Applause erupted around the room, and Asaria looked up at the gold-trimmed staircase. Her father stood beside Acacia, a wide smile and light on his face. He held her sister’s arm in his as though he were escorting a princess, and Acacia did look just like a princess. The emerald green of her dress accentuated her curves and contrasted against her pale skin. Her heart-shaped face was round with a smile that gentled while she took in her subjects.
Her eyes locked on Asaria, and that smile trembled a moment into disgust before returning to regality. Asaria doubted anyone had noticed, but what if everyone had? What if everyone knew how ashamed Acacia was to be related to her?
Asaria closed her eyes, tears pricking behind her lashes. If only it could all go away.
Her eyes fluttered open, but the same scene presented itself. Acacia traveled through the crowd of her subjects, graciously accepting congratulations from each and repeated praises from their father. Her curled brown hair bobbed with her laughter.
She would be saving lives. She would be using her delicate, little hands to perform surgeries and save lives. She brought pride to the Layre name.
Asaria had heard it all too many times. She closed her eyes again and wished the buzz of voices would go away, but it didn’t. “Asaria.” Her sister’s voice snapped her away from the peace she was trying desperately to attain.
Her eyes opened on her perfect sister, so opposite her in every way, and she felt the heat of her family’s gazes. Swallowing bile, she said, “Congratulations, Acacia.”
Acacia’s lashes fluttered, but her smile had turned cold and hard. “May I speak with you in private?”
Asaria’s chest tightened, but she choked, “Sure.”
As Asaria followed her sister, her eyes darted around the room, searching for Emilia and Ashlyn, but there were too many people packed into the space to find either brunette. The door to the kitchen closed behind them, and Acacia turned, her full lips pinned down.
“I don’t want you here.” The words spilled easily. “This is my day, and I don’t want you or your puke-colored hair anywhere near it.”
“W-what?” Asaria clamped her hands together to stop them from shaking and kept her eyes off her sister’s.
“You heard me.”
Asaria tightened her arms around her stomach. “Mother and Father told me to come.”
“Oh, honey, they’re still trying to pretend their accident can be a stable part of this family.”
Four, three.
“They hope that even though they never wanted you, you can still fit seamlessly into our world, so you don’t embarrass them, but I know better than that.”
Tears burned in Asaria’s eyes, begging to fall, but she had heard things like this so many times before. Her sister never missed an opportunity to remind her she was the mistake. Even back when they were children playing with dolls. “I-I’ll keep to myself.”
“No.” Acacia’s fists clenched. “Get out. It’s bad enough you’ll be coming to my graduation. I know you’ll find a way to embarrass me, what with those ‘attention attacks’. Your little ploys can find someone else to bother.”
Asaria’s lip trembled, and her tears finally broke free.
Mama told me something today, Asaria. Asaria had never been allowed to call her mother ‘mama’. She said you were a mistake. Things really make sense now, don’t they?
They hadn’t. They never did. Asaria closed her eyes, the memory of when she was four and her sister was five haunting her still. It had never left. The first times never did.
“My friends came with me.” Asaria swallowed hard, not daring to open her eyes.
Acacia snarled, “We’ll call them a cab. Just go. I’ve already wasted enough time here when I should be enjoying this.”
Forcing her voice steady, Asaria whispered, “Okay,” and turned. Hands now twisted in her dress, she darted through the crowd toward the door and hoped no one could see her. People rarely did, but the what-ifs made her shake.
She was crumbling. Falling to pieces. And it was no wonder.
Instead of putting herself back together with glue, she always, always, used water.
11
Lies
She probably looked like a monster. With tears running through her makeup, there was no doubt black marks streaked down her cheeks. Curling her arms around her stomach, Asaria sat on the beach in her sundress and shook.
Short gasps came in and out of her lungs, and she couldn’t control them. No matter what she did, a dark voice slipped into her mind, caressing all her fears.
“Your sister is right, you know? If your parents hadn’t treated you both so differently, she would never think to say what she does.”
Asaria rocked, short nails biting her skin.
“In fact, she’s a child. She’s just repeating what she was taught or what she has heard.”
Asaria had to stop falling. She needed the thoughts to go away so she could plan. Her parents would be mad if they noticed her missing, and their anger always led to her panicking. If they realized she couldn’t take over the business, what use was she? All through her life, her choices had been made for her. She had forgotten how to make them on her own and decide what she wanted.
She hated loud places, but her friends liked clubs.
She hated business school, but that’s what her parents had decided for her the moment Acacia decided she wanted to be a surgeon.
She hated working as a receptionist, but that’s where her parents had gotten her a temporary job.
Every aspect of her life belonged to someone else. She needed to take charge.
“That’s true,” the voice said, the deep tone slipping easily through her mind. Cold hands seemed to brush past her cheeks and pull back her hair, then lips touched the shell of her ear. “Nobody wants you, and yet you’re nothing without them. You can’t survive on your own. You just aren’t strong enough.”
Her rocking got faster as her breaths shortened further. That was it then? She had no options? She was forever doomed to be at the mercy of her life’s tide?
“Count,” she gasped. “Count down.”
Three, two.
Taking deep breaths, Asaria whipped her head up and stared at the water. The sun fell beneath the horizon, sending a bright glow across the waves. They crashed and foamed, rushing forward, just yards from her toes.
If she needed strength, she would find it. She had to. She had to survive.
“Can you? Do you have to?”
Her eyes widened, and the air chilled. Of all the places she’d never allowed herself to go, no matter how many times she’d wanted to, that was it. She had been blessed with so much. She had no right to even consider letting her mind wander into that pit. That pit, where nothing could grow.
She blinked out at the ocean, and a rainbow flashed in the back of her mind. She stilled. Where had she seen so many colors? So many glowing colors?
“In a dream,” the voice growled. “That was nothing more than a dream.”
Asaria stood, clarity fighting for a hold the longer she looked at the water. The longer the waves rushed closer. She took several steps forward, something just out of reach. Her heart pounded. The voice echoed all the words that had cut her just hours ago, progressively getting faster, more urgent. But they blurred.
“In a dream?” she whispered. Blue eyes flashed in her mind, a soft voice telling her everything would be okay.
“No one would tell you that.”
“But someone did.” Asaria whirled, her hands clenched at her sides. The moon glowed purple above a grey man with tentacles instead of legs. “Moon drop,” she whispered, images bombarding her before she let her eyes fall on Wyre.
His sneer melted, lips stretching into a pointed smile.
“How am I back here? What did you do?” Her heart thudded, eyes going wide. “Where’s Yuval?”
Wyre’s posture eased, his head dropping back in a lazy tilt. “Why do you care? Maybe I killed him, took what I wanted, and gave y
ou back your old life.”
Asaria didn’t want this life. Her mind gathered memories from the past day, and she stopped, eyes widening with realization. Stretching her fingers, she met Wyre’s gaze. “What did you want then?”
He chuckled, shaking his head. “Don’t play games. You’ve already figured it out, so why would I show more of my cards?”
She had figured it out. “Acacia and my parents were fairly spot-on. But you made a mistake with Emilia and Ashlyn. They may not be perfect when it comes to dealing with me, but they have always been there for me. Even drunk, they’ve never disappeared when I needed them. There’s always a space, when I’m ready.”
Wyre leaned close, his breath running over her cheeks. “And, yet, that’s one of your deepest fears.”
Asaria held her head high, because she could be strong. She could find that strength. She had a secret. An escape. A choice. “None of this is real. You can stop playing your little game now.”
Insanity filtered into his eyes as he leaned back and laughed. “Silly girl, it’s not my game. In fact . . . I’m a world away.” His last word drifted on the breeze, his body turning into bold, black wisps of ink and spraying over her in the wind.
She trembled, but none of the dark shade clung to her body.
Looking at the beach house and the purple moon, Asaria took a deep breath. If this wasn’t Wyre, then . . . a dream?
She pinched her arm and flinched when real pain followed. How did she get out?
“Asaria!” Her mother’s voice cut through her thoughts, and she jolted. There on the steps, and still in their party clothes, stood her mother and father. Both rushed through the sand toward her, tears in their eyes. “Asaria, we’ve been worried sick.” The woman wrapped her in a hug, but Asaria kept still.
“Are you all right?” her father asked, and Asaria glanced at him, her face a mask of indifference. She’d always wanted her mother to be worried about her. Always wanted her father to care enough about her to ask if she was all right. But never in her life had she heard them say either of those things. And certainly it wouldn’t happen if it meant leaving Acacia’s celebration.
Something was intent on keeping her here.
She pushed away from them without a word and looked out at the waves. Her entire life, only one thing had pulled her to calm, only one thing had always been there for her, never disappointed her. She had been drawn to the water ever since the first vacation to the beach house. And even when she left, the tide always pulled her back.
Walking into the waves, Yuval’s words echoed in her mind. Don’t be afraid to breathe or trust me.
Maybe she’d done more than figure out this wasn’t real. She’d seen the darkest bits of her life, felt the bleakest moments she feared. Neglect. Abandonment. Hate. She’d heard the lies.
And she hadn’t believed them.
Taking a deep breath, she counted down and dove into the sea.
One.
12
Believe
Asaria gasped awake into darkness. Something thick wrapped around her, and she looked every way. Her chest constricted while she regained her memories.
The long path with the pit had led into a hazy chamber with large flowers. The mist. It got into her head. Her eyes went wide, and she tensed.
It had gotten into both their heads.
Fighting, she hammered her hands against the thick petals surrounding her. With each hit, the thick rope clenched. What was around her chest? She planted her hands against it, and her stomach turned. A tongue.
She was being digested.
That would explain the acidic burn against her skin.
Stomach churning, she prepared her fingers to sink into flesh and hoped it would be enough. Asaria dug her nails into the creature’s tongue. Without restraint.
A shriek tumbled around her, and glowing light brightened the world as the plant spit her into the hazy room. She hit the ground and skidded, pain tightening her muscles. Particles floated in the water, each a drug that led her into the darkest pits of her mind.
A whip cracked beside her, and she rolled away from it. The shrieking plant slapped a vine toward her, but she was already out of reach, and it fell short by her tail.
Her red tail.
Asaria’s body convulsed with a shiver as she looked down her scales. How long had she been in there? A trembling breath wheezed into her chest, and she closed her eyes, but the haze touched her in the darkness, so she snapped her eyes open again and reminded herself where she was.
In Ocea, Beyond. She was living her secret.
Stings ran up her body when she flicked her tail, but she had to get out of the room, regroup in her mind, find Yuval before it was too late. She dove back toward the chamber with the pit and took deep breaths of the clean liquid surrounding her. Mind clearing, she tapped her necklace twice. “Yuval.”
Nothing.
Another shiver wracked her body, and she glanced down at her tail again. Already, a tingle ran along her flesh. Just like how Yuval’s hand had healed before, the red wisping off her faded, blue scales healing with visible speed. Was it because of something in the water?
Asaria shook her head. She didn’t have time for tangents. She had to find Yuval.
Tapping the necklace again, she exhaled. “Yuval, where are you? You don’t need to find me this time. Just . . . show me where you are.”
A moment passed, then the pink shell glowed. Electric blue sparked, so familiar, and Asaria’s chest swelled, a smile forming until she laughed. “All right, now, where are you?” She looked back toward the hazy chamber, expecting one of the other flowers to have him, but the spark dove, a stream of electric blue leading her into the pit.
Her smile fell, and her heart thumped. Flipping her fins, she hovered above the darkness, but even that made her heart race. She couldn’t imagine diving into it. Her eyes ran the length of the blue light leading her down, and she closed them.
Yuval would do it for her, a near-perfect stranger, without a second thought. After all, he had with the ice fish.
Turning toward the stalagmites, she swam forward and reached for the brightest plant she could see. Plucking the flowering vine, she wrapped it around her body, hoped it wasn’t poisonous to touch, and reached for a gleaming shell. The shell was larger than her palm but tucked into her hand well, its sharp edge like a knife.
Maybe she wouldn’t need it?
She had to remain on high alert, though, and mentally prepare for if—when—she did. All her life she’d practiced overthinking situations and expecting the worst so anything less than it would be a happy surprise. Why stop now?
Her lips quirked in a wry smile, and she turned back to the hole. Even if her mind was broken glass, she was strong physically. She could do this.
Diving into the darkness, she paused a moment to close her eyes and let them adjust. When she opened them again, the string of blue leading down burned brighter and the plants around her chest allowed a couple yards of clarity. Blank clarity. There was nothing—so far.
Swimming further down, Asaria followed the stream of electric blue until she saw the ground. Then she stopped, her eyes wide. Tucked into a corner of the darkness sat a plant easily three times larger than the ones above in the chamber. It breathed, each inhale a terrifying reminder that it was alive.
Purple and red splotched over its petals, long vines trailing across the entire floor, and up, along the walls. No wonder no other plants could grow here. This single bulb was an infestation all on its own.
Gripping the shell, Asaria breathed lightly, keeping her heart steady. This wasn’t a party. Or a test. Or work. Or her parents, Acacia, people. This was something athletic, the one thing she could do.
And if she died here, in the midst of her secret, so be it.
Eyes narrowing, Asaria dove for the plant’s vines, slicing one cleanly before its scream rattled the pit. Fully awake, it rose on root legs and hissed, finding her just as she curled to slice another vine.
She rolled through the water, evading each attack and breathing deeper as her heart rate increased. Before she could circle back around, her body jolted to a stop.
A vine curled around her tail, tightening. She writhed against it, but it yanked her too harshly for her to curl around and cut it. Asaria’s eyes shifted in the darkness, waiting to catch a glimpse of the plant.
When her glow settled upon it, the creature clung to the wall, petals open to consume her. It dangled her before its maw, but her eyes clung to Yuval. Even without red blood to display the damage, his skin had peeled away, leaving a deteriorating husk.
Asaria screamed, the sound piercing. Unnatural.
The plant startled a moment, then continued drawing her toward its open lips. So she screamed again, longer, higher. When the plant was close enough, she slashed at it, clipping a petal.
Nothing worked.
Sticky acid surrounded her as the vine dropped her into the plant’s mouth beside Yuval, and the petals closed. Before she could slash her way out, a tongue caught her around the chest and arms, clamping her down.
“Yuval!” she yelled, panic settling in—for once with great reason. “Yuval! Can you hear me? It isn’t real. Whatever you’re seeing, it isn’t real!”
She watched him in the dim glow, but the acid steadily ate away whatever light her plant vest provided. Torment covered his rotting face, and her stomach turned while she looked at him, but she couldn’t bring herself to look away.
All of this was her fault. They wouldn’t need to be here if it wasn’t for her curse.
The tongue around her squeezed, choking her. She wiggled against it, desperate to sink her shell knife into something, give her the barest bit of leeway, but with another harsh squeeze, her fingers snapped open, and the shell dropped. It traced a clean line through the water, then fell into where the acid built with a sizzle that made her stomach clench.
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