“Eve, where are you? Carmel General?” I cut her off, my brain going into overdrive.
“Yeah,” she whimpered, trying to breathe steadily.
“I’m coming.”
I didn’t know how I made it to the hospital or how many laws I broke along the way. And the whole way, I wept. I wept and prayed to God - begged him - to let her and our baby be okay.
“Taylor Hastings, where is she?” I demanded as I ran up to the desk.
I wasn’t huge like the Madison brothers, so I knew it had to be the look on my face that made her move frantically to give me the room number.
I took the stairs because the elevator felt like too much of a risk.
White walls. White doors. They blurred as I ran past them. No matter how bright they were, all I saw was dark.
Rounding the corner, I saw Eve, red-faced and curled up in a ball.
“Ash!” she exclaimed, rising to hug me, her body shaking against mine.
I didn’t want to be cruel, but I wanted to throw her off of me. I needed to see Taylor.
“Where is she?” I rasped.
My heart was living outside of my chest, and if I didn’t see it and make sure it was okay… if it wasn’t okay… I didn’t know what would happen to me.
“I haven’t seen her since they took her back. T-There was a nice nurse who told me she’d come back a-and talk to me as soon as she knew what was going on.”
“What happened?” I gripped her shoulders and forced her back. “Tell me exactly what happened.”
“I-I went outside to find her because she wasn’t in the house,” she stammered, pausing to wipe her nose with a tissue. “And she was just lying on the back deck of the restaurant. At first, I thought she—” Eve broke off and shook her head, unable to even say the words. “W-When I got to her, she woke up a little, saying something wasn’t right but in a lot of pain. When I got her up, I saw the blood and knew I had to get her to the hospital. So, I got her to the car and brought her to the hospital. I tried to call you…” Her gaze, framed by red and swollen eyelids, rose up to mine. “She was in so much pain, Ash. I’m so scared. I’m so scared for the baby…”
“Miss Williams?”
We both turned to face a wide-eyed nurse.
“I’m… sorry. And you are?”
“Where’s Taylor? Is she okay?” I rounded on the woman, hating to make her think I was a pushy asshole, but I just couldn’t give a shit right now.
She had kind eyes and a bubbly countenance given her job, but as soon as I stepped forward, a potential threat to her patient, her spine turned to stone.
“I’m sorry, sir. I’m afraid I can’t tell you anything unless you are a relative. If that is going to be a problem, I will have to call security,” she said firmly.
Later, I could be grateful that my woman had someone else so protective to look after her.
“No need,” I ground out. “I’m the baby’s father.”
Her eyes widened and the ‘o’ her mouth formed was there for just a split second before a cloud of sympathy covered her features that made walking back through the doors feel like I was walking into limbo, the space between life and death, the world of not-knowing.
28
Taylor
My eyes opened lazily like a Sunday morning.
There shouldn’t be an alarm beeping on Sunday. But there was.
Only it wasn’t an alarm.
I blinked again, blinded not so much by the white as by the blandness of the room. It seemed to lack anything to make you feel comfortable even though it being here could save your life.
It took only a few more seconds for everything to come rushing back to me.
My hands that now had tethers snaking out of them to various machines, immediately reached for my stomach, needing to feel my baby. I felt my left fingers on the mountain in front of me, but my right hand was heavy - solid - like it’d been turned to stone.
Was something wrong? Did something happen to my arm?
Feeling like I was looking through a fog, I turned my head to see the anchor holding my arm to the bed was Ash, holding it to him as he lay slumped over the bed.
This wasn’t real.
My chest heaved as tears collected in my gaze.
Something bad had happened and I hadn’t made it - it was the only explanation for this. For him.
My small sob echoed the beep of the machine and he stirred, the quick shudder of not realizing that he’d fallen asleep followed by the jerk of his head up to look at me.
“Ash?” I croaked, not quite ready to believe it.
“Oh, thank God, Tay.” His shoulders heaved as his head bent; his hands clasped around mine and he froze for a second, like he truly was thanking God before his eyes sucked me back in and he was pressing soft kisses all along my hand and fingers. “I was so scared, sweetheart. So fucking scared.”
“What happened? Is the baby—” I couldn’t even finish as I choked on the simplest of words.
What if I had made it but the baby hadn’t?
“Hey, hey… she’s okay. Baby is just perfect, sweetheart.” He reached up and quickly swiped away the tears that had leaked down my cheeks pre-emptively.
I blinked at him; I couldn’t reply until his words sunk in. Really, truly sunk in.
And when they reached the most vulnerable part of my heart, the part that was split in two with love for our baby and Ash, that I let out a small cry.
“It’s okay, sweetheart. I got you. She’s okay… you’re okay…” Ash climbed on the hospital bed next to me. Wrapping one arm around me, he laid his other hand on top of mine that held my stomach; together, we held our baby.
Minutes later, I looked up at him through the puddles in my eyes and asked, “It’s a she?”
I hadn’t found out up until now, which was strange for me because I always needed to know all the details; it was why Blake hired me to be her press manager and life organizer. But not once in this journey had I felt compelled to know. Maybe I was waiting for this moment - the one where I could find out the sex knowing Ash was there with me - not just because he loved me, but because he knew he was half responsible for this baby too - by choice and by genes.
“Yeah,” he said with a crooked smile and half a laugh. “It’s our girl.”
My heart burst.
For years, I’d watched Blake walk out onto that stage, cheered and loved by tens of thousands of fans. Every once in a while, I imagined what it must feel like to have everything.
Now, I knew.
I cried again, but this time the tears were warm with happiness.
“Taylor,” he rasped into my hair. “Look at me.”
He waited for my head to tip back before he spoke again, his voice thick with emotion and his face ragged from exhaustion.
“I’m sorry, Pixie,” he spoke as he brushed damp, matted hair back from my face. “I’m so damn sorry, sweetheart, for pushing you away. I didn’t mean…” He paused as his jaw tightened with remorse, “Fact is, beautiful, you came here looking for shelter and to give me the truth. At first, I… I told myself to be the hero, the one to make up for the asshole who got you pregnant and didn’t want anything to do with the baby. And it turned out, that asshole was me.”
“I’m s-sorry,” I murmured hurriedly, afraid that if I didn’t get it out, this would all end and he would disappear again. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. I thought I was strong coming here. I didn’t care what anyone else had to say, because I loved the life I was growing so much. I thought I was strong until you opened the door… until you took care of me… and then I realized there was a weakness inside of me - a weakness for you. For loving you. A-And the strangest part was it didn’t feel weak at all with you… but without—” I broke off to gulp in air. “Without you… it felt like it could consume me.”
Ash nodded as his large, warm hand cupped my cheek before sliding back into my hair, gently rubbing along my scalp as my pulse began to calm from my outburst. I just knew, right
then, that it was going to be okay. No matter what he said next, I felt that he was planning on holding me like this for the rest of our lives.
“If I’ve learned anything during my recovery, it’s that the biggest villain and the strongest hero don’t live in the world, they live inside us,” he told me, his voice colored with emotion. “I can’t promise you perfect, Tay, because perfect isn’t real; although I’m pretty damn sure you’re as close to it as someone can get.”
“Ash…”
Shivers held a parade up and down my spine, cheering and waving his compliments from my brain down to my body and back again.
“There will always be good and bad, strong and weak inside me. But I’ve never wanted to be strong… I’ve never wanted to be the hero more than I have for you… for our baby.”
My lower lip shook violently, just like my heart.
“Ash,” I choked out his name, my arms, and their various cord attachments, twining around his neck as I pulled his face to me. “I love you. I love you so much. I’m sorry for being afraid.”
“Taylor,” he growled as his forehead pressed to mine. “I love you. First… always… I love you. I love you and I’m not leaving you. Second, you are the strongest woman I know. And kindest. And generous. And most beautiful fucking nymph I’ve ever seen. But sweetheart, I’ve learned what ‘loyal to a fault’ means. I’ve done the fault. Hell, I’ve gone so fucking far past the fault that it looks like a damn crack in the road compared to the canyon I created.”
My watery laugh matched his.
“I love you, Taylor. Not because you’re beautiful. Not because I took your virginity. And not because you’re having my baby. I. Love. You. Because you’ve always been mine.”
All my life, I’d heard the phrase ‘peace beyond all understanding’ resonate through sermon after sermon, lesson after lesson, but until this moment, when I lost myself in his ocean eyes, I’d never fully understood; in him, I found peace and love beyond anything I’d ever dreamt, let alone came here expecting to find.
“Tonight… tomorrow… the rest of my life, Tay, I’m going to be the man you need me to be.”
I drew a wavering breath.
“You already are that man, Ash,” I whispered thickly. “And I love you.”
“I love you, too,” he said with a low, hoarse voice before his lips crushed mine.
It didn’t matter where we were or who was watching, he made sure this kiss would erase any last doubt I could ever dream up that he was letting me go. I sighed into him as he pulled me close, his tongue sweeping inside my mouth, promising and possessive as he wiped away any trace of every thought other than him.
“And I love our baby.” His chest rumbled against my sensitive breasts as he spoke. “I love our baby girl.”
I knew peace and now, I knew heaven.
“Knock, knock,” a calming voice said softly as our moment was opened to the public.
I looked over from Ash’s face, heat flooding my cheeks to see a familiar face on the nurse who entered first followed by the man who must be the doctor. Ash calmly sat up, pulling my hand in his while I adjusted the sheets, trying my hardest not to appear embarrassed.
I hadn’t even asked, I realized.
As soon as I knew our baby was okay, I hadn’t even asked what had happened or if there was anything wrong with me. I hadn’t cared. I had our baby and I had him, what else could I need?
As they walked up to the bed, I realized what else I could want… a life to live with them. More babies.
What if something was seriously wrong with me?
“Miss Hastings,” the doctor spoke with a voice that sounded like my priest from back home, calm with the certainty of the news he was about to deliver. “I’m glad to see you’re awake and feeling better. I’m Dr. Snyder. I’ve been overseeing your care for the past day.”
“Hello,” I said with a weak smile.
“First, as I’m sure your husband has shared with you.” My face flushed deeper at the way he referred to Ash. Ash, on the other hand, squeezed my hand tighter as if to say ‘not soon enough’ when he heard the doctor’s words. “I want to assure you that everything with your baby is fine. We’ve been monitoring her this whole time and she is healthy and kicking and doing just perfect given the situation.”
The lightness in my chest began to disappear.
“You were admitted with a variety of symptoms and we’re fairly confident that you’ve suffered a partial placental abruption.”
What?
My mind flipped through the stack of notecards in my head of all the things that could possibly go wrong – all the things I’d learned from everything I read. But I didn’t make it to this one fast enough before he explained.
“Placental abruption is when the placenta separates from the lining of your uterus,” he said calmly and slowly so I could process. “It’s very rare and only occurs in about one percent of all pregnancies. There are certain risk factors, however, I think the most likely cause of yours is just an abnormality in your uterus.”
“What… what does it mean? Did it harm the baby?” I asked even though he said the baby was okay because what he’d just said sounded terrible.
“Because yours was only a partial separation and all your tests have come back normal, I don’t think the separation had much, if any, effect on her.” I think my sigh of relief could have been heard all the way in Hawaii. “However, this can be a very serious condition since the placenta is what supplies all the nutrients to your baby,” he continued seriously. “If it had been a complete separation, we would have had to deliver her immediately. Since your case was only partial, we’re going to monitor you for another day before sending you home tomorrow with instructions to take it very easy for the remainder of your pregnancy.”
I swallowed hard and nodded.
“Gwen will give you both information about the condition and signs and symptoms to be aware of and you should come to the hospital immediately if they occur. But,” he paused and offered us both a kind, hopeful smile, “I have a feeling that you and the baby are going to make it just fine.”
I nodded. “Thank you.”
Ash stood and murmured something to Dr. Snyder before shaking his hand.
As he exited, the nurse, Gwen, came bouncing into the room. It was hard not to feel even just the little bit better at the cheer she seemed to bring with her.
“How are you feeling today, Miss Hastings?” she asked, walking around to the other side of the bed to adjust the pillow behind my back.
“Tired. Sore.”
“Well, you went through a lot yesterday and with all the testing and then the bleeding—”
“Bleeding?” My eyes shot up, and then I remembered the blood I’d glimpsed on the deck.
She placed a calming hand on my arm. “Not a lot. And it stopped on its own which is a very good sign. You were a little out of it because of the medications we had you on. Placental abruption is truly difficult to diagnose until after you give birth, so we had to partially sedate you in order to run a full complement of tests to rule out some other possible causes of your abdominal pain. Right after we finished with the physical exam, you started bleeding, so we were concerned. But like I said, it stopped on its own just over an hour later and all the tests came back normal for the baby.”
“Oh, I see,” I said softly, trying to peel back the layers of my blurred memory.
“He wouldn’t leave the room, you know.” She looked at the monitors by the bed while she spoke, clearly trying to be less obvious that she was talking about Ash. “I went out to talk to your friend, Eve, about what was going on and he’d just gotten here. I put on a brave face, don’t let him tell you otherwise, but there was no chance that I or anyone else in this hospital was keeping him from you even if we wanted to. He would have taken on the world and more to get to you.”
She spoke with a soft, wistful tone, the kind you hear when people talk about fairy tales as though they only exist in movies or for others.<
br />
“Everything okay?” We both turned to Ash as he reached for my hand again and brought it to his mouth.
“Yes, she’s doing great,” Gwen said with a smile. “Everything still looks good, so you’ll just be here a little longer to be sure, and then you’ll get to go home.”
“You’re sure that’s okay?” he asked cautiously, glancing down to me. “What do we need to know? What do I need to look for?”
I couldn’t stop looking at him. I could ask the questions, but when he did it… when I saw the way he stared at me, held me, I just knew that he was being strong for me so that I could be strong for our baby.
“You’re just going to want to take it easy for the remainder of your pregnancy. No heavy lifting. No overexertion. But you’re not on bed rest. Most normal activities for this stage of your pregnancy are fine,” she told us, giving me a quick glance when she mentioned normal activities so I’d know she meant intimate ones.
“As Dr. Snyder said, we believe it was only a partial disruption, so you may deliver a little earlier than your due date. However, since the baby is still getting all the oxygen and nutrients she needs, you may not. The most obvious things to look out for are the same kinds of pains you felt yesterday along with any signs of bleeding. In those cases, either contact your doctor or come straight to the hospital.”
We both nodded.
“I think that you are in very good hands, Miss Hastings,” she finished gently, looking longingly between the two of us. “But I’ll give you my card as well if you have any questions.”
“Thank you,” I murmured as she reached into her pocket and handed Ash a business card.
“I’ll be back in in a little while to check on you.”
As soon as she left, Ash made his way back to my side to hold me again.
“It’s gonna be okay, Pixie. It’s all gonna be okay.”
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