“I might have outplayed Lauren at a game of chicken.”
She doesn’t find it as funny as I do and this isn’t the moment for me to be raising my fist in victory. We’ll laugh tomorrow morning when all this behind us.
“Cailin kissed me and I pushed her away immediately. I told her I’m with you.” I sit on the edge of the bed, wanting this fight to be over so we can go back to being us.
“I believe you. It took me a minute to process, but I knew you wouldn’t do that to me because it was done to you.” She wipes at the tears on her cheeks.
Relief fills my insides.
“Never. I’d never do that to you.” I reach for her, needing to feel her, but she leans away from me.
“But it made me realize something, Mauro.” She leans over and grabs a Kleenex from her nightstand and blows her nose while all the relief I was feeling a moment ago flees.
“For a moment I felt like that girl again…the nerd in high school and she was like the cheerleader. I think I’m always going to be screwed up like this. It’s not fair to you. You shouldn’t have to reassure me all the time and feel like you have to prove that it’s me you want.” A tear trickles down her cheek, but she swipes it away.
“I don’t feel like that and I’m happy to tell you every morning we wake up together and every night before we go to bed. As long as I have you, I don’t care about any of that.” I slide closer, but she moves back, keeping the same distance between us.
“This is never going to work. I’ll forever be that girl at the bonfire staring at you while you’re thinking of someone else. At least in my own head. We tried and I thought maybe it could work, but I see now that girl will always live on inside of me. She’s not going anywhere.”
“This is ridiculous. As I was fighting that fire tonight, do you know what I was thinking about?”
I want her to know that I love her, but at the same time I can’t tell her right now. I’m afraid I’ll scare her away and she’ll think I’m just saying it to make her feel better.
“What?”
“How much I wanted to be with you. I wanted you wrapped in my arms. It was scary there for a second and I fought to get out of that building just to hold you. That’s what got me through. Madison, don’t do this. It’s all high school bullshit that doesn’t matter. Who cares if I was the jock and you were the nerd, we’re here now. And what we have, few people get.”
“Ha! You asshole, get the fuck out.” Lauren storms into the room, a key in hand.
“I’m not going anywhere without her.” I look between the two of them, determined to make this right.
“First of all, you’re stinking up our entire house with the smell of smoke. Second, she doesn’t want you here.”
Madison’s gaze shifts to her friend and then back down to her lap.
Maybe it’s good that her friend is here.
“Tell her, Lauren,” I beg. “Tell her how good we are together. I’m with her because of the person she is inside. That I was a blind bastard ten years ago and I’ll spend the rest of my life making it up to her.”
Lauren’s rigid stance falters and her gaze lands on Madison who is busy sniffling and wiping away tears again.
“I thought he cheated on you?” Lauren asks.
Madison says nothing.
“She caught my buddy’s widow kissing me. I pushed her away, told her I didn’t want her and I was with Madison. But now she’s saying we’ll never work because we’re too different.”
Lauren’s head falls back in what appears to be exasperation, like this isn’t the first time she’s dealt with this issue when it comes to Madison.
“Maddie.” She makes her way across the room and when she reaches her friend, she wraps her arm around her shoulders. They sit there in silence for a minute, Lauren must see something I don’t because she moves off the bed and nods for me to meet her in the hall.
Is she crazy? I’m not leaving without making this right.
Lauren grabs my shirt and pulls me out into the hall, shutting the door behind her.
“Just give her tonight to be by herself and process her thoughts. I’m sure she’ll come to her senses tomorrow,” Lauren says.
“You’re kidding me, right?” I take one step toward the door and Lauren’s hand presses into my chest. “I’m not leaving. She needs to know I’m not going anywhere when things get tough.”
“I understand, but you won’t get through to her tonight. Trust me, I’ve known her my whole life. Her wounds are deep, Mauro, and I wish she didn’t see herself as that girl in high school, but the rejection she felt during those years still lingers. She never even told me about whatever happened between the two of you at the bonfire party. I’m her best friend, and she didn’t think she could tell me which means it hurt bad. So bad she chose to pretend it never happened. Now here you are, telling her you want her. It’s hard for her to believe that deep down. That the one thing she wished for every night for years before bed is coming true. When it comes to you, she feels second best.”
Lauren’s words make me realize how deeply I hurt her and how far I’ll have to go to make it up to her.
I push my hands through my hair. “I still don’t want to leave.”
Lauren gives me a small smile. “Listen, Maddie is a thinker. Always has been. Let her sort this out a bit in her head and you can try to talk some sense into her again.”
“I need to come up with a plan to make her realize.”
“Good luck with that.” Lauren pats my back like she pities me because whatever I come up with will never work.
She obviously doesn’t understand my competitive drive. Madison Kelly is mine and I intend to keep it that way.
34
Madison
Lucky for me, Mauro is stuck in an interview today about last night’s fire, so I don’t have to worry about him coming to the house. The only reason I know this is because he texted me since I’m still not answering the phone.
He’s upset and doesn’t understand why I’m pushing him away. I’m not sure why he doesn’t see how this will never work out between us. We’re nothing alike and sooner or later he’s going to realize I’m not worthy of him.
Tonight killed me when he showed up at my house smelling of smoke, the soot still lining his jaw and forehead. The urge to wrap my arms around him because he was okay nearly catapulted me off that bed, but what good would that do? Just delay the inevitable.
As I’m walking around the house, writing out a list of everything that needs to be finished before we can put the place on the market, I hear a car pull up outside. I sigh, worried that he got out of the interview early and has decided to plead his case again.
It’s not even just him. Somehow, he’s won Lauren over because she left me a note on my dresser about not wasting true love. Who knew she was such a romantic?
Even Vanessa sat me down earlier today telling me that I had to put the past behind me and live for the present. That I was giving up something special not many people share. Easy for the beauty queen to say.
“Hello?” a feminine voice calls out into the house.
“Yes?” I walk down the stairs, stopping mid-flight when I see Cailin.
The vision of her lips on Mauro’s is still vivid in my mind.
“He’s not here,” I say, walking down the rest of the way, rounding the bottom stairway and heading to the kitchen.
She holds up a thermos and two cups. “I’m here to see you.”
Her blonde hair is pulled back into a high ponytail, no makeup on her face.
“I’m not sure why? I’m out of your way now. He’s all yours.” I cock my hip and stare her down.
“Even if you broke up with him, we both know he’s not mine. He’s still yours.” She sets the thermos on the dining room table that has somehow become a staple of this home.
“Sometimes things just don’t work out. He’ll find someone else. Someone more suitable.”
She places the two cups she brought and fills
them up with tea from the thermos. I take a few tentative steps over toward the table.
“I need to apologize, I was an evil witch and I deserve it if you want me to have no contact with Mauro, but don’t take what I did out on him. He didn’t want that kiss. I convinced myself he did, hell that I did, for that matter, but I was just trying to replace what I’d lost.”
She slides the cup my way.
Dropping the pad of paper on the table, I sip the tea, crossing my fingers it’s not poisoned.
“When Hunter died, we weren’t the happiest of couples. We fought a lot. About money and his schedule and the new business venture he was going into with Mauro. We argued about parenting, sleeping times, me not wanting sex enough. In my head, I thought that was just marriage….we had a young child and this is what happens with couples at that stage of life. There were times it felt like we were headed for divorce, but he’d always come home with a bouquet of flowers, telling me how much he loved me. We’d make love and we’d be back in our happy place until the next fight.”
If she only knew what he was doing behind her back.
“After he died, I propped him up on this pedestal as a man who could do no wrong. A man who fought fires and saved lives. A man who gave up his own life helping others.”
A tear slips down her cheek and I can’t help the compassion I feel for her, much as I’d prefer it weren’t there.
“I morphed him into the perfect father, the perfect husband in my head. And I believed it for a minute there because I hated that I ever thought ill of him now that he was gone. But you know what? Everyone has their flaws. Look what I did…treated you terribly. Kissed your boyfriend. Tried to steal him away from you. I know you don’t know me, but that’s not me. I never would have done that six months ago.”
I swallow down the revelation I want to give her about Hunter.
“I don’t know why you and Mauro broke up but if it’s because of the kiss, don’t. He didn’t even reciprocate. He told me you held his heart, Madison. I’m sorry that I was so lonely and wounded that I tried to ruin what you two have.”
The pained look on her face has me telling her that I accept her apology. And I do. She seems sincere and I do feel awful for what she’s going through. But it doesn’t change the fact that at some point Mauro is going to come to his senses.
“You’re the one for him, Madison. Mauro told me that you went to high school together, but he didn’t know you at the time. He was over one evening to fix my garbage disposal and he stayed for a drink after Devin went to bed.”
I really don’t want to hear this.
“He went on and on about you. How he wished he did know you. That it felt like he’d wasted these past ten years because the woman he’s meant to be with, he’d already met years prior.”
She smiles like that should appease me in some way.
It kind of does.
I clear my throat. “Nice of him to say.”
She laughs in an exasperated way that asks ‘how much more convincing do I need to give you?’ “I don’t know who brought Hunter into my life, but he was there for a purpose. He gave me Devin and for that I’m grateful. People come in and out of our lives, some return, some you never see again. I like to think there’s a reason that this is your time with Mauro. Maybe back then it wasn’t the right timing. Do you really want to take the chance that the paths you’re on don’t meet again?”
I sip the tea and allow her words to soak in.
“We don’t know each other well, but I do know Mauro. He and Hunter were close since the academy. I’ve seen women come and go in and out of his life and none of them have had anything like what you two do.” Her hand covers mine and I see she still wears her wedding band. “I promise you, his feelings are genuine and true.”
With a squeeze on my hand, she turns around and leaves as I lower myself to the wood floor wondering what the hell I’m doing. My eyes shift around the room, taking in what we built together. This house was a bid away from being bulldozed and now it’s a bright and happy home, ready for a family to build memories, a life in.
Cailin’s right. Something brought Mauro into my life. We could’ve had that date and then never saw each other again, but he showed up at that auction.
Regret and determination fill me and I stand up, finding my phone and calling his number.
No answer.
I hammer out a text message for him to call me as soon as he’s out of the interview.
Locking all the doors and shutting all the windows, I run out to my car, peeling away from the curb to wait for him outside his apartment.
I have to make this right. I just hope it’s not too late and my issues haven’t scared him away.
35
Mauro
“Just get as many people there as possible. I don’t care who they are. Did you leave the outfit on her bed?” I ask Lauren, who thankfully has moved over to Team Mauro.
Our agendas match—make Madison see she’s deserving of love. I have no doubt that if I pull this off, she’ll be back to giving me hell tomorrow.
“It’s all set, but she hasn’t returned home yet,” she says.
“I drove by after my interview and her car wasn’t there.”
I pace around the grass, wondering where the hell she could be.
“What’s up, man?” One of my buddies arrives to help me set this entire thing up.
“Hey.” I nod toward the area where the other guys are lingering.
“Did you call her?” she asks.
“I texted her. I’ll call her now.” Lauren hangs up and I see that there’s a text message from Cristian waiting for me.
Cris: She’s outside the apartment waiting for you. I just woke up from my double shift.
Fuck. She’s come to talk to me and I can’t even make it to her.
Me: Tell her to go home. That I’m not there.
Cris: Pretty sure she’s going to stick around and wait.
Me: Do whatever you have to do, just get her home so Lauren can do what she needs to do.
Cris: I’ll try.
I pull up Lauren’s contact and send her a message so she’ll know what’s going on.
Me: She’s at my apartment. Cristian is going to try to get her to go home. Did you get a hold of her?
I pace a path from one side to the other. I need to pull this off.
Lauren: She said she’s an idiot and she’s going to wait for you until you come home. I don’t think she’s budging on this.
Damn it. I thread my fingers through my hair.
Me: Okay. She had texted me so I’m going to tell her to meet me at your house.
Lauren: Then I’ll kidnap her. Perfect.
Starting a new thread, I pull up her earlier text that I was going to ignore until she got here.
Me: I can’t talk right now but let’s meet at your house in a half hour?
The three dots appear immediately.
Madison: I’m at your apartment. Just come here. Your brother just left. I don’t want to talk in front of Vanessa or Lauren.
I stare up at the sky silently asking why this woman is determined to be so stubborn.
Me: I’ll get to your place quicker. We can go somewhere and talk.
That’s the best I have before begging her to go home.
Madison: Okay, I’ll head over there now.
Finally. I pull my thread with Lauren back up on my phone.
Me: She’s heading home now. Make sure you get her in that dress before you bring her.
Lauren: On it.
I spend the next hour preparing a scene going off someone else’s memory. It’s time to redo history.
36
Madison
I walk into my bedroom, Lauren on my heels from the moment I opened the front door.
“I know I’ve been stupid so you can stop your lectures. I’m apologizing and I’m going to try and put all the past behind us…” I trail off as I spot a dress I’ve never seen before laid out on my bed with a s
mall note placed on it.
I glance back to Lauren, who’s smiling.
Come back to two thousand and eight and let’s start fresh. Put on the dress and have Lauren drive you to me.
Love,
Mauro
“I’ll let you change.” She shuts the door behind her and I have the passing thought that I now realize she’s wearing a pair of baggy pants and a tight t-shirt that shows a sliver of her stomach.
Puzzled but hopeful, I strip out of my jeans and sweatshirt, putting on a dress very similar to the one I wore ten years ago. The one that ended up drenched in beer. I’m tying my shoes when my bedroom door opens and there stands Vanessa and Lauren.
Vanessa’s decked out in a gold headband and a babydoll top.
“Are you ready, Maddie?” she asks. “I heard there’s a bonfire going down tonight and Mauro Bianco is going to be there.” She flutters her eyes. “He’s so dreamy.”
Lauren knocks her shoulder. “Two thousand and eight, not nineteen sixty-eight.”
Vanessa laughs.
“I’m ready.”
Hope feels like it’s filling my chest from the inside out, expanding my chest with every breath. I stare in the mirror for a moment reflecting on the differences between the person I was a decade ago and the one that stands here now, not just in appearance, but personality, too.
A decade ago I never would have been able to hold a conversation with Mauro. Kissing him just about made me mute, never mind sleeping with him. I would have agreed with everything he said because that’s what I thought you were supposed to do with boys. Now I fight for what I believe in. I didn’t know what I wanted out of life back then, but I do now.
Vote Then Read: Volume I Page 224