But instead of producing a reaction of gratefulness in the Duke, he was suddenly reminded of the events of that day – his darkest memory - and suddenly, anger was blinding him.
“Get out of this room,” he shouted at her, “get out of my sight this instant!”
Chapter 4
The Duke paced around his room nervously with a thousand thoughts whirring up inside of his brain. He could hardly grasp what events had just transpired – how was this even possible? Antonia knew of his deepest secret and he did not even have a clue, in fact, he inadvertently ended up marrying her!
Was this fate’s way of playing a cruel joke on him? He felt his head starting to hurt as he tried to consider the consequences of this new found source of information.
The truth was, the Duke remembered that day all too well – a stain in the fabric of his memory that did not dissolve no matter what amount of time passed. He remembered the events of that day and had thought it was a long kept secret between him and his dead father but clearly, there was someone else that knew.
Truth was, there was no denying it – the Duke had been the one to pull the trigger and kill him. But there was more to that story than what met the eye – the Duke would never have done it if he had not thought that it was completely necessary. It was an act of self-preservation – for both him and his family.
The Duke’s father had been a perfect man in the eyes of the society but behind closed doors, he was the complete antithesis of the persona he put on for the crowd. The Duke’s father had a drinking habit and he seldom had any sober moments; he was a raging alcoholic with anger issues and he loved to take them out on his family.
On one similar day, he got drunk out of his mind after he lost a large sum of money when he was gambling and came home to relieve the stress. At the time, the Duke’s mother had been expecting a child – a little baby girl who was to be the Duke’s sister. However, in his drunken rage, the Duke’s father forgot that fact entirely as he lashed out on his wife, causing her to miscarry their daughter. He then turned to the Duke, beating him severely.
The loss was monumental for the Duke’s mother – she did not cope well and turned to alcohol to drown away her miseries. The Duke hated seeing her this way and his resentment towards his own father grew deeper and deeper as he saw that his father went back to his usual habits and lifestyle without an ounce of guilt about what he had done.
This vicious cycle of abuse continued on and it only served to water the poison tree that had been planted inside of the Duke’s mind against his own father.
And one day, the tree gave its fruit when the Duke decided he needed to put an end to this – so he followed his father into the woods, shotgun in hand. He had not initially meant to use it but after seeing that his father felt no remorse about the daily suffering he bestowed on them whatsoever, the Duke made a decision to use it.
That was then and the Duke still had nightmares when he thought about it. The event followed with a cover story – of how the Duke’s father had died in an accident whilst hunting and nobody suspected the Duke.
But the years to come were perhaps some of the darkest in the Duke’s life – he suffered major depression at the loss and that was perhaps a great punishment for his deed in itself. He was no longer the happy young boy he had been – the events had hardened him into a shell of his former self.
He constructed those walls around himself to protect his own heart. That made him distant and cold but he knew that it was better than to get attached and then get wounded.
If he were to be honest with himself, he really did not want to be so cold to Antonia. Her words rang through his mind – she had kept his secret? And, for so long.
So all this time, she had known perhaps the biggest skeleton in the Duke’s closet and she had kept it to herself? What kind of noble act was this and where had she been all his life?
The Duke stopped himself before he could continue with that thought – that was wrong and he could not afford to grow feelings for Antonia now. She was a good woman but the Duke knew better than to get close to someone emotionally – after all, it only ever led to disaster.
Shaking his head and expelling all thoughts of her from his mind, the Duke headed out – he needed to get out of there before he began to lose his mind entirely.
Meanwhile, Antonia sat in her room with a steady stream of tears flooding down her face – the Duke had been so horrible to her and she knew that this was how he was always going to be. Her fairytale idea of love had been shattered to pieces and broken beyond repair – she was never going to win over the Duke’s love.
With a heavy heart, she lulled herself back to sleep but this time in her own bed. Sleep was perhaps her only friend.
-----
“Bennett!” Jane Arborn called out for her son desperately in the middle of the night, “Bennett, where are you? There has been an emergency.”
Frazzled, Bennett awoke from his slumber in an instant and was staring wide-eyed at his mother before inquiring about the nature of the emergency.
“Bennett – it is your father! He has been injured in one of the attacks – those hooligans! At it again, I do not know what they want from us -,” Jane said, referring to another one of the frequent attacks that had been taking place on the Arborn family estate.
Bennett suddenly gulped hard – he knew exactly what they wanted. For the attacks were orchestrated by none other than himself and the magistrate in an attempt to get his father to sell the estate for next to nothing, in light of all the trouble.
Though, never in his wildest dreams had he intended to hurt his father or mother in any way along the process. Bennett sprung to his feet suddenly, “I will put a stop to this, Mother. Please do not worry.”
When Bennett finally caught sight of his father, he was limping across the rocky paved path and walking towards Bennett.
“Father!” Bennett called out, panicked, “Are you alright? Let me give you a hand,” he said, rushing to his side to aid him with any movement that he would make.
“It is okay, my son,” replied Oswald, “those nasty no-goods! I tried to shoo them away as I caught them vandalizing the estate but they retaliated by throwing stones in my direction.”
Bennett felt a wad of guilt suddenly being tied to his leg, bringing him down to drown in the gruesome consequences of his actions - for the first time since starting this project - Bennett felt ashamed.
“Father,” Bennett winced as he caught sight of Oswald’s bloodied leg, “Father – this is all too much, I will put a stop to this, I promise,” he said, vaguely enough to make sure that Oswald did not know that it was indeed Bennett who was behind all of this.
-----
Bennett entered the place where the magistrate and he had agreed to meet that morning. He had called in an emergency meeting, still fuming about the events of the night before.
Ian greeted Bennett with a pleased look splattered across his face, “Oh Bennett, so glad you are here,” he said, “we have a lot to discuss. There has been much progress,” he said.
Bennett shot him back a foul look, “The boys went too far this time, Ian,” he said, in a low dangerous voice as he stared him down icily.
Ian looked a little confused, “What do you mean, too far? Things are going exactly as we planned them to!” he argued back.
Bennett shook his head, “Last night in an attack on the estate, they hurled stones at my father and ended up really injuring him. I could not even bear to look him in the eyes as I cleansed his wounds, when did we agree on this?” Bennett shouted, sounding dejected and disgusted with himself.
“Oh Bennett, you are letting your emotions control you,” Ian scolded him, “When did you become so sentimental? This is necessary to the plan!”
Anger had bottled up inside Bennett and was beginning to flow out as he smashed his fists against the hardness of the table that was between them, “Hurting my family is necessary to the plan?”
“Bennett, it is not like i
t was fatal. Oswald is still alive and well,” Ian said with a slight roll of the eye.
“I do not care. I cannot let this carry on any longer!” Bennett suddenly announced, getting up from his chair.
“What do you mean by that?” Ian demanded, flushed.
“I no longer want to be a part of this venture – my family’s well-being is far more important to me than this – you must put a stop to this madness this instant!” Bennett demanded his accomplice in cold blood.
Ian pursed his lips and his jaw tightened, “Bennett, how convenient for you to decide to back away just now when the plan was beginning to work,” he said, “you really think I will let you?”
Bennett looked back at him in anger, “You hold no power over me.”
“But - I do – I know the truth! If you decide to back out of this now, I will expose you to your entire family and your community. I will expose your schemes – of how you plotted against your own family and were willing to hurt your own father for the sake of money!” Ian threatened and his tone was acidic.
“But that is not true!” Bennett cried out.
“Is it? Oh but the events of last night say quite the contrary, my Lad,” a smirk had crept up on Ian’s face now.
Bennett let out a resigned sigh and hung his head low, “You cannot do that to me; it will destroy me.”
“Well then, it seems that you have no other choice but to keep involved. The plan will continue as follows and you are not allowed to utter a single word in protest,” Ian’s words rang with an air of finality.
Chapter 5
Antonia decided that this fighting with the Duke was not her thing and she wanted to put an end to it as soon as possible. A week had passed now since that eventful day with the Duke and Antonia was ready to put the past behind her and reestablish a healthy relationship with the Duke.
“I made the entire breakfast today,” she announced at breakfast cheerily, but it received no response from the Duke.
“I was hoping we could go out today,” she said further when there was no response, “the weather is quite lovely and Grace was telling me about some of the beautiful gardens around.”
Again, it was met with silence. Antonia was beginning to grow fidgety at this behavior of his and shuffled uncomfortably in her seat, exhaling a rather large sigh herself.
“It would be nice if you could at least acknowledge my presence,” she said finally, grumbling her words towards the end of the sentence.
“There is nothing to say, Antonia,” he said finally, “now please – let me enjoy my breakfast in silence.”
Antonia bit down her lip, “Honestly – if you could just only tell me what I did wrong,” she started to say but then noticed the Duke had begun to rise from his chair.
“Where are you going?” she demanded at once, “We are still speaking.”
“Correction – you are speaking while I am only just trying to enjoy my meal. If you were not so persistent and annoying with your efforts at a conversation, then maybe I would speak back” the Duke said to her arrogantly, although thankfully, he did sit back down in his seat.
Antonia frowned, “You need not get so upset with me.”
Inside, the Duke felt a little bad for behaving so poorly with Antonia but he was not going to start opening up to her just because of that. “There is something I need you to know,” he said to her, and he had her full attention instantly.
“Anything,” Antonia said, “What is it?”
“That little confession of yours,” the Duke started out hesitantly, “I want you to know that it does not mean anything. You do not have any leverage over me – that was a long time ago and no one will believe you.”
“I was not intending on telling anyone,” she replied, “I have kept your secret for all these years because I believed there was more to the story than what I witnessed.”
The Duke was quiet for a moment – stunned by her insightfulness. “There was – that man was not someone who deserved anything more than what he got,” the Duke said finally in a moment of honesty.
Antonia leaned forward towards him, “I do not blame you – in fact, I have pined for your innocence all these years in my head whenever I think of that day. After all, I do love you.”
Just when the Duke was beginning to open up a little, she just had to utter those three little words. Instantly, he felt himself recoiling like a spring. Picking up his napkin and hastily wiping the corners of his mouth, he got up.
“I need to go.”
Antonia watched his retreating figure disappear behind the door – she had gotten quite used to that and she tried her hardest not to let it affect her. She looked down at her own plate and noticed that she had lost her appetite as well.
Suddenly, almost as a post requisite to the loss of appetite, she felt a wave of nausea hit her. Throwing down her fork on the table with a clank, she got up and suddenly felt woozy. Grasping the end of the table, she tried to steady herself but it was to no avail. Suddenly, there was projectile vomit everywhere and she had made a huge mess of herself.
Desperately, she called out for Grace – who came promptly and running.
“My Lady,” she yelled, “Oh dear – what has happened here? Quickly, I will get you cleaned and sit you down - oh lord,” she said as she prodded up Antonia against her for support.
A few moments later, Antonia was all cleaned up but she was miles off from feeling any better. Another wave of nausea hit her and she let out a loud groan.
“Oh Grace!” she yelled out to the maidservant, “What is happening to me? I feel so ill,” she cried out in agony.
Grace rubbed her hand comfortingly, “Lady, please. Drink your water and I have summoned the physician to see you,” she informed Antonia.
“I have never felt like this,” Antonia whined, “My head feels as though it is carved right out of paper – so lightheaded and so – I think I could faint. And my stomach is doing a dance of its own.”
Grace pursed her lips and gazed back at the Duchess, “I think I know what has happened with you, my Lady,” she said quietly upon the vocation of another groan from Antonia’s side.
“What is it?” Antonia demanded at once.
“Well – it is my assumption – I think you are with child, my Lady,” Grace announced.
“What?” Antonia replied, stunned, “But it is – it happened only once!”
Grace shook her head, “I am certain that is the case – the symptoms all match up.”
Antonia felt a wide range of emotions – happiness because motherhood was something she had always dreamed of but also apprehension because she did not know how the Duke would react to this news, given his cold behavior with her. She felt Grace squeeze her hand tighter and she closed her eyes – how was she going to tell the Duke if this was true?
-----
It had been several weeks since Antonia had found out about her pregnancy – confirmed by the physician as well. But she had yet to tell the Duke – over the course of the few days, she had made several attempts to tell him or at least drop some heavy hints on him but it had been to no avail.
Truth was, she was petrified of telling him because she did not know if she could take it if he reacted sourly. As ludicrous as it sounded, she felt she had established a real bond with her unborn child – a bond that she felt grew stronger every day. And Antonia did not know what she would do if the Duke asked her to do something that would harm the baby.
Still, she knew she had to tell him sooner or later, after all, he was the father and had every right to know. Finally, she plucked up the courage and with a little encouragement from Grace, decided that tonight would be the moment when she finally let him know of his impending fatherhood.
“Duke,” she called out to him as he came in that night, “Please, a moment of your time? There is something I need to discuss with you and it is urgent.”
The Duke raised his eyebrows at her, “What do you want, Antonia?” he inquired, looking bored already.
<
br /> “No, please,” she insisted, “I require you to sit down for this as this is very big news and I want to deliver it properly.”
This caught the interest of the Duke and he silently followed her to the sofa where they both took a seat.
There was a long pause as Antonia took several deep breaths and closed her eyes. She felt like she was going to faint.
“Well, say it already,” the Duke said sounding impatient, “Enough of your nonsense.”
“Your Grace -,” she started, “well I think you should know that – I am expecting a child,” she said suddenly with her eyes closed, scared to open them as she did not know what sort of response she was going to get.
There was a long silence and then Antonia finally opened her eyes – perhaps all her worrying was futile and he was actually pleased to hear this news?
But then all her illusions were shattered as she saw the look on the Duke’s face – he looked positively furious.
“Is it mine?” he demanded with a growl.
“Of course it is! How can you even suggest that?” Antonia cried out.
He was shaking his head, “This was not meant to happen,” he told her and suddenly got up to pace around the room, “I did not intend to make you pregnant – let alone sleep with you. This is not right.”
Antonia gulped back her tears she knew were bound to fall, “But it did and I wish you would accept it.”
But the Duke did not bother replying. Instead, he angrily stomped out of the room and left Antonia hanging.
-----
That night was a rather difficult night for both of them as they wrestled their own separate demons in their rooms. The Duke was not completely angry about the turn of events – in fact, the more he thought about it now, the more he grew warmer to the idea of him becoming a father.
But he did not know how to express his excitement and the news had taken him off guard – causing him to get angry rather than happy. He felt at war with himself – at one side, he was actually happy that he was going to be blessed with a child, and he could actually see himself falling in love with Antonia and starting a family with her - a happy one, which was something he had never been lucky enough to have.
Historical Hearts Romance Collection Page 14