by Eden O'Neill
And I didn’t know how I felt about that.
We had the physical thing down. I wanted her like I needed my next breath, but emotionally… that shit was hard. I couldn’t deny having anything to do with her at all was dangerous, but still, I kept dosing myself in kerosene and walking right into the flames with her. Eventually, she fell asleep, and when she nodded off in my direction, her hand easing over my bicep resting on the console, I didn’t pull away from her. If anything, I tangled our arms a bit more, drawing in her sweet heat.
Fuck, I was screwing myself.
An innocent drive home was all this was, and hot fucking sex last night was all it could be.
At least, that was what I kept telling myself.
I tapped my Court ring against the steering wheel of my car, both girls asleep as I passed the welcome sign into my hometown.
In actuality, I visited Maywood Heights more than I liked. I did so for my family, because my mom and sisters were all still here and I knew, in the end, this was where I’d be too. My family was the most important thing to me, and I hadn’t been lying when I told Billie that. I wouldn’t deliberately do something stupid that could compromise them or their well-being. That made this thing with Billie all the more complicated. Billie’s family was the enemy to people I’d done business with, and hanging out with her in any capacity was walking on thin fucking ice. Regardless of whether said business had concluded.
I didn’t know how I was going to handle that, or really do anything about it at all. The easiest thing was to turn Billie loose and not take the chance of pissing off a previous business tie, but that was obviously very complicated. Things always were with her. This wasn’t about breaking her anymore.
It was about how she was breaking me.
Billie woke up as I parked in front of a mid-Modern-style home, the house sandwiched between two more in the nice cul de sac. Mom didn’t live in the fanciest neighborhood, but it was nice, safe, which was most important to me. With as much money as I was sending home, she could afford more but refused to upgrade the house I’d lived in as a boy. My mom believed I just had a really good internship while I was in school. All she could know. I wouldn’t tell her anything she didn’t need to know or could compromise her. I wasn’t always dealing with people who were completely on the up and up, so it was just best for all if I was the only one in the trenches. I’d take any burden I had to in order to take care of her and my sisters.
Dasha opened her eyes too once we’d arrived, and though she unstrapped, she didn’t do anything. She just sat there, staring at the house, and turning, I put my arm over the seat.
“So what’s it going to be?” I asked her, talking with her briefly before this. My sister was obviously going through some growing pains, some crazy shit that started happening when she reached around sixteen that I personally hadn’t had to deal with. It was something about moms and daughters when the kid reached a certain age. I thought they’d rip each other’s hair out when I’d lived there.
She frowned. “You don’t know how she is. She’s so hard on me.”
That’s because Mom loved her, fiercely and was afraid. She was afraid of losing her, all her babies going off to school. It’d been different with me being the first. She had three others back at home, but now with Dasha about to leave, Gwen and Lia right around the corner…
I started to go into that when Billie turned around. She had her cute little leggings and sweater on, that shoulder bare, and it heated my blood so bad I thought I’d tackle her. She smiled toward the back seat. “You know that’s normal, right?” she stated, shrugging. “You and your mom have, what? A few months before you go off to school?”
Sitting up, Dasha nodded. “Yeah, and it’s gotten worse. She’s just so grating and hovers.”
“My mom and I went through the same thing,” she admitted, then hugged the seat. “I literally thought we were going to kill each other before I went to college.”
“Seriously?”
“Yes, and we were so close before. Still are.” She grinned. “It totally gets better after you go away. I think you guys need that space, you know? To breathe? She’s probably just holding on so tight because she knows you’re going to leave. That’s how it was with mine anyway.”
The words pulled directly from my lips, from her, this girl.
I sat back, awed when my sister actually reached forward and gave Billie a hug.
“Thanks, Billie,” she said, actual laughter in her voice.
“No problem. It’ll be better. I swear. Just give it time.”
Billie
Hoping the advice helped, I sat back and truly forgot in all this time LJ had been there. He’d been idle, sitting quiet, and when I pulled back from his sister I realized why.
He’d been staring at me, and something about his observant gaze made me shy for some reason. Chewing my lip, we severed eye contact, and before I knew it, he was getting out of his seat.
“I’ll be right back,” he said. “Just going to help her in.”
I nodded, this not my family, and it might be a little awkward following him anyway. I mean, I didn’t know what this was or if there was anything at all between us.
Still, I turned toward the window, watching him help Dasha gather her things. She only had a small bag and LJ got it, helping her to the house. She stopped just a moment to wave back at me, and leaning toward the window, I did the same.
“Good luck,” I mouthed, receiving her grin. This got a glance from LJ, a quick one before he put his hand on his sister’s back. It was so weird seeing him this way. He truly was nurturing.
I guessed I found his kryptonite.
This was confirmed when his mom appeared, the woman opening the door before the pair got there. He got an arm around his mom, a larger woman, and though I sat back, a more than kind face shown above his shoulder. She was tall, just like him, and when she pulled Dasha in without hesitation, something told me I’d been right about my earlier theory. There was obviously a lot of love between these people, family.
“…when it comes to my life, I have one priority. Family, and that’ll never change.”
So obvious as he literally held mom and daughter together, the glue between them both. Dasha needed space, and he came to her rescue but was also the one to do the reuniting in the end. His commitment to family was obviously very important to him.
Still, I had no idea what that had to do with me.
Something about this side of his life made him wary when it came to me. It was a wariness I didn’t understand, and sitting back, I watched as LJ’s mom cradled Dasha inside. She literally wouldn’t let go of her. Reaching for a hand, she grabbed LJ too, but when he held back, she let go. Some words exchanged between the two of them, then suddenly, she was gazing over at me.
Pinned to my seat at this point, the woman with the kind face looking at me. A broad and clear smile stretched across her face, her hand instantly waving in my direction.
I waved back, albeit shyly, and beside her, Dasha did the same. The pair both started to wave me in, but LJ raised his hands.
More words I couldn’t hear, but every second passed squeezed my stomach. LJ had his arms braced, his head shaking and incessant about it. He obviously was saying no, no, I wasn’t coming in.
No, I wasn’t going to be a part of his life.
“I have one priority. Family, and that’ll never change.”
I sat quiet as he got back inside, and strapping in, he started the car. A wave over the wheel and he gestured goodbye to his family, wide smiles on both Dasha’s and his mom’s faces. Soon, the pair were joined by two others, strawberry blondes just a little shorter than the others. They spoke to LJ’s mom and Dasha, then they waved too, just as stylish as Dasha in glittery bomber jackets and nice tennis shoes.
“Fuck, if they wouldn’t let me leave, let you leave,” LJ said, sometime later. We were on the road now, heading back to Indiana. His family lived in Illinois, and it’d been basically a five-hour drive to get to their to
wn. I’d wanted to go, though. Say goodbye to Dasha. LJ smirked over the wheel. “Mom wanted you to stay for dinner. But I told her the drive, you know?”
So he hadn’t minded if I stayed?
Chewing my lip, I found his eyes, but just as quick, LJ had flitted them back to the road. He went on to say that the other two girls I’d seen were his younger sisters Gwen and Lia. They were in middle school, and once he got going, he couldn’t stop talking. I got to hear about how they were doing in school, all the activities they were getting into, and then, he was showing me pictures.
“You must be really proud,” I said, grinning as I swiped his phone. He’d actually given it to me, trusted me with it to look through.
A shoulder lift. “I’m glad they’re not delinquents, will make something of themselves. Shit’s not easy in that town, not for the poor anyway.”
His hand rubbed across the wheel, that chrome ring on his finger. It had that scary-looking animal on the front and was something he always wore.
I wondered about it, also what he said. He wasn’t poor clearly, and his family wasn’t either. I could probably pay a bill off the value of Dasha’s shoes alone, the same with what I’d seen his younger sisters wearing. I came from opulence, my mom a prime example. I grew up in a world around people who had an affinity for nice things, myself included.
That’d just been my world.
With the way LJ talked, I felt maybe that might not be his, and I wondered if his story was similar to Niko’s. He’d said he grew up pretty rough, obviously not the case now since he’d come into some wealth. He and LJ lived pretty large.
I handed his phone back. “Does that ring mean anything? You always wear it.”
I had been wondering about it, and smirking, LJ gripped it.
“Just means home,” he said, his eyes kind on me. He had those same eyes I’d just seen on his mom.
I guessed I knew now where he got them from.
*
On the road, we stopped for dinner, and when we finally did get back to town in front of my house, I assumed LJ would peel away. The magic was gone, and we were back to reality. We were back to the real world, but not only had LJ turned off his car, he rounded it, coming over to me. He tugged open the door, and when I gave him a look, his shoulders dropped.
“You gotta be fucking kidding if you think I’m letting you go back inside that house alone,” he stated, eyes serious. “You got a fucking stalker, and I need to take a look around first.”
I rolled my eyes, but did get out of the car. I huffed. “He’s laid off. I haven’t seen him since that night I stayed over.”
Hadn’t talked to him either. Though, that may have been more to do with the fact I silenced his texts. I just wasn’t ready, told him that, and eventually, he had stopped trying to call me. I think things just ended really badly. We both needed time, and Sinclair wasn’t unreasonable. He stopped, and hopefully, when I was ready, we could talk again.
LJ peered down at me. “Right. Well, I’m still coming in. A quick look around. I’ll leave after that.”
I had too much pride to say I didn’t want him to—leave, that was. Eventually, I knew he would and whatever this side of him was would be over. His family appeared to bring out the best in him, a strong unity of people around in his life. I supposed that was something I’d come to miss with my own family drama. I still saw my mom, but if I was being honest, I really missed my dad. I missed what we had. We’d been close.
Coming inside, I allowed LJ to do his sweep. He got right to it, easing his long frame through the house, and while he did, I deposited my purse and keys. He wouldn’t find anything, my ex not that crazy, but LJ obviously needed peace of mind. He returned to the living room as I’d been lighting candles.
“All clear?” I smirked, but he frowned. His denim jacket caused him to appear way too heavenly for my eyes, snug on his thick shoulders and formed perfectly to his hard frame. He rocked a pair of black jeans to go with it, and they grappled his muscular thighs like life support.
He grunted. “All clear, but you text me if you see anything suspicious. I’m not joking, beauty queen.”
I knew he wasn’t, and where I’d normally say something smart, I found I couldn’t.
His hand reached out, taking full ownership of my shoulder. Grappling the other, he gripped me tight to him, but I flattened my hands on his chest.
“Don’t do it,” I said, his shirt twisting under my fingers. “Not unless you plan on staying.”
I meant this in more than one way, my heart so fragile with this guy. Last night had happened, yes. But I couldn’t do any more of this back and forth.
I just wasn’t strong enough.
Before, my pride might not have allowed me to admit that, but here, in his arms, I had to let him know. It all just hurt too much any other way.
“Billie…” Rough fingers smooth down my chin, a clear debate in LJ’s eyes. I didn’t know exactly what it was, but when he cradled my face, for a second, I thought he may tell me what I needed to hear. He’d tell me what was on both his mind and heart. He’d open up and give himself to me.
But then we weren’t alone.
“What the hell is this?”
A presence pulled us apart, my ex-boyfriend at the door. Sinclair had a box under his arm, a key in his hand, and I thought I just might lose my shit. I’d taken his key, and with a growl, LJ tucked me behind him.
“What the fuck are you doing in her house, man?” LJ literally had grown two sizes, seething, but before he could do anything, I tugged him back.
“What the fuck am I—” Sinclair’s eyes twitched wide, just as wild as LJ’s, but he wasn’t nearly as put together. He had bags under his eyes, had lost weight again, and his clothes didn’t even fit him. They hung off his big body like rags, and I couldn’t even recognize this guy before me. His eyes blazed in my direction. “Billie, what is this guy doing here?”
“Why are you here?” And because I could fight my own battles, I pushed my way between the two men. Within reach of that key in Sinclair’s hands, I snatched it. “Is this a key to my house? How do you have this?”
“Under the mailbox,” he growled and wasn’t even looking at me. He stared way up at LJ who had at least a head of height on him. His expression darkened. “The one you keep for emergencies? I came to bring over some of your stuff since you clearly won’t speak to me.”
“Well, can you blame me?” I cut, equal parts annoyed and tense. I’d been lax about the whole stalker thing, but this was a new level. Him taking my spare key to get inside my house? My nostrils flared. “You had no right.”
“You need to leave.” Pushing in front of me again, LJ went chest to chest with Sinclair. His expression chilled. “I won’t tell you again, man.”
“Really, Billie. This guy?” Sinclair grunted. “I fucking knew it. Knew it. You act all perfect. Get on me, but this whole time you’ve been fucking this guy—”
“Who I fuck is my business, and I had a right to be mad! I never cheated on you.”
“No, only kissed this son of a bitch while I was a floor away from you. And then, there’s that shit I walked in on in your office.” His chuckle was dry. “You’re just as bad as me.”
“Okay, you need to go.” I shoved at him, but despite looking completely a shell of who he was, I couldn’t budge him. He was too big, but LJ behind me got him moving toward the door.
Sinclair lifted a hand. “All right,” he said, placing the box of stuff he had at the door. “I’ll go, but not until you know what kind of a piece of shit you’re dealing with.”
“What are you talking about—”
“Go, man.” LJ shot a finger toward the door. “Before I make you go, and believe me, you don’t want that.”
“Oh no. We wouldn’t want that.” Sinclair rose palms in a mocking fashion. This set LJ’s eyes a blaze, but since I was still between the guys, he wasn’t getting any traction. Sinclair chuckled. “What? She doesn’t know your dark secrets? How yo
u set that shit up the other night?”
“Back the fuck off,” LJ barked, but Sinclair merely tossed his head back.
He placed a hand on his chest. “Of course, she doesn’t know, and I had no reason to tell her because I never thought she’d ever have anything to do with your criminal ass—”
“Sinclair. LJ. Stop!” I had my hands full of LJ at this point, pushing him off and away from Sinclair.
Sinclair pushed against my back. “Your boy told all, bro. He confessed after she walked in on us.”
I shook my head. “What are you talking about?”
“He set it up, Billie.” Sinclair raised a hand. “Everything from getting me to go to that initial party of his in the first place, and later, getting that guy to find me for a second hook-up.”
“A second hook-up?”
Sinclair sighed. “Yes, and I’m aware that’s on me. That’s where I met that guy you found me with. Met him at his party. We hooked up, but I wouldn’t even have gone to the party in the first place had your new boyfriend not coerced me to go.”
“How did he coerce you?”
“He sent word to my office.” He wrestled with his hair. “Said he wanted to make up for the noise and being a bother that other night. One of my clients happened to be there when I got the invite and wanted to go. LJ’s parties are one of the hot things to do, I guess.”
LJ smirked. “Thanks, bro.”
“That wasn’t a fucking compliment!” He raised his hands. “You got me to go to that party, then pushed so much pussy and drugs in front of my face it wasn’t even funny. I was completely wasted when I hooked up with that guy the first time.”
“So what was your excuse the second time?” This guy was a goddamn liar. I shook my head. “And how is LJ asking you to come to a party, then you hooking up with some random dude his fault? Either time?”
“Because he knew what would happen.” He shook his head at LJ. “Like I said, he coerced me, and the kicker was when you and I did get back together. He found that same guy I hooked up with at his party and called him to come hook up with me again! Had Niko do it. The guy admitted the whole damn thing after we were caught.”