“What?” Teal asked.
Mindy turned to her. “Later today, they will take you to the pottery room in the cow barn and Natani will show you how to make dishes and bowls. They will be what you'll eat upon, and if you don't make it right, you'll eat off the table until you do. Remember, reality checks. Everything you have, you have because you've earned it, made it, provided for yourself.”
“Oh, I hated doing that in school,” Teal said. “Arts and crafts class. I never did any of it right. It's disgusting and so messy.”
Mindy smiled at her. “Wait until you clean a pigpen or shovel cow manure and then tell me pottery work is disgusting.”
Teal's lips began to tremble again. She looked as if she were going to go catatonic.
“Just eat. We don't eat again until dinner. You heard her,” I advised her.
Robin nodded. “Phoebe's right, Teal. Stop worrying about it all. You'll make it bigger and bigger in your mind and only bring pain to yourself.” Robin ate faster.
Teal did the same and we were all quiet again.
“Where you from?” Robin asked Mindy.
I thought she wasn't going to answer, but she finally lifted her head as if it were made of stone and gazed at Robin across the table. “Nowhere. I'm from nowhere.”
Before Robin or I could respond, M'Lady Two entered.
"Time to go back to work, girls. Take your dirty dishes to the sink. Mindy, you and Gia remain behind and wash them today. Tonight, Robin, Teal, and Phoebe will do the dinner dishes and silverware. Make sure the table is clean before you return to your farm chores.
“You three will return to the garden now and work until Natani says it's time to go to clean out the pigpen.”
Mindy smiled at Teal, who glared back at her.
“Get up now!” M'Lady Two commanded.
We did so and Gia and Mindy began to clear the table.
“It's proper to thank each other for the food,” M'Lady Two declared. “Do so.”
Everyone mumbled a thank-you to everyone else.
“And don't forget to add, 'God bless Dr. Foreman,' ” we were told.
We did so. Then we were marched out to put on our shoes and return to the garden.
Natani wheeled over the tomato plants, handling them as if they were babies.
Teal mumbled just that and he stopped and looked at her.
“They are babies,” he said. “Everything is born, begins, matures, and grows old in the world. I'm sure you have heard, 'As ye sow, so shall ye reap,' have you not?”
“I have,” Robin said. “My grandparents practically told that to my mother every day, and my grandfather told my grandmother the same thing every time my mother did something he didn't like, which was about always.”
“Well, I haven't,” Teal said. “I haven't heard anything that has to do with plants.”
“Oh, it has more to do with people,” Natani said.
Teal smirked at him.
“I know you are not happy,” he said. “But you must remember that life's sorrows often bring great joys.”
“Here?” I said. “What joys could we possibly find here?”
Natani looked out toward the sprawling desert. “Many years ago the Great Spirit made the sky and the earth and he put the animals on the earth. One day he decided to move the vulture bird to the desert to live. The vulture took one look about and said, 'What a forsaken, miserable place is this. It is hot and dry and full of poisonous creatures. What joy could I possibly find here? Why did the Great Spirit move me here?' And then he saw a dead desert rat and swooped down to gobble it up. After that he saw a coyote that had died when it had disturbed a rattlesnake, and he feasted on that. Then, he smiled as well as vultures could smile. He was full of joy because what better place is there for a vulture than the desert?”
“I'll remember that next time I come upon a dead desert rat,” Teal muttered.
“Yes,” Natani said. “I'm sure you will.”
He began to show us how to plant the tomato plants and we worked at it until all were in the ground.
“When you eat your first tomato from the plant you have put in the ground, you will understand what joy is here,” Natani declared. “Now we go to clean the pigpen.”
“What difference does it make to a pig if his pen is clean or not?” Teal asked.
“Maybe nothing to the pig, but much to us,” he said. "First, we will use what they drop as fertilizer. Second,
we will keep them clean so they don't get diseases and smell bad."
“I can't believe I'm doing this,” Teal moaned. “We had maids. I never cleaned my room. I never ironed or washed clothes in my life, and now I'm cleaning a pigpen.” She looked around. “How far is the nearest city?”
“A lifetime,” Natani replied.
“What's that mean?”
“It probably means if you ran off in any direction, you'd die,” I said. “Is that what it means, Natani?”
He smiled. “One must learn to live within a small circle before he or she tries to cross the world.”
“I just want to get home,” Teal moaned. “Not cross the world.”
“To go home is to cross the world,” Natani told her.
We paused at the pen. Natani opened the gate and shooed the pigs away. Then he stood back.
“I'm going to vomit on the spot. I mean it,” Teal warned.
“If you do, you'll clean it up,” we heard, and saw M'Lady Three standing nearby. “Start shoveling. You have to go to the pottery barn before therapy today.”
“Therapy? We'll need more than therapy at the end of this day,” I muttered.
The three of us began to shovel the pig manure into a wheelbarrow. Natani would then take it around to the side of the garden and dump it in a pile while we filled another wheelbarrow. The stench made me dry heave so hard I thought my stomach would crack open, but we didn't stop because every time we tried to back away, we heard one of the m'ladies warning us about the Ice Room.
Where were Gia and Mindy? How come they didn't have to do this? I wondered.
A good hour or so later we found out. They were in with Dr. Foreman. We saw them leave the house and head toward the barn, both walking with heads down.
“What's with Tweedledum and Tweedledee?” Robin asked.
I shook my head. “Maybe they're finished with their chores and have free time.”
“Free time? What good is it? What could you do here but twiddle your thumbs?” Teal asked.
“Don't worry about it. Free time is something you won't see for a long time,” M'Lady Two replied, coming around the corner of the pigpen. “Pottery time,” she declared, and led us to another barn where we passed cows in stalls and entered a room where there was a kiln, tables, and clay.
Natani was already at work at a table. We were told to sit around and listen to his instructions. He showed us how to mix the clay, how to keep it from being too wet, then how to shape our bowls and dishes. M'Lady Two stood back near the doorway watching us work. She wore a wry smile and seemed to enjoy Teal's discomfort. Natani was patient and focused. Once again, I thought he had magical hands. Everything seemed to come so easily to him.
“You must see the bowl and the dish here first,” he said, pointing to his temple. “Then it will travel down into your fingers and it will be born through them.”
Teal swung her eyes toward the ceiling, but said nothing. Every once in a while she moaned over the clay that was getting under her fingernails. Finally, we had each formed our bowl and our dish well enough to please Natani and he put them into the kiln.
“Let's go,” M'Lady Two said. “Dr. Foreman is waiting for you.”
Robin asked for permission to speak.
“What do you want now?”
“Can't we clean up, rest a moment?”
“Why? You're not going to a party, stupid. Follow me.”
None of us moved with any energy. We dragged ourselves through the afternoon's hot sun and, once again, took off our shoes and
washed our hands in the spring-water. We gulped water until our buddy told us to move and we entered the hacienda. M'Lady One led us into the house and brought us to an office with a long, brown leather sofa, an oversize leather chair, and a coffee table between them.
On an oversize dark cherrywood desk, papers were neatly arranged, with a computer on the side, the monitor lit with a screen saver showing spiraling solar systems twirling. The walls had plaques and frames, some with degrees in them, some with letters of commendation. The windows were shaded with blackouts and the room was cool and comfortable, obviously well air-conditioned. A large oval area rug with desert colors was on the floor, between the sofa and the desk.
“Sit on the sofa,” M'Lady One told us. “Remember, no one is to speak until asked to do so. We'll be listening.”
We sat on the sofa; then she closed the door behind her as she left. For a moment, the three of us, so tired and exhausted, just sat quietly enjoying the cool air. Teal turned her hands over and looked at her palms. She grimaced sharply, looking like she might burst into tears. Robin closed her eyes and sat back. I lowered my head and stared at the floor.
“I'm running away from here tonight,” I heard Teal whisper.
“You can't do that. You'll get lost and die out there,” Robin said.
“I'll die here anyway,” Teal replied, but not with as much conviction as someone who really believed she had no other choice.
We heard the door being opened and pressed our lips shut. Dr. Foreman walked in, smiled at us, and went first to her desk. She turned some pages of a document in front of her, then came around her desk and sat in the oversize chair, the document in her lap.
“So here we are,” she said. “I thought it would be nice if our first session was together, the three of you and me, beginning as a group. How does everyone feel?”
For a moment none of us took the question seriously. How do we feel? How could we feel but miserable?
“I'm exhausted,” Teal finally said. “I had a horrible night because I was forced to sleep outside chained to a cot, and it was cold, very cold. I don't know why I'm not sick with pneumonia or something, and I stink. We all stink. I want to go home. I'm sure my parents don't know what this place is like or they wouldn't have sent me here. When they find out, heads are going to roll.”
Dr. Foreman had a face like a mask, I thought. Her eyelids barely blinked and those eyes of hers looked like they could bore holes into all three of us. Her lips remained firm, tight. Teal had to look away. She sucked in her tears and held her breath.
“Of course your parents, and your uncle and aunt in your case, Phoebe, know what this is like,” Dr. Foreman began. “They were given our brochure and everything, every detail was explained to them. We don't take anyone here without all that being understood first. Agreements had to be signed. I can show you them, if you wish. Your parents want you here, Teal. Why do you suppose that is?”
Teal didn't reply. She kept her face turned away, her chin in her hand with her elbow braced on the arm of the sofa.
Dr. Foreman turned to Robin and me. “Anyone? Why do you suppose you were sent to me, to this school?”
“It isn't a school. It's a torture chamber,” Teal snapped at her.
“Can you imagine what sort of torture you have put your families through?”
“Nothing as bad as this,” Robin replied defiantly.
"That becomes a matter of opinion, doesn't it, Robin? The emotional and mental torture your families suffered was worse than anything to them or they wouldn't have turned to me in desperation, they and the courts that are frustrated with your behavior, that are ready to give up entirely on you. Tell me, any of you, why should your families have kept you? What did you give to them besides heartache? What do you give to anyone? What value are you to the world?
“Natani's cows give us milk, his pigs give us ham, his garden gives us vegetables, his pottery gives us dishes, his animals give us clothing. What do any of you do but take from the world around you, the world you spent your time damaging? Who will miss any of you?”
Maybe we were all just too tired, but when I shifted my tearful eyes toward Robin and Teal, I saw they were as pained and saddened.
“You were born, you hurt people, and you have been removed, just like some diseased rodent,” Dr. Foreman continued, glancing at me. “You're going to lodge complaints? You dare to threaten? You don't know how ridiculous that sounds. Why should anyone listen to your complaints now? All your lives you never listened to anyone else's.”
“What do you want from us?” Teal screamed, the tears streaming down her cheeks.
“What I want from you is what you should want from yourself. A rebirth, a complete change.”
“I'll change. I promise,” Teal followed.
“No. You can't promise that. You've promised it before and broken the promise. Now, you really have to do it, and to do it, you must truly come to hate who you are now and bury that person out there.” Dr. Foreman nodded toward the windows.
“We might just do that if you keep torturing us like this,” Teal shot back at her.
“Then that is what will be, but I don't think so. I think you'll change for the better. We're here to begin. Today, I want you each to tell me one thing that you did that you admit was shameful, something that in itself would almost justify your being here. I want to believe you when you tell me that, too, so don't just say anything. I know a great deal about each of you. I know what I would choose if I were any one of you.” Dr. Foreman sat back. “Who wants to begin?”
Robin and I looked down. Teal turned away.
“No one is ready to begin her cleansing?”
“I didn't do anything bad enough to deserve this,” Teal insisted.
Dr. Foreman looked at Robin.
“I'm here only because my mother darling wants to be free of me,” she said.
Dr. Foreman turned to me.
“My aunt and my uncle hated having me. They jumped on the first opportunity to get me sent away.”
Doctor Foreman nodded. “Okay. It's not unusual for you all to be like this right now, to not be ready. On rare occasion, one of my students will have insight immediately, but that's, as I said, rare.”
“Students,” Teal spit. “We're not students. How are we students? We're trapped here and tortured. We're prisoners in some madhouse.”
“I'm sorry you feel that way.” Dr. Foreman sounded so sincere, really sorry, as if Teal had insulted her. I raised my eyebrows. Could she be serious? How else did she expect we would feel? Did she really believe all she was telling us?
She rose from her chair and went to the door.
“Girls,” she said, and stepped back. All three buddies entered the office and looked at us. “My new students are not ready for any rewards yet. Therefore I am rescinding any positive merit points that they earned today. They'll begin again tomorrow.”
“Does that mean we're sleeping on those hard cots again and still wearing these . . . these things?” Robin asked.
“If you're lucky,” Dr. Foreman said, her eyes small, threatening.
“That's not fair!” Teal moaned. “We've done everything we were told to do. Look at my hands!” She turned the palms up to show the redness and puffiness.
“Why is it all right for you never to be fair and not for the rest of us? That's the world you created around you. Welcome home,” Dr. Foreman said. “Now get up and follow your buddies out. I don't like wasting my time,” she said sternly.
“What did you want us to say?” I cried with desperation, my arms out like some street beggar's.
She paused, her lips relaxing, her eyes brightening with cold excitement. “I want you to tell me the truth and I want you to be truthful with yourself.”
“What truth? I don't understand what you're talking about, what all this is,” I said, shaking my head.
“Oh, but you will, Phoebe. Soon, you will,” she said, smiling. “I have no doubt of that.”
The buddi
es were all smiling, too, all of them confident we would fall into line. They were obviously enjoying this, enjoying seeing girls who were once like they were, girls who would be molded into whatever form Dr. Foreman had envisioned for us. Just as she had told Teal in that concrete building—she was playing God.
“Let's go, ladies,” M'Lady Three sang.
With great reluctance, we rose and left that cool oasis, that comfort, and followed them back out to the still hot and glaring late-afternoon sun. When did it cool down?
We put on our shoes and followed our buddies away from the house, all of us shuffling along with exhaustion, looking like some ragtag, defeated army. The hot sun made the plains of the desert shimmer around us, the hot air wavering. I thought it wouldn't surprise me to see a mirage.
I looked back and saw Dr. Foreman standing in the doorway watching us.
She was smiling again and that smile was like a knife at my pounding heart.
And that was no mirage.
Broken Wings 2 - Midnight Flight
Betrayal
We were taken back to the garden and told to finish planting the tomatoes. M'Lady Two warned that if we didn't do our work well, we would be denied dinner. Sullen, but afraid to resist, the three of us began again. Natani had a way of appearing as if he just materialized out of thin air. None of us heard him approaching until he was there, standing behind us, observing, occasionally instructing again, and helping us get through it.
The sun was lower in the sky, now nearly completely behind a mountain in the distance. It was almost tolerable to be outside. As the glare lessened, I saw how badly burned both Robin and Teal were. Their cheeks were clown red, their upper arms especially looking raw. Neither realized it yet, I thought. When they turned their backs to me, I saw how crimson the backs of their necks were, too. They would surely be feeling miserable tonight, especially sleeping on those cots. When I looked at Natani, I saw him nod as if he could hear my thoughts.
“You must come with me now,” he told Teal and Robin.
They looked at me. 1 shrugged as if to say, who knew what was next?
Broken Wings 2 - Midnight Flight Page 7