and immediately I sent my intention for the bone to heal along the pathway travelled by the sound to the bone. I felt the attraction between the broken ends of the bone and my intention caused them to begin to fuse back together. I needed to change the sound I was making, I realised, as the noise that I was currently producing no longer resonated with the bone as it began to heal. I softened the tone and the pain in my arm lessened significantly as my continued intention encouraged the bone to knit together more firmly and become whole once more. I’d done it.
My concentration wavered as I realised how tired I was. I hadn’t yet healed the bone back to the full strength of my healthy bones and I just couldn’t find the concentration to be able to do it. My bone was whole once more, albeit not nearly as strong as it should be, and the pain would be manageable once I had found the right herbs. That would do, wouldn’t it?
It will be enough for now, agreed Infinity.
I sank back into the grass and lay on my back, resting. I felt completely exhausted and as the sun made its way down behind the hills in front of us, I realised that I was getting cold, too. A slight breeze was getting up and the thought of spending the night out in the open with only my shirt and pullover to keep me warm was extremely unappealing.
Infinity, we need to move on now, we need to find some shelter, I told her, hoping upon hope that this time she would agree to go. By way of an answer, she stopped grazing and began to move on towards the hills. I fell in beside her, keeping my eyes on the ground, searching for the herbs that I needed to hasten the recovery of my arm.
We reached the foot of the hills just as night fell. Boulders littered the ground and I found one that was large enough to shelter both of us from the breeze. I knew Infinity would want to graze more before she slept, so I leaned back against the boulder, knees pulled in to my stomach and munched on some arnollia leaves that I had gathered for pain relief, along with the root of mennawort, which would act as an anti-inflammatory for the soft tissue that had been damaged by the broken bone. I would normally have ground the mennawort root, before adding it to the arnollia leaves and making a hot tea with them, sweetened with honey, but this would have to do. I tried not to gag as the bitter mennawort root churned around in my mouth.
It had been an exhausting day and hunger gnawed at my stomach, but I couldn’t help feeling buoyant. I had healed my own bone! With no training, just an absolute certainty that I could do it, I had managed to bone-sing. Infinity was turning on its head my idea of what was possible in life. Any human could perform any of the Skills. And, I suddenly remembered, before the Woeful had distracted us, Infinity had been in the process of telling me that any human is capable of communicating with horses! It seemed that the idea I had grown up with, that only certain people could do certain things, was completely false. Why was no one else aware of this? I wondered to myself as I shivered against the cold, hard boulder.
Some humans are aware of it. Infinity was making her way over to where I sat. The human urge to feel special is very strong. Strong enough to prevent the sharing of truth.
?????????
When Mettle and Jonus helped humans to remember their latent abilities they always told that EVERYONE had the memories that needed waking. But it was always only the first few to remember that were celebrated as being the gifted ones. As soon as a few could perform the ‘Skills’ no one else continued to try. The original message was forgotten. The belief arose that only a few individuals could do the different tasks. Special individuals. That belief has limited humans ever since.
But you said some humans do know the truth?
Yes.
Why don’t they say?
They would no longer be seen by others as special if everyone could do what they do. If others do not see them as special they cannot see themselves as having worth. This is at the root of many human mistakes.
I remembered back to how I felt when I was accepted to train as a Herbalist. The approval from my family and friends both then and later, when I had proved to be such an able student, had left me feeling happy, accepted and, I hesitated now to admit it, special. I thought about all the attention lavished on the Horse-Bonded when they had their Quest Ceremonies and then later visited the villages. How would people feel about the Horse-Bonded if they knew that they weren’t ‘special’ at all? But then we are in one sense, I decided; maybe everyone is capable of communicating with horses, but not everyone gets chosen by a horse, do they?
Not everybody needs to be.
What?
Most humans will achieve their life purpose without a bond with a horse.
So those of us who are chosen by horses are chosen because we are lacking in some way?
That is the reason some humans are chosen. Others are chosen because there is an opportunity for rapid progression in their evolution that will not happen without the aid of a horse. And some are chosen because they have the potential to make a difference to others. A horse can help them to achieve that potential.
I knew she meant me. I felt extremely pleased with myself and relieved that I wasn’t one of those chosen because they needed help so desperately. Infinity lay down in front of me so that as I turned around to settle against her, I was nestled between her and the boulder. I felt her amusement and realised the trap I had fallen into. I was feeling special again. Well what was wrong with that? I couldn’t help it if I were relieved to have been chosen for a good reason and not because I needed help, could I?
Why do you assume you do not need help?
Because we agreed to help horses and humans evolve further, that’s why we’re together.
You cling to that idea alone because it boosts your idea of yourself. Do you think you are in a position to perform our task in your current state?
I thought back to the events of the past years of my life and realised how little I had known about the true order of things, and how much I had learnt already in the short time that I had been under Infinity’s instruction. I sighed. From what little she had already taught me, I could guess how much more there would be to come. I felt very small and insignificant.
No need, Infinity told me.
??????
No need to feel as you do now. No need to feel special. No need for any of it.
Then how should I feel?
You will learn.
I snuggled down against her, wrapping my arms around my body as my stomach grumbled loudly. I must have fallen asleep.
Someone was shaking me and they wouldn’t stop. My bed was wet and cold.
‘Leave me alone, I need to sleep,’ I murmured.
Walks A Straight Path. I need to rise.
I woke fully and realised that Infinity was quivering from side to side in her attempt to wake me. I sat up in the dewy grass, shivering, and moved away from Infinity on my hands and knees. Infinity heaved herself to her feet and immediately began to graze next to me. She
was hungry. She hadn’t grazed for as long into the night as she usually did, I realised.
You were cold. You needed my body heat.
I mustered as much love and warmth as I could and sent it to her, attempting to envelop her with it as she did to me. She might not need gratitude but I could love her as much as I wanted to.
She would be a while grazing now, I thought to myself, what to do while I waited? Going back to sleep wasn’t an option, I was too cold. I couldn’t hear water nearby and Infinity couldn’t smell any either, I noted. I had lost all means of catching or cooking food when I abandoned my back-sack. My best chance of sustenance was blackberries, I decided. I searched around the boulders for brambles whilst jumping up and down and rubbing my arms in an attempt to warm up, but I couldn’t find anything to eat.
We are not far from The Gathering. You will survive, Infinity observed. I noticed it didn’t stop her eating her fill though. I stomped round and round the same boulder, beating an angry, muddy path in the grass. Infinity grazed on. When the sun was high enough to spread a little warmth on the landscape, Infinity was finally ready to leave. I was feeling weak and light-headed from hunger, so I put my hand on Infinity’s side to steady myself as I took up my place next to her. She stopped. I will carry you. Climb onto my back.
No, I’m alright, I just need to put my hand against you in case I trip.
You are weak. I can carry you.
I had no intention of sitting on her again until someone was there to teach me to ride properly.
Last time we moved at speed. This time I will walk. I will not fall.
As long as I can lean against you if I need to, I’ll manage. I might find some berries on the way and I’ll need to be on the ground to pick them. It was a weak argument and Infinity wasn’t fooled, but she didn’t press me further.
I eventually found a dense bramble patch at the foot of some pear trees. The blackberries were beginning to ripen past their best now and I tried to ignore the little white maggots crawling out of a large proportion of them as I picked the best ones and gobbled them down. They were juicy and I was grateful for the sweet fluid that trickled down my throat. I picked some pears and ate them as we walked.
The sun was reaching its zenith when we came across a dirt track. I could see something moving along it, away from us, in the distance.
We are close to The Gathering now, Infinity informed me.
My heart lifted, but then sank as I realised that before too long, Infinity and I would no longer be alone together. Strange as the last days had been, they had also been wonderful and I wasn’t sure if I was ready to re-enter the world of humans just yet. I felt nervous. I wondered how many people and horses would be there and what they would think of Infinity and me. What would I do when we got there? Was there a particular person I should go and see to announce my arrival? What if they turned me away because I was too young?
You are absent from the present again.
I resolved once more to keep my attention in the present and allow events to unfold as they would. Instantly I felt better.
We turned to follow whatever it was that I had seen moving along the track. It wasn’t long before we came across a fresh pile of dung that I recognised as that of a donkey and as we rounded a sharp bend half an hour later, we came across its source. Halted on the track in front of us was a wooden cart piled high and covered with a tarpaulin. I could hear voices coming from around the front of it.
‘Um, Hello?’ I called out as Infinity and I came to a halt behind the cart. A man and a woman appeared. The woman was taller than I and much more heavily set. She wore bright yellow leggings and appeared to be wearing three or four shirts layered on top of each other, so that she had multiple collars at her neck, all in equally garish hues. Her black, knee-length boots seemed very dull by comparison with the rest of her attire. Her face showed her to be in her mid-thirties, I guessed. The man was dressed in brown, from his shirt and pullover down to his boots. He had a ruddy complexion and the lines on his forehead and at the corner of his watery blue eyes put him at a good few years older than his companion.
They both wore bandannas on their heads, knotted at the nape of the neck, which kept their long hair away from their faces as well as announcing their Trades to all: The woman wore the yellow bandanna of a Herald, and the man wore the red of a Pedlar.
Pedlars travelled far and wide, and made regular journeys to the ruined cities of The Old. They scavenged objects that could be useful to those of The New both from ruined buildings and from the old rubbish landfill sites that were always located on the outskirts of the cities. They then visited the villages of The New, trading their finds for food and lodging, as well as for goods that they could trade on elsewhere. They were vital suppliers of metal for the Metal-Singers, and many Glass-Singers bought the glass bottles and jars that pedlars carried, finding it quicker to sing them into new shapes than to sing fresh glass from sand.
Heralds took news and messages between villages in the form of verbal announcements, private messages and written letters between individuals. It was customary for the receivers of the messages and news, whether individual households or villages as a whole, to provide for the Herald’s needs during their visit and they generally seemed to live well by their chosen Trade. For many people of The New, Heralds were their only link to family and friends who had moved away to marry or to find work and their arrival in the villages was generally the cause of much excitement.
Working as a Pedlar or a Herald involved long periods of time on the road and it was thus very common for members of the Travelling Trades, as they were known, to team up and travel together.
The couple smiled at Infinity and me. ‘Hello!’ said the woman in a hearty voice. ‘We seem to be blocking your way, our apologies. I’m Salom and this is Pete.’
‘I’m Amarilla and this is Infinity.’ I shook their proffered hands.
Pete whistled as his gaze wandered over Infinity. ‘An’ ain’ she jus’ the beau’y.’
I felt a flush of something from Infinity and recognised it as satisfaction. I watched her turn her head to the side slightly and blink very slowly, accentuating her white eyelashes against the blue of her eyes as she did so. Her performance had the desired effect, as both of her admiring humans drew a sharp intake of breath. She revelled in their admiration.
Feeling special, are we? I teased her.
Always. Not in the sense you mean.
Well why is it that if I feel special, it’s undesirable?
You feel special only when others tell you that you are. You have little sense of your own value. I know my worth and how others feel about me affects it not. I can enjoy the admiration of others because I do not need it.
Oh. I frowned as I tried to understand the difference. Salom and Pete continued to admire Infinity. She batted her eyelashes at them unashamedly and I couldn’t decide whether I was amused or irritated.
‘How long have you been bonded?’ asked Salom.
‘Not long, we’re on our way to The Gathering for the first time,’ I replied.
‘Oh, how exciting for you and here we are, slap bang in the way!’
‘Don’t worry, we can squeeze around,’ I replied. ‘Is there a problem with your cart?’
‘No’ the car’, nah,’ said Pete, ‘i’s one o’ the donkeys.’
‘Can we help at all?’
‘Thank you, we’re not really sure what’s wrong yet, she just started limping. We were just having a look at her when we heard you calling,’ replied Salom, as she lead the way around the cart to one of the four donkeys that pulled it. ‘This is Salsh.’ She patted the donkey at front right of the traces. ‘I’ve felt down her leg and can’t find any heat, I was wondering if she’s strained her shoulder.’
She has a sore foot. She trod on a sharp stone. Some of your herb will help. She is very thirsty, Infinity told me.
‘Infinity says that Salsh has a bruised sole from a sharp stone. I have some arnollia here for he
r to ease the pain,’ I said, pulling the limp remains of the herb that I had gathered the day before from the pocket of my leggings, ‘and if I can find some starflower, you can grind the petals with some water and smear it on her sole to bring out the bruising more quickly.’
Salom took the arnollia from me and held it out to Salsh, who took it and began to chew. ‘Thank you, thank you both so much, is there anything we can give you in return?’ she said.
‘Do you have any water I could drink? I lost my flask,’ I said.
‘Of course, of course, Pete, Amarilla needs a beaker of water,’ she called over to where Pete was stroking Infinity’s neck as he chattered to her.
‘Infinity said Salsh is very thirsty too,’ I said, hoping they didn’t think I was criticising them.
No need.
What?
No need to concern yourself with what others think of you.
But I want them to like me. What’s wrong with that?
No need.
I felt a bit irritated. Being tutored when we were alone was one thing, but we had company and it was difficult to concentrate on behaving in a normal fashion when I had the fountain of knowledge picking me up on everything I said and did.
No need.
What now?
No need to behave in the way in which you are expected.
Then how do I behave?
As yourself.
Pete appeared in front of me with a large beaker of water. ‘T’ain’ very fresh bu’ i’ll do,’ he said. He carried a wooden bucket in his other hand with water slopping over the edge, which he offered to Salsh. ‘Should o’ bin a’ The Gatherin’ ba na, she’s thisty cas we bin longer un we thau.’
‘How much further is it?’ I asked.
‘Bou’ ‘alf an ‘ar,’ he replied. My heart leapt and sank again.
I cast about, looking for starflower among the many grasses and herbs on either side of the track. It wasn’t too long before I found some. I took it over to where Pete and Salom sat on the verge, eating their lunch. They had unharnessed the donkeys and tethered them to graze and I noticed that they had set out a place on their blanket for me. My mouth watered. There was cheese, bread, slices of ham and what looked like some kind of chutney, and a large fruitcake.