by Jax Spenser
Chapter 6
July 23nd ?
The last thing I remember clearly is walking down the hall toward my room. But my eyes were pulled to the floor. Soon, it was all I could focus on. It was the TV in front of me. I lost myself in it. The constant pattern of tile after tile beneath my feet, step after step going by. Square , square, square.
I felt like I had no control at all; I kept walking, following the pattern down steps, out of the hospital, along the sidewalk, when I just stopped and looked up. No reason I can remember. The sidewalk squares kept going. They went on for blocks. By the time I stopped, I was right in the middle of a park.
Up above, hypnotizing me with its steady gaze, I saw the crouching monster. It was the plateau I saw when we drove through the thicket of trees. But up close it looked like a monster. A mountain-sized monster. And, he looked hungry. I was small standing below it. It was maybe a hundred feet or so high, but more than that it looked massive and powerful, making me feel like I was nothing. The town sat like a baby choked between its steep reddish rock arms. Deeper red than anything back in Sedona. But I wasn’t scared like in my dream. Though it’s hard to say what I was because it was all wrapped in a fog.
Up on top of the monster, there was an opening of some sort. It was man-made. Maybe an entrance. It was bright and shiny. The monster’s eye. Watching me. I was excited more than scared. I wanted to go to the monster, but I couldn’t see any way of getting to it. No roads. No trails. Even through the fog, I was sad that I couldn’t get there.
“It’s our temple, Keegan Roe,” a voice said, so close it made me spin and jump back. It was the other stranger Dad was shaking hands with outside the hospital. No sunglasses this time. Wide, deep brown eyes. Skin pale. In my head, I kept thinking how I could trust him. I don’t know why I felt this way. “Please do not be afraid. I am Simon James, a friend of your father’s, but more importantly, a friend to you.”
His words made me wonder how long I’d been in the hospital. How could Dad have friends already? Then my own thoughts slipped away. Again, there was a confusion filling my head. His voice was soothing and I believed whatever he told me. Another thing, there was a buzzing in my ear. And a feeling that something was trying to worm into my head.
“A temple.” I nodded as if I knew that. But I didn’t.
“I am so pleased you and your father will be staying with us.” His smile was so very reassuring. Like being inside on a rainy day. “I think you will find you have everything you need in your new home.” A new home. What?
I smiled. I know it was a smile because it pulled at my cheeks.
There was a struggle to get out my thoughts, “What do you want? Who is John Bruce?”
Simon’s eyes widened ever so slightly, “He is someone with big ideas.” Then he shifted his head and said, “Interesting.” The fog became thicker and I strained to understand what he meant.
Then he put his hand on my shoulder and said, “You do not look well, maybe you should sleep now, Keegan Roe. Sleep.”
And I must have because now I’m awake in a bedroom. It’s a really great bedroom. Built-in bookcases filled with science books, lighting that hangs from wires, a platform bed, the stars painted across the ceiling, and great furniture right out of an Ikea catalogue. And it’s mine. All mine. But how do I know for sure? Did Simon tell me? I can’t be certain.
I stare at the last word on the page. Certain. It seems strange to me. Unfamiliar. Nothing has ever been certain.
The buzzing in my ear has finally stopped. I’m feeling more like myself after writing and waiting in bed for a couple of hours now. Waiting for what, I’m not sure. But the longer I wait, the more I think I don’t want to be here. It could be my memory playing tricks on me. Who wouldn’t want to be here?
Mom said this might happen one day. She said my memory would get so bad and disorienting that I wouldn’t know what I was supposed to do next. Like now. She told me something once that would help … I think. But it’s not coming to me. I’ll check to see if I wrote it down.
I haven’t seen Dad but I’m not worried. Seems strange, but I know he’s fine. He’s with them. They’re taking care of him, I think. I know. I can see it … like it’s some kind of fact stuck in my head. Dad must have told me. How else would I know that? I haven’t been able to really think since I’ve been up, though the fog is clearing in my head. Just not quick enough.
There’s another image in my head of Mom slamming a plastic dinner plate against my face. Telling me to set the table. Why do I miss that now? I guess it’s the only thing that does feel familiar … and certain. It’s a stupid thought, as if she’s ever made me feel safe.
Why do I have to keep reminding myself that she’s no good? I will never go back to her!
I want to start again. I want to live in a house in a room that I love. I want Dad in the house. I want normal where it never existed before. Maybe this is it.
There’s this thought I keep having. It plays nonstop. Like a PA system making morning announcements, “Your wonderful new life! Wait for it. It’s coming.” Over and over again. And I want to believe it. I almost believe.
Almost.
Several more minutes go by before I finally shut the book. My bag’s on the bed, along with my other stuff. Somebody must have brought them to me. The Memory Book’s on the bag. Out of habit I go to shove it inside.
“Hide it,” Mom’s voice echoes in my head, “It’s all you have, Keegan, you keep that book safe!” That was when she seemed almost normal. But now, the thought of her being right makes me sick to my stomach. I know I have to protect the book. She’s right, in a strange way, this place makes me uneasy and the book is all I have. Safe, keep it safe. I don’t want to freeze up like a computer with no memory in a place like this.
Hide it. Hide it. But where?
Between the bookshelves there’s a large window. It overlooks a backyard. Carpeting right below the window. It’s a nice thick rug that I manage to pull up and tuck the book under. It fits well. I pat it down, and I’m pretty sure the book is safe. But what if I forget where I put it? … I get an idea. On the window frame, right in front of me, I carve out with my fingernail the message I saw in the bathroom,
This could be your last memory!
I can see it, but no one else would.
Finally, I feel myself again. Hiding the Memory Book clears the last of the fuzz out of my head. I want to move around. I can, at least, check out the place. If this is our new home, then why shouldn’t I see what’s mine?
Halfway down the stairs I stop. Look around and laugh. Then smile like I’m some crazed idiot.
Perfect! I don’t think I could have dreamed this house any better. A pool, a Jacuzzi, a kitchen bigger than our old house, practically, with one of those cool super wide silver refrigerators. I walk quickly over to open it. Damn, no food! My stomach turns as if answering the sight. I’m starving.
I head into the living room and land on the deep leather couch and then realize there’s no TV either. No food, or TV. Far from perfect.
A knock at the door. Maybe this is what I’m waiting for. I scramble to the door, pull it open and two identical mouths of snow-white teeth greet me. A girl my age, and behind her, a familiar-looking older woman. Their smiles look like the picket fences that I’m sure are just in front of my new house.
“I told you he is cute,” the older woman says.
“He can hear you,” says the girl.
It’s the woman from the hospital. The nurse. What’s her name? Wait, did she say cute? I look in the mirror next to the door. No blood. No scars. No bandages. Just tired eyes. Not what I saw a day ago. Was it a day ago? How long was I out? And, as if on cue …
“Can you believe it has been only three weeks? I told you we can do just about anything over there. You should have seen him in his little gown. He has a cute butt.” She laughs like a hyena.
“That is so embarrassing. I’m Sandra Thomas. Hiii. And of co
urse you’ve met my mother—”
“Doris Thomas. Hiii again, Keegan Roe.” She nudges her daughter forward.
Sandra steps close to me. She sniffs and I wonder if anyone made sure I had deodorant in the hospital. She’s a cute blonde with a curvy body that’s shown off by her skin-tight workout clothes. It makes my neck itch and get hot. Her hair brushes against my face and I try not to make direct eye contact with her. I quickly back out of the crowded hallway to give her more room.
“I was in the hospital for three weeks? I remember walking out. But, three weeks?”
“Yes,” Doris says, “you are lucky Simon James, our fine mayor, found you like he did. It could have turned out real bad if you got lost in Sedonia Falls.” She tilts her head down at me. Her eyelids pulled so tightly together, examining me, as if she had razorblades instead of eyes.
“Yeah, I guess. Three weeks? It doesn’t seem like it. So … did you want something?”
“Oh. Well, we live right next door. I knew you would want to meet my beautiful daughter. And she has been dying to meet you. Your Daddy said you might be up today so we thought we would stop by to say hi. Hiiii.”
“Daddy?” I ask. “Well, Doris, I—”
“Doris Thomas.” She interrupts. Is she kidding? The name thing again?
“Okay, Doris Thomas, I haven’t seen Dad yet. Do you know where he is?”
“Oooh. I got that wrong. Dad. I am sorry. I thought you called him Daddy. Billy Roe never told me that. Your dad will be here soon. Until then, guess what? We brought you a sandwich. Yummy. You must be starving.” Doris Thomas pushes her way in. I have no choice but to follow her.
My stomach turns a bit. When’s the last time I ate?
“Why not?” I say. They make themselves very much at home. “So, you got to know Dad in the hospital?” I jump on a stool at an island in the kitchen. Doris Thomas unwraps a turkey sandwich and puts it in front of me. I take a huge bite out of it. A sandwich never tasted so good.
“Yes, I know Billy Roe very well. He was very concerned about you.”
It sounds a bit too well for me. I wonder if Dad got busy while I’ve been away.
“Are you feeling better now?” she asks. “That was a nasty bump on your head. You are very lucky our doctors are—, I think you would say, knowledgeable.”
Mouth full I say, “Yeah, I guess I’m better. Where is he?”
Sandra answers this time, “He’s at his job.”
“Job? He’s got a job?” He really got busy.
“Well, he is only helping at the school, driving one of the buses, but I am sure he will find something better,” Doris Thomas adds with a smile. She moves like a hungry squirrel looking for nuts around the house. I guess she’s trying to straighten up. She stops, tries to decide what needs attention. Only there’s nothing to do. Except for the sandwich I’m eating and the seat I’m sitting in, there’s nothing out of place. It’s like we’re in a model kitchen out of a magazine. It looks perfect. Like everything else.
“Do you know when you’ll be coming to school? A lot of my friends want to meet you.” Sandra says. Bright green eyes beaming at me. A smile as big as her mom’s only softer.
“School? I don’t think I’ll be going to school here. We were just passing through. Dropping off that guy. John.”
“John Bruce.” Doris Thomas corrects me.
A muscle twitches on my back, “Yeah, sorry, John Bruce, Doris Thomas.” Two names again. I guess it’s just what they do here. The thought sticks in my brain.
She considers me silently. I try not to notice but I can’t stop looking at her teeth. They look sharper somehow.
“Ohh. I feel I offended you, Keegan Roe. I am sorry. Hmmm. Well, it is time for us to go. We have some things to do before cheerleading practice. Right, honey? So if you need anything, we are right next door. Chin up and tell your dad I said hi.” She zips back to the front door. “Say goodbye to Keegan Roe, Sandra Thomas.”
I finish the sandwich. “Keegan, please. You can call me Keegan.”
Doris looks confused. “Okay, Keegan Roe, I will,” she replies. Amazing, Dad, this is the one you like?
Sandra edges closer to me and brushes my arm with the palm of her hand, “It was nice meeting you, Keegan Roe, I mean Keegan. Say hi to me in school, okay?” Perfect teeth, tongue teasing her lips. My arm goes all goose bumps and I look away.
“Okay,” I say, but I’m not sure. Whatever. “See you around.” I look up and give a crooked smile in return. She hesitates, maybe expecting more, but that’s all I got.
They leave, forgetting to shut the door.
I wad up the napkin from the sandwich and start a hunt for a garbage can. There isn’t one.
“Keegan?” a familiar voice speaks from just outside. I look, but the sun hits me in the face, burning my eyes. I use my hand to block the light. A shape steps through the door blocking part of the brightness, but I still can’t see the person’s face. Just a dark mass walking toward me.
“Dad?” I call out, not because the sun’s blinding me, but because I’m not sure it’s really him.