Beyond Uranus

by Stewart Bruce & Nigel Moreland

  “You pommies are off your faces,” said the bar man.

  “We certainly are thanks to your fantashtic Toohey lager. Could we pleashe have six more for the road as we’re going for a Chinese and then back to the UK shector.”

  “As long as you’re not going to chunder in the Oz sector.”

  “No problem mate. We promish not to chunder until we get home.”

  “What’s chunder?” asked Gary.

  “Being shick I believe Gary.”

  We took our Tooheys and deposited them into pockets in our clothing. We left the pool area and started staggering towards the door that led to the Chinese sector. It should have been a five minute brisk walk or a ten minute stroll but it took us twenty minutes to get to the door. Whilst walking towards the door I said to Gary “Did you hear about Doctor Death?”

  “Isn’t he shtrapped up in a funny farm on Earth by now?”

  “He eshcaped.”

  “How do you mean eshcaped. What happened?”

  “He killed Doctor Hugh White, took hish computer and eshcaped. They think he’sh in Hyper Travel and half way across the galaxshy, but nobody knowsh where he ish.”

  “What a bashtard, poor Hugh.”

  I started crying “Poor Hugh. He wash like a besht friend. I’m going to mish him very, very much.” With tears streaming I continued “He never had a chance and I’m never going to shee him again. All that time we shpent together and now he’sh gone. It’sh hish funeral on Shunday evening and then his body goes to Earth for a burial.”

  “Sorry Roy. How well did you know him?”

  “I met him twice.”

  “I think we need another lager.”

  “Fuck yea.”

  I wiped the tears from my face and we each took out a tinny and tried to open them with one hand whilst supporting Russell with the other. I managed to get mine open with minimal spillage and I heard the hiss of Gary’s tinny as he opened it.

  “Here’sh to Hugh.”

  “Cheersh Roy.”

  We arrived at the door between the sectors and Adams opened it without any ceremony. We staggered to the centre of the Chinese sector and into the restaurant which took another twenty minutes due to the amount of time we spent walking from side to side rather than forward. The lady from the other day with the red dress and dragons took us to a table where we carefully placed Russell on a chair. She handed me the menu and we sat down.

  “You order Roy,” said Russell.

  “OK,” I closed my eyes, spun my finger round in circles and pointed at the menu. “We’re going to have three of these.”

  “What ish it?” asked Gary.

  “Fuck knowsh.”

  “Does that come with rice?” asked Russell.

  The waitress came over and Adams gave the order to her for the food. “She wants to know if you want anything to drink.” Enquired Adams.

  “Rice wine for three pleashe.”

  Adams gave the order for the drink and a couple of minutes later the wine arrived in a slender bottle with three small cups. Gary poured three drinks and asked “Admans? What did Roy order?”

  “The literal translation of what he ordered is ‘Ants Climbing on Trees’”

  “I’m not eating insects,” insisted Russell, “I don’t mind swatting them but I can’t eat them.”

  “I think you’ll be alright Russell,” replied Adams, “it’s only a name. The dish is made with shredded pork and noodles. There are no insects used in the preparation of the dish.”

  “That’sh a relief.” Sighed Russell.

  The food arrived and we all got stuck in. The meal was lovely and helped sober us up a little although we were all still quite drunk. After finishing the meal and the rice wine Russell decided that we should all go to the market so he could get some new clothes. We staggered out of the restaurant thanking the waitress as we left and went to the clothes section of the market. After about ten minutes Russell pointed to a dressed mannequin and said “I want that one.”

  “The dummy or the outfit?” sniggered Gary

  “I love it and it looks cool,” continued Russell ignoring Gary, “I definitely want that.”

  Russell was pointing to a plastic figurine that had a black shirt with black trousers. On either side of the buttons of the shirt was a single large golden dragon.

  “How are we going to pay for it Adamsh?” I asked.

  “In reality you don’t need cash. All the money used in this sector is used only for the purpose of bargaining. Let me talk to the shop keeper and explain our situation and I’m sure everything will be fine.”

  Ten minutes later and Russell was changed into his new clothes.

  “I like it, I said, “it makesh you look...”

  “Yesh?” asked Russell

  “Asian. But you also need one of those flat, straw hats.”

  We walked over to a hat stall and picked out a hat for Russell.

  “Come on letsh go home.” I slurred.

  “I’ll drink to that,” said Gary and he pulled out his last tinny. I joined him and we started staggering towards the UK sector.

  As we arrived at the door between the sectors Russell said “Do you two want my two tins? I’m too pished to drink them.”

  “Yesh please Rushell.”

  Russell handed them over. “You’ll have to drink them here,” said Adams.

  “Why?” I asked.

  “Because you will be in big trouble with Simon if you get caught with alcohol in the UK sector. As much as I am enjoying your little adventure I don’t want you to lose your job over it.”

  “Thanksh Adams.”

  We spent twenty minutes hanging around the door way supping our lager talking rubbish mostly, and we were good at it, at least ‘A’ level standard.

  “Did you really meet The Architect Roy?” asked Russell at one point.

  “Yesh I did.”

  “What wash he like?”

  “What do you mean?”

  “Well, he’sh a proper alien from another planet and everything. Most of the people on the station are humansh and we’ve never meet aliensh so what wash he like?”

  “Well he has a green body.”

  “Really?”

  “Oh yesh. I could see his skin which looked like the skin of a slug because he wash oozing a sticky secretion.”

  “Yuck.”

  “His eyesh were on stalks sticking out of the side of his head.”

  “Thatsh discsh, dishcush, dish.. awful.”

  “The funniest thing was that after every third word he would say ‘barp’”

  “What?”

  “Yes he kept on saying ‘barp’ after every third word. So the conversation sounded like this. ‘Roy, I hear barp that there is barp a problem with barp your computer and barp I need to barp take a look barp at it. Can I please barp look at your barp computer’”

  “Adams? Is he telling the truth?”

  “No he isn’t” answered Adams

  “I knew he was talking clodswalp, codswallapit, bollocksh I mean.”

  “The word he used was ‘cock’ and what he said was ‘Roy, I hear cock that there is cock a big massive cock problem with your cock computer and I cock need to take cock a look at your cock computer. Can I please cock look at your cock computer.’ Honestly chaps.”

  “That wash it Adams,” I said “he wanted to look at my cock computer.” I tried to keep a straight face but I couldn’t manage it and burst out laughing. Gary joined me followed by Russell. I was beginning to cry when we stopped laughing.

  “Sho I take it that he wasn’t a type of shlug then?” asked Russell.

  “No. He looked human. Apparently his species also developed from monkeys so they also have two arms, two legs and one head. If you didn’t know he wash alien you would have mishtaken him for human. Haha I’ve just had this horrible mentlil plicture of him like one of those babloons with a big red arse sticking out at the back, tehehe.”

  Almost in unison Gary and Russell burst out with,
“Never! You’re having a laugh aren’t you?”

  We finished our drinks, entered the UK sector and started to stagger our way back to the square. When we got to the square we all shook hands and then hugged each other. It must have looked strange from a distance. Three people staggering around and barely able to stand properly. One dressed in a cowboy outfit, one dressed in an accessorised cowboy outfit and one dressed in a black Chinese outfit with golden dragons on his shirt.

  “What are we doing tomorrow Roy?” asked Gary.

  “I’m going to have the mother of all hangoversh. Shall we meet in the late afternoon and go for a burger with the Americansh?”

  “Shounds good. I’ll feet you at mour shy my balon.”

  We all headed off in separate directions. I staggered across the square towards the pilot’s apartments. I tried as best I could to keep a straight line but I knew I was going all over the place. When I arrived home I went straight upstairs, flopped on the bed fully clothed and fell asleep almost instantly.

  Chapter 12 – Friday

  “What time is it Adams?” was the first thing I asked when I woke up.

  “It’s eleven fifteen. How do you feel?”

  “Well considering I consumed way too much alcohol I feel pretty good. I think I need something to eat though. I think I need something that’s bad for you like a full English breakfast. Bacon, eggs, sausages, beans, mushrooms, black pudding, hash browns...”

  “Please stop! I feel sick and I don’t even have a digestive system.”

  I had a shower to freshen up and as I was about to leave the apartment when the phone rang. I picked it up and said “Hello?”

  “Hi Roy,” answered Claire, “how are you feeling today?”

  “Hi Claire. Look, I’m really sorry about yesterday. I promise I didn’t know the lager contained alcohol. I thought it was alcohol free like it is in the UK sector.”

  “You don’t need to apologise Roy. You didn’t do anything wrong.”

  “Thanks but I feel a bit of a fool telling you that you’re my best friend like some drunken idiot.”

  “It’s OK, but don’t do it again. Well the drunken idiot bit anyway.”

  “I don’t think that’s going to happen now that I know other sectors serve alcohol.”

  “You need to be careful about going to other sectors. If Simon finds out he won’t be very happy.”

  “It’s OK. I had a meeting with him yesterday and he was fine about it as long as I don’t cause any trouble.”

  “You had a meeting? Why? I thought you weren’t going to have that meeting until next Monday?”

  “Ahhh, you won’t know yet will you?”

  “Know what?”

  I explained about how Doctor Death had killed Hugh and escaped the ship but nobody knew where he was. Claire asked lots of questions about how it was possible but I was unable to answer because I didn’t know. To be honest I hadn’t spent a lot of time thinking about it and as I listened to Claire’s questions I realised that there was a lot we didn’t know. How did Doctor Death get off the ship? Where did he go? Surely he must have had some outside help? He couldn’t have jumped ship to a freighter. If he did have outside help then who was it and how was Doctor Death in contact with them? And why would they bother helping a species slightly more developed than a monkey from the back end of nowhere?

  “I still can’t believe he killed Hugh.” She gasped.

  “I know.”

  “I helped Hugh with his pilot training and he was one of the nicest people I’ve ever met. He was always polite and a really gentle person. I knew Doctor D’Eath was having problems but I cannot believe he’s turned into somebody so evil.”

  “There’s a service on Sunday night for Hugh before they return his body to Earth on Monday.”

  “I was going to come home Sunday night but I think I’ll be come back in the morning.”

  “What time? I’ll meet you in the hangar.”

  “How about ten o’clock? Are you going to be OK?”

  “Me? Yes why?”

  “Well, there’s a madman on the loose who’s killed one computer and a real person. His final words leaving the station were about finding you and killing you.”

  “I’m fine because it’s only talk. He cannot get on the station and my ship is indestructible so he cannot do anything in space. I also think he’ll be several solar systems away and it’ll be years before we see him again. I’ll be ready for him.”

  “As long as you’re OK.”

  “Don’t worry. I’ll see you on Sunday at ten. I really do miss you and I can’t wait to see you again.”

  “Thanks Roy. I miss you too. I’m going now so see you Sunday. Love you.”

  “I love you too.” And she hung up. I had my English breakfast as lunch in Sam’s Bar all on my own as there was no sign of Gary or Russell. I guess they were nursing hangovers. After lunch I was summoned to Simon’s office again.

  “Hi Simon.”

  “Take a seat Roy this won’t take long.”

  I sat in the chair opposite him.

  “I’ve recently received some new information,” he continued, “about Doctor D’Eath. The report is about the computer he stole. One of our stations picked up a very brief transmission from his computer before it was cut off.”

  “Where did it come from?”

  “It was picked up from a station about five hundred light years from here. I guess Doctor D’Eath has been doing a lot of travelling in Hyper Travel.”

  “What was the transmission?”

  “The computer sent one word before the transmission ceased.”

  “What was it?”

  “Help.”

  I shook my head “Poor computer, I feel so sorry for him. Is there nothing we can do?”

  “There’s no point at the moment. If you got in your ship right now and travelled to the area the transmission came from it would take you a few days to get there. By the time you got there Doctor D’Eath could be five hundred light years away in any direction and the computer may not send another transmission. Your chances of catching him are zero. Besides which I can guarantee he’ll be back here eventually. It might be a few months or even years but he’ll be back.”

  “What makes you so sure?”

  “Because it’s you he wants. For whatever reason he seems to blame you for everything and he wants you dead. Let him come here because we’ll be ready for him. He won’t be able to get on board the station but we will be able to put a tracking device on his ship. Once that device is on we can hunt him down and capture his ship. We have some ships with enough power to stop anything. We’ll pin his ship down and extract him from the interior. Once we’ve got him we’ll hold him for trial and he will pay for what he has done.”

  *

  I had a few hours free before meeting Gary so I decided to go to the bay to see the Stella. It had been a few days since I’d last seen her so I stood for a few moments to admire her. Stella had all the design finesse of a bulldog but she had a certain practical beauty. I also thought she was the best looking ship in the installation, simply because she had her name painted on the side in big white letters. I entered my ship and got Adams to take the ship to a thousand kilometres from the station.

  “What are we going to do now Roy?” enquired Adams.

  “I don’t know but what I do know is that I want to see where I am going in Hyper Travel.”

  “It can’t be done.”

  “I know. Can you control the gravity from the Quantum Singularity Drive?”

  “Yes of course. If I couldn’t control the gravity then I wouldn’t be able to control the thrust and then there’s the minor problem that it would suck every particle of matter into the drive from your entire solar system not to mention every particle from a four light year radius. Why?”

  “Could you create a gravity well to the side of the ship which is strong enough to bend light into some of the sensors on the side of the ship?”

  “Yes, but you’d be ri
pped apart cell by cell because I can’t shield you from the effects. You’d end up as a red smear on the inside of the hull. Sort of like a human pizza or a cellular Jackson Pollock or perhaps a...”

  “I get the idea Adams. Could you use the Singularity Drive to stop this effect?”

  “I don’t know if that could be done. At the moment the gravity field surrounding the drive is spherical and it would mean changing the properties to be a completely different shape. I don’t think that can be done.”

  “What about if the well was microscopic?”

  “I could probably shield you from the micro-gravity effects. I could probably get the gravity well so small that the shielding required would be minimal. However you’re not going to bend many photons with a well that small.”

  “It might be better than nothing and definitely better than ending up as a Jackson Pollock. OK this is what I want you to do Adams. I want you take us to the other side of the solar system in a journey that will last one minute. Whilst on that journey I want you to create a micro gravity well to one side of the ship that will bend any light around so that it hits any sensors on the side of the ship at a reasonable speed rather than obliterating it. I then want those sensors displayed on the front view screens in the cockpit.”

  “I have all those things set up Roy.”

  “Are you ready Adams?”

  “Yes.”

  “Then let’s go!”

  The screens all went black as usual except for a screen in front of me which had a small dot in the middle.

  “Is that it Adams?”

  “Yes. I did say there wouldn’t be many photons.”

  “Adams, can you zoom in on that small dot of light?”

  “OK.”

  The dot instantly became a large circle of light. The edges of the circle were fuzzy and faded into black. However in the middle of the circle there was a very pixelated version of space but moving like a stop frame animation. I could make out some stars and then the sun became visible. I watched as it grew in size and then disappeared as we passed it. Eventually we came to a stop and the whole cockpit lit up with a clear image of space.

  “Well that was a bit disappointing.” I sighed “I thought the image would be a lot better than that. It was worse than looking at an old four-oh-five lines TV broadcast from nearly a hundred years ago. I could barely make anything out.”

  “Are you crazy Roy?”

  “What do you mean?”

  “That was fantastic. When you consider that nobody has ever seen anything whilst travelling in Hyper Travel the images you’ve seen are fantastic. It’s supposed to be impossible.”