He was already invested. He couldn’t let himself go there.
“Jason, move.”
Faith’s voice took him out of his self-reflection, and he did as she said, began to pump his hips back and forth, gliding in and out, riding the high he felt from being with her. Shifting positions, he deliberately thrust hard, hitting a different spot inside her, and she moaned aloud.
“Yes, there.”
With that, he began a steady rhythm, taking them both for a hard ride. She grasped his cheeks and pulled him toward her. His lips came down hard on hers and he continued to pump into her. It wasn’t long before his balls drew up tight, his spine tingled, and just as he knew he was going to come, she cried out his name.
He let himself go, spilling into her and losing a part of himself at the same time.
Faith rushed to get ready for Noah’s birthday party, knowing she and Jason had to stop at the shop and pick up the goodie boxes she’d put together yesterday. Because her clothes were in the closet in the guest room, she had a break from Jason’s intense stare. He’d been watching her ever since this morning, as if trying to figure out just what had occurred between them in bed.
She’d like to know that herself. Intense didn’t begin to cover it. Life altering might come closer. Reminding herself this was a temporary relationship no matter how close to him she might feel, she finished putting on her makeup, fluffed her hair, drew a deep breath, and stepped into her bedroom. She dressed in a pair of black slacks and a white top, not wanting to call attention to herself at the party. She felt as if she were there to help set up her candy, and though she might also be there with Jason, she wasn’t foolish enough to think she was truly an invited guest. Izzy was just being nice when she’d asked her to come.
It would be more than foolish to act like she was Jason’s date at his nephew’s birthday party and let the heady mix of being on his arm after being in his bed feed dreams that would never happen.
She took a quick glance in the mirror, well aware her cheeks were flushed … because her body was still quivering with awareness from the orgasms … plural … he’d given her this morning. She picked up her purse and walked out of her room in his apartment, meeting up with him in the family room.
Her gaze slid over him, and though she did her best not to ogle, it was difficult. He looked sexy in a pair of dark jeans and a navy turtleneck shirt, those indigo eyes looking through her, his expression knowing. As if he could see her heart and know how fast it was beating just for him.
“Are you ready?” he asked.
She nodded, glancing at the time on her phone. “If we leave now, we have enough time to get the goodies and for me to set them up.” She started for the door ahead of him, startled when he grasped her arm and spun her back to face him.
“What?” The word barely left her mouth when he wrapped one arm around her back, pulled her against him, and sealed his lips over hers.
All her worries and anxieties fled in the wake of his kiss. He devoured her with his mouth, licking, tasting, owning, and possessing, before letting her up for air.
“Better than breakfast,” he said, setting her on her feet but holding on until she’d caught her breath.
She blinked, still somewhat dazed.
“Just needed a taste,” he explained, gesturing toward the door. “Ready?”
She managed a nod. He picked up a birthday present off the counter, and off they went.
Much later, after she’d loaded her van, to Jason’s complaining about how it was an old piece of shit and he wished she drove something safer, they arrived at his cousin Gabe and Izzy’s apartment. It took them three trips to carefully carry everything upstairs. Kelsey was running the shop, so Jason helped, this time listening to her grumbling about how it was her job and she could do it herself.
They’d arrived with the last of her goodies when Izzy greeted them at the door, kissing Jason on the cheek and pulling Faith inside. “Come. Let’s set up so we can have fun.”
Izzy’s warm nature and constant laughter were contagious. As they readied the small wood boxes with s’mores pops inside on the table set aside by the front door so guests could take their gift when they left, Izzy touched a box and sighed. “I just love these.”
“I picked up light blue ones so it fit a boy’s party,” Faith explained.
“Thank you. They look so enticing sitting here. So? Aren’t you going to leave your business cards, too? I’m sure you want people to hire you for similar parties.”
Faith bit the inside of her cheek. “Of course I do but I didn’t want to take advantage. I assumed if you were happy, you would spread the word.”
Izzy grinned. “You bet I will. But leave your cards, too.” She nudged her gently with her elbow, so Faith dug through her purse and fanned her Sweet Treats cards out on the table beside the party favors.
With a satisfied nod, Izzy led Faith back into the main area of the apartment. “Everyone will be here soon. I have to confess I went a little overboard. There are caterers in the kitchen. But at this age, the kids still come with their parents and I wanted everyone to have good food.”
Faith liked the bubbly blonde. She glanced across the room to where Jason stood talking with a tall man with sable hair and dark blue eyes. He had a dominating presence, commanding the room.
“That’s my husband, Gabe,” Izzy said, following Faith’s line of sight. “Come meet him.” She took Faith’s hand and pulled her across the floor to where the men stood.
After introductions were made, Jason took her off guard by wrapping an arm around her and pulling her against him. “Gabe recommended the private investigator who’s looking into your brother,” he said quietly.
She nodded, hating the reminder. Although she was living at Jason’s, she tried her best not to focus on Colton when she could help it.
“Renault is the best,” Gabe said in a soothing tone. “He’s also a bodyguard if you need one. It might take time, but he’ll locate your sibling.” Before they could say more, the doorbell rang at the same time as Noah walked into the room rubbing his eyes.
“Hey, buddy!” Gabe strode over to his son, knelt down, and lifted the little boy into his arms. “It’s time for your party.”
“Party, yay!” He wriggled to get down just as friends walked into the room and the birthday party began.
Suddenly they were surrounded by children, and Jason grabbed her hand, pulling her to the side. Parents divided off into groups who knew each other, while Gabe kept a close eye on his son and Izzy flitted from person to person, making sure everyone was happy.
The doorbell rang and a life-size costumed Dalmatian with a red vest and firefighter hat on his head entered the apartment.
He stumbled into the room and the kids yelled and laughed.
“I’m good!” he said as he was surrounded by children.
“Marshall from PAW Patrol,” Gabe said, followed by, “I need a drink.”
Jason laughed. “I bet you never thought this would be your life,” he said to his cousin.
Gabe glared at him. “You have no idea. But … I wouldn’t trade it for the world,” he said, his voice softening along with his expression as his gaze went from his wife to his little boy, who was sitting on the Dalmatian’s lap.
“I’m going to take pictures,” Gabe said. He walked over to Izzy, pulled her away from her friends, and wrapped an arm around her while they watched their son interacting with the other kids.
Faith sighed, viewing them, a feeling of longing tugging in her chest.
“What are you thinking?” Jason asked.
She bit the inside of her cheek, uncertain if she wanted to answer with the truth.
“Do you want kids?” he asked before she could answer, upping the stakes with his question to her.
She hesitated before answering. “Not with my life the way it is now, no. Not with a threat looming over me and while I’m still building my business. But someday? Yes. I do.” She looked over at him and tossed
the hot potato in his lap. “Do you?”
Jason knew he made a mistake the minute he’d asked Faith if she wanted kids. He’d initially meant it as an innocuous question because they’d been surrounded by children, but as soon as it had come out of his mouth, he realized how deep the question was. Her long pause gave his stomach time to twist and turn. And though she had every right to turn the question around on him, she wasn’t going to like his answer.
“I don’t … like loss.”
She narrowed her gaze, confusion obvious on her face. “But kids don’t mean loss.”
“Kids mean more people to worry about in my life and that scares me.” His heart picked up a rapid beat in his chest, thoughts of Levi taking over, as they always did when he considered a serious future. Which was why he rarely let himself go there.
He glanced at Faith. “Come on.”
“Where?”
“Someplace we can talk. We came, we saw, we brought gifts and favors… Izzy and Gabe will understand.” As if sensing they were talking about him, Gabe glanced over.
Jason gestured to the door and Gabe nodded, his expression one of understanding. Grasping Faith’s hand, he wove through the crowds of people, and they grabbed their coats and slipped out the door. If he was going to have this necessary conversation, he was going to do it in a place that mattered.
“Where are we going?” Faith asked, rushing to keep up with his long strides. He couldn’t help it. Thinking about retelling this story made him antsy and anxious and he needed to move.
“You’ll see. Just bear with me.”
With traffic, it took him thirty minutes to cross town and head up toward the place where he and his brothers had met. He pulled onto the city street that housed Manhattan University, where he’d gone to school, and parked in a nearby lot.
“Is this where you, Tanner, Landon, and Levi went to college?” Faith asked after he’d handed the attendant his keys and they started walking up the ramp toward the street.
“What do you know about Levi?” he asked gruffly.
“The night I first met you, I Googled the nightclub and found the website. I read the dedication,” she said, her voice soft and full of understanding.
He swallowed over the lump in his throat but remained silent. They walked down the sidewalk and headed along the street known as Fraternity Row and came to a stop at a brownstone with steps leading to the front door. The fraternity located here now was a new one, not the one he and his friends had pledged, but the building was the same, just as the memories remained.
“What happened here?” Faith asked, her hand clasping his.
The bite of the cold wind nipped at his face, but he was here to feel the sensation. Levi wasn’t. So he stayed here, as he began to tell Faith the story.
“I met the guys in the dorm. We lived on the same hall and we clicked immediately. The four of us hung out and did everything together. We started school in late August, and of all the guys, I was closest to Levi. We had the same major, business, were in the same classes. He switched to room with me because he wanted a break from his twin.” He chuckled at the memory. The guys had started as roommates and things quickly devolved until Levi had wanted out.
“You must get close living together. I went to a local school, so I wouldn’t know. I can only guess,” she said.
He nodded. “It’s intense.” He leaned against the bannister leading up the stairs, and Faith stood beside him. “But it was good until Levi wanted to join a fraternity.”
“You didn’t?”
Jason shrugged. “I wasn’t much of a joiner. I liked doing my own thing. But Levi was persistent. He said the social life would be better, the girls hotter.”
“As if any of you had a hard time getting women.” Faith’s expression was priceless. Shock mixed with disbelief and a healthy dose of sarcasm in her tone.
“Hey. Freshman guys do not get the girls. Trust me.”
“If you say so.” She lifted one foot, bracing it on a higher step. But she didn’t push him for more serious conversation.
Still, he knew it was time. “All the frats had strict rules about alcohol because the drinking age was twenty-one and hazing was strictly forbidden both by school rules and the national fraternity. But why follow the rules, right?” he asked with disgust and obvious pain in his voice.
He didn’t even bother to hide it from her nor did he consider it a weakness. No, this event was what defined him and the kind of life he lived. He wasn’t embarrassed about hurting because he’d lost his best friend to a stupid, juvenile practice performed by self-righteous, entitled assholes.
Beside him, Faith froze. “Hazing?” She obviously hadn’t considered how Levi had died, because she sounded horrified as realization dawned.
“Hazing. A secret practice carried out by older classmen in the basement of this house.” Jason gestured with a sweep of his hand toward the building behind them. “Good old-fashioned kissing ass of seniors, doing their bidding, paddling, eating disgusting things I’ll spare you from hearing about, and forced alcohol consumption.” He clenched his jaw at the memories he did his best to keep far away from his present reality.
“God. Jason, I’m sorry. If you don’t want to tell me what happened, I understand.” Faith’s green eyes were bright with unshed tears as she held on to his hand with hers, her free one in the pocket of her jacket.
The irony didn’t escape him and he explained it to her. “I didn’t talk about it with anyone. My parents sent me to therapy and I went because they insisted, but I didn’t speak. Week after week, I sat in silence until the therapist gave up. So did my parents. They left me to brood. I never wanted to discuss it … until now.” He wanted to tell her about the raw pain he’d experienced and then let her soothe the remaining ache.
“Then I’m listening.”
He nodded, grateful. “The final initiation, as the upper-class guys called it, was scheduled on a Saturday night. Up until that point, we considered it just bullshit we had to get through to join, but Landon heard rumors that this last party usually got out of hand. And the guys in charge our year were determined to make a name for themselves in the history of the frat. They’d make it more difficult for us than any year before.”
Faith squeezed his hand. “Do you want to go inside? Or find someplace warmer to talk?”
“No. I need to do this here.” He knew she was cold and he was determined to get through the rest quickly so they could go home and he could lose himself inside her warmth. “We tried to talk Levi out of going but he insisted.”
“And you guys weren’t going to let him go alone,” she correctly guessed.
He nodded. “Right. It started with shots. We could deal with shots of vodka, right? The night passed and we drank. And drank. And soon we were all given handles of what we thought was regular vodka. Turns out it was one hundred proof.”
“Crap,” she muttered under her breath.
Although he could describe the paddling and the pain, she didn’t need to hear that any more than he needed to relive it. “They insisted we finish a handle. Levi volunteered to go first.”
Faith winced but remained silent.
“We told him he didn’t have to do it. We each offered to walk out with him and fuck the pledge and the joining, but he was game. He wanted to be accepted so damned badly. So he drank. And drank. Then they put a backpack filled with weights on his back and made him run up and down the basement stairs. He tripped, fell backward, and smacked his head a few times on the way down.” Nausea filled his throat at the memory of the sound of his friend’s head cracking against the stairs.
Faith wrapped her arms around him as he finished the story, and he took comfort from the warmth of her cheek against his.
“I couldn’t call anyone. They’d taken our phones when we arrived and pulled out the landlines ahead of time.” He dropped to his knees, remembering his friend lying lifeless on the floor, blood coming from his head, Landon yelling at his brother to wake up, slapping
his face in his attempt.
She lowered herself with him, hanging on to him for dear life.
“Then Vic … Victor Clark, who’d been in charge all along, who put the backpack on Levi and smacked his face when he tripped the first time, called us pussies and demanded we drink next.”
“What did you do?”
His eyes burned with unshed tears and his throat was raw from holding them back. “I… We picked up Levi and walked out of the house. Nobody stopped as we headed for the university hospital until finally a campus van picked us up. Levi was DOA.”
“Oh, God, Jason, I’m sorry.” She clasped her hands against his cheeks and met his gaze. “You all know it wasn’t your fault, right?”
He rolled his shoulders. “To this day, I don’t fucking know. There are so many ifs. If we hadn’t agreed to rush a frat. If we hadn’t agreed to go to the party. If we hadn’t let him drink and just turned around and went home… But none of it matters because it happened and he’s gone. But it’s the lesson I took from it that’s my point of telling you.”
She shivered despite being tight against him. “Which is what?”
“You need to understand. You asked if I wanted kids and I need to explain why I don’t. We nearly lost Sienna when she was a kid. I lost Levi. I already have a big family and I have the guys. That’s a solid handful of people to worry about already, and I vowed I wouldn’t add more.” He looked at her, regret all over his handsome face. “I can’t have more people who I could potentially lose. Kids? Yeah, that’s … more.”
Faith heard him. She even understood. Her heart broke for what he’d seen and lived through and the pain he still harbored inside him. But what he didn’t seem to understand was that he was a warm, giving man who naturally helped people … like her. Which inevitably meant bringing more people into his inner circle. But he didn’t want those connections.
Vote Then Read: Volume I Page 28