At the end, just like the last time I told the story, he looked like he wanted to punch someone—probably Theo—but I’d take that over pity any day.
“So he’s the one who…”
“Raped me.” There is was again. Maybe one day the word wouldn’t cut quite so much, but I wasn’t counting on it. I was already starting to understand that those traumas never completely die. “When I refused to marry him.”
Will closed his eyes, like he was trying to get control of himself.
“Maggie,” he said slowly. “You have to go to the police with this. It’s a violation of his parole, isn’t it?”
Miserably, I nodded. “It is. It’s just…they haven’t always been that much help.”
Will frowned. “How so?”
Again, it was one of those things that was hard to explain. The way it had taken not once, twice, but at least five different reports of Theo’s abuse until the NYPD would even file an official report about it. The way I was consistently questioned about whatever I had done to provoke his behavior. What had I worn? What had I said?
How was it my fault?
While I tried to recount those events to Will, I could see clearly how the next conversation with them would go.
I’ll ask you again, ma’am. Are you sure you didn’t contact him in any way?
Why would he be contacting you now? You must have done something.
Sure, sure. We’ll look into it.
And nothing would happen.
Will listened patiently, again without any sign of judgment, until I finished. He placed his hands flat on the counter, like he was bracing himself against a strong wind, and then at the end, exhaled through his teeth for a long time.
“Do you think he’s here?”
I folded my hands together. “I don’t know. He may not even remember where I’m from, exactly. It’s not like we ever came here to visit Mama, and he wouldn’t have had a reason to have the address otherwise. I just…the race…how does he know?”
Will shook his head. “I don’t know, Lil. But you’re not alone. And he can’t leave the state, even if he’s just been released.”
I exhaled. I hoped to God that was true.
“Okay, then. First,” he said while he pulled at his hair. “You’re going to do your race and kick ass. This fucker is three thousand miles away. He’s not going to be here any time soon. And when you’re done”—he bent down on the counter so he was eye to eye with me—“you’re going to call the NYPD and report this shit. It’s harassment, baby. He can’t get away with it.”
I stared at my hands. My heart was beating harder than it did when I ran, and I could feel sweat building in my palms. “I—I c-can’t do this again with him. You don’t understand. The last year of my life was…”
Just the thought was terrifying. My stutter emerged, as strong as ever, and I closed my eyes against the deluge of fear that threatened to wash over me.
For the last few months, I’d had a break, knowing that the biggest threat in my life was safely behind bars. And even when I’d discovered he was out, it had been easy to shove it aside for a few more weeks, ignore the texts, the warning signs. I was far away from New York, safe in Will’s arms, in the house where I’d grown up.
But I couldn’t ignore it anymore.
Will placed a hand over mine. His was so much bigger—his wide, warm palm almost more like a paw. His entire presence enveloped me, and my heart rate slowed. Until I looked up and saw the fear in his eyes.
“I’ll be there with you,” he said slowly. “You’re not alone in this, Lil. I promise. But you need to call the police for another reason, too.”
“What’s that?”
“Because if he comes within fifty fucking feet of you, I’ll kill him myself.”
I watched, waited, while the fear and worry I saw in those green depths slowly receded. Receded, but never quite disappeared, and were replaced with a fierceness that I didn’t quite know what to make of.
And suddenly, I couldn’t stand having anything in between us. Will watched with amusement as I hopped up on the counter and scrambled across until I could sit in front of him, wrap my legs around his waist, and pull him flush to me.
“Thank you,” I said as I buried my face in his strong, broad chest.
Clearly stunned, Will finally wrapped his arms around me, holding me to him. “For what?” he asked into my hair.
I laid my cheek against his heart, closing my eyes as the strong, steady beat of it thumped. “For being here. For being on my team. For being you.”
Will was silent, breathing in through the curly mess that must have tickled his nose like crazy. Then he exhaled again. “I’m here,” was all he said.
We stayed like that for a long time, until both of our heart rates returned to normal. Outside the windows, the waters of the lake lapped at its edges, as hypnotic and calming as Will’s presence. And slowly, slowly, the facts of what I needed to do didn’t seem scary. It was just something else to take care of. My life was still my own. And it was time to live it.
28
“You ready?” Will asked next to me.
We stood together at the water’s edge, where the lake met the wide lawn that spread out from the Forster Inn.
The Forsters’ campaign had been successful—there were at least a hundred people here to compete in the first ever Newman Lake Triathlon. Their inn, not to mention vacation houses all around the lake and adjoining areas, was filled to capacity with the competitors and their families. The public beach on Muzzy Cove was jammed with people, all milling about in anticipation of the race.
I’d gotten there early, set up my bike and running equipment at the designated transition points around the inn, and then found a quiet place by the water to wait with Will for the race to start. I pulled one foot against my butt, stretching out my quad muscle before switching to the other side.
“Ready as I’ll ever be,” I said. “It’s just an Olympic-length. Iron Mans are way worse. I’ll be fine.”
“‘Just an Olympic.’ Yeah, that sounds completely tame, Lil.”
“The swim isn’t even a mile, the bike ride is less than a lap around the lake, and we ran ten miles last week together. The triathlon length is only six point two.”
Will did not look convinced as he glanced covertly around the crowd. I was still amazed he had even come down to the start with me, considering how many people were huddled by the water. There was still a thin layer of fog settled over the lake, which was chilled through and gray. Will had his hoodie pulled up over a baseball cap, the brim shadowing a pair of aviator sunglasses. He was the only person in the crowd wearing sunglasses in this weather, but no matter how many times I teased him about them, he wouldn’t take them off.
“You should go home and change into all black,” I said. “Then we could be Spy vs. Spy.”
Will pulled his sunglasses down briefly to give me a dirty look. “You’re hilarious, you know that?”
I shrugged and grinned. “Not as hilarious as you, Inspector Gadget.”
“Ha. Ha. Ha.”
“Someone needs to give you a hard time, Columbo,” I said, switching legs. “Or should I call you Iceman? Because of the aviators, get it?” I turned my face up to the sky and started singing “Highway to the Danger Zone.”
Will just rolled his eyes and pretended to look annoyed. It only made me sing louder. He didn’t protest, though, like he understood that half of this act was coming out of the nervous energy I had coursing through me. Nerves for the race, for which I’d only had a month to train and hadn’t practiced at all for the transitions. Nerves because of Theo’s messages and what they might mean. Nerves for whatever we were going to do about my mother after this was all over.
“Do you need help writing the number, hon?”
Will started and shoved the sunglasses back up his nose. Then he turned to Linda, who was holding out a permanent marker for me to write my number on my arm and leg.
“Upper right calf
and right shoulder, they’re saying, sweetie.” She nodded at Will, though she was visibly cool. “Hello, there.”
“I’ll take care of it.” Will took the proffered marker and squatted down to write on my leg. “What’s her race number?”
“Eighty-eight,” Linda said, folding her arms while she watched. “Ellie coming to the race today, Maggie?”
“N-no,” I said, unable to stop the stutter when Will’s broad hand wrapped around my ankle while he wrote with the other. I shivered. Even when I had a stomach full of nerves, his touch didn’t fail to excite me. It was ridiculous I ever tried to fight it.
“It’s a b-bit early for her schedule,” I managed to get out.
Linda nodded knowingly. “Ah. Well, no surprise there.”
Will’s hand drifted up my leg, hip, and arm as he stood to write the number on my shoulder. I blushed.
“Something on your mind, Lil?” he murmured with a smirk.
“I take it back about Iceman in those stupid glasses,” I retorted, though I couldn’t shake the goose bumps his fingers left in their wake. “You look like Goose.”
“Goose was the best one. Should I serenade you later?” Will grinned. “Have you lost that lovin’ feeling?”
I rolled my eyes, then tossed the marker back to Linda, who was now watching us with a smile on her face as well.
“‘You never close your eyes anymore when I kiss your lips…’” Will continued singing until Linda walked away chuckling. He wasn’t lying when he said he was tone-deaf.
I tried to smack his shoulder, but he just pulled me close and laid a thick kiss on said lips.
“You closed your eyes for that one,” he said when he was done.
“You’re trouble,” I said.
“It’s your fault. You look hot in that damn cat suit. You wore white just to drive me crazy, didn’t you?”
Immediately, I looked down, but my nipples were nowhere in sight—nor would they be. This thing was thick.
“You think you’re so funny, Baker. Let’s see what happens when I get you alone.”
“Hey, I had to get one good dig in there.”
I rolled my eyes. “Get out of here. I’ll meet you on the road after the second transition.”
But Will paused for a second. “Listen, I…” He pulled meditatively at his messy knot. “After the race, can we get out of here for a few hours? You think your mom would be all right by herself?”
I frowned. “Probably. Why?”
He nodded. “Yeah. I just…there are some things I want to talk to you about. I don’t know…I think better when I’m not around people, you know? It’s nothing bad. I just want to be honest with you. About my family. Some other things in my past. Cards on the table, all right?”
Slowly, I nodded. I had a few cards he should know about too. He had seen most of mine, but there were always a few others that probably needed to be shown.
Like the fact that you are fucking in love with the man and want to have his babies.
Well, he knew half of it, I supposed.
“Sure,” I said. “We’ll make it a date.”
Will relaxed, then pulled me close one last time. I tipped my face up for a kiss. Will hummed against my lips while he stroked my face.
“So beautiful,” he murmured. “So crazy fucking beautiful.” His tongue twisted sweetly with mine for another second before he let me go with a resigned sigh. “All right. Finish your warm-up. I’ll meet you here for the last leg, Lily pad. Don’t get tangled.”
I was never going to win the race, but I was still surprised by how much it took out of me after not racing at all for close to eight years. Despite training for the last month, I was struggling to keep up with the group by the end of the swim, and by the end of the bike portion, I was completely dreading the six-mile loop I still had to run until it was finished.
The thought of quitting actually crossed my mind as I started jogging down the road from the transition site. I had changed into my running shoes and a baseball cap that protected me from the glare of the sun now that the cloud cover was starting to burn off. The sun was out in force, probably eighty degrees, which felt more like ninety on the pavement.
“Why am I doing this again?” I wondered as I started up the hill on the far side of Muzzy Cove.
“Because you need to.”
I practically jumped at the sound of Will’s voice, answering the question I hadn’t realized I’d spoken aloud.
“Oh my God!” I cried, holding a hand to my heart. “Where did you come from?”
Will shrugged. “I figured I’d wait for you on the track instead of at the transition site. It was easier if I stayed out of the way. How’re you doing, babe?”
I shook my head, unable to speak very well. I didn’t have the breath to talk while I ran, and I still was hoping for a half-decent time.
So we just jogged quietly together, mile after mile until we rounded the hill and began the downward descent toward the inn.
Weird things happen at the end of a race. Exercise is strangely cathartic, even for the most intense athletes. It brings up emotions you didn’t know you were feeling, makes you come to terms with issues you didn’t know you had.
By the end of the swim, my muscles were burning. By the end of the bike ride, I was a mental mess. And now, coming to the end of the six-mile run, my imagination was definitely getting the better of me. Because somehow, in the last two and a half hours, I’d convinced myself that not only had my ex-boyfriend sent that text to mess with me, but that he was also here.
“Lily?” Will’s voice managed to cut through the cloud of doubt and paranoia clouding my head. “What’s wrong?”
“I just…”
Only one mile left in this stupid race, and I was already on the verge of tears. Theo was waiting for me at the inn. I just knew it. We were on the downhill trek that meandered around the cliffs that rose above Muzzy Cove. Through the trees here and there I could spot the inn below, with the masses of people that had gathered for the afternoon barbecue and to welcome back the competitors.
Will jogged ahead so he could turn around and face me, stepping lightly backwards. He had changed into running gear since I last saw him, though he still wore the baseball hat and the sunglasses, which no longer looked out of place because the sun was actually peeking through the clouds.
“You can do this, baby,” he cheered me on. “Come on, you’re almost there.”
“No,” I whimpered, my face in my hands. “I can’t. Will—he’s waiting for me. I need to go home.”
“What?” Will asked. He looked around like he expected to see someone pop out of the trees. “Where is he?”
I didn’t answer.
We rounded a corner, and I stopped. Several runners passed with curious looks at us, but none stopped. At the bottom of the hill, there was an even larger crowd than before. But I barely had time to wonder how the Forsters had managed to get this kind of press coverage for such a small event before I swore I saw something else that put the fear of God back in me. It was barely anything. A face.
Black hair that shone in the mid-morning sun like the polished marble of his floors. Bright blue eyes that twinkled, brilliant as the summer sky above, sharp as the knife I kept in my purse. A mouth pressed into a firm line except for a wicked curve on one side.
Theodore Scott del Conte. Out of prison. Flouting his parole. Waiting for me.
I wobbled on the side of the road, ignoring the way my muscles burned in response to the sudden shift.
“Hey. What’s going on?”
Will stopped beside me, turned toward me and shielded me from the curious looks of the other runners who jogged by.
I pointed a shaky finger toward the crowd. “I s-saw him. Theo. I—in the back of the crowd. Will, he’s here!”
I tried to keep my voice low, but there was no keeping the shakes away. Will stroked my shoulders, willing me to calm with his touch.
“Where?” he asked. “Point to where you see him. W
e’ll go down there and tell the cops that are watching the crowd.”
I looked over his shoulder, but now the face was gone. I scanned the crowd, which was far enough away that I couldn’t actually make out each individual face. Okay, I thought to myself. So maybe you imagined it.
I shook my head. I was hungry. Tired. Between the swim, the ride, and now the end of a half marathon, I was about ready to drop. I was still worried about the texts I’d been getting. He wasn’t here. He couldn’t be here. It wasn’t possible.
“It’s…okay,” I said as I gulped a few more breaths, leaning into Will’s touch. I focused instead on his strong, solid presence. The way sweat gleamed over his smooth expanse of muscle. The gruff kindness that couldn’t quite be masked, try as he might.
He took off his sunglasses so I could see him clearly.
“Listen,” he said. “You’re tired. I see it, Lil. But I’m here with you. We got this. Together.”
Slowly, I nodded. I wanted nothing more than to stop. But he was right. I had to finish this, finish something. I’d been chasing more than just him all summer, had started this whole process to get back in touch with the parts of myself that Theo hadn’t messed up during our time together. And if I stopped now for fear of his specter, all of that progress would be ruined.
Well. To hell with that.
“O-okay,” I said after swallowing a bit of the water Will offered. “Let’s go.”
Will nodded, and we started jogging around the corner, following a stream of runners all making their way down the final half mile to the inn. Everyone was picking up their pace, cheered by the prospect of the end. Through the trees, I could hear the sound of the people waiting to greet the athletes, the beginning of Michael Grady’s band starting a set to celebrate, the hum of people jumping back in the water to cool off.
“You got this, baby,” Will said as I started to jog faster. “Half a mile to go. Get it.”
I concentrated on my breathing, on putting one foot in front of the other. In through the nose, out through the mouth. Use my diaphragm, not my chest. Heel to toe, even steps. I was almost there.
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