by Eden O'Neill
At least, I thought I might have had it gotten that far. We’d talked about marriage more than once. All of that, I was sure, was way more information than my fellow TAs probably wanted to know tonight during our weekly drink outing. I told them about my somehow failed relationship and how my boyfriend broke up with me. I didn’t go heavy into details, and definitely, didn’t surrounding that stuff that happened before with LJ. The whole breakup itself had been some weird-ass shit and still hadn’t made sense to me. I should have been the one mad at Sinclair. I should have been the one dumping his ass and not the other way around. He’d lied to me today. He lied to me, but not just that, he’d gone over to my arch nemesis’s house.
And how smug Lance Johnson had been.
The bartender slid me another vodka tonic, but it was Davey to put her hand out. She covered me. “I think she’s done. Thank you.”
“She’s done when she tells you she’s done, missy,” I slurred, slapping her hand away. I basically downed the thing, rubbing my mouth with my hand before wagging my finger at her. “I’m tired of people telling me what to do.”
Sinclair had all kinds of rules, always having to look a certain way when his colleagues or family were around. I couldn’t leave the house showing my shoulders half the time, and I liked my shoulders.
I sighed. “Lance Johnson just thinks he’s the shit. Smug bastard.”
Okay, so LJ had made it into the conversation a little. Again, no details about the Sinclair, him, and me drama, but I had bitched to Griffin and Davey about him. Hell, I felt I griped about him to everyone I could get to listen. The guy had completely worked his way into my life, a manipulative little prick, and how the fuck would he know what I wanted? How could he ever know that I…
I pointed, shaking my head at Griff and Davey. “I don’t want to kiss him. I don’t care what he says. I don’t want to…”
At least not much, and groaning, I reached for my glass again. Griffin and Davey couldn’t look more confused, and considering how much I was talking in circles, I supposed that wasn’t surprising.
Griffin got off his barstool. “It’s probably time to call this a night, yeah?” he asked, lifting his hand for his tab. He frowned. “And you should probably get home. Sleep this off?”
He was probably right, both of them, as Davey too asked for her tab. They both got their coats after paying, but I didn’t move with them.
I shrugged. “You guys go. I’ll send for a ride-share or something.”
We’d all driven separately over here, and no way should I be driving. I supposed I was sober enough to know that, and though the two didn’t look too keen on leaving me by myself, I was an adult and they couldn’t force me to do anything I didn’t want to do.
“Just take it easy on this then,” Davey said, pushing my glass away. “Maybe soda the rest of the night?”
Soda at a bar didn’t sound fun, but I told them what they wanted so they’d lay off. I didn’t need their reasoning. I needed more drinks, and after they left, I had a few more that made things triple when I eventually pulled my phone out of my pocket at the end of the night. I meant to use an app for a ride-share but ended up in my university email account. A few touches, and I hit the subject line.
“You’re an asshole,” I grumbled out, typing the very phrase. I was bumped in the crowded bar, but still managed to find LJ’s email address to put into the recipient line. The address auto populated with just his L since I’d recently sent him an email to come to my office hours about the extra credit.
Snorting at how easy it was, I thumbed down to the text area, my fingers moving in rapid fire.
“Dear Mr. Asshole, congratulations. Your assholery—” I backspaced, trying to figure out if that was a word or not. I shrugged, typing on. “Your assholery won you this round. Congratu-fucking-lations. You may think because you’re sexy as fuck you can walk around this place like a damn god, but you can’t. You know why? Because I see you for who you truly are. You’re a big, stupid turd you TURD and I may not be able to fail you but I’ll be watching you and you better watch out! I’m CC-ing Professor Douglas on this email and now he’ll know what an asshole you are too. Haha. HA! I win this round you dick. And you think you’re going to break me? Well, I’m going to break you, you… DICK.”
I didn’t even type my name at the end. He’d know who this came from since I sent it. Instead, I popped Professor Douglas’s email address in the CC line and jovially hit send.
Laughing at how much trouble he’d get into now that the professor knew the truth, I thumbed through my contacts. I had been going to send for a ride-share, but suddenly tears filled my eyes. I was a sloppy drunk. I knew I was, and suddenly I didn’t want to be alone.
I needed my mom.
Chapter Nine
Billie
I woke up with the most epic hangover and truly no idea why my mom was shaking me. It took me a moment to realize I was back home, in my mom’s house, and splayed out on her couch like I’d collapsed there. I had my clothes on and everything, blankets wrapped around my legs while my mom nudged me with a frown on her face. I groaned, lifting my head. “How did I get here?”
I really didn’t remember, the pounding inside my noggin telling me why. Last thoughts I recalled, I’d been at the bar with Davey and Griffin. I’d been drinking… well, a lot because my boyfriend broke up with me.
Emotion immediately heated my throat, my eyes welling at the memory. He’d said he wanted a break, but this had come only after he found LJ basically all over me. I told him nothing went on there, but even still, Sinclair said he needed space. He said he had his own shit to work out or something…
His excuse was complete crap, and I felt on the brink of tears again. Hugging a pillow in my arms, my mom pulled one of those numbers I usually did when she left my sorry butt on the couch and jerked the curtains open.
I hissed like a vampire from the sun, cowering like a wounded animal. This scene was terribly familiar as I’d just done that with Mom at the beginning of term. Well, she was sober now, her hands on her trim hips and disappointment twisting her brow. She was also fully dressed, in her pumps and cute dress. She pouted. “You don’t remember me coming to get you last night? Well, basically this morning? I actually came away from a party sober to get you.”
I didn’t remember any of that. Not calling her or even seeing her last night. I palmed my eyes from the bright sun. “I don’t remember. What time is it?”
“Um, almost nine o’clock. Don’t you have classes today?”
Fuck, not my class this early, but I did have my recitation for Professor Douglas.
My head sagged forward as I attempted to even think about doing anything today, my mom’s smoke filling the room. She had a cigarette, the end red from her lipstick.
“Honestly, what’s gotten into you, my love?” She sighed. Something else she hadn’t done until after her and my father’s divorce—smoke. She puffed a cloud. “And you get at me for drinking too much.”
I totally did because she did drink too much. Gripping the couch, I stood, shaking my head, and Mom joined me in her cute, little dress. She frowned. “Is this a cry for help?”
I didn’t think so, but then again, maybe it was. I’d gotten drunk, basically wasted with colleagues, and then called my mom like a little baby to pick me up. If that didn’t scream cry for help, I didn’t know what did, but sighing, my mom put her arm around me.
“I don’t want to rush you out, but I’m having a gathering later, a brunch,” she said, hence why she was actually put together before noon. “I have some help coming over to get the house together, but I’ll cancel the whole thing if you need me to.”
No, she was so not pulling a me right now. Trying to be the shoulder to lean on when the other was falling apart. And I definitely wasn’t her, a sad woman moaning over the sad loss of her man. I loved my mother, but that’s exactly what she did, and still did, after Daddy left. My mother, God love her, pissed her days away to social events, al
cohol, and at least a fair amount of the opposite sex. That was if her tryst with LJ was any indicator.
“I’m fine.” I wavered a bit, ignoring her hands. I patted the air. “I swear just… let me go. I got it.”
She said nothing, sighing again. I supposed she didn’t have a choice.
I guessed she knew what it felt like now to watch someone broken.
*
Professor Douglas caught me on the way to recitation. His and the TA offices were on the way to my classroom and what a fine time for the educator to see me. I’d showered at Mom’s house, but I was still hung the hell over. I also hadn’t had any clothes over at my mom’s house and had to wear some of hers, the yellow sundress and heeled pumps the best I could do at trying to appear at all professional. It was the longest dress she had, the belled skirt stopping mid-calf. I would have went for some of her pants, but unfortunately, everything I tried on in her closet basically looked painted on my ass. I’d like to say Mom’s sultry personal tastes came after my dad and her divorce, but my mom had always been that way. She knew she looked good and wanted to flaunt it. Unfortunately for me, that left me with very little options when trying to come to essentially my job and look like I didn’t step out of a beach catalog. I was even wearing sunglasses, my head still pounding from last night.
“Yes, Professor?” Even saying the words killed my head, and I did take the sunglasses off so he didn’t think I was making some kind of weird statement. Gratefully, he seemed to not notice my change of style or the fact I’d worn sunglasses in the middle of the hallway. Messenger bag on his arm, he was probably headed to teach a class himself in this building.
“I don’t want to keep you, but I have a question,” he said, tugging that bag further up his arm. “And actually, I can walk with you for a bit. I’m headed in that same direction for a class.”
He obviously knew where my instruction room was, and taking him up on that walk out of merely obligation, I did go with him. All the film and art classes were in this building, so I shouldn’t be surprised to run into him. He looked at me. “I was just wondering what that message was about you recalled?”
“Recalled, sir?”
He nodded, his look curious. “The, um, email? It came in pretty late last night. Around eleven or so? Anyway, I saw it come in last night, but since I was headed to bed, I didn’t check it. Woke up this morning and it was gone, so I assumed you recalled it.” He frowned. “You don’t remember?”
And then the visions clouded by vodka and tonics came rushing back to me—me sending an email to him about my student who’d been terrorizing me. Also me, sending that very same email to the one who’d been terrorizing me, and actually, the whole thing had been for him. I’d CC’d Professor Douglas only so he’d know what an absolute jerk LJ was.
The panic chased its way in a charged heat through my chest, my swallow hard. “Recall? As in…”
“You took it back?” Really curious now, Professor Douglas lifted his head. He pushed hands inside his pockets. “What did it say, Ms. Coventry?”
“What did it say?” A nervous laugh as I didn’t exactly remember, but even if I did, I wouldn’t be rehashing that now. I recalled it being pretty vulgar and very sophomoric. Something about a turd? I shook my head. “You know what, I did send you an email.”
“You did?”
“Yep, but the thing was, I wasn’t done with it. It was about some classwork I wanted to go over with you. Classwork.” I sounded as about believable to myself as a sinner in church, but Professor Douglas had no reason to doubt me. I mean, why would I lie to him?
His head tilted. “All right. Well, what was it about?”
We’d gotten in front of my classroom at this point, and thank God for that. I had a reason to go. I put my hand on the knob. “You know what? I’m almost done with it, and as soon as I am I’ll send it right over. Got class now, but I’ll send it as soon as I can.”
I pointed to the door for emphasis, the need to go, and he nodded.
“Of course. I’ll let you get to it, and I’ll be expecting that email later then.”
I was sure he was, but gratefully, the issue wasn’t something that required my immediate attention. He started to go, but then raised his hand. “One more thing. Were you able to take care of that issue with Mr. Johnson? I’d like to think he’s been taken care of in regards to an option to make up for his midterm.”
My eye definitely ticked, my smile forced. “I did take care of it, Professor. I assigned him a suitable extra credit assignment.”
“As well as ample time to complete it, of course?”
Eye ticked once more. “Yes, sir, and he did agree to the terms. I assumed the conditions were manageable for him.”
The man visibly sighed when I said that, completely pathetic and a new kind of crazy I couldn’t believe I was seeing. LJ held a tight fist over this man. Well, at least when it came to how he most assuredly smoked up his evenings, judging by what Davey and Griffin said. That was none of my business, but him asking me to do the things I was doing when it came to LJ did. It was completely unethical, and as far as I knew, no one else was getting special treatment but him. Professor Douglas flattened his tie. “Very well. You can proceed and have a good class. Also, don’t forget to send me that email when you get a chance. I’m quite curious about it now.”
Knowing I’d have to make something up, I waved only too casually, another forced smile, before pushing my sunglasses over my eyes and dodging into my classroom.
Only after I had the blinds closed did I take the things off, tossing my bag on the podium before palming my face. I had maybe three minutes before students would start arriving, and I started to prepare when I noticed a body sitting in the back of the classroom.
I jumped literally out of my pumps, stumbling off one when a set of lustrous eyes and a coy smile stared back at me.
LJ was actually here today, here first, and sitting in the back of the room with one of his kicks propped up on the chair in front of him. He had a backwards cap on, his fingers to his lips as he jerked his chin in my direction. “Beauty queen.”
I sighed as I realized I dropped all my crap too. My bag and all my papers for class were scattered across the table below the podium.
Shaking my head, I bent to pick it all up. “You scared the crap out of me.”
“Clearly,” he said, unmoved in my periphery. I had no idea why he’d showed up today, obviously to continue torturing me. First, he pretty much gets Sinclair to break up with me. I didn’t know how exactly the breakup was his fault, but there’d been no talks of “breaking up” before the incident in my office, and now this with him showing up out of the blue.
I tapped my papers together on the table, ignoring LJ before setting the papers off to the side and logging in to the computer. It was set up to the room’s audiovisual system, and I might play some clips today from the film reviewed this week. I say might because really the concept of lesson plans at all hurt my head. I was going to do what my body allowed.
Clearly seeing me fumble around stuff, I heard a chuckle from the back of the room. LJ still hadn’t moved when I glanced that way, but he was laughing at me, a pencil behind his ear. I growled. “What’s so funny?”
He lifted his mighty wingspan, seemingly stretching as he propped his arms behind his head. This room was set up to play video like a lot of the lecture halls in this building, stadium seating like a little movie theater despite only having about thirty or so seats. As stated, LJ sat at the back row, and his smile couldn’t be denied. “Just find it funny you’re here today.”
“Why’s that?” Logged in, I checked my email before looking at him again.
His smile grew. “I don’t know. Because you look a little hung over.”
Fingers froze immediately over the keys, my heart charging and working its way up into my throat. I literally choked on it, unable to breathe. Especially when LJ stood, his seat snapping back into place as he sauntered over in his royal blue kicks
.
I backed up from the podium as he approached, then loomed over me. He stretched out his arm and propped it on the wall, cornering me in and looking directly at me. He tapped my chin. “So here’s what’s going to happen. You’re going to play a movie for everyone today,” he said, my throat jumping. “And after, you’re going to join me in the back of the room. We’re going to have a nice little talk.”
“A talk about what?”
“I don’t know. Whatever I want.” A reach and a lengthy digit twirled around a lock of my hair. I’d worn it down today. He smirked. “About emails and the damage they can do to TAs.”
And just like that, he threw out his trump card. He’d obviously gotten the email that had been mysteriously recalled from Professor Douglas’s email account. He got it, and now he was going to do something about it.
The door opened behind him, and completely cool, LJ backed off, a warning in his eyes as he returned to his seat in the back of the room. His classmates filtered in but avoided the back row with LJ. Actually, that had been all my doing, the twenty or so students taking seats only in the first couple rows so they couldn’t hide from participation.
It was almost like he knew.
My throat constricted as I got behind the podium, quickly greeting the class before telling them there was a change in today’s lesson plan.
“I’ll be replaying the last thirty minutes of the film we watched this week, class,” I said, queuing it up. “This will give you some extra time to soak up the material again, and we’ll go over it at the back of the hour.”
Classes were only fifty minutes, so that gave us plenty of time for it. It also wouldn’t let LJ take up the whole hour, and after I got the film going, then dimmed the lights, I headed toward the back of the room, completely ignoring the fact that I knew I had a certain set of eyes on me.