by Karen Rock
They stood frozen for several long seconds, locked in the strange embrace, eyes closed, mouths slightly open, trying to breathe without movement, without sound, and growing light-headed in the attempt. Jewel’s hands had risen to Heath’s arm when he pulled her to him, and she stood motionless against him, her hands gripping the hard limb holding her. She didn’t dare say his name, didn’t dare utter a sound. Surely it would break the spell. Then she felt his lips move ever so softly against the lobe of her ear, skim the uppermost edge of her jaw, then travel back again.
Jewel resisted the sweet shudder sliding down her spine, but Heath must have felt the tremor as his lips left her skin. He didn’t pull away or loosen his hold, though. Was she about to have her first kiss? It felt as unstoppable as the weather, a seismic shift cracking open her heart. She wanted Heath to be her first...
Her only?
Opening her eyes, Jewel slowly angled her head back, feeling his breath mark a path across her cheek as she raised her face and lifted her chin. Then it was her breath tickling his cheek and warming his lips. Again, they paused, muscles tensed, straining to feel everything, to miss nothing, and still not cross the line. Heath’s eyes remained closed and hers followed suit as they approached that line, stood at its edge and then tumbled over it, into each other.
She turned, and his arms went around her, holding her tight. She liked the feel of his embrace, sheltering her, when she’d never craved a man’s protection before. It was oddly empowering. Exhilarating. Their bodies melded as he buried his head in her neck, dragging in a deep breath. Her pulse pounded, and her hands trembled. A deep shudder rose through him and he shook in her arms, and then he moved.
Clasping her cheeks in his large hands, he said something too low and too quick for her to make out as he tilted her head back and kissed her. There was nothing soft about it, like in fairy tales or her girlhood imaginings. This was a man’s kiss, firm, real, ardent, full of the same yearning clamoring inside her. He tasted of something sweet; the cold tang of rainwater was still on his tongue. Little shivers raced through her body as she lost herself in the kiss. Her hands slid up to his shoulders and her fingers dug into the fabric covering his firm skin. The kiss was doing crazy stuff to her senses, warming her through while making her shake.
She’d never felt this before. How could such sweet wildness come from a single kiss? The release and freedom of finally letting go, of complete and utter acceptance, of having what you wanted, what you yearned for without worrying about being weak. Open. Vulnerable. The immediate and absolute rush of longing was so potent it clouded her thoughts, elation springing from tasting Heath on the tip of her tongue. Nothing compared to this. Why had she guarded herself from her feelings for so long? What she’d missed...
Heath broke the kiss, breathing heavily as he cradled her face. “Jewel. We need to think about this—”
She could barely catch her breath. “We will.” She dragged her hands up his neck, smoothing her thumbs along his jaw. “But not now. I deserve now. We both do.”
Heath didn’t move, and she wasn’t even sure he breathed. A lock of wet black hair clung to his face and when he finally lifted his chin, the vulnerability in his gaze seized her heart. His handsomeness was almost too perfect, but in that moment, he looked utterly human and the slightest bit lost.
I’m here, she wanted to scream. Stop searching.
Her heart pounded fast, but her blood felt sluggish. Was he going to stop worrying about others and live in the moment with her...just this once?
* * *
HEATH’S RESISTANCE MELTED as he stared into Jewel’s expressive eyes. Mouths touched. Pressed, sought, then slid away. And his lids lowered. The intense moment defied reality, and he wanted to live in that dark limbo without his bearings.
Jewel snuggled closer as Heath shifted and the kiss began again, the angle different, more direct, less testing. Bold. Fervent. Natural. The words slipped through Heath’s mind, and he nodded slightly. Yes. That was it. Natural.
Right.
With his mouth pressed against Jewel’s, Heath explored the space between them with a slight touch of his tongue. Her ardent response was instantaneous.
And that heady combination of vulnerability and unvarnished passion pulled him under with the unstoppable force of the flash flood. It was like nothing he’d ever experienced before, and she cradled his face, letting him lose himself in the flavor, the texture, the heat of her mouth on his.
Then he opened his eyes. What am I doing?
Their eyes met, and Heath ached to lower his lids again, even as he lifted his mouth and dropped his hands from her body.
“Jewel,” he whispered.
“Don’t stop,” she pleaded, and her eyes begged.
“We have to,” he said more firmly.
He forced himself away, and his hands fell to his sides, guilt swamping him as he thought of Kelsey.
When her lashed lifted, the confusion in her eyes flayed him. She reached out, but he shook his head and stepped backward. “I’m sorry.”
Jewel’s face was pale, and Heath could see her pulse hammering in her throat. His own pulse pounded in his head, and a bead of sweat trickled down his spine under the shirt he wore beneath his plaid coat.
“You’re a beautiful woman. Headstrong, passionate, stubborn and challenging.”
Jewel’s eyes snapped to Heath’s, and he saw a flash of joy in their dark brown depths before it flickered out with the realization that there was more. He wasn’t finished.
“But I’m with Kelsey. Engaged to marry her...”
Jewel didn’t respond. Not at all. Not a glance. Not a word.
“Jewel?” The question was soft. But he knew. He could feel the connection between them, dark, slippery. Dangerous.
She turned and lifted her eyes to his. Eyes filled with the same longing drumming inside him. His breath caught in his throat as he stepped away. He had to move away from her.
What had he done?
She wasn’t just flirting, testing an attraction. She cared about him. And he was unable to give himself to her. The truth he’d been avoiding rose in his chest like an oil spill. It coated everything, stopping his heart.
“I can’t,” he whispered.
“You can.” She closed the distance to meet him. Her eyes shone, and her lips trembled.
For a moment, he let the possibility pull at him again. Could he? He shut his eyes and tried to imagine walking away from Kelsey. Daryl’s words echoed in his head. Choose wisely. There are no takebacks for Lovelands.
He had a responsibility to safeguard Kelsey, and Jewel, until he settled his heart.
“I can’t, Jewel,” he said more firmly. “I won’t.” He would be strong and not lose the battle in this moment. Not even for Jewel.
“You already have.” Her voice was mild, but the pain was sharp, making her mouth twist. The agony on her face echoed in his chest. She was reflected in him and he in her. When she was in front of him, she was the only thing he could see. But he needed to view the bigger picture, his life, his future. Hard to do when she filled his vision.
He closed his eyes briefly and took a deep breath. When he opened them again, only resolve remained.
“It was wrong, Jewel. On so many levels. We both know it. Neither of us can afford to let it happen again. It won’t happen again.” He kept his hands clenched at his sides, holding firm. “We’re only as good as the promises we keep. And I’ve made a promise. You don’t want a man who doesn’t keep his promises.”
“I don’t want a man who doesn’t know his heart—or follow it, either.”
A muscle in his jaw jumped, and his lips firmed. “Even if I weren’t engaged to Kelsey, our loyalties lie with our families. Would you choose me over your brothers? Your ranch?”
After a long moment, her head dropped, and the din of the rain slowed to a patter, then c
eased. “I guess we’ll never know.”
Without a word, he held out his hand.
“Please just go, Heath. Just go,” she whispered.
“I don’t want to leave you like this.”
“I need you to leave me now.” Her voice grew stronger.
“I won’t do that,” he insisted, willing her to yield.
“You already have,” she said again. And when her eyes rose to his, the tender, vulnerable woman was gone, replaced by the tough cowgirl. “Go, Heath.”
It was his turn to give way. “I’ll be outside, checking the herd. Join me when you’re ready.” With a heavy heart, he turned and opened the door. Outside, the storm had abated, welcoming a rainbow of soft pastels reflected in silvery puddles.
“Heath.”
Her voice stopped him before he shut the door.
She held up four fingers on both hands, silently telling him he’d won another point...but kissing her wasn’t a game, and whatever the score, he knew, deep down, he’d just lost.
CHAPTER ELEVEN
JEWEL HALF LISTENED to the Flower Gala committee’s debate about centerpiece flower choices, her mind returning to her explosive kiss with Heath. Almost a week had passed, and they hadn’t talked about it...or talked at all. In fact, despite working closely, driving cattle from one bad pasture to worse, they’d kept their distance, rarely meeting each other’s eyes.
What would they see if they looked?
The rightness of his arms around her, his lips pressed to hers, still lingered. First kisses were supposed to be awkward, but with Heath, it’d felt natural, instinctual. For once, she’d let down her guard and become free and open.
And his rejection came back to bite her. Hard. While the kiss had felt right, what they’d done to Kelsey was wrong, even if she wasn’t that nice.
Jewel mashed her eyes shut, wishing she could blot out the moment he’d pushed her away, told her they were wrong, and he was promised to another.
“Mrs. Grover-Woodhouse, perhaps we should lower our voices since Jewel’s trying to sleep.”
Jewel opened her eyes to an innocent-faced Kelsey and, just like that, her guilt over kissing another woman’s man evaporated. Kelsey might be pretty on the outside, but she had a bit of a mean streak, too, no matter how many “good deeds” she did around town. Why didn’t Heath see through her? Were looks all that mattered to him?
Although, he had called Jewel beautiful...
She bit her lip, berating herself for being naive. He must have been caught up in the moment, the storm, the near-death experience. As for her, it’d all been real. More fool her.
Clearly, he preferred someone domestic, refined, wife material, like Kelsey. To win Heath’s affection, would she have to change, or could he accept her for who she was?
Then again, did she even want to win his heart? With their families feuding and her focus on career, not relationships, it was odd to consider it, especially since his rejection at the shack still stung.
“Are we boring you, Ms. Cade?” From her seat at the head of the committee’s table, Mrs. Grover-Woodhouse stared down the length of her impressive nose at Jewel.
“No, ma’am.”
Beneath the table, Sierra lightly nudged Jewel’s foot in sympathy.
“Then would you share your thoughts about flower selections?” Mrs. Grover-Woodhouse’s pen hovered over her notepad.
“She probably thinks skunkweed’s a flower,” whispered Kelsey’s best friend, Lara, behind a raised hand, loud enough to catch Jewel’s ear and make Kelsey and her gang snicker.
“You’re the skunk!” Sierra hissed. Her outflung hand knocked over her tea, sending the tepid fluid racing across the table, straight at Lara’s designer dress.
Lara shot out of her chair. “You did that on purpose!”
“Calm down. We’re grown women. No one is tossing tea at each other,” Mrs. Grover-Woodhouse said repressively.
“Or putting down other people, or laughing at them like playground bullies,” asserted Sierra, staring a blustering Lara and a sober-faced Kelsey in the eye while she wiped up the mess.
Jewel dabbed up the last of the tea and tossed the napkins.
“Although skunks are actually really sweet,” Sierra whispered in Jewel’s ear at the trash bin. “You should come to my practice and see the abandoned baby I’m raising. You can bottle-feed him.”
Jewel nodded, returning Sierra’s smile, then lowered her voice. “Thanks for defending me back there.”
Sierra’s ponytail swung as she shrugged. “We’re sisters now. We’ll always have each other’s back.”
“You bet.”
Jewel’s heart swelled as they took their seats. A sister. When her mother married Boyd Loveland, she’d thought only of what her family would lose. Now she saw all they stood to gain. The Lovelands were good people. She adored little Noah and Emma, worried about Daryl’s teetering marriage and Cole’s broken heart, enjoyed Sierra’s company and Heath...well...that was another level of emotion altogether.
“Back to flowers. Ms. Cade—your thoughts?”
Jewel gnashed her teeth at Mrs. Grover-Woodhouse’s persistence. Her former principal had never been one to concede a point. Jewel’s hands clenched on her lap. Skunkweed her butt... Then an unconventional idea struck her. “The Flower Gala is to celebrate flowers, right?”
Several of the women exchanged long looks, but Jewel refused to be intimidated, to be run off to hide on the ranch.
She had worth, even in the outside world.
“Are you making a joke at our expense, Ms. Cade?” Mrs. Grover-Woodhouse’s penciled eyebrows rose nearly to her hairline.
“No,” Jewel rushed to say. “It’s just, I was thinking that all kinds of flowers should be celebrated, not just the fancy ones like roses.”
“Last year we created an entire bower of white roses donated from my family’s garden,” Kelsey said. “Many considered it the most beautiful gala ever.”
Jewel spied a few of the women rolling their eyes, and the sight bolstered her. “I was thinking that this year, we could celebrate local wildflowers.”
“Roadside weeds?” sneered Lara.
“This function’s raising money for wildlife conservation. What better way to honor it than by putting a spotlight on the everyday beauty we rarely take time to notice?” Jewel asserted.
An excited murmur broke out. Sierra turned to Jewel, her blue eyes bright. “We’ve never done anything like this, and I’m all for celebrating what’s in the wild.”
Jewel smiled. “You like it?”
Sierra grinned back. “I love it! Leave it to you to shake things up.”
At last the conversations died down and Mrs. Grover-Woodhouse tapped her pen to bring them to attention. “Your idea has merit, Ms. Cade. I suggest we vote. Mind you, if we go with this theme, we’ll also need to rethink our previously agreed upon tea rose garlands. All in favor of using local wildflowers to decorate the gala, raise your hands.”
Jewel peered beneath lowered lashes, holding her breath. Would the women approve of her idea? Of her? To her amazement, all but Kelsey, her two minions and Mrs. Grover-Woodhouse’s hands lifted. Air rushed from Jewel’s lungs.
“Tied!” Lara crowed. “Now let me explain why wildflowers would be the worst—”
“Ahem. I haven’t voted yet.” Mrs. Grover-Woodhouse raised her hand. “Wildflowers it is.”
Sierra whooped, and several women shot Jewel approving nods. One reached across the table and patted her arm, saying, “Your mother would be proud.”
Jewel smiled back at Judge James, her sister-in-law Amberley’s mother. “I hope so.”
“I know so,” Judge James vowed, her certainty filling Jewel so full of pride she thought she’d float right to the ceiling. For the first time, she belonged somewhere besides the ranch. And she sat in
a chair, not a saddle, in the dressy slacks Sierra lent her, not Wranglers, and it wasn’t terrible. Or scary. Or demoralizing.
In fact, it felt great.
She was more than just a ranch hand, more than the girl who’d felt “less than” because of her-father’s lack of attention. What’s more, she earned respect by being herself, not by how well she roped or rode.
“Moving on to our previously tabled discussion about punch,” Mrs. Grover-Woodhouse announced.
Jewel raised her hand. She’d found her voice in the real world and wouldn’t lose it again. Besides, she really wanted a “tacky” Mountain Dew sherbet punch and what’s more, she suspected she wasn’t alone...
In fact, she didn’t feel alone at all.
The rest of the meeting sped by and before she knew it, Jewel lounged in her family’s living room, regaling James and Sofia with her triumphs.
“Javi’s going to love the Mountain Dew sherbet punch.” Sofia, stretched out on the sofa, tipped her head back and closed her eyes in bliss as James massaged her swollen feet. “Though he’ll be up all night with the caffeine.”
“We’re using caffeine-free. I came up with that one, too.” Jewel’s chest puffed ever so slightly as she fidgeted with the parenting magazines on the wagon-wheel coffee table.
“Sounds like you had a lot of good ideas.” James’s fingers kneaded Sofia’s arch.
“Heath would agree. He asked for my herd health report.”
James’s hands stilled. “You didn’t give it to him, did you?”
Jewel shrugged. “Why not? Someone might as well read it after I went to the bother of writing it.”
“That information belongs to the Cades.” James slid out from under Sofia’s feet and paced to the fireplace, where he stared at a wedding picture of their mother and father. “Nothing’s changed just because Ma’s married a Loveland.”
“Don’t be silly, James.” Sofia sat up and slid her feet into fuzzy pink slippers. “We’re a family now. Haven’t you learned you can’t keep things from changing?”