by Lynn Mann
Justin threw another stick onto the fire and got to his feet. ‘Amarilla, would you like us to move Infinity into the field shelter now? We’ve put a deep bed of straw down in there for her to have to herself at one end and Rowena and Lexi have cobbled together a stretcher that should be strong enough to drag her on, if we can roll her onto it?’ The small voice didn’t sound like the Justin I knew and I noticed how he swayed where he stood.
‘Yes please,’ I said, ‘and I’ll sleep with her. Please could someone ask Adam to come up when it’s light, to see to her surface wounds?’
‘I’m here, my dear and I’ll begin work as soon as we’ve moved her.’
I think it was the combination of exhaustion, shock and reassurance at the sound of Adam’s voice, that made me let go of my own consciousness. I remember feeling dizzy and then thinking that the fire was rising up in the air very suddenly, before I felt a thump and everything went black.
As I drifted in and out of sleep I could feel the fire roaring close by and was comforted as well as warmed by its heat. Snatches of conversation reached me at different stages through the night but I couldn’t bring myself to sufficient wakefulness to stay with any of them for long.
‘… shouldn’t still be out here, if exhaustion from performing that amount of healing in one session doesn’t kill her, the cold will…’
‘… to be near Infinity and I don’t blame her. At least she’s by the fire, just keep it blazing and she’ll be alright…’
‘… managed to get her rug off, we had to soak it off in places but Adam’s confident he’s found all of the wounds that needed dressing. Are there anymore…’
‘… Newson’s body. Integrity has asked Oak to tell me she needs to be near it. Something about him refusing to move on…’
On one occasion I managed to organise my mind enough to try and reach Infinity, but she was still unconscious, her mind as spent as her body. I mustered as much love as I could and flung it in her direction, vaguely aware as I drifted off again, that I could feel some of the horses supporting her in much the same way.
When I completely came to, it was light. It was cold and there was an argument in progress nearby.
‘I’ll just have to explain my reasons to her when she wakes. I’m not going to leave her there in the cold a moment longer. Look at her. She’ll be no use to Infinity if she dies of hypothermia, will she?’ Justin said.
‘For the last time, she won’t thank you for it. Think how you would feel if it was Gas lying in there, you’d want to be near him, wouldn’t you?’ retorted Rowena.
Justin sighed. ‘Well I’ll move her in with Infinity then, at least she’ll be under cover. I’ll build another fire in the doorway and hopefully that will warm her up a bit. Where’s Turi with that cursed soup? She went to make it ages ago.’
Rowena said tiredly, ‘Jus, you haven’t slept. I’ve at least had a few hours in a warm bed, why don’t you go and rest? I’ll stay here with Amarilla, I’ve got to see to Oak’s legs anyway.’
‘I can’t face it, Ro. If I rest, I’ll see it all. What happened. To Noble, to Newson, to Shann…’ Justin’s voice broke.
I couldn’t open my eyes, as my lashes seemed to be frozen together. I sat up and rubbed them until my lashes came free of one another, allowing me to see Rowena and Justin crying into their embrace. I looked past them to the field shelter where I could see a mound that had to be Infinity, and someone wrapped in blankets sitting nearby. Diligence, Oak, Gas and Spider stood in the shelter, all facing towards where my horse lay, their heads drooping. They supported her still.
The full horror of the previous night’s events hit me. My mind replayed Noble’s limp body being carried off by Woeful; an exhausted Infinity being brought down and pinned to the ground with a huge black Woeful on top of her; Quinta’s screams; horses racing wild-eyed towards the square; Shann slain in front of me; my own terror; and what was that I heard in the night about Newson’s body? I got to my feet and began to keen as I stumbled over to Rowena and Justin. Each put an arm around me and pulled me close as my keening turned to sobs that came from deep within.
‘I need to see Infinity,’ I said at last. My friends walked me to where Infinity lay. It was Mason who sat with her and once I could see that she lay peacefully and covered in blankets, I nodded to him gratefully and managed a weak smile, which he returned.
Infinity had green paste smeared on her in multiple places and there was a swelling above her eye that had what I recognised as starflower paste smeared on it. Her belly rose and fell in an even rhythm and as I tuned into her body, I could feel that her heart now beat strongly in her chest. I sat down by her head and stroked her cheek gently.
‘Marvel and Adam cleaned her wounds and Adam is confident that everythin’ will heal well,’ said Mason.
Rowena added, ‘and Oak says she’ll just need time now to regain her strength. The healing you did last night used up her energy as well as your own and though the horses supported you both as best they could, it will take some time for her to fully recover from it all.’
I looked up at my friends and noticed how truly dreadful they both looked. Rowena’s face was grey and she had dark patches under both of her red-rimmed eyes. She appeared to be wearing her whole winter wardrobe at once. Justin was standing completely still for the first time I could remember. He stood with sagging shoulders and tall as he was, somehow, he looked very small. He had soot smeared down one side of his face with clear tracks through it where his tears had run.
‘Where’s…’ I had to swallow before trying again. ‘Where’s Shann?’
Justin looked upwards and appeared to be holding his breath. Rowena clenched both fists and looked at the floor as tears ran down her cheeks. Oak moved up behind her and rested his chin gently on her shoulder.
It was Mason who said, ‘Shann’s body is in his bedroom. When Spider has finished here, he will take it somewhere that will make it easy for Shann to fully leave it behind and move on.’
‘Oh. And Newson?’
Mason said, ‘he’s in the field shelter nearest the buildin’s. Integrity has insisted that she stay there too. Apparently, Newson is havin’ difficulty acceptin’ that his body is dead and she’s tryin’ to help him.’
I heard the words but I couldn’t gain a purchase on them, I was so tired. I asked, ‘how’s Quinta?’
‘Restin’. She’s refused sedation as she wants to make the most of every second that Noble is still with her. She says he won’t be stayin’ long. This whole business is goin’ to take some gettin’ over, no doubt about it.’
Rowena, Justin and I all nodded, numbly.
Eighteen
Aftermath
I spent the days and nights that immediately followed “that day” with Infinity in her field shelter. I insisted on tending to all of her needs myself and refused to listen to my friend’s pleas for me to go and rest and let them take a turn at sitting with her. I slept under the blankets with her at night-time and was always close by during the day. It was partly my way of distancing myself from the horror of what had happened — if I kept my mind focused on Infinity’s needs and recovery then I didn’t have to think of anything else — but I also felt extreme dread and anxiety whenever I thought of leaving my horse to go and wash or change my clothes. I was terrified that something would befall her while I was gone and I couldn’t cope with being separated from her, not even for a few minutes.
My friends took turns in staying with me and helping. They kept the fires roaring and they brought hay and water for the horses and food and extra clothes for me. They also helped me to assist Infinity when she needed to change the side on which she was lying. She could just about heave herself onto her feet, but then needed people to lean on each side of her to keep her upright while she had a drink and then lay down on her other side. It broke my heart every time. Her legs trembled, her head hung low and when she made it back down to the ground safely, she would let out a long sigh before lying flat out
and sleeping once more. She would half wake at times and then munch hay whilst laying down, and I managed to tempt her to eat a few handfuls of warmed mushy grain every so often, but mostly she just slept. I missed her dreadfully. I yearned to feel her presence in my mind again, so strong, so calm, so constantly reassuring.
Twice, when I was missing her most keenly, I felt her stir in my mind. The first time, she reached out weakly to me, just long enough for me to take comfort from her before she receded again. The second time, she stayed with me for a short while, wrapping me in a weak veil of her energy in an attempt to ease my anxiety. Then she was gone and as she faded again, I felt what her effort had cost her. I felt shamed by my selfishness and resolved to stop pining for her and give her the space she needed to recover her strength.
Oak, Gas and Diligence maintained a constant supportive presence; there was always at least one of them making their energy available to Infinity as she recovered from her ordeal. Integrity and Spider were otherwise occupied.
Spider left The Gathering with Shann’s body on the second morning after “that day”. According to Oak, Shann had adjusted very well to his situation and was ready to move on. Spider was taking his body to a place where Shann would feel comfortable leaving it, so that he could move on completely and in peace. Rowena told me about it in a matter of fact sort of a way, but the way she shifted about on her feet, holding her arms tightly about her, gave an indication of the pain she was desperately attempting to hold in check.
Integrity was apparently still with Newson’s body, in a field shelter down near the buildings. I learnt that Newson had gone after the Woeful who had been carrying Noble’s body away from The Gathering, whether in a mad attempt to retrieve it for Quinta, from guilt that his own, larger horse had jumped out of the paddock and left Noble on his own, or whether it was just something he did without any rational thought, no one knew and none of the horses would provide enlightenment on the subject. What they had passed on, however, was that Newson had been killed by one of the Woeful and was refusing to accept what had happened. A part of him was still anchored in his dead body and he was refusing to let go of either his body or his bond with his horse. He was confused, angry and afraid, and Integrity had refused both hay and water as she concentrated all of her energies to try to help him.
On the third morning, Quinta came to see me. I was by myself, Mason and Justin having helped me to support Infinity as she changed sides, and then gone to get some breakfast. I had reapplied Adam’s ointments to all of the injuries on Infinity’s newly exposed side and was gently lowering her blankets back down over her, when I perceived movement. I looked up to see Quinta carrying a steaming bowl of porridge towards me. She looked even smaller and more delicate than normal. Her face was drawn and her long, dark hair was uncharacteristically untidy, with thick chunks of it hanging loose from her ponytail and curling around under her chin. She looked up, saw me watching her, and hesitated. She took several deep breaths before setting her shoulders down and walking over to where I stood. I ground my teeth together. Having had to endure the agony of losing her own horse in such appalling circumstances, I couldn’t even begin to imagine how she must be feeling at seeing Infinity safe, albeit wounded, at my feet.
‘He’s gone,’ she said quietly. ‘He stayed with me afterwards for a while, but now he’s moved on.’
I couldn’t speak. I took the porridge bowl from her, put it on the floor and then put my arms around her. She gripped me into a hug, but no sobs came from her, only long, deep breaths. When she let go of me, she said, ‘how’s Infinity doing today? I’m so glad she’s still with you.’ Her voice was calm and sincere.
‘She’s… um… well, she’s still very weak and she sleeps most of the time, but she’s as comfortable as I can make her.’
Quinta bent down and retrieved the bowl. ‘You should eat this while it’s hot. The moon knows you must need the warmth from it, staying out here day and night.’
I took it from her and sat down in the straw. Quinta sat down beside me.
‘Quinta, h… how are you?’ I asked.
‘I’m alright, I think. I wasn’t, as you probably know. It was all such a shock and seeing Noble carried off like that was horrific, but he tells me that the Woeful killed his body very quickly once they caught him and he left it behind immediately. It was his time to go and things happened as they were always meant to. He’s been with me constantly since his body died, helping me to come to terms with the loss of his physical presence and when I finally felt at peace last night, I slept. When I woke this morning, he’d moved on.’
My porridge stuck in my throat. ‘I’m so sorry.’
‘Amarilla, you have nothing to feel sorry for. It will take some time to get used to him not being around, but I only have to feel for him with my mind the way I used to while he was here and I can find a sense of him. It’s not possible for him to move away from me completely.’ She smiled faintly.
‘Not possible?’
‘No. Having named your horse as you have, I imagine that at some point you will come to understand what I mean.’
My throat loosened at her words and I continued eating my breakfast. Quinta waited for me to finish, then said, ‘Amarilla, you are young and I’m sorry to burden you with this, goodness knows you’ve already had your share of problems since you’ve been here, but I have to tell you, to prepare you, to ask for your help.’
‘Me?’
She nodded. ‘There are dark days coming here at The Gathering, I can see the momentum building already. You and I and anyone we can persuade to listen to us, will need to hold firm to what our horses have taught us. We must help our fellow Horse-Bonded not to follow the path their fears will try to lead them down, otherwise the human race faces repeating mistakes of the past and returning to the ways of The Old.’
‘W… what do you mean?’ I whispered.
‘From time to time, when the Woeful have killed animals that were held dear by villagers, or when they’ve injured humans, there has been talk of hunting them, as I’m sure you know. The horses have always counselled their Bond-Partners to intervene and advise against that course of action and so far, their advice has always been heeded.
‘The Woeful are largely human. Noble has always counselled me that the fact they were bred in the first place, then left to fend for themselves when the people of The Old destroyed themselves, and then shunned by the humans of The New, is a reflection of what is lacking in the human race. He has spent the last few days helping me to understand that the Woeful attacked out of sheer desperation. They were starving and so were their kin. Despite their terror of water, they built a raft and crossed the river, leaving their families in the safety of the woods. When Noble first sensed them, he was terrified and his prey instinct took over as he tried to flee. Once they caught him, he felt their desperation and hunger but also their great love and respect for him as he left his body for them to take to feed their young.’
‘I felt it and so did Shann,’ I said and was flooded with a rush of emotion. I fought to steady myself.
‘Felt what?’ Quinta asked gently.
I told her what had happened when Shann was killed, adding, ‘the Woeful never meant to kill him, it was an accident. I felt his desperation and sadness before he fled.’
Quinta nodded. ‘Noble told me that the same happened with Newson, but Newson still refuses to accept it. His anger and fear hold him here and it seems he is still refusing to move on. I think Integrity plans to leave and move on with him. It’s the only way left for her to try.’
‘Leave? What, leave her body?’
Quinta nodded. ‘Noble told me last night that the only way she will be able to get him to release his hold on his body is to leave her own body and help him to move on with her. He’s just too confused and frightened.’
‘But surely if he knows what Integrity intends, that will be enough to make him let go? He can’t want his horse to give up her life for him, surely?’
Qu
inta shrugged. ‘I think he’s too frightened to be able to think that calmly and logically. Integrity feels that if she goes with him, she can help him to accept what has happened. Better that than to allow his fear to prevent him taking everything he’s learnt and achieved in this lifetime with him.
‘And now we’ve arrived at the crux of what is threatening to overwhelm us all — fear. What happened the other day frightened everyone very badly and there has been talk of what can be done to prevent it happening again. Some have gone to Vickery saying that they will smear her Woeful-repelling paste over their horses whether they like it or not. Others are all for going after the Woeful that attacked us and hunting them down and it seems that their argument is beginning to gather some momentum. Already there is a team guarding the riverbank in case the Woeful show themselves again. They have long poles and if there is any attempt made to cross the river, the plan is to upend the rafts before they reach our side, in the hope of drowning them.’
‘But what about what the horses think? Aren’t they listening to their horses?’
Quinta sighed. ‘Not all of them, no. It seems that some are ignoring their horses and allowing their fear to guide their thoughts. Ever since the first horses chose to bond with the humans that began The New, they have been helping the human race to make their decisions not from fear, but from what is healthy for their souls. So far they have succeeded, but if the Horse-Bonded ignore them now and hunt the Woeful, it won’t be long before the rest of the human race follow their example. Once decisions are made out of fear, out of an attempt to protect what we deem to be important, then we will truly be back on the pathway to The Old.’