Kari’s words were out the moment Ashley opened the door. “We’re having a girl!” Kari rushed inside and hugged her; then just as quickly she drew back and gently placed her hand on the small bump at Ashley’s waist. “Maybe you’re right and you’re having a girl too!”
“You’ve got Kari convinced.” Ryan stepped inside. He laughed and shook his head. “She already has the two girls dressing alike for the first day of kindergarten.”
Ashley giggled and placed her hand over Kari’s. “I can’t explain it.” She lifted one shoulder. “I just had this feeling we were both having girls. I even told my doctor that at my appointment last week. I asked if it was true that sometimes a mother just knows what she’s having.”
“And?” Ryan seemed amused by the planning and dreaming going on between the two sisters.
Ashley made a face. “She said there was no way to tell until the ultrasound.”
“Which is in a week.” Kari kept her voice low. The sleeping boys were across the living room, side by side. “I can’t wait.”
“Landon says I’m obsessed. I’m counting down the hours.” Ashley grinned. She and Kari talked for a few minutes, and then Ashley left.
Over the next few days when they walked the track, Ashley allowed herself to dream aloud about the possibility that they were each having a girl. “They’ll be closer than sisters. Like twins almost.”
Kari easily got caught up in the excitement. “I can picture us helping them buy prom dresses and remembering back to this time.”
They talked about everything from the babies’ first steps to the weddings the girls might have in the same year, and as the days grew closer for Ashley’s ultrasound, she was convinced. Something about this pregnancy was different, and that could leave just one explanation. She was having a girl.
The night before Ashley’s test, Kari called before she turned in. “Jessie’s thrilled about having a sister. Well, actually, thrilled doesn’t touch it. She was bouncing all over the house. She made up a song about finally having a sister.”
Ashley was already in bed, more tired than usual, but she smiled in the dark. “I wish I could’ve heard it.” She thought for a few seconds. “If I’m right about this one, Cole’s reaction will probably be a little more subdued.”
“Hmmm.” Kari’s laughter faded. “He still wants a brother?”
“He wants an entire basketball team.”
They both giggled, though the topic stayed with Ashley after the call ended and as she tried to fall asleep. She’d even tried to broach the subject with Cole again. “God might have a sister for you, Coley. That would be okay, right? Even if she didn’t play basketball?”
“Well—” Cole had been digging into a bowl of Cheerios—“I already asked God for a brother, so thanks, Mom, for trying to make me ready for the bad news. But I think you’re wrong.” He pointed to her stomach. “That’s a boy in there. I’m pretty sure.”
Landon told her not to worry. “Cole would love a girl. He’d be the best big brother ever.”
She fell asleep praying that her son would understand if the news in the morning wasn’t what he was hoping for.
When the alarm went off Monday morning, Ashley hit the Off button and reached for Landon’s hand. “It’s here. The first ultrasound.”
“Mmmm.” He turned onto his side so he was facing her. “We don’t need the test, Ash.” His eyes were still closed. “It’s a girl. You already called it.”
Ashley grinned and put her hand on her abdomen. She felt like shouting for joy. The day had finally come. Today she would know whether she was right. She climbed out of bed and slipped into a pair of stretch pants. She was ready in half the time it usually took, but even in her rush, she felt calm and relaxed. Cole might be right. She might be having a boy. And even if she was carrying a girl, Cole would of course get used to the fact. She had nothing to fear.
Ashley was buttoning her sweater, checking her look one more time, when the phone rang. From the kitchen, where Landon was making breakfast for the boys, she heard him call, “I’ll get it.”
Ashley smiled. Landon was a great dad, a great husband. He never complained about helping with the boys or going the extra distance to make her feel comfortable. He was always one step ahead of her.
“Ashley.” He walked down the hallway and into their bedroom. His brow was knit, his eyes veiled in concern. “It’s the doctor.”
She wrinkled her nose as she took the phone. The doctor would be seeing them later this morning. Why would she call now? Ashley pressed the receiver to her ear. “Hello?”
“Ashley . . . this is Dr. Amy McDaniel.” She paused. “You’re still coming in today for your ultrasound, right?”
“I am.” Ashley’s heart pounded, and her throat felt dry. Landon was waiting a few feet away. “Is something wrong?”
“Well, I’m not sure.”
Ashley braced herself against the dresser and hung her head. Nothing was wrong; it couldn’t be. She refused the doctor’s words and forced herself to listen for the explanation. The explanation that had to be coming.
“Your alpha-fetoprotein test came back high.” The doctor’s tone grew reassuring. “That might not mean anything, but with a high AFP test, we like to make sure you’re not alone at the ultrasound. In case we find a problem.”
Ashley’s mind was racing. “AFP? That’s the blood test I took last time I was in?”
“Yes.” Dr. McDaniel was a mother herself. She had five kids and a fantastic bedside manner. She had delivered several of the Baxter babies. But her normally upbeat attitude was greatly subdued today. She sighed. “We use the AFP as a way of screening for a number of issues.”
AFP. Ashley closed her eyes and thought back to the days when she’d returned from France, pregnant and single and afraid, and sat in a doctor’s office with her mother. Yes, that’s where she’d heard this before. “Wait.” She opened her eyes. Landon moved closer beside her, his face paler than before. She reached for his hand. “I had a high AFP test with my first child—with Cole.”
“And he was healthy?”
“Very much so.” Ashley felt herself begin to relax.
“Okay, good.” The doctor sounded somewhat relieved. “Ninety percent of the time a high AFP test means nothing. Either way, you’ll be bringing someone today?”
“Yes.” She looked at Landon. “My husband.”
“Very well. We’ll see you at eleven, then.”
Ashley hung up and tried to give Landon a reassuring look. “My AFP test was high, same as it was for Cole.”
“Oh.” Landon blinked. He still looked nervous. “I haven’t heard of that before.”
“Me either. Not before Cole, anyway.” She set the phone down on the dresser and slipped her arms around Landon’s waist. “That time I was with my mom at the doctor’s office. I remember being scared to death when they told me.” She thought for a moment. “My mom called my dad, and he told me not to worry. Just because it’s high doesn’t mean anything’s wrong.”
Landon linked his hands near the small of her back. “I’m sure it’s nothing.” He leaned in and kissed her, his lips lingering on hers. He smiled. “Let’s not let it bring us down. This is the big day.”
“Right.” She found a tentative smile. “Exactly.”
But there was no way to escape the shadow the doctor’s call cast across the morning. They saw Cole off to school, and as he headed toward the front gate, he turned and waved at them. “When I get home you can tell me what my brother looks like.”
“Get to school.” Landon grinned and waved one last time.
They headed toward Kari’s house, where Devin would spend the morning. She loved having him over, loved watching the way her own little RJ doted on his younger cousin. The idea was that Ashley and Landon could experience the ultrasound without interruption and then go out to lunch afterwards to celebrate. But after they dropped Devin off, Ashley couldn’t help but think that maybe they’d need time alone for another reaso
n.
“You’re supposed to be bouncing out of your seat with excitement.” Landon was driving. He glanced at her. The hint of a smile lifted his lips. “Remember?”
“I am bouncing.” She took a quick breath. “On the inside, anyway.”
“Don’t worry, Ash. It’s nothing.”
She tried to take a full breath, but it wouldn’t come. “You don’t know that.”
“I do.” He gave her a sheepish glance. “I called your dad.”
“You what?” She shifted in her seat, studying him. “This morning?”
“You were taking care of Devin, and I had to hear for myself. Your dad said not to worry. He agreed with Dr. McDaniel. Ninety percent of the time a high AFP test means absolutely nothing.”
A warmth filled her, soothing the anxious places in her soul. “You did that? For me?”
Landon turned into the doctor’s office parking lot. “For both of us. I trust your dad, and I knew I wouldn’t stop thinking about it until I talked to him.”
Ashley waited until they were parked before putting her hand on his shoulder. “Thanks, Landon. That means a lot.”
“I want today to be special. We can’t go in assuming the worst.” He nodded toward the front door of the office building. “Let’s see who’s right—you or Cole.”
Four other pregnant women were in the office. Ashley and Landon found two chairs together in the corner and waited for nearly a half hour before a nurse opened the door and called them in. By then Ashley had ridden a roller coaster of emotions enough times to feel nauseous about what lay ahead. Good or bad. Her father was right, of course. She’d had a high AFP test before, and it had meant nothing. There was no reason to expect the worst. But it was there, like a smell she couldn’t ignore no matter how much fresh air filled the room.
Landon took her hand and led her along behind the nurse into the examination room. When they were alone and she had changed into the white cotton gown, he smiled at her. “Very attractive.”
“I’m thinking about getting one for around the house.” Ashley laughed, but the sound didn’t ring true.
She sat on the edge of the table and crossed her bare legs. She was shivering, but the room wasn’t really cold. Next to the table was the ultrasound machine, already turned on and waiting for action.
Landon took the seat across from her. “Maybe Cole’s right.”
“It’s a boy?” She angled her head. If the doctor would just hurry so they could get past this moment, so that even the slight possibility of bad news might be something they could completely dismiss.
“Right, because a whole team of basketball players wouldn’t be so bad.” He rested his forearms on his knees. “Besides, I already have one princess. I couldn’t dare hope for two, right?”
Before she could answer, there was a knock on the door, and Dr. McDaniel came in. She was in her late thirties, blonde and attractive. She’d delivered Devin, and at various appointments Ashley had been impressed that the doctor’s office was filled with pictures from home. Her children hugging her, her family together in a boat with Dr. McDaniel skiing behind it, and vacation photos from Hawaii. The doctor and her family went to the same church as the Baxters, and Ashley understood that her role as a doctor was something she saw as a ministry.
Even so, Dr. McDaniel was professional, and today her expression was more serious than usual. She nodded at Landon and then at Ashley. “How are we doing?”
“Good.” Ashley’s answer was quick. “Anxious for the test.”
“You told your husband about the AFP results?” She looked from Ashley to Landon.
“Yes.” Ashley shivered again. She reached back and pulled the edges of her gown a little more tightly together.
Landon cleared his throat. “I talked to Ashley’s dad, Dr. John Baxter. He agreed that most of the time high levels mean nothing.”
“It’s true.” The doctor’s voice was laced with compassion. “But we have to look carefully at the ultrasound to make sure there’s nothing unusual going on.”
Ashley had wanted to check the Internet before they left, do a search on high levels of AFP and see what it could possibly mean. But she’d resisted the urge. It was one thing to have the high test results in the back of her mind this morning. If she had a list of possible problems, it would ruin her mood completely.
“Why don’t you lie down and we’ll take a look.” Dr. McDaniel went to the sink and washed her hands.
Ashley did as she was told, but a lump filled her throat. Please, God . . . not my baby. Don’t let there be anything wrong with her, please. Ashley gripped the sides of the table and realized she’d done it again. Prayed for her baby as if she knew for certain the child was a girl.
A nurse entered the room and handed the doctor a tube of gel. The younger woman smiled at Ashley but otherwise kept quiet.
Dr. McDaniel lifted the gown off Ashley’s abdomen and opened the tube. “This’ll be cold but only for a minute or so.” She squirted a blob of the clear gel onto Ashley’s stomach and reached for the ultrasound paddle.
The nurse turned up the volume on the machine. Immediately a familiar fwup, fwup, fwup, fwup filled the room.
A thrill raced through Ashley. She looked at Landon, and they shared a silent celebration. The baby’s heartbeat sounded strong and healthy. Ashley moved her head so she could see the screen. Little feet took up the circular image. Thank You, God . . . two feet, what looks like ten toes. There was nothing to worry about.
Landon came to her side. He put his hand on her shoulder and stared at the screen.
“There’re the feet and legs.” Dr. McDaniel kept her eyes on the images. “There’s nothing more beautiful than that.” She clicked a button and the picture froze. She pointed to the feet. “Looks good.” She shifted the paddle, and Ashley felt a sense of movement.
In the past week, she’d felt a fluttering, like butterfly wings against the inside of her belly. It had happened often enough that she was sure it was the baby, and now the feeling returned. Ashley watched the images as they changed. Movement had to be good. A baby that moved around as much as this little one must be healthy.
She checked the doctor’s expression. She wasn’t smiling, but then she was probably too focused on the screen to worry about how Ashley might be reading her.
Dr. McDaniel adjusted the paddle so that the image changed to the top of the baby’s legs. With a few shifts in either direction, she stopped and clicked the picture frozen again. “Congratulations.” She looked over her shoulder at Ashley and then at Landon. “You’re having a girl.”
Ashley sucked in her next breath and covered Landon’s hand with her own. “I knew it.”
“You have two boys already, right?” Dr. McDaniel was clearly happy for them.
“Yes. Cole and Devin.”
“We have four boys and a girl.” The doctor grinned. “No question, there’s something special about having a little girl in the house.”
Ashley couldn’t respond. Tears stung her eyes. She was having a girl, her first daughter. A love like no other filled her heart, and she pictured her own mom, how close they’d grown in the years before her death. Ashley loved having sons, but a daughter would be so different. A girl who would look up to her and hold long talks with her and learn about love from her. Two tears slid down the sides of her face.
Landon bent down and kissed one of them. He whispered in her ear, “She’ll look just like you.”
Ashley nodded, too overcome to speak. An hour ago all she could think about was that maybe, just maybe, there was something wrong with her baby. But now she knew better. She was having a little girl, and everything was going to unfold just the way she’d pictured it.
The doctor moved the paddle and settled it inches from where it had been. The baby’s spine came into view, and it looked normal, as normal as Ashley could remember the image looking from her ultrasounds with Cole and Devin. At the same time, a round shape appeared on the screen.
The baby’s
head.
Ashley stared at the roundness, and she thought she saw her daughter’s profile. A tiny nose and high cheekbones. The technology was overwhelming, giving her this first look at her little girl. She dabbed at another tear and held her breath. They were almost finished. The doctor needed to snap a picture of the baby’s head and measure it—the way Ashley had seen it done with her two boys. Then Dr. McDaniel could smile at them and tell them everything was fine. The high AFP test was nothing.
But instead something changed in the doctor’s posture. She straightened a few inches, then shifted the paddle again, studying the picture. Ashley might’ve imagined it, but she was almost sure that Dr. McDaniel’s next breath was more of a sigh. A heavy sigh.
“Everything okay?” Landon knew better than to ask. Doctors preferred going over the specific results of a test like this later on, after the test was finished.
Dr. McDaniel ran her hand through her blonde hair and moved closer to the image. “Just a minute.”
The grip Landon had on Ashley’s shoulder grew tighter. She didn’t dare move or say a word. She had to remind herself to breathe.
A minute passed and another, while the doctor adjusted the paddle and clicked a series of pictures of their little girl’s head. Ashley squinted, trying to see what might be troubling the doctor. But the baby’s head looked normal as far as she could tell. Round with various shadows on and near it. Ultrasound pictures were always like this, right? Her daughter’s head looked the same as Cole’s or Devin’s.
The nurse was still standing on the other side of the machine, watching the test also. And only then did Ashley realize that the young woman’s face was ashen, her eyes deeply concerned. She exchanged a look with the doctor and took a step closer to the door.
Dr. McDaniel nodded at the nurse, and the nurse excused herself.
Ashley peered up at Landon. He was pale and tense, and though his lips were parted, he remained silent.
Dr. McDaniel wiped off the paddle and turned to them. “Ashley, why don’t you get dressed.” Her expression was impossible to read, except for one very obvious thing. She was no longer making small talk about her own children, no longer smiling. “I’d like to see you both in my office.”
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