by Jolie Damman
I could almost slap him right now. Such an idiotic and random – but very much like him – thing to tell me right now.
Still, I looked up at him and kissed his very soft lips. “Watch this mouth, or I’m going to cut your tongue off.”
He smirked and as we went to the showers by the swimming pool, he said, “Damn, and here I was thinking I should worry about the other families coming here to kill us again.”
In other circumstances, that would have been a bad joke, but right now, it felt different. It actually made me smile and forget for a little while about that terrible day where I was almost kidnapped.
Ed and I took our showers, toweled ourselves dry, and then walked to the dining room. It had already been set for us, the platters with food making me drool. After swimming and playing around with Ed as if we were children again made me hungry.
And so hungry I didn’t think about how dangerous my life still continued to be, and how I needed to find a way to get away from here with him, and convince him it was the only way…
Elsa
Ed laid down on the bed beside me, his body feeling heavy. He still smelled of chlorine, of the swimming pool, and neither of those things made me want to be less close to him presently. I was in love with him, and maybe this was a false high in my life, but right now, I only knew I needed him more and more, and always with me.
His hand looked for mine, and after he brought it up to his face, he kissed it. “My Queen, I’m so glad you’ve cleared up your thoughts.”
There was something in his eyes that made it difficult for me to tell him the truth. Yes, he made me love him even more, but I still worried where this was going to.
I kissed his lips, pulling him to me, and feeling how safe he made me feel. There was no denying I was in love with him, but still, continuing to live here wasn’t the best choice for me. When would he ever understand?
“And I’m glad you are always here with me,” I said, trying to convince him, but could he ever be? He could be so stubborn sometimes.
His eyes studied me for a couple of seconds, and he then said, “You are still worried.”
I sighed. We needed to discuss what was going on in our minds at present.
“I can’t continue to live in here, with you still being a member of the Russo family. What happened that night wasn’t a one-time thing. They will come here for us again.”
“And that is why Romano put more men here to protect us. Don’t worry. The war will end soon, and we will then be able to live a more normal life here.”
“… with you still working for him.”
His eyes widened, growing a bit fierce. “And you have a better choice for us? Because I don’t know who else I could be. The Mafia is all I’ve got.”
“That is not true. You have me.”
“I have you and them, and I don’t feel like saying goodbye to either right now.”
I sighed, comprehending once again there was nothing I could do to change his mind. I turned on the bed and pretended I was going to sleep. I didn’t have anything anymore to tell him. Maybe one day he would be convinced, or maybe I would be killed.
All I knew was that I tried, and whatever happened… Well, I just hoped my Valter wouldn’t be murdered. He was one of the things that mattered the most to me.
Chapter 11
Make a Decision
Eduardo
Ithought that, by taking her out, I would be fixing things between us, healing them, but everything got much worse. She just turned on the bed without telling me good night, and went to sleep. I could have insisted, but decided not to. She made her wishes clear. She didn’t want to talk to me, and that was fine.
Time passed, and we grew more distant, though not distant to the point of us not talking anymore. The fire I thought I rekindled when we were swimming in the pool was now almost gone.
I spent less and less time with her. We made plans for the arrival of our baby, our Valter, and also for the marriage, but I knew she was still thinking of finding a way to convince me. She came time and time again with the same topic in her mind.
“When are you going to understand I will always be in danger, as long as you are a Russo?”
She said that to me one day, when we had a somewhat hotter-than-normal discussion about our future. I had drunk a bit more than I should, as had she. It didn’t develop into anything regrettable, but another wrinkle was, on that day, fashioned into our relationship.
I came home after drinking with some of my friends in the bar, not knowing what to expect once she found me like this. I wasn’t too drunk, but anyone who tried to sniff my breath right now would know I downed a bit more than I should have.
Still, I walked back home, my mind thinking about her. I loved Elsa so much.
I opened the door and found her. Elsa was sitting on the bed, her hands on her belly.
What was she up to? I couldn't recognize the woman I loved so much anymore. I knew we were growing more and more distant, but I never thought she would, one day, do this to me.
“What are you doing?” I questioned, my eyes dashing to her face, then to her hands.
“I’m leaving,” she said before walking to the door, but instead of doing nothing, I put my arm in front of her, impeding her.
“Where is this coming from?” She couldn’t leave me right now. Everything was going fine. I was going to fix the bad things that made her think she couldn’t live with me anymore.
“From everything that has happened in my life. I lost a daughter once, and Valter - I’m not going to let the same happen to him.”
I gripped her arm and looked deep into her eyes. “Nothing will happen to him.”
I could feel she was ready to slap me or burst out crying, but either way, she contained herself. She put down her suitcase and said, “Let go off my arm.”
And I did as she demanded. The only thing I was going to force her to do was to remain here. I was going to change her mind, one way or another.
She looked confused, frustrated, and somewhat irritated. She ran her hand over her face and said, “I can’t continue to live here. Not like this, not with these people, and not with the current you. When will you ever understand?”
“Elsa, there is no better life than this. You can live somewhere else with him once the war is over and we are married.”
“And you think that is going to work?”
“I do. It will work.”
She looked, once again, ready to slap my face, but even though she wanted to do that right now, she contained said urge one more time.
“No, I’m done having this kind of conversation with you. I love you, but I can’t continue living here.”
“Where would you even go? There is no here in this city capable of keeping you safe like me.”
“Maybe you are right, but at this point, I don’t care. One of the maids became my friend and I’m going to live with her.”
I was drunk. I shouldn’t have drunk this much, and I felt my blood beginning to boil. It wasn’t the first time she was making me feel like this. This hate didn’t belong to me. I contained it for her own sake, and mine.
But as she grabbed her suitcase by the handle and went to the door again, I reiterated my choice not to be the beast I could be. Not to her, not again.
Still a bit drunk, I let her go, and I knew the men by the gate wouldn’t be a problem to her. They would let her out, and then, she would come back straight to me.
There was no way she could survive out there on her own.
Elsa
I was surprised he didn’t simply lock in my bedroom and hid the key. Maybe he thought I was better off without him. He mentioned it a bunch of times. The fact he was infertile, for the most part, made him think he wasn’t worth any woman in the world.
He could be the perfect husband for any woman out there, but for me, after everything that happened, I couldn’t pretend things would work out. And it wasn’t that I only feared for the life of my little Valter; I also
didn’t want to find him dead in his bedroom. My former husband had that fate, and his death almost destroyed my willingness to live.
I took a cab and headed to the apartment of one of my maids. She worked all day long, meaning I would have her place all for myself most of the time. She said it would be no trouble at all. I couldn’t be happier I had someone like her as a friend of mine here in Chicago.
As for Ed… I would call him once things had settled down. I needed time to think. I wasn’t going to leave the country and the city. I kind of lied during the whole scene I made there. I couldn’t flee this life of mine without him.
This wasn’t me breaking up with him. I was just finding someplace where I could live and sleep without being afraid all the time.
The cab pulled over, and I thanked the driver before paying him. Not the cheapest of rides, but that was far from my worries right now. I was glad my dad gave me enough money in case I found myself in situations like this one.
The night was silent, and cars drove up and down the road. I looked behind me, my eyes catching sight of the beautiful skyline of Chicago at night. People walked by, their conversations filling the atmosphere and making me feel more at home.
I never thought I was going to miss this kind of environment. In Milan, the buildings were constructed closer together and roads were narrower. This particular neighborhood resembled my former home city.
I knocked on the door, and it opened, the smile I knew so well greeting me. She offered me her hand, which I took, and then guided me into the building.
The warm, golden light of the small bulb graced me with its presence, and that was one other thing I was already liking about coming to live here. All the lights in the mansion were different; colder and less welcoming.
She got me a bedroom, and I soon laid down on the bed. I would have my own room. She said it was an honor to have me in her place, and also that, if I needed to talk about anything, she would be all ears.
“Thanks, Calliope,” I said, bringing a smile to her old, worn face. She looked tired. Working in that mansion was no easy task. I felt bad for her. Maybe one day I would find a better place and job for her, but for now, I had something more important to deal with.
Finding this place here to spend a couple of days in was only the first step I decided to take to make him change his mind. Over time, I was certain he would realize he needed me more than Romano, who was a man that didn’t deserve his devotion at all.
People told me about the things he did and tended to still do. They made my stomach feel hard like a rock. I was aware Ed thought highly of him, but that didn’t change what he meant to me. I was certain that, one day, he would realize Romano’s influence was a bad one.
I closed my eyes and began to sleep. The days to come promised a lot of good and bad things. It all depended on Ed now, and how he would react to my temporary departure.
Eduardo
My eyes fluttered open, my arms looking for her. Elsa was not with me anymore, and I found myself wishing that wasn’t the case. She just went to a maid’s place last night. I knew where it was. I could go to her, but right now, I needed her right here, with me.
My arms found only the void. There was only the air where Elsa was supposed to be. For a moment, I could almost imagine her still being here, but I knew that was more like a man imagining there was water in a desert.
My body felt so cold. Without her, I was nothing.
Slowly, complaining, I got off the bed and dressed up. I didn’t feel like taking a shower, like I always did in the mornings. This was no normal morning, and the weather outside wasn’t helping things either.
There wasn’t rain, but the clouds darkened the sky, hiding the sun. Looking out the window, I thought of her only. Elsa, my beautiful girl, the only one capable of complementing my life, making me whole.
I wished I could sleep right now. Sleep was good, it made me forget things. I would never be able to forget her and by no means I was thinking her departure was final, but the things she said and the way they were reiterated told me all I needed to know. Her feelings weren’t undefined. Elsa knew what she was doing.
She got fed up by me not telling her the only thing she wanted to hear. Her mind was focused on that only. Elsa wanted us out of here, out of this life, no matter the cost.
But, again, how could I do that? I owed Romano so much. He gave me the chance I needed to change my life, which I did. I grasped it like it was the only thing I would ever have…
I shook my head, trying to clear up my thoughts. I would go to Elsa and convince her. She would come here and realize we could continue to live this same life without either of us having to change.
I walked out of my bedroom and found my second-hand man. “Boss, you seem concerned.”
“Yeah, there is something I need you to do. Remember Calliope, one of the maids?”
He nodded, and I continued, “Get some men to guard her place. Elsa is there.”
His eyes widened. I thought he would ask her why she was there and not here, but he kept his mouth shut. Good. The last thing I needed was having to explain myself to him.
“It will be done, boss,” he said before bowing slightly and turning to leave.
I had something else to do now, and so, I headed out. A Mafia family was going to join ours and help us in the fight that was still happening months after we came to America.
Chapter 12
Unforgettable
Elsa
Ilooked out the window and noticed something strange. Those men weren’t like the normal citizens that populated this neighborhood. I didn’t know them well, but I thought I could remember their faces. They had to have come here from the mansion.
And if that was true, then they were sent here by Ed to keep me safe. It was the day after I left the mansion, and he didn’t come here yet. That was good. It meant he understood the real purpose of my coming here.
I closed the curtain and sat down on the bed. I had some things to do today, and none of them involved going out. The truth was, I was afraid of finding myself in another kidnap attempt. Ed put many men here to keep me safe, and I was glad he did that, but there was no denying I would always be in danger.
Even outside the mansion, where the other Mafia families here in Chicago wouldn’t be able to find me, probably, I was still a target. Growing up under my dad’s teachings made me feel a bit paranoid about people. Even coming here - trusting Calliope - was difficult.
I pushed myself off the bed and walked to the door, opening it soon after. I got a lot of things to do, but the first thing I wanted to accomplish this morning was thanking Calliope for allowing me to come here.
✽ ✽ ✽
I got back home, taking off my shoes and going up the stairs to Calliope’s apartment. Once I got to the hallway and then, to her door, I opened it and walked into my bedroom. It was dark outside. I checked my wristwatch and found out it was past midnight.
I shouldn’t have stayed out this late. Calliope, though, didn’t mind that. She was a heavy sleeper. Walking in front of her bedroom, my ears picked up her heavy snores. She slept like a rock, and whenever she mentioned that, she did so with a huge smile on her face.
Upon sitting down on my bed, a penetrating, vast feeling took hold of my mind. It was almost something alien. When was the last time I felt something like this before? I couldn’t think, couldn’t remember, and then, his face painted my vision.
Ed, the man who was the father of this baby boy I carried within me. When would he come here? Not a lot of time had passed since I left the mansion, but he should have already shown up here, right? If he truly loved me, that was.
Another tear escaped from the corner of my eye, rolling down my cheek and chin an instant later. I should be stronger than this. I shouldn’t be begging for his presence, but the fact was, I missed him quite a bit now.
Fuck, what was going in my mind? I couldn’t be doing this, and so, instead of doing the thing I thought about doing after coming ba
ck here, I closed my eyes, took off my shoes and fell asleep. Sleep would make me forget him.
And yet, when I fell asleep, I dreamed about him. Ed was a constant in my mind. Would I ever forget him? Not at all likely, and I didn’t wish it would ever happen.
I fluttered my eyes open and found them in pain. I cried during my sleep. That was the first time such a thing happened. It was nothing unusual, though. This was also the first time I was so in love with a man.
I fell asleep once more, and when I woke up, there was only the light of the moon coming through the still open window. I got off the bed, and looking outside, I noticed those men again. Their presence kept me safe here still. Ed wasn’t giving up anytime soon, and I doubted he ever would.