by R. J. Blain
“I will be jealous I didn’t get to help. Managed to get back at them when you were on your own?”
“Amelia helped.”
“I’m jealous. I want to help.”
“If you take leave off work, maybe we could work with Amelia and work on that.”
“You want to go rogue. Actually rogue, in the FBI sense of it.”
I stared into his chocolate brown eyes. “Look me in the eyes and tell me you don’t want to.”
He scowled. “That’s just playing dirty, Karma.”
“Karma is a bitch.”
He twitched. “That’s just awful.”
“Punning you with my name is a joy in my life. You look so pained whenever I do it.”
“Part of that is because you don’t let me do it, and I’m forced to accept being punished. With your name.”
“It’s my name, so you don’t get to pun it. Only I get to pun you with my name, and my willingness to pun you with my name comes and goes.”
He groaned. “I’m going to need some tender, loving care to recover from this.”
I grinned at him. “I have a list of people who deserve a serious dose of Karma, and I might be convinced to let you come with me.”
Still groaning, he oozed out of his chair and slumped to the floor in front of the fire. His position turned him into the perfect footrest, so I made use of him.
“Mercy,” he begged, “Please, have mercy.”
“Are you going to put up a fight about doing our own thing while you’re on leave ‘caring’ for me? Also, the instant you say that, everyone who knows us is going to assume you’re a pervert and are planning on seducing me.”
“Will you be merciful should I agree? And yes, they will. And yes, I am. That is my current plan. I will seduce you back into good health, feeding you when I’m not busy seducing you. I expect it will take at least a few days to teach you to just meekly accept my affection.”
Me? Meekly accept affection when being rough earned me handcuffs? I frowned. “What does this ‘meekly’ thing win me? Because so far, I earn a good time when I bite, Jake.”
“An even better time. I’ll have more energy to dedicate to you. It’s tough work catching my vixen so I can have my way with her.”
Interesting. I’d have to dance to his tune to see which way I enjoyed more. “I’m more likely to be merciful towards you. You’ll have to help me convince Mellisa, though. I don’t know if she’s corruptible.”
“She’s probably corruptible to a certain degree. We’d have to be careful about our approach, but she’s seen the aftermath of London, and she hates terrorists. She’s lost family.”
Interesting. “I want closure, Jake.”
I wanted to know why my ma hated me so much she wanted me dead—and that she’d kill Pops to get rid of me. I wanted to know who had paid her, how much she’d been paid, and get to the top of the chain and bring the whole group down. One day, I wanted to go home and be able to accept everything that had happened.
“Mellisa warned me you would have a lot of trouble with what happened to you. Depression, PTSD, and possibly other problems. That level of trauma doesn’t magically heal itself, and you’ll struggle with it for a long time. But if I can help you get closure, I will.” He rolled onto his back, plucked my shoes off, and tossed them in the direction of the door. He rubbed my feet. “There are limited things I can do, so I figured I’d stick to my strengths. Once I get you to bed, I’m good at making you forget how to speak English. I’m also somewhat talented at making you eat food. Beyond that, I can bench press you at my leisure. The rest of my skills aren’t really suitable for this, so I’ll make up the rest as I go.”
One question remained, and while the answer scared me, I needed to ask. “Why did you want me back so badly?”
“Because I love you. That was the one thing that was truly reaffirmed for me through all of this. I love you at your best, and I love you at your worst. And it’s not ‘did’ want you back. I do want you back. That you have been thoroughly beaten, and it’s on me to help you get back on your feet if you’ll let me. I screwed a lot up, and I expect you to make me work for your trust again. I’m under no delusions that you’ve showed up to give me a chance, but you’re not back. Not yet.”
I thought about it, but I came to one simple conclusion: like me, he’d been manipulated, hurt, and abused, although in different ways. He coped in other ways, but he’d suffered as much as I had. When I framed it that way, letting go and moving on was the easy part. The memories remained, but I could make a choice to accept my weaknesses so they might one day become my strength. “That me might not be able to come back, Jake.”
“Then I get to know the new you. The old me is fairly battered, too. It seems I’ve developed some trust issues, too.”
“Because your parents sabotaged us. Is that why?”
“That’s part of why.”
“We’re birds of a feather in that regard. Ma almost killed me because of that. At least your mother does care about you. She’s just prejudiced. Because I’m a fox and not a wolf.”
“If she wants a pack with me in it, she is going to undergo a transformation and become the most loving of mother-in-laws, without reservation. My dad is smarter, but he’s used to riding second to my mother, who tends to rule with an iron paw. Except her iron-paw tendencies did a lot more harm than good. Now that I know how to bring someone into a pack, we can form a pack of two if needed for a while—and we could bring Amelia and Mellisa into it. I called out west and asked how to bring humans or witches into the pack. That’s an option, and my father is aware that I might use that option to give you a chance to get better physically and emotionally.”
I considered it. “If Amelia needs a pack, we could, but I’m okay right now.”
Just hearing the wolves and my awareness of them comforted my fox.
“My parents would probably forgive me for bringing them both into the pack. I’m a rebellious son right now. Okay, I’d warn dad and get his permission to do it, but he won’t say no, and he’ll deal with my mother. He knows I’m going to do whatever is necessary to help you.”
I needed the help. “I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to go back into the FBI, Jake.”
“Then we find out what we do moving forward together. We have options. We can talk them over. Mellisa can help, I’m sure. You’re phenomenal at violent crimes, and that division should be safe for you.”
“Except I’ve gotten my hands a little dirty.”
He snorted. “I don’t care. Just don’t get caught and stay on the right side of the line.”
“Where’s the line?”
“You know that Linsc fellow you helped to eliminate?”
I grimaced. “You found out about that?”
“Karma, I got cornered by your new friends and given a rundown of the entire situation. They want you functional, and that means fixing me, apparently. I’m aware you got your hands dirty. Next time you get your hands dirty, I’ll be helping you get your hands dirty. I want that group gone as badly as you do, and I told the ops that. If you want to work the black market jobs to take out dirty agents, I’m in. I’m all for cleaning out the filth lurking within law enforcement.”
Crap. “They cornered you?”
“It happens I know one of them, and he pulled me aside. He’s in the Inquisition. This is another way the Inquisition creates black op agents. And if we can’t work in the FBI the way we want, we’ll work within the Inquisition—and the black market. You have shown them you’re willing to twist the rules while maintaining your integrity. You wanted proof of guilt before acting, and that’s the kind of people they want doing these ops. I’m the same way. We make a good team, and this is a good chance for us to get to serious work—without traitors within the FBI screwing up our investigation.”
Huh. Apparently, talking about going rogue was enough to rev my engine, especially as my partner was willing to get dirty with me to clean house and make some serious problems go
away. Permanently. “I will do my best to be as docile as possible to see how good you treat me for cooperating with your every whim, but you have to talk dirty to me some more later.”
Jake snickered. “You don’t have to bribe me to make plans later, but I am accepting your offering. I plan on thoroughly enjoying your complete surrender.”
Seventeen
I was unaware pampering involved cuffs.
I needed to stop setting myself up for failure. I needed a better diet and a great deal of exercise before I had any hope of keeping up with Jake, although I did manage to keep my teeth to myself. Keeping my teeth to myself tested me in more ways than I liked. As promised, he rewarded me for cooperating with his every whim. He even brought out handcuffs, which he’d modified to have soft, fuzzy fabric to keep them from biting into my wrists.
Fuzzy cuffs beat the real ones, which weren’t precisely designed to be comfortable. To keep me out of trouble, he kept my right hand cuffed to the bed, which amused me as he had needed to link several pairs of handcuffs because the bed didn’t have proper posts or a frame for him to work with. There was, however, a nightstand with a leg close enough to appease him.
I could have easily freed myself, but as I didn’t want to damage anything in the hotel room, I behaved.
Because it amused me, I rattled the cuffs. “I behaved. Why am I still cuffed?” Whining also amused me, and to ham it up, I pouted at him.
“You might wander off if I take those off, and I have to prepare your throne in the really nice tub, so you need to stay there and relax until I’m done. Once the bath is ready, I need to line up all of your treats on the ledge, and then I need to make you more hot chocolate—and call room service to order more hot chocolate, as you have demolished the entire supply. I managed to make you one more mug. Also, dinner has arrived, so I need to set everything up so you can enjoy your soak while eating.”
“Is this the pampering people talk about?”
“Yes.”
“I was unaware pampering involved cuffs, Jake.”
“You’re stubborn, so I have to handcuff you so you don’t wander off on me. Anyway, you like the cuffs.”
I really did. “I really like the fuzzy bits. Also, these aren’t even real handcuffs. If I wanted out of them, I could be free in like five seconds.”
“Well, yes. I figured I’d use the fake cuffs while you were behaving. I’ll make padding for real cuffs for when you’re being rough with your teeth until you’re ready to be gentle.”
“I feel like I’m being trained, and I’m having a difficult time being upset with this.”
“My training pleases you and you like being pampered, although this concept is foreign to you at the moment. The concept will not be foreign to you by the time I’m finished with you.” Jake smirked and headed downstairs, retrieving two covered dishes, which he carried to the tub. Finally, he returned to the bed and popped off the cuff on my wrist.
I attempted to drag him onto the bed.
He picked me up, carried me to the tub, and eased me into the bubbles. “I would dump you in, but then your dinner would be ruined. That would ruin the rest of my plans, as I’d have to find something else to feed you.”
I made room for Jake and grabbed my mug of hot chocolate. “I’m not sorry for demolishing the hot chocolate supply.”
“And I am not sorry, either. That’s a lot of calories, and you need every calorie you can get right now. Your metabolism is almost as ridiculous as mine, but you don’t eat like I do. I’ll order more hot chocolate, and then we’ll relax for a while.”
I expected that as soon as I ate, I’d ruin all of his plans, as I had a tendency to pass out after eating. Within a few minutes, he returned, and he joined me in the tub.
Somehow, life had gone from bad to worse to pleasant. “Do your plans involve me sleeping at some point?”
“Surprisingly, yes. After I feed you, I’m going to tuck you into bed, where we will read books until you fall asleep, and I will wake you up in time for you to have breakfast and go to the spa. As you wanted me to talk dirty to you, I will do so while you’re eating.”
“I really thought you would have been against this. Going rogue, I mean.”
“We’re technically only going a little rogue. While yes, we’re technically rogue in the eyes of FBI purists, we’re going rogue in a way that ultimately benefits the FBI. We’re cleaning house, and in a roundabout way, we’re cleaning house in a sanctioned way. Also, I have all of the account information for your payments for your work. Apparently, if I get my head out of my ass and get you back to functional, I’ll get a paycheck.”
“I hope it’s a good paycheck, because I’m a mess.”
“It’s substantially more than my current yearly salary,” Jake complained. “Really, I’m disgusted. I even asked if they were sure, as what they wanted to do was already on my list of things to do. I did tell them it was unlikely I’d be able to get you back into competition shape without at least a year or two of therapy and hard work. You just don’t gain weight well, and you never have. I mentioned I suspected a severe metabolism issue, because your activities at your work in New York were audited, and you were eating enough sufficient for normal human women, yet you were losing weight at a rather alarming rate.”
I took that as a hint to get to eating, and my first piece of steak melted in my mouth. “I’ll try to do better.”
“That’s all I could ever ask of you. I want you to be healthy and happy. They gave me some recommendations, and it’ll involve drinking annoying protein shakes to go along with every meal. In good news, they come in chocolate. In bad news, you’re going to be sick of them after having at least three of them every day. I’ve been told I should probably do the same, as my body fat is approximately zero, and I’m supposed to have a little body fat. Apparently, I am borderline on cannibalizing my own muscle mass.”
“So, you’re saying we’re both a mess.”
“Basically.”
“Mellisa is good at fixing broken people. I bet she can fix us with enough time.”
“That is part of why my father contacted her. Amelia is coming along for the ride because you like her. I also like her, but not in the way I like you. However, if you’d like to posture and be jealous, I will enjoy it immensely.”
“I will tell Amelia I have to display jealousy to appease your ego.”
“I appreciate that.”
“My ma was supposed to tell me about my birth family,” I announced. “She claimed the paperwork, but I guess she destroyed the documentation.”
“Well, that will be our first stop, then. We’ll go through all of the evidence claimed and look for that paperwork and see if she kept it. There are people I can contact about that. If you want to look into that, I’m game.”
“The black market is already looking into it for me. I asked them to take the money for it out of my pay. I didn’t even ask how much I’m being paid. I didn’t care. I just wanted something that was mine,” I confessed.
“You didn’t ask how much you were being paid?”
“I didn’t care, Jake.”
“Okay. Well, so far, you have been paid a little over half a million dollars over the accounts I was given access to.”
I sucked in a breath. “That much?”
“I have the paperwork, although I’d have to access a safe deposit box to get them out. I didn’t want to leave that sort of documentation at home where anyone could find it. I’ll grab everything I have while you’re at the spa tomorrow. I have bank cards, checks, and everything else you need to access your funds.”
“I have how much?”
“A little over half a million dollars. The government had bounties issued for some of the targets, which you and Amelia split, plus your pay from the black market. I’ll have to ask if they took the fees out for the work you wanted, but I would assume they have. I’m to ask you if you would like to share accounts with me, if you’d like to have additional accounts, and how many US-bas
ed accounts you want. I informed them my preference was to share accounts with you.”
“I’m good with sharing. I’m bad at sharing, but I will share with you, especially if you feed me this steak. My arms are tired.” I only lied a little, too.
Jake chuckled. “My poor, tired little vixen. Did I wear you out?”
“Yes. Feed me, Jake. I’m hungry, and it’s just too much work.”
“I suppose, if I must,” he teased.
Jake fed me so much I dropped into an exhausted stupor, and he gave me a light breakfast so I’d be somewhat coherent for my adventure in the spa. I had no idea what to expect in the spa, but I got side-swiped by the all-day event where I was fussed over from head to toe, complete with my hair being done, my nails being painted, and everything else between getting its fair share of attention. Apparently, Jake had fed them a sob story about the ‘accident’ we’d been in coupled with an unexpected metabolism problem to explain my current condition, and they joined him in treating me with tidbits of chocolate every time I turned around.
When I finally escaped the spa, I emerged as a new woman—or at least a woman wearing new and improved skin, extra soft with a bonus of a crisp, nice scent. Jake waited outside with Amelia and Mellisa, and I went to him, shoving my arm in his face. “Smell!”
He sniffed. “I don’t know what that is, but you smell good enough to eat.”
I eyed the display of products, debated my options, and headed over, searching for anything I recognized from my spa adventure. After some trial and error, I discovered the scent was lotus flower. I grabbed two of everything with the scent and returned to the counter with my treasures.
With a low chuckle, Jake settled in his seat to wait. “You better grab an extra or two of the body wash, else you will be stricken with sadness within a month.”
“You’re right.” I returned to the display, grabbed more of the body wash, and also snagged an extra bottle of the massage oil. “Oh! They have green tea, Jake.”