He whispered in her ear, “I’m not running anymore.”
***
Stephen had expected to hear mom yelling at David by now. He figured they needed some private time and had to talk about grown up things. Aaron and Sarah were in the living room watching a movie and he was getting a drink when he thought he heard the agonizing mew of a cat. So he looked out the window to try to see, but it was dark and he couldn’t see anything close to the house.
Just as he turned from the window to go back to the movie, something caught his attention out in the yard. When he turned back and focused more on what was out there, all he could see was a large mound out in the yard. With the moonlight shining down on what he was looking at, he thought it looked like mom and David huddled on the ground. He was now confused and called his brother and sister to the back door to look too. They confirmed that they were seeing the same thing as him.
“Do I go out?” He asked them. They both just shrugged their shoulders. Something was happening, but they didn’t know what to do about it, so they just stood there, watching, hoping everything was okay.
Chapter 22
They were not sure how long they had held each other, but neither of them seemed to want to let go of the other. They seemed to have held on for dear life. They knew the air around them was cool but inside their huddle, it was as warm as the summer sun. All the years of heartache and tears. The years of drinking away the pain. All the anger and bitterness that had built up between them fell away with the tears that filled their eyes. The embrace they shared seemed to crush the concrete walls they had built up around their hearts. It was healing.
What now? Emma thought as they slowly began to stand up.
She could tell he was not ready to let her go, but she had to think and she couldn’t when wrapped in his arms. She helped him as he tried to stand. Now the nerves and uncertainty returned. She wasn’t sure what to do next.
“What’s going through your mind, Emma? I can see the gears turning behind those beautiful, baby blues.” His lazy grin did strange things to her insides. She found she loved and hated it all at the same time. She felt the need to protect herself until she knew what was next.
“Don’t pretend you still know me, David, er Ryan. Whichever name you go by now. Don’t act like nothing is changed! Everything is different now. I am different. You’’re different. And don’t even get me started on the kids.”
She put her hand to her chest to try to calm her racing heart. She began to shift her weight from one leg to the other. She needed to think and she couldn’t.
“You’re right. We have all changed. But what I realize, right now, in this moment, is I love you. I am not sure I ever stopped. I am not walking away again. I am a different man, but a better man. A stronger man. A man who wants and needs to take responsibility for his family.” He looked down at their feet, placed his hands in his pocket. She could see the nervous school boy she once knew. “Well, that is if he has a family to take responsibility for. Do I still have that family, Emma? Can we work things out?”
She didn’t know what to think or say. A war raged within her. One side wanted to yell ‘yes’ so loud that the whole world could hear it and then leap into his arms. Then there was the other side. This side was the side that kept her heart safe from the hurt and pain; the part that had to think of ways to survive in this world. It had been her and the kids for so long that she wasn’t sure how to bring him back into the mix.
“I don’t know. I, I mean we, we have to think of the kids. What will they think? I have a feeling Stephen suspects. I have to put them first.”
Ryan stepped forward and grabbed her arms, almost in desperation. She could see it in his blazing eyes. “But what about you, Emma? What do you want? If you don’t want me, then I won’t try anymore to win your heart, but what do you want?”
“I don’t know!” She pushed back, it was safe to push him away. She felt safe in his hands, but the survivor told her to push away. “I don’t know what I want. I am so confused. Maybe you just need to go home for tonight and we can talk about it later. I need time, Ryan. Do you understand that? I need time.”
At that moment, Stephen poked his head out the back door, “Ma? You okay?”
“Yeah Baby! Say goodnight to Mr. David and then head for bed.”
“Good Night, Mr. David!”
“Good Night Buddy!”
She could hear the catch in his voice as he said it. She knew she was breaking his heart right now, but she had to think. He looked back to her. He reached out with his hand, and lightly cupped his hand on her cheek and slowly stroked it with his thumb. Then in a whisper, he said, “Good Night, sweet Emma.”
She felt the shock of electricity shoot through her like a lightning bolt, and then it seemed to ignite a fire that started in her heart and flowed through her veins. She felt her head instinctively turn into his hand for just a split second, and then she came back to her senses, and righted herself.
“Good Night, Ryan.” She tried to give him a blank stare, but with that cocky grin on his face, she could tell he was not fooled.
“You don’t have to hide from me.” He turned and walked toward the back of her property, toward the pond. Confused even more, she walked after him.
“Where are you going?”
“Home. Didn’t you notice I didn’t drive here? My property backs up to yours. We’re neighbors. Have been all along. So anytime you need a cup of sugar, well, you know where I am.” She stopped in her tracks as she watched the trees fold in around him.
He disappeared into the darkness.
“Don’t you need a flashlight?” she yelled to him.
Faintly she heard him respond, “I know my way, Honey! Don’t worry yourself.” She could hear the smile in his voice.
She turned back toward the house and yard, and surveyed everything, trying to process the night’s events.
What is so wrong in letting him back in?
“Because I don’t know if my heart can handle it again.”
Why don’t you just trust that I know what I am doing? You were not meant to do this alone.
“But I have. We’ve done alright, haven’t we? God I am not sure I can do it. I want to, but I don’t if I can trust him, or my heart. It is still hard to forgive him. I’m just not sure if I’m there yet.”
Why do you think I brought you back here?
“For the kids?”
You don’t sound too sure of yourself. Just trust Me. I know the plans I have for you and your family. Plans to prosper you and bring you...
“Hope. Okay! But I am still scared, God. I am scared to death.”
Once she said ‘okay’ to God, the exhaustion folded in on her and she felt weak and tired. So she slowly made her way to the house, closed things up for the night, and went to bed. Tomorrow was a new day, and maybe she would be able to think better after a good night’’s rest.
***
He stood in the tree line, yet again. He wasn’t ready to leave, but he understood that she needed space. He heard her talking to herself, he assumed she was praying, or giving God an earful. She seemed to do that quite a bit. He could hear the war raging in her mind. I’ll give her time, even though it might kill me.
Typically, the moon made a wonderful guide, but when he came to the thick parts of the wooded overgrowth, he really had to grope around in the dark to find his way. He knew these woods well, but was having a hard time finding his way through. The moon was nowhere to be seen in the thicket. The wind blew hard and he was concerned that it would knock him over a few times.
He heard a twig snap behind him and the hair on his neck stood on end. He turned to see if someone was there.
“Hello!”
Nothing. No one was there. There was a looming sense of danger lurking in the air the closer he got to his house. In this part of the state there weren’t many wild predators, but there were rumors that a cougar had been seen and quite a few coyotes. David knew that if these two breeds of a
nimals were hungry enough, they would attack.
He began to walk again for home, but was now more alert of his surroundings.
“Lord, watch over me and show me how to get home safely.”
The eeriness never left him the entire walk home but he was glad to see his back porch light.
As he approached the house, he heard a sound that resembled something heavy falling and then breaking. It was coming from within the house. He quietly walked up the back steps of the house to look in the kitchen window. Through that window he could see straight to the front door. He could see that his freezer door was hanging open as well as all his kitchen cupboards. The few dishes he had, were now broken on the counter tops and floors. Some of the drawers were laying awkwardly on the floor.
He looked in the direction of his living room. There was the silhouette of a tall, well-built man standing near his television. Quickly sizing him up, David figured he was a little bigger than himself. He felt every muscle in his body began to twitch and tighten as he noticed another man stride into view. He could feel the joy of what happened between him and Emma fall away and the space was now filled with anger and aggression.
“I have so little to begin with and these punks have broken most of it. This has to stop! Now!” He knew that if Emma was with him, she would tell him to think of the kids. He reasoned that he was being a good example by protecting what is yours. He slowly reached for the back door and quietly opened it.
He stood in the stairway to his basement that was just inside the door, and listened. He could hear hushed, angry whispers. Comments about “not much here worth taking” and “this was a waste of time”. David figured after that they would have left, but he could tell they were still digging around and trashing his place more. He knew they wouldn’t find anything, so he got a little cocky and stepped into the kitchen.
He stood in the middle of the kitchen, leaned lazily on his cane and watched the guys toss his living room. He had had enough.
“You about done tossing my home? You boys won’t find anything here, so how about you get out of here.”
The men turned on him. That’s when he caught the glint of something metallic in the one guy’s hand. The moonlight coming through the front window gave the gun a shining gleam. It was now pointed right at him.
He knew the table had just turned.
“What are you going to do about it? What if we just want to toss a place?” said the guy with the gun.
“Just shoot him and let’s go. He’s seen us now. He’s crippled, not like he’ll chase us.” said the other guy.
He watched them and the gun as they chose that moment to argue about whether or not to shoot him. He stood there, clutching his fist trying to keep calm. His automatic response to protect himself kicked in, but the rational part of him kept saying, “Stay still, you just found your family. Don’t blow it.”
He tried to just stay there and wait for them to leave. Unfortunately, he remembered something his granddad told him, “A man doesn’t let strangers disrespect him on his own property.” He started to walk toward the guys.
He must have startled them again because as he heard a loud bang ring through the air, felt something hit him in the right side of his chest. Then he watched them run out the front of the house.
In his mind, it was like watching a movie in slow motion.
He didn’t even realize he had made enough of an advance on them to startle them. He didn’t even see the guy raise the gun again, but judging from the burning pain radiating through his body, he knew what happened.
He couldn’t move. He was shocked. He couldn’t move his right arm and he was finding it hard to breathe. He patted his pocket for the phone. The stress on the body to just pull the phone out of his pocket was enough to bring him to his knees. He didn’t just kneel, he crashed to his knees. The pain of the fall shot right up into his hips and spine.
He finished lowering himself to the floor as carefully as possible. He had just enough time to dial 911 before the pain became too much and he began to fade out. He could hear the dispatch lady on the other end, but couldn’t respond. His last thought before his world going completely dark was, God, not again.
Chapter 23
Emma thought for sure Ryan would be back the next day or at least on Saturday, but she did not see or hear from him since Thanksgiving night. It worried her a bit, but she was also glad of it. She needed a few days to think and pray. She felt like a mess. The kids were asking her constantly if she was okay. She hated that they didn’t know but she was not going to say anything without Ryan there to tell them himself.
Come Sunday morning, she was content in letting him into their lives enough so the kids would know him. As far as working things out between them, well that was going to take more time. She was already beginning to feel the seeds of love bloom again, but that was before, when she thought he was just David.
She was in the middle of blowing her hair dry when Stephen came to the bathroom door with her cell phone in his hand. She was startled when he touched her shoulder.
“What d’ya need?” she yelled over the noise.
“Mom, Pastor Cross is on the phone.” He handed her the device.
She took the phone as she put the hair dryer down. “Hello Pastor! What can I do for you?” This was a strange thing for him to call her on a Sunday, but she figured it couldn’t wait a half an hour if he was calling.
“I need you to get here sooner than normal.
I need to talk with you and the kids before service.” All her internal alarms began to go off.
“Pastor, what’s wrong?”
“Just get here as soon as possible. Go through the back of the church and to my office. Don’t come through the front.” She thought his request was strange but would comply. The man never gave instructions like that without a reason.
“Okay Pastor. I’ll be there in fifteen minutes. I was about done getting ready anyhow.”
They hung up and she told the kids to make sure they were ready and to get out to the vehicle. “The bus leaves in ten minutes!” She yelled from the top of the stairs. Aaron gave a smart mouth comment about not owning a bus. “Now is not the time son, do as you are told. Pastor wants to talk to us before service so we need to get there before we normally do.”
They were all out of the drive within ten minutes and on their way to the church. She could feel the panic rising up in her chest. The hair on her neck and arms was standing on end and she was feeling edgy. Thankfully the kids could sense something was wrong as well. No one said a word all the way to the church.
She parked on the back side of the church and they ran in the back door. “Head for his office, do not stop to say ‘Hi’ to anyone.”
They walked in the office to see Pastor Cross and his wife. They were praying so they walked in quietly.
Pastor looked up and told Stephen to shut the door. Emma was frightened now.
Something about this felt familiar. She sensed something bad had happened, but she couldn’t figure out who it might be that he would want to pull her aside like this. She hadn’t called him back after she discovered that David was really Ryan. Maybe something happened to her dad or mom?
“Pastor, you’re scaring me, what is this about?” She looked at each of the kids, and saw Stephen was thinking the same thing.
“Oh, Emma.” Mrs. Cross came and sat next to her and held her hand. She looked back at Pastor.
“Emma, were your questions answered Thursday night that you had called me about?”
“Yes. They were.”
“Were your suspicions correct?”
“Yes. Where is this going?”
“Do the kids know yet?”
She hesitantly shook her head ‘no’. She seemed to lose her ability to talk when she was catching on that something really had happened to Ryan. God, please don’t tell me he is gone for good now. She began to fear the worst.
“Had you decided to tell them?”
“Yes, b
ut I hadn’t talked to him yet about it.”
“Alright, you need to tell them, now! Right here. Something has happened and word has spread like a wildfire. Honestly, I am surprised you don’t know what happened yet.”
“I haven’t heard anything from him since Thursday night. I thought for sure he would have at least called. Pastor, what happened? Please tell me.”
“He went into his home and startled some men who were in the process of robbing him.” Emma began to shake her head. She felt the dam of tears building up on the back of her eyes burst open. Pastor Cross leaned forward and took her hands in his. “Emma, he is alive, but he was shot. His identity was released in the paper this morning. I was called because I was his emergency contact and I had to reveal his real name. He woke enough to nod that I was telling the truth.”
He paused enough to let the information process. “So I need to tell the kids now, before they go out there for service. Is that what you are saying?” She could feel the room begin to tilt and spin.
“Yes. Or you can just head home, or to the hospital. But these kids need to know, because all their friends know now.”
“Mama?” Sarah’s sweet, questioning voice broke through all that was going through her mind.
“Okay. Um...” She looked to the pastor and his wife for some kind of comfort. ”How do I say this?”
“Just let it out sweetie” Mrs. Cross told her.
“You want us to leave?”
“No. I need support. I feel like I could pass out right now.” She turned back to the kids. She watched them for a moment while she tried to think of a way to break the news to them. Stephen broke the silence.
“Mom? Is it Mr. David?” That’s one way to start. The kid was so intuitive.
“Yes, it is Mr. David. But Mr. David is not who we thought he was. Mommy didn’t realize it until Thursday night. I wanted him to tell you himself, but it looks like he can’t right now.” She paused and took a deep breath. She had admitted it in her mind and to Ryan, but not out loud for everyone to hear. “Mr. David is...well...really, he is your daddy.”
What God Brings Together Page 15