by M. S. Parker
I tried not to sigh out loud. What the hell had I just let myself get into?
Chapter 4
Neither one of us said a word as we walked the short distance down the hall to my apartment. My hands were shaking and my head spinning, but I didn't ask him for help. I wasn't sure I could handle him touching me, even just a brush of fingers by accident. Not until I knew what was going on.
I felt his eyes on me as I struggled to get the key into the lock, but I didn't look at him. I needed the safety of my own place before I could risk it. What had happened in the elevator was proof I couldn't control myself around him.
I walked inside and left the door open behind me, hoping he'd read that as an invitation. When I heard the door close, I knew he had. I walked to the far side of the room before turning toward him. He stopped a few feet away, and I was grateful for that. My insides were in knots and every inch of me was tense again. Despite all that had happened, I wanted him, but I wasn't sure my heart could take another beating. The only thing I did know was that I wasn't going to speak first.
“I don't know any other way to say this than to just come out with it.”
It took me a moment to realize why his voice sounded strange, but when I did, I was surprised. He was nervous. My strong, confident Cade was nervous. My heart did a little somersault when I realized I'd referred to him as “my” Cade.
“I tried to go back to how things were before, but I couldn't.” He ran his hand through his hair, pushing it back off his face. “I even had a client earlier this week.”
I looked down. I didn't want to hear about that.
“But I couldn't do it.”
My head came back up and my eyes met his. There was no mistaking the honesty I saw there.
“And I don't just mean mentally,” he said. “I kept looking at her, trying to convince my body that I found her attractive, but it wasn't happening. I couldn't see anything but the ways she wasn't you.”
I felt a flare of hope and tried to squash it. I needed to hear him out. He'd told me he cared about me before. For all I knew, this was just going to be him talking about how he needed to get me out of his system.
“For the first time since I started doing this, I couldn't... perform.” He took a step toward me. “I didn't want her. I wanted you.”
I swallowed hard. I couldn't do this. I couldn't wait for him to infuse me with hope only to take it away again. “I want you too.” His face lit up and then crumpled as I continued, “But it's not enough.” Seeing the pain I brought to him made my heart ache, but I had to make sure he understood I wasn't going back. “I tried too. I tried to do the casual sex thing. And not just tonight.”
His mouth tightened and I saw the jealousy burn in his eyes, mixing with the hurt there. Heat flooded me as I remembered him saying how he didn't want another man touching me.
“I couldn't go through with it then,” I said. “We went back to his place and when he was kissing me, all I could think was that he wasn't you.”
“And tonight?” The question was soft, as if he wasn't sure he wanted to know the answer.
“I was planning to sleep with him,” I admitted. “Because I saw you with that woman at the club and figured you'd be having sex with her.”
He frowned for a moment. “The woman at the... oh, her. She's a pro.” He must've realized that didn't really help matters because he quickly added, “When I told her I was too, she left me alone. No money in trying to seduce another escort.”
“It doesn't matter,” I said. “Because this isn't what I want.” He flinched and I had to force myself to continue. “I can't do the casual sex thing. That's not who I am. And I still can't be with you, no matter how much I want to, not while you're with other women.”
“I'm not.” His voice was firm. “That's what I came here to tell you. I'm done with that life. After experiencing what it's like to have a deep emotional connection, I couldn't have sex with some random person. Not anymore.”
I folded my arms across my chest. No, I wouldn’t dare to hope. I'd let my guard down in the elevator, but he'd surprised me. I hadn't had time to shield myself, to prepare. Now, I'd pulled myself together.
“I haven't been able to stop thinking about you, Aubree.” He moved closer, his gaze holding me in place. “The way you look. The sound of your voice. Your scent.” He reached out and wrapped a curl around his finger. “How you feel.”
I closed my eyes as he ran the back of his hand down my cheek. I couldn't deny the way my skin warmed under his touch, how the heat in my stomach spread through me at the mere thought of his hand in more intimate places.
“Tell me you haven't thought about me,” he said. “Tell me honestly that this isn't what you want and I'll go. That you don't feel the same way I do. You do that and, I promise, I'll walk away and never bother you again.”
Tears burned against my eyelids and I bent my head. I couldn't tell him such lies because it wasn't true. I cared more about him than he did me. I'd been lying to myself when I said I was over him after seeing him with that blonde. I wasn't over him and I didn't think I'd ever be. I wasn't just falling for him. I was in love with him.
Which was why I had to let him go.
It hurt now, but it would be so much worse if I let him in and he later realized what he felt for me wasn't as strong. I knew myself better because of him and I knew if I allowed him in, I would give myself over whole-heartedly, without reservation. I was already his and to admit my feelings would be the final step. Look at how long I stayed with Ronald because I'd refused to consider that things were done. And I'd never felt for my ex even a fraction of what I felt for Cade. How depressed I'd been this past week was proof of my weakness. If I let him, he'd own me.
So I stayed silent and let him read into it what he would.
His hands rested lightly on my shoulders and I felt him kiss the top of my head. “Okay then. I'll keep my promise.” He released me. “Good-bye.”
The tears spilled over at the pain I heard in those words and I pressed my hands against my chest. I heard him start to walk away. And then, so quiet that I might have imagined it, I heard him speak.
“I love you, Aubree.”
Chapter 5
I felt my heart thump wildly against my palms. He loved me. He didn't just care about me or want to be with me. He hadn't even said that he was falling for me. He said he loved me.
My head jerked up, tears streaming down my cheeks. The door was open and he was stepping into the hallway, but I couldn't move. I couldn't even speak. He was going to close the door and disappear. I'd never see him again and he'd never know I loved him too...
“Cade!” His name ripped out of me and I saw him freeze. “Don't leave me.”
A shudder went through him but he didn't turn. The fingers curled around the doorknob tightened until his knuckles turned white. “Aubree.”
The agony in that single word, in my name, the name only Cade used… it broke through my paralysis and I ran to him. He must've heard me move because he started to turn, getting around in time to catch me as I threw my arms around him and buried my face against his chest. His arms closed around me, tentatively at first, as if he was still trying to process what had happened, then tighter.
“Please don't leave me.” I was crying as the realization of how close I came to losing him hit me.
“Shh,” he murmured as he smoothed my hair. “I'm not going anywhere.” He moved us both so he could shut the door and give us privacy, but we didn't go more than a couple steps. He rested his cheek on my head as his hands moved up and down my bare back, but there was only comfort in his touch, nothing sexual.
Slowly, I calmed down. He stayed. I hadn't said those words yet, but he stayed because I asked him to. I pulled back until I could look up at him. His expression was blank and I understood why. He'd opened himself up to me and I'd been the one who'd fucked up this time. Well, I wasn't going to wait any longer to fix it.
“I love you, Cade.” I reached up, placin
g my hand on his cheek. “I was just too scared to say it. I didn't think you felt the same way.”
I saw cautious hope in his eyes and vowed I'd never again do anything to make him think I didn't care.
“You don't have to say it,” he said. “It's okay. If you want me to stay, I'll stay.” He ran the tip of his finger just under my bottom lip. “You can have as much of me as you want and I won't ask for anything in return.”
“I want all of you, Cade,” I said firmly. “My Cade.”
I had a moment to see desire and love blaze across his eyes and then his mouth was on mine. His tongue pushed at my lips and I parted them willingly, running my tongue out to curl around his. His teeth scraped against my lips and I moaned. He buried a hand in my hair, cupping the back of my head as he deepened the kiss. I could feel the desire radiating from every part of him and knew it was so much more than physical. I pressed my body even closer, rubbing my hip against his crotch until he moaned into my mouth.
I didn't know how long we stood there, only that when he finally broke the kiss, we were both gasping for air and my knees were trembling.
He rested his forehead against mine. “My Aubree?” He made it a question, so tentative that it tore at my heart.
“Your Aubree.” I confirmed and pulled him down for another kiss.
Any hesitation that had lingered must've been chased away by my answer because I felt him shift into the confident, dominating man I first met less than two months ago. His hands slid down over my ass as his tongue plundered my mouth. I tugged at the hem of his shirt, eager to get my hands on bare skin. When my palms skimmed across his sides, his muscles twitched and he groaned. His hands moved further down and he picked me up. Without breaking our kiss, I wrapped my legs around his waist, my arms around his neck.
He began to walk us toward my bedroom as I moved my lips down his jawline, the light stubble rough against my mouth. He swore as I latched on to a spot just under his jaw, sucking the skin into my mouth and worrying at it with my teeth until blood came to the surface.
“Mine,” I whispered fiercely in his ear.
Cade spun us so fast that I barely processed it. Suddenly, my back was against the wall and his mouth was on my neck. My head fell back, granting him easier access as he nipped and sucked every inch he could reach. I was sure he was leaving hickeys all over, but I didn't care. In fact, I wanted him to mark me, something to remind me that I was his.
“Mine,” he growled as he ground himself against me. “My Aubree.” His hands ran up my sides and squeezed my breasts. “Only mine.”
“Yes,” I gasped as his jeans rubbed against me, the thin material of my dress instantly soaking through. When he pulled down one strap of my dress, baring my breast, his fingers immediately went to my hardening nipple, rolling it and sending a ripple of pleasure through me.
“Come again,” he demanded. He tugged at my nipple and rotated his hips, rubbing against my already sensitive clit.
He didn't have to tell me. I was already there. My head fell forward and I called out his name as I came. Even as I was still riding out my orgasm, he pulled away from the wall and finished carrying me into the bedroom.
We fell onto the bed and he twisted so that I landed on top. Not that I would've minded. I only cared that he never stopped touching me. His hands tore at my dress, pulling at the zipper and tugging it over my head. I winced as it caught in my hair, but didn't let it distract me from my mission of getting his shirt off.
Before I could, he flipped me onto my back and went up onto his knees, pulling his shirt over his head and tossing it behind him. I greedily ran my eyes over his sculpted torso. Damn, he was hot. I had the sudden desire to run my tongue over every inch of him. When I saw the look in his eyes, I knew that would have to wait. We may have had a bit of give and take, but there was no doubt that was over for now, and he was taking charge. My stomach twisted. I definitely wanted that.
My eyes dropped as his hands went to his jeans. He undid the top button and pushed the jeans down his hips, revealing a pair of gray boxer briefs and an impressive bulge that made my pussy throb with anticipation. He gave me a wicked grin and stood. He stripped off the jeans and reached into the pocket. He pulled out a condom and tossed it by my pillow.
“Always prepared,” he said as he pulled off his underwear. His cock curved up toward his flat stomach, thick and swollen. He crawled back onto the bed, his eyes darkening as he ran them over my body. He stayed on his knees next to me as he spoke again. “On your hands and knees.”
I sat up. Before we started this, there was something I wanted to tell him. I got onto my knees, facing him, and reached out to wrap my fingers around his cock. He groaned as I lightly stroked the hard flesh. “If you get tested, preparation won't be a problem.”
His eyes narrowed and he grabbed my wrist. “That's a naughty thing to tease about.”
I winked at him, my stomach clenching. “I can't wait to feel you inside me, nothing between us.”
His fingers flexed around my wrist, not hurting, but enough to remind me just how strong he was.
“Feel you come inside me, filling me...”
Cade grabbed my waist and spun me around. A hand between my shoulder blades bent me toward the bed and I caught myself on my elbows. I'd barely settled when a hand came down on my ass with a loud crack.
“Ah!” My body jerked. I closed my eyes as I let my body absorb the sensation. A second blow made me gasp. This was harder than it had been before and my ass was already stinging, but my pussy was throbbing and it wasn't from pain.
He ran his hand between my legs, fingers probing at my pussy. He slid a finger inside and I shivered.
“All I can think about now is being inside you, skin against skin.” He removed his hand and smacked my ass again. “Now, I need a distraction. Can you distract me?”
I nodded, then yelped as he slapped my ass again. “Yes!” I said, remembering how he insisted I speak, not just nod.
“How?”
My brain raced through all of the different things Cade and I had done during our time together and decided to keep it simple. I rolled onto my back, grimacing as the sheets rubbed against my sensitive skin. He sat back on his heels, his hand wrapping around his cock as he waited to see what I'd do next.
I ran my hand over my stomach and then down between my legs. I moaned as I rubbed my fingers on either side of my clit.
“Oh, fuck.”
A thrill went through me as Cade swore. I loved that I could make him do that. His hand dropped to the base of his cock and I saw him tighten his fingers around it. I dropped my hand lower and slid my two middle fingers into my pussy. I worked them in and out, avoiding direct pressure on my clit. It was still sensitive from the elevator and I had a feeling it would get more attention before the night was over.
“Lick your fingers clean.” Cade's voice was rough.
I raised my hand to my mouth, my eyes locking with his as I licked my juices from my fingers. I'd never tasted myself before this intentionally, but it was strangely erotic, knowing this was what Cade tasted when he went down on me.
He slid his hand over his cock, nice and slow and I watched, remembering how it had been to have his dick in my mouth, the way it felt when it slid over my tongue.
“Turn over,” he said, his voice hoarse.
I rolled onto my stomach.
“Grab the headboard.”
My stomach fluttered. I wrapped my hands around the cheap wooden rails. I heard the condom wrapper rip, then felt the bed dip as Cade moved behind me. He stretched his body on top of mine, not putting his full weight on me, but enough pressure that I felt it.
“Have you ever done it like this?” His tongue traced the outside of my ear.
“No.” My fingers flexed around the headboard.
He raised his hips and, a moment later, I felt the head of him nudge against my soaking wet entrance. We both groaned as he slid inside me with one smooth motion.
“So perfect
,” he said. He slid one arm under me until his hand rested at the base of my throat. “We fit together so perfectly.”
My eyes closed as he pulled back, then slid forward. Fuck. I sighed.
“You okay?” He sounded concerned.
“Just never thought I'd feel this again,” I admitted.
He pressed his lips against my temple. “I love you, my Aubree.”
“And I love you, my Cade.” I tried to push back against him, but the position didn't allow me any leverage against the larger body covering me.
He chuckled, the sound sending a shiver through me. “Is there something you want?”
“You,” I said. “I want you.”
“You've got me.” He kissed my shoulder and began to move.
His thrusts were slow and deep, pushing me forward until my clit rubbed against the sheets, sending ripples of pain and pleasure through me. His fingers twitched against the base of my throat and his breath was hot against my ear.
“I'm not going to last long,” he said. “You had me too worked up, watching you come in the elevator, then playing with that pretty little pussy of yours.”
“I'm close again,” I panted. And I was. My clit was so sensitive that the friction was almost painful. I was going to come again, and if he kept going after that, it was going to hurt.
He scraped his teeth against the place where my shoulder and neck met. “What do you want?”
“Bite me,” I answered automatically. “Mark me.”
“Fuck,” he groaned. “You're gonna be the death of me.”
He began to move faster, pushing deeper than he had before, reaching places inside me that made me see stars. I began to shudder, ripples of pleasure washing over me. Then Cade's teeth were in my shoulder, not hard enough to draw blood, but enough to make me cry out. And then he was coming, crushing me against him.