by Aileen Fish
Chapter Five
After washing off the smell of damp horse that clung to him from his daily ride, Nash slipped into the library in search of some privacy to read the newspaper, which had arrived in the morning mail. He should have known he was too late to be alone. Evie and Lady Julianna already were tucked into chairs near the fire, their noses pressed close to their books.
Grateful they were the quietest members of the family, he found the latest paper and took a seat by the window. In his usual fashion he began at the top and read everything printed on the page. What was not usual was his inability to recall what he'd just read. He repeatedly adjusted the pages so he could glance at where Lady Julianna sat.
More than once he caught her lifting her gaze, and was able to look away before their eyes met. He'd return to the article in front of him, only to read the same three sentences before glancing across the room once more.
This would not do. How had she become such a distraction? She hadn't spoken to him. In fact, other than her stolen glances in his direction, he couldn't be certain she was aware of his presence. He was all too aware of hers.
If the weather were warmer he could suggest a walk. Perhaps a game of cards would do. Or should he find the twins and discuss their charade for the Twelfth Night fete? Whatever he decided, reading the paper wasn't something he was presently able to do well.
Nash folded the paper rather noisily and rose. The nursery seemed the perfect place for him at the moment, surrounded by chatter and screeches and myriad reasons to not think of Lady Julianna.
Julianna watched Mr. Sinclair leave the library, smiling at his nod when he passed her chair. She almost followed him to enquire where he was going, and might she come along. But that wasn't wise, or even remotely proper. It appeared the more time she spent with him, even spent thinking of him, the more she questioned her life. The sooner she returned to Aunt Phillips' house, the better. Right or wrong, her aunt supported her unusual notion to become a writer. She needed the affirmation at the moment.
Questions about Mr. Sinclair's life ran through Julianna's thoughts until there was no room for anything else. She sighed. Evie continued to stare at her book, even after Julianna set down her own. Unable to hold back any longer, Julianna said, "Evie, may I ask you something about your brother?"
The younger woman blinked and set aside her book. "Of course. Which one?"
"Nash. I was told he was injured in battle. Was it a grave wound?"
Evie folded her hands in her lap and kept her eyes down. "Quite. By the time news reached us, he'd begun to recover, but we feared we were to lose him until we got further reports from his batman."
"He doesn't speak about it."
"No. Nash doesn't talk about himself at all, but most specifically not the Battle of Toulouse, where he was wounded."
Julianna couldn't recall what she'd read about the battle that took place the past spring, other than the great loss of life. "He should be proud to have fought in the battle that ended the war."
Evie quickly looked up, her eyes softening, and glanced at the door before speaking. "But you see, Napoleon had abdicated before the battle began. All those men died for nothing. Nash's wounds were for nothing."
"Are you certain?"
She nodded. "As I said, we don't discuss it, but Mama explained it to me when I asked why Nash was so sad all the time. The Duke of Wellington didn't receive the news until the day after Nash was wounded. Of course, the French didn't know of his abdication either, so they continued to hold their ground."
Pressing a hand to her mouth, Julianna considered this. Was Mr. Sinclair angry at how the war had ended? But he'd fought many battles by that time. Surely he understood how slowly news traveled. Yet how must he feel, nearly losing his life when Napoleon had already surrendered?
"Thank you for telling me this, Evie. He is very affable, yet he seems to have something secreted away. Was he always that way?"
"Not that I recall. I was quite young when he left us to join the cavalry, though. But when he visited, he seemed to laugh as much as the rest of us."
Julianna smiled. She and Clemmie had laughed often when they'd played in their nursery, but were expected to sit quietly and properly with their parents. She couldn't recall the last time she'd heard her father laugh. "You must have had a delightful childhood."
"As the youngest, I was usually blamed for what the others had done. Thankfully our governess observed I was the studious one, and knew who better to blame." Evie's face glowed as she spoke. "But I wouldn't change any of it, not even for all the books in London. Did you and Clementina get into trouble often?"
Julianna shook her head. "I'm not certain if it wasn't in our nature, or if Papa's disapproval meant that much to us. We were so eager to please him, yet he wasn't often given to praising our efforts."
"How sad. I think I shall always be praising my children. I fear I might spoil them if my husband is not stern enough to make up for my light hand."
Julianna toyed with a loose curl near her ear. Evie sounded eager to begin her family after all. Was Julianna truly the odd one, then? "Are you looking forward to your first Season?"
"Yes, very much so. My cousin will have her come out then, too. We shall have so much fun going to the balls and walking in Hyde Park. I can't wait to go back to Gunther's for ices. And Mama always lets me purchase a new book or two when we're in London."
Not one mention of the young gentlemen to be met. Perhaps Evie was not so unlike Julianna when it came to love. "What of the young swains? Is there anyone you're hoping to meet, some titled lord you've read about in the papers?"
Evie tilted her head. "I haven't thought much on it. There will be so many men. I'm sure to find one who doesn't bore me silly."
Julianna laughed. "That is all you require in a husband?"
The girl's cheeks colored beautifully. "I don't know what I require. Surely I'll know when I meet him. What about you? Why are you unmarried? Don't tell me it's because you live with your aunt and can't go to London. You're pretty enough to find a beau without leaving your home."
Now it was Julianna's turn to blush. "You exaggerate. But I did have a few beaux when I was in London. There was nothing about any of them that stood out, though. I couldn't see choosing one to spend my life with, when any of them would just as easily have suited. I can walk into the modiste's and find one pattern that stands out from the others. Surely there must be a man I could feel the same about."
Evie's eyebrows rose and a giggle escaped her. "You can't mean it. You can't compare finding a husband to buying a new gown!"
"I suppose I can't. But there is my point. Perhaps I'm not meant to marry. I don't dream of having children, I dream of visiting Vienna."
"You could go to Vienna on your wedding trip," Evie suggested. "But what will you do with the rest of your life if not have children?"
Julianna had hoped Evie, of all people, would understand. There must truly be something lacking in Julianna to not long for a family. "I'm beginning to ask myself that very thing. I almost wish I had stayed with Aunt Phillips. You see, I had decided never to marry. And was quite content with that decision."
A knowing light brightened Evie's face. "Do you mean to say you are developing an attachment to Nash?"
Leaning back in her chair, Julianna closed her eyes. "I am not at all certain what I mean."
Reaching the bottom of the staircase, Nash slowed to a more respectable pace and walked down the hall to the drawing room where everyone gathered before dinner. He was quite pleased with his afternoon spent in the nursery. Frank and Everett were beyond enchanted with the idea he proposed to them for the Twelfth Night entertainment. All he'd had to do was display the toy swords to gain the boys' attention.
Keeping their interest was another story, but what they would lack in polish, they'd more than make up for in enthusiasm. Nash would practice with them each day and hope they wouldn't forget all when they stood in front of a crowded room. His mother and their guests
would enjoy the result no matter how it turned out.
Nash hadn't realized how long he'd taken in changing for dinner until he saw everyone else had already come below stairs. One could usually count on a sister or two to be the last to arrive. No one commented on his tardiness, so he located Geoff. "Did Mother tell you I'm helping the twins with an entertainment for the party?"
"She did. Whatever did she threaten to gain your assistance?"
"Would you believe I volunteered? And I wasn't even foxed. I can't say I'm certain what's come over me since I returned home."
"You can't? I could venture a guess." Geoff leaned back briefly, giving Nash a clear view of Lady Julianna sitting with her sister.
"Don't be absurd. If I wished to marry, I'd be better off choosing a young lady who was also looking to marry." Or so he'd been telling himself hourly.
"If marriage is your intent, I have no objection. I might even be convinced to assist your suit."
Nash raised a brow at his older brother. "You think me incapable of winning her on my own?"
Geoff grinned. "Just as I suspected. You can't hide anything from me. Even Mother has mentioned you two have been seen walking together. If you aren't careful, Lord Carrington will call you out."
"For speaking to her in passing when I discover her in the park? Don't make me laugh. If I had done anything untoward, you and Father would have called me on it days ago."
When dinner was announced, Nash turned to follow the others. Geoff stopped him with a soft request. "I only ask that you be sure of your heart before you involve hers."
Nash considered the request. He'd been advising himself the same thing. All he knew was every moment spent talking to her led to hours spent thinking about her.
As luck would have it, he was seated beside her at the table. After listening to the conversations around him, Nash leaned closer to Lady Julianna. "I wonder if you've considered the difficulties you might find when married to the man you seek."
She dabbed her mouth with a napkin before speaking with a pleasant expression. "I've thought of little else. Such as, will his valet continue to polish his armor, or will that task be given to me?"
"Yes, that would be important to know. As would, does he sleep in his chain mail?"
"Now you're being silly, Mr. Sinclair. What sort of man would sleep in chain mail?"
"I admit, I know of few men who even own the suits. It would take the appearance of Brummell in such costume to bring the style back."
From the corner of his eye, Nash saw her smile grow. She quickly hid it behind her glass as she sipped. "I prefer gentlemen who aren't creators of fashion. One who knows what is appropriate to wear to various occasions."
"I see. I shall add that to my list."
Lady Julianna took a slow spoonful of her soup. "Your list?"
"If I'm to find your ideal husband, I must know what qualities you find desirable. Beyond his propensity for stalking reptiles."
"Oh yes, of course. Well then, let me think on it. I should like him to be tall, please."
Julianna seemed intent on her meal, continuing to eat gracefully, unaware of the many conversations around them. He'd barely tasted his own food, although he'd eaten plenty judging from the number of times he'd lifted his fork to his mouth. How did one accomplish anything when one's mind turned to porridge? If Lady Julianna agreed to become his wife, would he be able to return to his normal routine?
If she turned him down, would he be able to shut the door on his thoughts?
A footman set a plate of meats in front of Nash. He stared at it before reaching for his fork. "I wonder if cook has a recipe for roast dragon loin."
Lady Julianna coughed and brought her napkin to her lips. When her breathing returned to normal, she spoke softly. "I should think the meat would be better stewed."
"Dragon fricassee. Or a ragout, what do you think?"
"The fricassee gravy would probably do better at disguising the gamey taste."
Nash stroked his chin. "I wonder what the average age is of the dragons your gentleman has killed. He must have a very large smokehouse. Or do you suppose he is the generous sort and shares his hunt with his tenants?"
"Of course he is generous. I wouldn't consort with any other type."
After chewing a few bites of what he was fairly certain was pork, he had a thought. "Do you suppose his tenants remain long on his land? What with his generosity, of course. As his wife, you'd be required to eat what he provided and be happy for it. But the tenants took no such vow of obedience."
A sound very close to a snigger came from Lady Julianna, who quickly reached for her napkin. "That is something I hadn't considered. Perhaps my knight is bound to render all his game to the king. We must raise our own pigs and beeves to feed our family."
They continued their silly talk through dessert. His mother's voice interrupted their imaginings and Nash realized it was time for the ladies to retire to the drawing room. He quickly stood and helped Lady Julianna from her chair. He couldn't recall a more enjoyable meal since the days of eating with his brothers and sisters in the nursery.