by S J Crabb
Chapter 9
Pulling back we just stare at each other in amazement. Ash recovers first. “I never knew it could be like that Ana. You have cast me under your spell; I will never be the same again.” Stroking the side of his face I smile. “I have never been kissed before Ash, I wanted it to be you and it was more than I ever dared dream it would be.”
I watch as a flash of pain passes across his face and I can see the torture in his soul. Holding me tightly he draws me to him saying, “I’m not good for you Ana. You deserve so much better than me.” Trembling I know that what will come next will be painful for us both. Pushing the thought away I reach up and kiss him softly on the mouth.
“You should just let yourself go Ash. You have love inside your heart and you shouldn’t be afraid of it.” Taking his hand I say, “Come on, let’s take a swim in the moonlight.”
Taking off his T Shirt I plunge into the water. It doesn’t take him long and he has soon joined me. The sight of his near naked body glistening in the moonlight takes my breath away. He dives underneath the water and then I feel him pull me under with him. Fastening his mouth on to mine we kiss sharing the same air until we break the surface again. He pulls me tightly to him and kisses me gently and romantically. There is none of the harshness that he portrayed with Skylar. This man is gentle and loving and everything that a girl could ever wish for.
After a while we get out and lay side by side our hands touching as we dry off. We gaze at the moonlight and enjoy the sounds of nature secure in the knowledge that the other is close by.
Soon I realise that Ash has fallen asleep. With a sharp pain in my heart I know this is it. I must go and he must never see me again in my true form. Silently I gather up my things and take once last lingering look at the man I love and with the tears burning behind my eyes I tiptoe silently away.
Once I am sure that I am out of earshot I place the locket around my neck and dress quickly. I cycle home as fast as I can with such a feeling of profound loss. What is the saying? It is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.
Well whoever said that must have been thinking about me. It may have been a brief encounter but it would have to last me a lifetime. Ash would wake up and think that it had all been a dream. I would have to carry on seeing him knowing what it was like to feel his lips on mine and the excitement that it lit within me.
Luckily by the time I get home the house is quiet and everyone has gone to bed. It is not unusual for me to get in when they are asleep due to my shifts at Violet’s. Putting my bike away I reach my room and change into my nightgown. Moving across to the window I look up at the moon and picture Ash sleeping peacefully by the lake. Tears run down my face as I think of what he will feel when he wakes up and I am gone.
The morning comes and I wake up with a heavy heart. The thought of going to school and seeing him is unbearable so I feign illness and my Aunt sends me back to bed. I know that I am being cowardly but I need to protect myself. Just a few days without seeing him will be enough.
By the time Saturday comes I tell my Aunt that I will be well enough to work at the library and Violet’s. Gabe drops me off and says, “Look if Ash comes to the library today, call me at once.” I look at him in surprise. “Why?” He pulls a face. “Because he is in a terrible mood. Luckily for you you were off this week. Nobody has been spared and he has been particularly evil. He seems angry about something and is even less tolerant than usual which is saying something. I just don’t want you around him when he is in this mood ok?”
Nodding I think about what Gabe has said as I push open the door to the library. He must be angry that I left and he has no way of contacting me. My heart tightens but I know that it is for the best.
Mr Watson looks as ill as always, and I worry about him. Gently I say, “Would you like me to get you a sandwich or a coffee from across the street? You look like you may need it.” Smiling weakly he says, “You are very kind dear, unusual for someone of your age, especially in this town, but no, I am fine, just not sleeping well that’s all.”
I look at him kindly. “Well I can look after things here if you want a couple of hours sleep. I have to be at Violet’s for 1pm but you can have until then.” He looks at me gratefully. “If you don’t mind I will my dear, thank you.”
Watching him stumble out I wonder what his problem is. I wish that I could find a way of helping him. The best thing that I can think of is to sort out his library so I set about the task.
After an hour I decide to have a break and pick up my favourite book Tess. Once again my heart feels heavy and as I read the words the tears start to fall.
I must have been so engrossed that I didn’t hear him come in. Suddenly the book is whipped from my grasp and my breath catches in my throat as I see Ash standing beside me. He looks annoyed. “Where have you been?” Blinking away the tears I stutter. “I have been ill, why?” Shrugging he sits on the table and says, “I like to know what’s going on that’s all.” I watch as his eyes narrow as he reads the page I was reading. He reads out loud saying;
“The only exercise that Tess took at this time was after dark; and it was then, when out in the woods, that she seemed less solitary. She knew how to hit to a hair’s-breadth that moment of evening when the light and the darkness are so evenly balanced that the constraint of day and the suspense of night neutralize each other, leaving absolute mental liberty. It is then that the plight of being alive becomes attenuated to its least possible dimensions.”
As I watch him read the words my heart tightens. He looks so beautiful and I long to reach up and kiss his heavenly mouth. Before he finishes I look quickly down to the ground. I mustn’t give anything away. I feel him look at me and in confusion I jump up and walk away as if to carry on my work. Before he can say anything the door to the library flies open and Gabe stands there with several members of his team. They look quite intimidating and I see Ash look up at them in surprise, which is quickly replaced by a look of boredom. Gabe says angrily, “Come on Grace. We’re here to drive you to work.”
Ash looks at me in surprise. “Work? I thought this was your job.” Throwing Gabe an annoyed look I say, “It is, well one of them anyway. Gabe I’ll just tell Mr Watson I’m leaving. I won’t be long.”
I am as quick as I can be and my heart nosedives when I return and see Ash standing angrily in front of Gabe and his friends. I hear him shouting, “Don’t you tell me what to do Gabe Rivers. I’m not afraid of you or your team. If I want to spend time with Grace then I will and it’s none of your business.”
In shock I watch as he pushes a table over and all of the books clatter to the floor. Pushing his way through the team we soon hear the angry roar of his motorbike as it pulls away.
Gabe and his friends pick up the table and help me pile the books back. “What did he want?” Gabe says angrily. “Nothing, he had just arrived when you did.” Gabe frowns looking worried. “I don’t like it. Stay away from him Grace, he’s trouble.” If only he knew I thought with a sigh. Staying away from him was now my number one priority.