by Sarwah Creed
“You seem better?” I asked as she walked towards me.
“I am. I won’t leave because of some bully. I won’t be intimidated by her. She’s acting as if she belongs here. I belong just as much as everyone else. If anything, even more and I’m not going to use my advantage to tell her why, but I’ve been through too much shit to let some spoiled rich girl get to me.”
I nodded, thinking that I had to talk to Vicki and explain it all to her. Maybe she would forgive us, or maybe she would walk out of the door, but it was time to come clean. Something that I seemed to be in the habit of wanting to do with her and never have I wanted to do it with anyone.
“Sit. Please.”
The smile that was once on her face quickly disappeared as she heard the tone of my voice and saw the seriousness on my face.
I took a deep breath, not knowing what the outcome of this conversation and hoping that my phone would ring, and Jamie would rescue me from having this talk.
“I need to explain some things to you, Vicki. Life at the Academy, it’s been, well, a certain way for decades. You see, Claire was the new girl, once upon a time, and we promised, kind of, that she would be the one. She came here during our junior year, and there wasn’t going to be anymore new girls as far as we knew, and if there was then they couldn’t compete, because no matter what, Claire was our girl, for both James and I. She wasn’t like this when she joined the Academy. She was shy, timid and a virgin. She was…”
Her face was blank, and I could tell that I wasn’t making much sense. I could just about comprehend what I was trying to say, and the words were coming out of my mouth, but they were jumbled together, and I knew I was making a mess of this.
“Like me?” She asked me softly, her eyes wide.
“No. Yes. Maybe?” I felt like I was being cross-examined in a courtroom as her eyes drilled into me.
“But you and James promised her something? That’s what you said, right?”
I nodded, then shook my head.
“Vicki, she was like you, fucking innocent and fresh fruit. We made her ours. Made out that we would take care of her, that we wanted only her. Then everything changed, and we had three new girls starting in the senior year. Sure, when we saw the other two, we were playing with them, but you? There was something about you from the start….”
She stood up, ready to walk out, I could see it from the disgust on her face. “You make me sick. You broke her and made her a promise, and now you’re breaking it because you have a new toy? It’s no wonder she hates me, you asshole. Toys, that’s all we are to you, aren’t we?”
I grabbed her hand, stopping her from walking out.
“Yes. With her, it was like that. It’s wrong, I know it, but she was innocent, and we wanted to crack her. We were fucking bastards to her, I know.” I pled for her understanding with my eyes, but she didn’t want to look at me.
She laughed, a dark laugh full of animosity. “And now, you’re fucking, what Trent? What are you?”
I couldn’t believe the words that were coming out of my mouth, “Someone who’s falling in love with you. Someone whose heart felt like it was ripped out of my chestt when I saw how hurt you were after Claire slapped you. I don’t want to hurt you, Vicki. I want to love you.”
Her face softened, and I could see that she was leaning into staying here with me. I wanted it more than I’d wanted anything ever before.
“Just like that, I’m supposed to believe you?” Her eyebrow quirked in that way that I loved, but now it was a look of doubt and that cut me to the bone.
I didn’t blame her for having doubts; fuck, I didn’t even know if I was truly capable of love. Shit, I was being too hard on myself. Of course, I could love, if anything happened to James I would die. He was and would always be the one person that I loved forever. But now there was room for one more. One more person that was in my heart and the idea of her going and walking out of the door, shit, it felt like she was destroying the world that we’d created together, a world that I didn’t want to lose.
“You see, Vicki Harris, I will not let you go, and I won’t stop until I prove to you that you are more than a conquest. You’re someone special to me.”
My hand went to the top of her towel, and I didn’t hesitat. I wanted to see her naked body in front of me right now.
“You’re so fucking beautiful.”
She whispered, “No one’s ever said that to me, but I bet you said the same thing to Claire.”
I repeated it over and over again ignoring her last comment. This wasn’t about Claire or the past. It was all about Vicki, my future, our future. I told her how beautiful she was as my mouth met hers, and then my cock filled her pussy on the sofa. I wanted her so badly, not only for the night but for the rest of our lives. A commitment that I was happy to make for once in my life. I was young, but I wasn’t stupid. I knew what I wanted, and it started and ended with Vicki Harris.
***
“What the fuck is going on here?”
I had one eye half-open, but it didn’t mean that I didn’t recognize the voice. It was James, and I was whacked. I didn’t know if it was morning or still the night before. Either, way I was more than sexually satisfied, and the last thing I needed was for him to fuck it up.
“James. What do you want? I thought you needed time away or some shit like that…” my voice was hoarse, and I needed water or something.
“I did, but then Claire said that you and Vicki didn’t go to class again today. So, I figured that something was up and I came back home.”
What the fuck?
“Does Claire come to the academy to learn or ….”
I shook my head as I headed to the fridge, thinking of the words to describe her.
“Stop changing the subject, little brother.”
He was born two minutes before me, and whenever he felt condescending as he was feeling right now, he would throw it in my face.
“Vicki was for both of us. Not just you, you selfish prick. I don’t get it; I leave for five minutes and you can’t be alone?”
I looked over at my bed and was worried about what else he was going to say, so I grabbed a bottle of water and his arm and dragged him to his room, making sure that the door was firmly shut, even if I was still butt naked.
“See. You’re sneaking around and shit. That must mean that you know this is wrong.”
“James, are you fucking kidding me? You leave a note, fuck off to God knows where, and only come back because Claire spoke to you? I called you how many times and your phone was off and I even sent texts just as many times and you didn’t even bother to reply. Not once. Yet, you respond to Claire as if she’s your boss, your mom or something. I don’t even know who you are anymore,” I was raising my voice. Naked and thirsty. So, I took one of his pants and put it on. I gulped down the water as he was angrily pacing up and down in his room.
“James?”
He shook his head, “This shit is all fucked up. You know that right? Nothing and no one has ever come between us before.”
I smiled, trying to clamp down on the situation.
“Yes. And nothing ever will. It’s just that…”
“Trent. You went and fucked Vicki without me.”
I laughed, “You make her sound like a piece of meat. After you went and fucked Claire. I don’t remember being present.”
He choked, “That’s different. You’ve been acting all weird ever since that night with Vicki. Screaming in the middle of the night, having nightmares and then talking to me as if I’m some kind of trash that you picked up on the street.”
I hated to make him take the fall for the way things were turning out, but it was time that my brother and I had a heart-to-heart. Things changed as soon as Vicki joined the Academy, but he rocked my boat when he left me that note.
“The fucking note. James! Leaving me a note like I was some fucking piece of ass that you didn't care about was crap. Then you went and spent the night with Claire or maybe Sarah. Then to make matters worse
, you ride in here like I’m the bad one for sleeping with Vicki. You can’t make me out to be the bad one. You can’t…”
Before I could get another word out, my right index finger pointed at him in accusation, he blurted out his own version of the truth. “It was fucked up from the moment you found out that Vicki was Hawk’s daughter. That’s when it was fucked up. Sure, I was into getting revenge and all, but you can’t face the fact that he has nothing to do with the way things are with Mom. She’s…”
“Guys, sorry, but what’s up with all the yelling?”
Vicki had opened the door, and I wondered how much she heard as James and I stood face-to-face.
“Nothing. I just came to get some things. Trent was just telling me not to go, but he has no choice in the matter.”
James said as he stuffed some things that were on the bed into a bag, and started to leave. Everything was happening so fucking fast.
“Wait, what? You’re not staying? Where the fuck are you going?” I demanded but he ignored me.
We needed to talk, but not with Vicki here, and I couldn’t exactly throw her out.
I wasn’t done with her. I ignored what James did and walked up to Vicki. I asked her to go back to my room and told her that I wanted to speak to James for a second. She hesitated but then agreed. I watched as she walked back to my room and slowly closed the door.
I didn’t realize that James was standing behind me. I couldn’t even say exactly what was on my mind as he shoved me out of the way.
“James. We need to fucking talk,” I shouted as I grabbed his arm.
“We have nothing to talk about. Not anymore.”
“Where are you going?”
He laughed, “You haven’t figured it out? I’m getting out. Out of this suite and away from you. I just don’t fucking want you in my life anymore.”
“What? But we’re fucking twins.”
He nodded, “That I can’t change, but I can get away from living in your fucking shadow. Good luck.”
He slammed the door on his way out. And I should have been relieved, but it was as if he had confirmed exactly what was going on in my mind earlier. James and I would never be the same, but did it start the moment we both saw Vicki? Had she started the drift and I’d been too blind to see it? Or had it started before?
Chapter Eleven
The last few days had been nuts. We’d been going to class, and all I’d thought about was what we’d do after class. There’d even been a couple of times where we’d skipped the rest of classes after lunch and ended up in my suite. The suite that I used to share with James had become Vicki’s new home. It was as if my brother had left, and now I had a new roommate. Lover. Friend. Something that I’d never needed before because I always had James until now.
Fuck!
I knew that my relationship/friendship was broken with the one person that meant more to me than life itself, and there was no turning back. I hated to admit that no matter how much time I spent with Vicki; I just couldn’t get enough of her. It wasn’t all about her body; no, we seemed to connect on so many other levels. We loved the same music - we both liked Coldplay; we were both King fans and even had the same heroes such as Abraham Lincoln, Emmeline Pankhurst, Susan B. Anthony, and Vaclav Havel just to name a few.
“Why do you look like that at times?”
We were in bed, and my eyes were drawn to James’s room, and I didn’t even realize that she was up and staring at me. The idea of her watching me; freaked me out for a second.
“What?”
She shrugged, “I don’t know. It looks kind of like how I feel when I think about my mom. When I can think about her without crying anyway.” She had a sadness in her eyes, the same one that she did whenever she spoke about her mom. That was when I remembered the loss of her mom made her come here and she had hoped to find her dad. I still didn’t even know if that was a bonus. I remembered Claire saying that Vicki was an orphan. I would love to see the look on her face if she knew that it wasn’t the case and that Vicki had a dad, and that he was Hawk.
“Vicki. What do you mean?” I asked, wanting to know what was going through her mind.
She sighed, “I think about Mom and the whole idea that maybe if I spoke up earlier or did something, then maybe just maybe she would still be alive. Maybe I would have answers to all the fucking questions that are going on inside my head because they are driving me insane. I wanted to know why she lied to me. She told me some cock and bull story about my dad and all the time he was here, and I used to think that he was a bum. She married this guy that used to knock her around, she avoided talking about it, but it was clear as day that was what was going on. Sometimes I feel as if I didn’t know her at all. It’s like I had this fantasy about who my mom was, but when I sit down and think about it, I realize that we were strangers living in the same house. I didn’t know her at all.”
“Vicki maybe you’re not being fair to her? You were in the house too. She was being beaten, you just said it was clear as day. Maybe she was trying to protect you.” I offered.
She agreed, “Yeah, maybe. She tried to hide it from me. You know the classic case of her putting on make-up, and she never used to scream. Like, only once did I hear her cry out.”
“So, she was trying to protect you. Was that a bad thing? I mean, would you have liked to have heard her?” I turned to face her as if listening to her pain made me feel better about dealing with my own. It was selfish, but the way I was feeling at the moment, I needed a distraction. Anything.
“She wanted to protect me, I know that, but she also lied to me. All of it was in fucking vain, anyway. She sent me to this school to protect me, she hid the abuse to protect me, and what did it get her? She tried to hide that she was in pain. She did all this for me, and the one thing I could have done - spoken up, I didn’t do. I kept quiet. I hate myself for it.”
“She should have taken responsibility for it, too, Vicki, she should have left a guy like that, but…,” my words trailed off for a moment as I grasped for the right words. “Maybe she was lonely after Hawk left, and that’s why she put up with it…”
“Until a few weeks ago, I didn’t even know that Mr. Hawk was my dad. I mean, you heard him.” She paused to take a deep breath and sat up a little straighter. “No. I knew why she married Stuart. My grandma was sick, and her and Mom were close, and that’s when she ran into him. But you know when they met, Stuart was nothing like he was at the end. The problem was, he turned out to be a monster on their wedding day; he’d changed overnight.”
No fucking way.
“You mean he showed his true colors, Vicki. Like the devil in disguise?”
I could tell that she was going to ask me a question, one that I wasn’t willing to answer, so I quickly spoke up to sidetrack her.
“Stuart sounds like a complete jerk.”
She sighed as she looked up at me, “He’s more than that, he’s the man that murdered my mom.”
“What?”
She nodded through her tears, “He didn’t just beat her, he murdered her too. Then he stole every penny that she had, which left me a penniless orphan. That’s why I’m here. I had nowhere else to go.”
“Crap, he sounds like a fucking monster.”
“I’m going to do everything I can when I get the chance to find him. The police weren’t interested, I’m sure that they’ve forgotten the entire case by now. My aunt hasn’t been in touch, but I’m pretty sure that’s what happened to the case. My mom’s death was just another domestic assault case to them. But she was everything to me.…”
She had some balls, I’d give her that, and all the time she was speaking to me, she had power in her voice as if she was determined to do something that no one else could do.
“You’re going to do what the police haven’t been able to do and find him, and you can…”
She quickly became angry at the idea of it all, “Don’t mock me. I need to make him pay for what he did.”
“Maybe the best w
ay to get over your grief is to just put it behind you.” Not the right thing to say, I knew, but I couldn’t pull the words back once I’d said them.
She cried, “I can’t. You see, it’s not just that he killed Mom or even the money that he took. He took something from me; my home, my friends and everything that was my normal and even…Anyway, I can never go back in time. So, no I don’t care if the police can’t do it. I’m going to do it.”
Then before I could even ask what she was talking about, she stood up and left the bed. She was upset, and she had me curious at the same time.
What else could he have taken from her that she didn’t want to talk about?
I was using her to get to Hawk, but she had been through so much already. Much more than I’d imagined, and I felt guilty about wanting to cause her more pain. Part of me didn’t want to get revenge on Hawk, anymore, and the other part didn’t give a fuck.
Like Vicki, I wanted to bring down the man that brought down my family. I had an opportunity to do it. Revenge could eat you alive and stop you doing the one thing that was worth doing, and that was living. If that was the case, what the fuck was I doing with Vicki? Something that I had to figure out soon before we got in any deeper than we already were.
Yet, I couldn’t imagine life without her. I would be lonely. Something that I’d never been before because I’d always had James. Being alone was something that I couldn’t imagine dealing with, not now. Not ever.
Chapter Twelve
Fuck, what was taking her so long in the bathroom? It seemed like she’d been in there for hours now. Maybe it was less, but my mind was fucking playing games on me. One minute I felt as if I was ready just to tell her the truth, all of it, and the next minute I thought that I was willing to tell her too much. I could just tell her that James and I set out to hurt her, the same way that Hawk had hurt our mom, but that didn’t seem right.
Nothing did.
I wanted her, but I was worried because she was still vulnerable. Not only physically, but mentally too. There was no denying that I was just as fucked up as she was, but I didn’t have to tell her why.