“I am, which means I’ll keep you safe. And I’m a decent riding coach, too.”
“I have no doubt, but the thing is, I’ll have trouble keeping my hands to myself this week as it is. If I’m confronted with you in full cowboy mode astride a gallant steed, I might not be able to control myself.”
At last, an opening. “We need to talk about that. You just admitted you want me as much as ever. Why do we have to lock it down this week? Why can’t we—”
“Because now we’re linked together by this child, and we will be for the rest of our lives. But we never intended to build a life together.”
His chest tightened. “Did you meet someone? Is that what this is all about?”
“No, I didn’t. But I will someday, and when I do, I want to feel…”
“Free?” Her point was logical. And he hated it.
“Yes.”
He couldn’t argue with that. Time to wave the white flag, damn it. He heaved a sigh. “Okay.”
“I want you to feel free, too. I can’t be your life partner and you deserve to find a woman who can be.”
He gazed at her in helpless frustration. He hadn’t felt free since their night together in April. Dating held no appeal. The woman he wanted was sitting across from him.
This was going to be one hell of a week.
Chapter Four
Isabel had expected to struggle with this issue but she’d counted on CJ to embrace the concept once she’d explained it. Instead he sat there with his arms crossed over his broad chest and a scowl on his handsome face.
Well, he had mentioned that for the first sixteen years of his life he’d mostly gotten his way. She ducked her head, because it wouldn’t do for him to catch her smiling at his belligerent pose.
He was an intelligent guy, so eventually he’d figure out he’d be better off accepting this short-term sacrifice for a long-term gain—a future in which they co-parented as friends, not lovers. In that scenario, they could happily dance at each other’s wedding when the time came.
CJ would likely find someone before she did. He’d admitted back in April that he was looking for a commitment. Because of that, she hadn’t intended to invite him into her bed. Then he’d hinted that he’d prefer one night to having nothing. Game over.
Sarah’s mom brought out their fries, their cider and a bottle of catsup. After introducing herself to Isabel and chatting with them for a moment, she went back inside to help Sarah with Amy.
“Yum.” Isabel created a little pool of catsup on her plate, dipped a fry in the sauce and finished it in two bites. “Exactly what I needed.”
“Is it orgasmic?”
“A slip of the tongue on my part. I apologize.”
“A Freudian slip?” He’d crossed his arms over his chest again.
“Possibly.” She met his hot gaze. “It would help if you’d stop looking at me like that.” She broke eye contact and picked up another fry.
“How am I looking at you?”
“You know perfectly well.” She ate the fry and glanced at him. “It’s obvious what you’re thinking.”
“And you’re not?” Uncrossing his arms, he reached for his bottle of cider and took a slow sip, drawing her attention to his mouth.
On purpose? “Now I am.”
He put down the bottle and leaned his muscled forearms on the table. “Because you can’t help it any more than I can. I’ve considered what you said, and it makes sense, but—”
“Let me guess. You want to start that program after I leave next weekend.”
“What’s wrong with that?” He dumped catsup over all his fries and started eating.
He might regret telling her about his indulgent mother. She had his number, now. “Have you dated since I left in April?”
She’d caught him with his mouth full. He shook his head and kept chewing.
“Why?”
He finished chewing and swallowed. “Didn’t feel like it.”
“But you told me you were tired of the single life, especially after seeing how well a steady relationship is working for your buddies.”
“Yes, ma’am, that’s a fact.”
“I’ve been to the Choosy Moose. It looks like a great place to meet someone.”
“None of them compare to you.”
Even though that thrilled her, she had to pursue this discussion to its conclusion. “And there’s the problem. I’m flattered, but if that’s how you feel after you’ve spent one night with me, what will happen after six?”
“You won’t be able to wipe the smile off my face. Or yours.”
“CJ! I’m trying to be serious.”
“So am I. If we follow your plan, we’ll be in a constant state of frustration.” He flashed her a triumphant glance. “That can’t be good for the baby.”
“I don’t know. I haven’t researched it.”
“You don’t have to. Too much of anything is bad. I may not have a high-school diploma, but I read. Moderation is the healthy way to go.”
“In my experience, you don’t practice moderation in bed.”
“Because I had to cram everything into one night. Give me six and I’ll practice moderation like you wouldn’t believe.”
That coaxed a grin out of her. “Somehow I doubt that.”
“Give me a chance to prove it.”
His comments stirred her up more than she cared to admit. Munching on her fries, she attempted a nonchalant attitude as she studied him. “You’re very good at this.”
“What?”
“Getting your way.”
His expression brightened. “Then you agree that we can—”
“I didn’t say that. I’m still right. You need to get over me so you can find someone else. Having more sex this week is going in the wrong direction.”
“You never know. Maybe we’ll be sick to death of each other by Sunday morning.” He took a long pull on his cider.
“We won’t and you know it.”
‘Yeah, I do.” He sighed. “It was one argument I hadn’t tried so I threw it out there.”
“And I’m sticking to my guns. I can handle a few days of sexual frustration and I can’t believe it would impact our baby. But if I let our relationship derail your search for happiness, that will have far-reaching consequences.”
“What if I promise to start dating the day after you leave? I’ll go to the Moose more often. I’ll sign up for one of those dating apps. More than one, even. I’ll—”
“After we’ve spent every night together for the entire week? You’re not that shallow. If you were, you’d be involved with someone new by now.”
He took a deep breath. “In case you can’t tell, I’m scraping the bottom of my barrel of arguments.”
“Then let me give you one of mine. Because you’re a gentleman and a cowboy, I suspect this is the one I should have used all along.”
“I’ll bet I don’t want to hear it.”
“Probably not, but you should.” She paused. “I also need to get over you.”
His gaze locked with hers. Resignation clouded the gray depths of his eyes. “Yes, ma’am. That does the trick.”
The dejection in his expression tore her to pieces. What to say? This was the right move, so why did it make her heart hurt?
Sarah provided a welcome distraction when she nudged open the door and came out with Amy in her arms. Isabel stood and CJ followed her lead.
“You guys don’t have to get up!” Sarah laughed. “Amy’s not royalty.”
“Sure she is,” Isabel said. “If you’re Queen Esmeralda, she must be a princess.”
“My mom would agree with you. Since Amy’s in an excellent mood right now, would you like to hold her?”
“I’d love to.” Isabel gathered her courage and took the tiny girl from Sarah. She wasn’t used to babies, hadn’t held many. Most of her friends were unmarried and none had become parents. But she would be one, soon, and she wanted to be prepared.
She mimicked the way Sarah had cra
dled the infant—Amy’s head resting in the crook of her mother’s elbow and her tiny body supported by her mother’s arms. The little girl smelled like lilacs. “Did you give her a bath?”
“A quick one. I wanted her to be at her best when she met you guys.”
“She smells delicious.”
“It’s a local woman who makes soap. It’s very gentle. Even if it gets in her eyes, it won’t burn.”
“I should take some home with me.” Isabel gazed into wide eyes that were the color of denim. “Will her eyes stay that color?”
“They’ll probably be blue since John and I both have blue eyes, but they could turn green. It’ll be fun to watch.”
“She’s beautiful, Sarah.” Amy’s wispy hair was so pale it was almost white. Her pink rosebud of a mouth opened as she looked up at Isabel. Her lips curved.
Isabel was entranced. “Is that a smile?”
“I tell myself it is, but Mom says it’s only gas at this age.”
“I’m going to believe she’s smiling at me.”
“So do I. To heck with science.”
“I don’t know how you get any work done with this cutie-pie around.”
“I was worried about that, but she sleeps a lot. That helps. And logic kicks in. If I spend all my time ogling the baby, I won’t be an efficient employee and my paycheck will be in jeopardy. My little family needs that paycheck.”
“I’ll keep that in mind when it’s my turn to be both mommy and boss-lady.” She glanced at Sarah. “Could we meet sometime this week so I can pick your brain about how to handle a job and a newborn?”
“Absolutely. Give me your number before you leave and we’ll set something up.” Sarah looked over Isabel’s shoulder. “CJ? Want to hold Amy?”
“I sure do. Like I told Izzy, babies aren’t my strong suit. Any instruction or practice I can get, I’m going for it. “
“That’s a great attitude. John felt the same and now he’s a hands-on dad—changes diapers, rocks her to sleep and brings her in to me for the two a.m. feedings.”
“That’s great.” Isabel envied Sarah that, but no point in wishing for something she couldn’t have. She turned to CJ and stepped closer. “She’s all yours.”
His chest heaved and he frowned in concentration as he lifted Amy gently and tucked her into the crook of his elbow. She looked much smaller cradled in his muscled arms.
He stared at her in silence for a moment. “Hey, Amy,” he murmured. “How’s it going, girl?”
The baby gazed at him intently. Then she gurgled and waved her fists.
“That good, huh?” His expression slowly relaxed. “Well, sweetie, it only gets better from here. You’re gonna love growing up in this town.”
“That’s the truth,” Sarah said. “I know I did, and it hasn’t changed much since I was a kid.”
“Hear that, Amy?” CJ smiled. “You’ve got it made.” Then he leaned down and kissed her forehead. “Nice meeting you. We’ll have to do this again sometime.” Moving toward Sarah, he handed the baby over in one smooth motion. “Thanks for letting me hold her. It was fun.”
Sarah chuckled. “I could tell. You don’t have to worry about practicing, CJ. You’re a natural.” She glanced at Isabel. “Don’t you think so?”
She cleared the tightness from her throat. “Absolutely.” After a moment of uncertainty, he’d settled right in. If he could connect so easily with someone else’s baby, he would go bananas over his own.
She hadn’t figured on that, either.
Chapter Five
“That was way easier than I expected it to be.” CJ backed out of the parking space in front of Gertie’s, drove around the square and pointed the truck toward home. “Amy’s a cool little kid.”
“You’re the cool one.” Isabel glanced over at him. “Are you sure you’ve never held a baby?”
“Never. When I first got my hands on her, I was worried that I’d do it wrong. But then I looked at that cute face and those big blue eyes and talking to her just felt natural. I think she liked that.”
“I think she did.” Isabel continued to focus on him, like he was a riddle she had to solve. “After seeing you with Amy, I have a hunch you’ll want to spend a lot of time with our baby after he or she is born.”
“As much as I can manage. Do you know if we’ll have a boy or a girl?”
“It’s too early to tell.”
“Makes sense. When will the doc be able to tell?”
“Another six or eight weeks.”
“You’ll let me know?”
“Are you saying you want to find out in advance?”
“Absolutely. Don’t you?”
“I’d like to have it be a surprise. But you get a vote.”
“Why wouldn’t you want to know?”
“I’d rather wait and find out on the big day. But since we won’t be together for my next appointment, my doctor could call and tell you after I leave.”
He shook his head. “That’s starting off on the wrong foot. Going forward, we should agree as much as possible. Besides, I don’t want to know something you don’t. I could mess that up by accidentally saying it.”
“That brings up something else. How do you want to communicate during the next seven months?”
“Phone, I guess.”
“You don’t do email?”
“No need for it. But if that’s what you like, I could get an account.”
“That’s not necessary. The phone works.”
“I like it better when you can hear the person’s voice.” Especially hers, which warmed him like sunshine. “If we find out the sex of the baby beforehand, we’d only have to come up with one set of names.”
“True, but—”
“Whoa.” He sucked in a breath. “I get to help name this baby. There’s a big responsibility. Have you started a list?”
“I thought we could work on that together while I’m here.”
“But then we’re back to creating two lists, since we don’t know yet.”
“That’s right.”
“We can get a start on it if you want. But seriously, why wait seven months to find out if we’ll have a son or a daughter?”
“I guess I’m old-fashioned. I’d like to build the anticipation, let it be an unsolved mystery until the baby arrives. These days we can find out almost anything by hitting a key or tapping a screen. I think we need more mystery in our lives.”
“Oh, we have that. It’s a mystery how you got pregnant. Those condoms were brand-new, fresh out of the package.”
“That’s exactly what I’m talking about. We took every precaution, yet here we are. What do you make of it?”
“Poor quality control?”
“Maybe. Or maybe you and I were supposed to create a child that night.”
A shiver traveled up his spine. He’d learned not to discount such things. “Like I was supposed to meet Charley.”
“Do you think that’s true?”
“Oh, yeah. Charley hadn’t intended to go into town that day, but then Henri asked him to run a couple of errands. He spotted me parked on the square, my head under the hood of my truck.”
“Engine trouble?”
“Fuel pump. I had just enough money for a new one, but I wouldn’t have enough to buy food. I needed a job and Charley offered to take me on at the Buckskin. I never left.”
“Maybe this baby is like that.”
He gripped the wheel. “That’s a nice thought, but with Charley, everything fell into place. He was looking for someone to replace an older guy who was moving to New Mexico.”
“Dusty?”
“How did you know?”
“Lucy talked about him, too. She was sad to see him go since he’d been there ever since she’d started coming to the ranch with her parents.”
“She told me she’d miss him. He’d been a fixture for so long. She must have been about fifteen that summer.”
“Yep. It was between our freshman and sophomore year.” Isabel looke
d over at him. “You and I almost met that summer. Lucy’s parents asked me to come with them, but it didn’t work out with my family’s vacation plans.”
He glanced at her. “I wish it had.”
“I’m glad it didn’t. It wouldn’t have been the right time. We weren’t the same people, then.” She smiled. “You still had those rough edges and I didn’t know who I was, yet.”
“But you do, now?”
“I think so.”
“I wish I could say the same. This new development has me going in circles. Maybe it was meant to be, like you said, but I don’t see it falling neatly into place. I’ll do my best to be a good father, but….”
“I admit there are challenges and I don’t have all the answers.”
“I don’t have any.”
“Do you think that’s why you’re so eager to find out if it’s a boy or a girl?”
“Maybe.” He took a deep breath. “Charley liked to say that learning to live with uncertainty was a valuable skill.”
“And guess what? Here’s a perfect chance to practice that.”
“All right. You’ve convinced me.” He slowed as the turn to the ranch appeared on his left. He waited for a pickup loaded with hay to pass in the opposite direction before crossing the road and taking the rutted dirt lane. “I don’t want to know, either.”
“And you’re up for making two lists?”
“I guess. The naming part freaks me out. What if our kid hates what we choose?”
“I can understand feeling that way after you had to deal with Cornelius Jasper.”
“What’s your middle name?”
“Marie.”
“Pretty.”
“I like it but I wouldn’t want to use it if we have a daughter. “
“Isabel?”
“Not that, either. I’d like to start from scratch.”
“You don’t want to consider your parents’ names? Or some other relatives? Grandparents?”
“I’ll think about it. Maybe. What about your mom’s name?”
“Cleopatra.”
“Oh, my.”
“Evidently her parents were as nutty as she was about the naming thing. I never knew them or their names. They kicked her out when she became pregnant with me. Consequently, she disowned them.”
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