by Dianne Drake
“Big fig tree,” Layla said a couple of times, even though the man had no idea what she was saying. He smiled, though, let her charade herself into more embarrassment before he gestured her to the cart again. Her taxi was waiting, and she couldn’t have been happier to see it, despite the prickly straw in the bottom, and the caged chickens she had to share her ride with. Oh, and the dog. The little old man had picked up a scraggly, lap-sized brown and white mutt somewhere along the way.
So, forcing a gracious smile, Layla climbed in, found a spot among the other passengers and shut her eyes. All those years ago, when Arlo had walked away from her, calling her too damned ambitious, it had hurt, even though it was true. Today—right this moment—she was glad her ambitions had kept her in modern society, as this was simply too hard already, and she hadn’t even started.
Maybe it was what Arlo wanted from his life, living here and practicing jungle medicine, and maybe he was one of the most benevolent, altruistic and humane people she’d ever known, but none of this was for her, and if she hadn’t known it then, she surely did now.
* * *
“Of all the doctors in the world, he sent you?” Arlo shook his head, not in disbelief so much as amusement. “You working in the jungle is as improbable as me working in a modern hospital somewhere. But you’ve certainly got the skill I need, so...” He visibly bit back a laugh. “Welcome.”
Layla opened her eyes, which she’d purposely kept shut so she could avoid the full picture of her impetuous volunteering, and there he was, taking away her breath the way he always had. Only maybe a little more since the jungle setting made him seem...better.
Tall, roguishly handsome as ever and a little weathered, which became him. His blond hair looked sun bleached, and it was long, still with its gentle curl. She’d always liked those curls and the way they had felt in her fingers. And the penetrating blue eyes that still penetrated. But the thing that had always attracted her most were his dimples. Honest-to-gosh sexy dimples when he smiled.
“I’d have made my grand entrance differently if I could have, but I suppose this works,” she said as she picked straw from her hair. “Oh, and to answer your question, yes, he sent me.”
“He didn’t tell me it was you he was sending,” Arlo said.
“Probably because he was as surprised as I was that it was my hand that went up first to volunteer. Also, because he couldn’t get in touch with you.”
“Ah, yes. It’s all about the soon-to-be-open assistant chief position, isn’t it? When he told me he was going to announce it, I assumed you’d be the one fighting to get to the front of the line. Didn’t count on Ollie sending you out here as part of your climb up his ladder, though. Especially since we haven’t spoken in five years.”
“Three,” she corrected. “We spoke that time you came to New York to visit him.”
“One word, Layla. You said hello in passing.”
“And you acknowledged it by bobbing your head and grunting.”
“That’s not exactly speaking.”
“I was civil,” she said, trying to right herself in the cart, wishing Arlo would help her out so she wouldn’t look quite so undignified. But he was standing back, arms folded across his chest, the way he’d always done when they’d argued. So, was he expecting this to turn into an argument? “And in a hurry.”
“You were always in a hurry, Layla. And I’m assuming it’s paying off, taking on more and more just to prove yourself to him.”
“Not denying it,” she said.
“Nope, you never did. I think I saw that in you the first time we met.”
Of course, Arlo could see what he wanted to see in her. That was part of their fundamental problem. What he wanted versus what she wanted. Or, in their case, needed. “Part of my basic make-up, I suppose. But I never heard you object,” she said, stepping out of the cart, trying not to disturb the chickens while also trying to shoo the dog back in.
“Probably because I didn’t object. I liked your ambition. I was raised by pacifist parents who took things as they came, which is pretty much my style. Someone with your kind of ambition—I don’t recall ever seeing it in anyone before you. Not living in the jungle for as long as I did. It was an eye-opener for me, and also...well, sexy.”
Layla turned to thank the old man for the ride by bowing to him, then tucked a few Thai coins into his hand which he pocketed eagerly as he returned her bow, then scurried away with his cart. “Right up until the day you walked out.” She brushed the straw off her backside, then stood at the bottom of the rough-hewn wooden stairs and looked up at Arlo. “It’s two months. You need the help, I’m available, and—”
“And in the bargain it makes you look good because you want that promotion. You haven’t changed, Layla. I’ll give you credit for that. Where you are now is where you were when we split. Still trying to climb that ladder.”
“I’m not the only one in the running.”
“No, but you’re the only one who’d come to Thailand to impress him. That’s huge, even if you don’t want to admit it.”
“I also came to see a side of medicine I’ve never seen.” And try to make things right between them—things that seemed like they were already off to a shaky start.
“I offered you that. Remember?”
“For a lifetime, Arlo. You wanted a lifetime commitment and we weren’t even...” Layla wanted to say in love, but that was implied. Their relationship had been about many things, but love had never been mentioned. In fact, because of their circumstances, she was sure that was the reason it never had been mentioned. It was too complicated. It got in the way. There were no compromises that would work for both of them. Even though her feelings for him might have been—well, that didn’t matter now, did it?
“Anyway, Ollie’s deal is for two months. I couldn’t have done a lifetime, Arlo. You knew that from the beginning. But I can do two months, and you do need that help. So this is good for both of us. You get an extra doctor for a while and I gain extra knowledge.” And closure, because she really did need to move on, and the only way she could think to do it was ending things better with Arlo.
But for Arlo? She’d spent too much time wondering if he’d needed more at the end the way she had. Now she had two months to find out, and put things into proper perspective. Then, hopefully, close the book on that story once and for all.
“Do you really think that helping the boss’s grandson will get you any special notice? Ollie’s not like that, Layla. In fact, it could go against you, volunteering to come here, when he knows how badly we ended. He could look at it as being very manipulative. I mean, if I were in his place, I might.”
“Or he could look at it as a way for me to improve my skills.” And, keeping her fingers crossed, she was on the inside track because of her work. Nothing else. “So, in the meantime, I’ve got my medical bag with me, but my personal bags are in my car, which is stuck in a ditch somewhere between here and God only knows where. Do you know someone who can go get my car unstuck and bring it here?” She looked up at the sign over the door behind Arlo and smiled. “Seriously, you named this place Happy Hospital?”
They’d actually named this hospital together years ago. They were being silly one night, and maybe a little drunk, and the pillow talk had turned to the kind of hospital where each of them could see themselves in the future. Naturally, Layla had described something large and state-of-the art, whereas he’d simply said he wanted to work at a happy hospital. She hadn’t remembered that until now. Apparently, he hadn’t forgotten it. In a way, it made her feel flattered that he’d thought of her.
* * *
“Things are simple here, Layla. I know you’re not used to that, but that’s how we are. And the hospital name fits because when we don’t have enough insulin to treat all our patients and don’t have the means to go get it for another week or two, or when some other hospital like this one is ahea
d of us on the list, pushing us down the waiting list, we can either go all gloom and doom over our situation or try to make the best of it. Being happy with what we have helps.”
“I didn’t mean to imply it was a bad name, Arlo. But out here, in the middle of the jungle, it just seems—out of place.”
“People are just as happy here as they are where you come from. It’s all relative to their expectations.”
“But are you happy here, Arlo? I know you always said this is what you wanted, but sometimes I’ve wondered what might have happened to you if you’d gone into your grandfather’s surgery the way he’d wanted, or accepted any of the offers you had.”
“I was happy here when I was a kid, traipsing around from village to village with my parents, and I still am. It was the choice I had to make because I wouldn’t have been happy anyplace else, practicing any other kind of medicine.”
He’d never doubted his decision either. He’d lived the traditional life for a while, and he’d lived this life. Ultimately, this was where he wanted to be. Where his heart was. And when he and Layla were together, that had always been the thing she couldn’t, or had refused to understand. Accepting a position elsewhere might have been easier, but easier didn’t mean better. At least, not for him.
“Anyway, I don’t really have good sleeping accommodations for you. Tallaja, my assistant, usually sleeps in the ward when we have patients or the office when we don’t. He’s pretty flexible about that, but I’m guessing you won’t be.”
“As long as I have mosquito netting, it doesn’t matter.”
“Seriously? You’ve been doing your homework, haven’t you?”
“I don’t step into things blindly, Arlo. Except maybe our relationship.”
“I never considered it being blind. Not one day of it.” Arlo stepped aside as Layla marched up steps and pushed past him into Happy Hospital, brushing up against him just slightly, but enough to raise goosebumps on his arms. It was a familiar feeling—one he didn’t want to have. But every time she’d ever touched him, even innocently like just now, she’d caused that reaction that would, inevitably, lead to another reaction, then another, until... Damn. Why these thoughts? Why now when he was just coming to terms with the fact that he would never have enough to offer anyone else a decent life?
Even when he had been with Layla, Arlo had always known she would come to her senses about who he was and what he’d never have to offer her. It hadn’t stopped him from getting involved, but it had always held him back from getting too involved. Back at the beginning, he’d drawn his own line in the sand then taken good care never, ever to step over it, except for that one moment near the end when he’d asked her to come to Thailand with him.
Stupid mistake. He’d known that as the words had come out, and he’d still felt the sting of her rejection a week later when he’d walked away, even though he’d always known how she would answer if he’d asked. “So, look around. There’s not much to see, but it could be a lot worse.”
Layla stopped just inside the hospital door, looked around and turned back to face him. “How many people can you accommodate?” she asked.
“Ten on the worst day ever. We do a lot of our treatment in-home because people here prefer it that way. But for the most part we dispense our medicine and treatments any way we can. My goal isn’t so much the ‘where’ as the ‘what.’”
And it wasn’t an easy goal. Already he could tell that Layla was chastising herself for volunteering. She liked her creature comforts too much. And to think there’d been a time when he’d imagined they could work shoulder to shoulder here, that she wouldn’t be bothered by the overall difficulty of pretty much everything. Well, he’d been wrong about that. Stars in his eyes. That’s what he told himself afterward. Or maybe it had been the first time in his life he’d connected to a woman the way he had Layla.
Unfortunately, his situation doomed a relationship. But, if he were to pack up and leave for the sake of love, chances were nobody would come to take his place. The thought of letting down the people in his care made Arlo queasy and with that came the unrelenting knowledge that letting himself down was his course to follow. Forever alone. So, this is where he was, however it had happened. His choice, of course. And in that he’d been as stubborn or independent as he’d accused Layla of being.
“Your other option is to share my hut. It has a little more privacy—not much—but it’s someplace where you can get away when you need to. Unless there’s an emergency, people here know not to bother me when I’m in there.” Arlo hadn’t intended to ask her but now that he had, he didn’t regret it.
When they had been together, they’d had fun evenings. Sitting, talking. Laughing. So maybe that was a bit of nostalgia creeping in. But those had been nice times and he didn’t mind the reminders. Because once he and Layla had been very good together. Unfortunately, that had ended, but maybe having her here could shut the book on the bad and leave him with only the good. He hoped so as he didn’t want to carry the weight of the bad with him for the rest of his life and, if he planned to spend that life alone, he wanted the good memories to look back on.
* * *
“You don’t have to stand there looking so stressed, Arlo. I can do this job. Even more, I want to do this job.”
“Because it’s just another rung higher on your climb.”
“Yes. I won’t lie about that. Ollie needs team players in his surgery, and that’s what I’ve been for quite a while now.”
“Is it a struggle? Because I’ve never seen you as a team player. And I don’t say that to offend you. But you always prided yourself on standing alone.”
Layla laughed. “Because when you knew me, that’s all I’d ever done. Stood alone. So, it’s always a struggle joining in, and I know that. So does Ollie. But this promotion means everything, so I’ve got a lot of work to do if I want to earn it. That demon of ambition is still there, Arlo, chipping away at me, and I thought something unexpected, like coming here, to the last place I thought I’d ever want to be, would help me learn what I need to know outside what I already know.”
Arlo cocked his head and looked at her for a moment, then smiled. “I thought maybe he’d twisted your arm.”
“You’re the only one who ever tried to twist my arm and look how that turned out.”
“I still can’t believe you chose this, Layla. What were his other options?”
“Going to a sister hospital in Miami or working as assistant surgeon for a football team. Both short-term, fill-in positions like this. So, to be honest, I’m as surprised as you that I raised my hand for this. Especially since it scares me that I won’t have what it takes to give your patients what they need. And you scare me, because—well, you fit here, and I don’t.” Layla bit down hard on her lip, and for a moment stared off into space.
“I—I don’t want to fail, Arlo. I want to be the kind of person who can step into a situation—any situation—and do what needs to be done. I mean, you’ve always known I have a huge fear of failure. And look at me now—marching into the center ring, pretty much without a clue. For me, this is really pushing the envelope, as they say. And while the whole you and me relationship thing is off the table, I need to be able to depend on you to help me, or at least point me in the right direction so I can figure it out myself.
“Even though being here and doing what I’m about to do scares me, I don’t want to take the easy way out.” Like giving in and going with him when she’d always known the life he led would make her miserable. Oh, she’d weighed the decision, for months. Made the mental pros and cons list. But in the end one thing had always tilted out of proportion to everything else—to be the best doctor she could be meant she had to be satisfied with her lifestyle.
What Arlo offered would never satisfy her. And, sure, maybe that was the leaning of the materialistic girl in her, but it was something that couldn’t be overlooked. Layla had lost
sleep over it, paced a rut in the carpet, bitten her nails to the quick, trying to figure out how to change herself, but, in the end, even her feelings for Arlo hadn’t been strong enough to bring that about. Sadly, that was the answer. If she’d loved him enough, she should have been able to make the necessary changes in herself. But she couldn’t, which meant she hadn’t.
“Nope. You never were easy, and you never took the easy way out.”
Arlo was decked out in tan cargo shorts and a faded navy blue T-shirt with the Voltaire saying on it: The art of medicine consists of amusing the patient while nature cures the disease. He looked like he belonged here. Layla was glad for him because she’d never really found that yet—a place where she belonged.
Working with Ollie in his hospital was good, and she liked it. But did she love it? She wanted to, but because there seemed to be such a long distance between like and love, she wondered if love could really exist—for what she did, or for the person she might spend her life with. The bottom line was she didn’t know. Wasn’t even sure she knew what love was.
“Maybe not being easy was some of my charm?”
“You had many charms, Layla. Trust me, you had more charm than you ever gave yourself credit for.”
“You’re just saying that because I was... convenient.”
“You were a lot of things, but convenient was never one of them.” He chuckled. “Even if I hadn’t been raised in the jungle where I really didn’t have much of an opportunity to get to know women, I’d have never called you convenient. Not in anything.”