“I can’t believe you’re turning 22 this year,” she said with a smile.
She only says that because this year she’s finally turning 21. We were only in the same year of school because somewhere along the line she skipped a grade. She’s really smart, but you wouldn’t out-right know it by the way she acts most of the time. She doesn’t want anyone to try to use her for her brain but she does want someone who loves her because of it.
She helped me out of my dress and hung it up in the bag while I got dressed. When I was dressed and shrugging into Carson’s jacket, the sales associate came back in and asked if I had decided. I told her, without hesitation, that I was getting the dress and she beamed. I looked at the price tag and smiled. It was on sale for $500, which is a fantastic price for this dress, so I smiled and followed her out to the register, Kami right behind me.
After paying for the dress, we decided we should all head back to my place to hang out. I switched places with Reed on the way back, my head resting on Carson’s shoulder for most of the ride. My mind focused on the dress laying in the back behind us, and my decision to finally, eventually, reveal my feelings to Carson. When we got back I reached over the back to the seat to grab the dress and turned to crawl out behind Carson, but he surprised me by pulling me and the dress out, cradling me like a new bride about to be carried over the threshold. I blushed at the thought while he leaned in close. He kissed dangerously close to my mouth, which drove me crazy.
That little bit of contact kind of short circuited the rational part of my brain, or at least that’s the story I’m sticking with to explain why I wrapped my arms around his neck and kissed him. My heart stopped for a second but I kept my cool. I wasted no time in hopping out of his arms, winking and leaving him standing by the car wearing a huge stunned grin.
I walked in and ran into Kami, who was grinning. “Did I just see what I think I saw?”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I said as I went upstairs to hang up my dress.
I hoped she wouldn’t follow me, but true to form she followed close behind me, smiling like an idiot the whole time. She stood in the doorway quietly just watching me for a minute. I had my back to her, focusing on hanging up my dress, trying to pretend like I didn’t know she was there staring me down.
“You just kissed him,” she said with a laugh as she flopped on the bed.
“Yes, yes I did,” I said with my own smile as I turned around.
“Alara Jenkins does not make the first move, ever,” she said, sounding shocked.
“Well, that was the old me Kami. I figured it was best to just jump into being the new me by doing what I have wanted to do for years. I mean I’m not ready to tell him yet, but soon. I just needed to know what it would be like, you know what I mean?” I was talking quickly, trying to explain it not only to her but also to myself.
She nodded and sat up. I could tell she was really proud of me. I was closer to finally being the person that she always knew I could be. She always believed I could be brave under all my fear and I think I would be forever grateful for that. I tackled her with a hug and we both laughed until Reed knocked on my door and walked in.
“Dude, I think you broke Carson,” he said. Not realizing the moment that he was walking in on. “Seriously, he won’t stop smiling. What did you do?” he asked, his chuckle laced every word.
“Oh, you know,” Kami said, jumping at the opportunity to spill the news. “She just kissed him.”
She said it so offhandedly that I had to laugh. She made it sound like an everyday occurrence. Reed’s eyes bugged out and his mouth dropped open. This made me laugh even harder because the expression was so unlike him. I don’t think I’ve ever seen him that shocked since the day we met.
“Who are you and what have you done with the Alara Jenkins that we all know and love,” he asked seriously.
He walked up and put his hand to my forehead, jokingly feeling for some sort of fever that could explain my behavior. He kept it there for a second while he stared at me. He shook his head and smiled. He looked to Kami and she was smiling just as big.
“She has no fever Kami, so you know what that means?”
“It means that our little girl is all grown up,” she said as she dramatically wiped away a fake tear.
We all laughed until Carson came walking in the room. Kami looked at him with a huge smile. Oh great, she was going to embarrass him. I frantically shook my head at her, hoping to dissuade her, but of course when hurricane Kami gets underway there is no stopping her. I wanted to warn Carson, but at the same time I kind of wanted to see what was about to happen, so I just stayed silent and thought that popcorn would make this moment more enjoyable.
“So, someone looks happy,” she said with a wink.
“I certainly have no complaints. Well, that’s not true. I have one,” he said as he stared at me.
“Yeah, you should, a cute girl like that kissed you and then walked away,” she said as she winked at me this time.
Reed shook his head at her antics and pulled her up off the bed. “Come on you, I think we need to go downstairs and give these two a minute.”
Once they were downstairs, Carson walked up to me and held my face in his hands. He was looking over every inch of my face, searching it, almost like he thought I had magically become someone else. I raised an eyebrow at him and his bottom lip jutted out creating a really cute pout. I can’t lie, I want to playfully bite his bottom lip whenever he does that.
“Sweetheart, it isn’t nice to kiss me and then walk away like that,” he said in his extremely sexy pouty voice.
Before I could respond he leaned in and kissed me. One of his hands relinquished its hold on my face in favor of pulling me in close by my waist. I melted into him, into the kiss, letting it overwhelm me. When he pulled away I wanted to push closer to have him kiss me like that until I forget my own name. I stared at his lips, hoping he would get the hint and kiss me. When he didn’t I looked up. He looked only slightly dazed, which annoyed me because I wanted him to feel as out of control as I did.
My mind kept circling back to the fact that being with him could change everything we’ve ever known when it comes to each other. The fear was coursing through me now, but it wasn’t fear of him or even of us. It was fear that I could end up losing the guy I love and my best friend all at once. I moved out of his arms and across the room running my hands through my hair as I looked in my vanity mirror. He walked up behind me and pulled me back against him, laying his chin on my shoulder. He must have figured out that something was wrong.
“What is it firefly,” he asked quietly.
“It’s just…you’re my best friend,” I answered as I turned around.
“Alright, wanna tell me why that’s a problem,” he asked with a smile.
“I don’t want to ruin anything. I mean, what we have means everything to me, you know that.”
He sighed and nodded. “I do know that, but I also know that I like you, and you like me. We kind of owe it to ourselves to try, you know?”
He said the words that I had been wanting to hear for a long time now, but my worry distracted me from really understanding what he said. “What if this doesn’t work though Carson? What then,” I asked as I laid my head on his shoulder.
“Then we go back to being just friends,” he said simply.
I bit my lip. I was still so unsure, even though I had just talked a big game about being brave. I was about to shake my head no, because I just wasn’t ready to risk us yet, but he held up his hand.
“One date. Let me take you on one date, a real date, and then if you think it’s still a bad idea we won’t do it again and we’ll just be friends,” he said seriously.
One date…the thought intrigued me. Maybe I could do one date. The rational part of my brain had been denied enough and shoved its way into the decision, forcing me to figure out that I needed to think about all this. He was watching me hopefully, and it almost killed me to tell him I need
ed to think about it.
“I don’t know…a lot has happened today Carson. Give me a few days to think about it?”
“Ok, but only because it’s you. Don’t take too long sweetheart,” he winked before kissing my cheek and walking out.
I looked in the mirror and sighed. What is wrong with me? He’s offering me everything I could want and I needed to think about it? That settled it. I had finally cracked. The rational side of my brain was in serious trouble because it was trying to rationalize something completely irrational: love.
I wanted to change out of Kami’s dress and into sweats and a t-shirt but then I remembered Carson’s reaction and stopped myself. I wasn’t going to let this get to me. I was going to go downstairs, hang out with my friends, and I was going to put this out of my mind for the rest of the night. When I was alone in bed tonight I would have plenty of time to think about everything. I slipped out of my boots and gave myself one last pep talk before walking downstairs.
Kami and Reed were cuddled up on one end of the couch, and Carson was on the other. They were watching something, but I couldn’t tell what, or at least I couldn’t until I heard someone playing Mozart on the piano. They were watching one of our old home movies. This one was the hardest for me to watch because it was the last one that had my grandpa in it. It just so happened to be filmed three years ago, on my birthday.
My grandfather and I had a special relationship. He had been my best friend and my hero. I loved that man to pieces and he loved me back just as much. I was closer to him than I am to my mom, and that’s saying something.
I walked in just as the camera panned to my grandpa. I had never seen this part, because I always ended up crying and shutting it off before I could. I watched, completely focused on the words that I had never gotten to hear my grandpa say.
“Hey AJ, I know I don’t have long left on this earth, because I’ve been sick for a while. I know you’re going to be so angry with me when you find out, so first things first, I’m so sorry baby girl. I know I should have told you that I was sick, but I just didn’t know how to tell you without breaking your heart. I don’t know if your mom will tell you, so I will. Everyone knew that I was sick, but I asked them not to say anything to you. You have always been the kindest and brightest soul, and I didn’t want to snuff out your light with worry about me. I know I’m getting close to the end and I just have a few things you need to hear. Don’t worry AJ, I know how much you hate long stories, so I’ll keep it simple and stick to the highlights.”
Hearing him call me AJ, which stands for Alara Jane, caused tears to roll down my cheeks. I could feel every eye in the room on me, watching me break down. I kept my eyes glued to the screen, ignoring them. The only person that mattered right now is my grandpa.
“I want you to love your life. I want you to live without fear and know that no matter what there are people who will catch you if you fall. I hate that I won’t be there, but I will be watching over you when I’m gone. You are so full of fear, I know that, but if anyone can overcome that it’s you. You need to stop thinking with your head all the time and let your heart make some decisions too. Know that when you cry, someone will always be there to dry your tears. Believe in you sweetheart, because I do, and everyone else does too. Well that’s about all I can think to say. One last thing, I love you Alara, and I wish you all the greatest joys in life.”
Arms wrapped around me and a hand came up and started wiping away my tears. I looked up as someone else turned off the movie. Carson was crying too. Everyone who knew him had loved my grandpa, and Carson was no exception. I buried my face in his chest and sobbed until I had no tears left.
I don’t know how long I cried but Carson stayed there with me, just holding me. He rocked me back and forth, not saying a word, letting his presence comfort me more than words ever could. A sudden thought hit me. Carson’s comforting presence reminds me a lot of my grandpa. The thought caused me to smile just a little bit.
“I’ve never seen that part of the movie,” I said quietly when I was done crying.
“Really? How is that possible,” Kami asked.
“I could never make it all the way through. I would get part way through and lose it. It’s not fair, why didn’t he trust me to be able to handle the fact that he was sick,” I said, feeling angrier as I thought about it.
“It wasn’t that he didn’t trust you,” Reed spoke up. “It’s that he didn’t want you to have to deal with it. He knew how you are, how you take the whole world on your shoulders,” he said with a nod.
“He loved you enough to shield you from that pain sweetheart,” Carson said in agreement. “Don’t be angry with him. He was just trying to do right by you. He wanted you to remember the good times with him, not him being sick. He wanted to be more than his illness to you,” Carson said as I reached up to dry his tears.
He kissed my fingers as I pulled them away and Kami stepped up behind me and wrapped her arms around me too. Reed wrapped his arms around all three of us, so I that was cocooned in love and warmth. I kept my eyes trained on Carson as I made a decision. I would give him his date even though I was still doubting how it was going to work. Because even with that fear I still wanted him. I was going to be brave because my grandpa wanted me to be brave. For once I was going to let my heart make this decision.
When Kami and Reed pulled away I still clung to Carson. He watched me, surely wondering what I was thinking. I laid my head on his chest and he held me tighter. The next time I looked up he lowered his lips within inches of mine, as if he were hoping for another kiss, but not wanting to push me if I didn’t want to kiss him right now.
“One date,” I said quietly.
“What,” he asked hopefully.
“You’ve got one date, so you better make the most of it,” I said with a smile.
His mouth dropped open for a second before he smiled and kissed me. I melted against him and returned the kiss. I heard Reed whistle and Kami say, “Dang, get it”. We ignored them, getting lost in our own world.
“Trust me, I always make the most out of any time I get with you, so this is going to be epic,” he said when he pulled away.
I pulled him back to me and laid my forehead against his. I didn’t want to let him go just yet. I just needed to feel that he was here and that all of this is truly real. He didn’t protest, just stared deep into my eyes.
Finally, the sound of the TV being turned back on broke the magic of the moment. I let him go and went and sat on the couch beside Kami. Carson came and sat beside me. He didn’t seem to like how things were because a moment later he picked me up and sat me in his lap. When he got me where he wanted me he sighed happily and we watched whatever show Kami had decided to play. I looked over at Kami and she shot me a thumbs up.
I grinned at her and looked over at Reed who was trying, unsuccessfully, not to stare at Kami. I wanted to tell him what she had told me but I knew he needed to figure out what he wanted for himself. He has to want to change how he’s always been if he and Kami have any chance at making things work.
A few hours later, after we consumed three full pizzas, the guys were getting ready to go. We argued about who was taking who home and finally it was decided that Carson was going to drive Reed back to get his car from Kami’s. I wanted to tell Carson he could stay with us but something about that just didn’t feel right yet, not when we were just starting something.
I walked the guys to the door feeling a bit weepy now that Carson was leaving. He must have noticed because he unlocked his truck and told Reed he needed a minute. Reed lifted his eyebrows knowingly and I couldn’t help but smile. Carson wrapped his arms around me and pulled me in close. He kissed me softly before pulling away.
“Tomorrow night,” he asked hopefully.
“Definitely! After a long day of classes, I’ll need some Carson time to help me relax.”
“Ok, I’ll text you some of the details tomorrow.”
I nodded and he sighed before kissing me one la
st time. He let me go and turned around to leave. I felt a sudden surge of panic but I couldn’t explain why. I had this strong sense that something was going to happen tonight, something bad.
“Carson,” I said quickly.
“Yeah babe,” he asked as he turned back around.
“Be careful,” I said quietly before looking at the ground.
His eyes went wide and he came back to me. “What’s wrong,” he asked as he lifted my face.
“I’ve just got this horrible gut feeling that something is gonna go wrong. Please be careful, for me,” I said seriously.
He smiled and kissed my eyelids, my forehead, and finally my lips. “I’ll be careful, I promise,” he whispered.
He let me go again and some of my panic melted away. He was going to be fine. He would drive carefully. Nothing was going to happen to him. Still…hearing from him before I go to sleep would probably make me feel better.
“Text me when you get home,” I said seriously.
“Will do. Sweet dreams babe,” he said before he blew me a kiss and hopped in his truck.
Catching His Heart (Love And Baseball Book 1) Page 4