by Pat Pattison
Then smiled and flashed her petticoats
a
4
I grinned and told her I was broke
a
4
Now we've added another kind of surprise. Let's call it unexpected closure because it came out of the blue. It's not like being fooled, where we expected something else (deceptive closure). Here, we had no expectations at all. Pretty neat, huh?
Your listeners are sitting up straighter, paying close attention to the stuff in spotlights:
Then smiled and flashed her petticoats
I grinned and told her I was broke
But the added line seems a little thin for all those spotlights. Told and I are in stressed positions, yet they don't really deliver much. If this line were in an ordinary position, it wouldn't make much difference, but we've set up the line specifically to get extra attention, so something important should go there. Maybe even the title. When you turn on spotlights, use them:
Rhyme
Stresses
I hitched to Tulsa worn and soaked
a
4
I stopped to get a bite
x
3
The waitress stared before she spoke
a
4
Then smiled and flashed her petticoats
a
4
And vanished like some ancient ghost
a
4
Better. Some drama for the spotlights. I don't mind the rhymes — almost perfect, so they keep the ear on track, despite the tomfoolery with structure.
Once more, we could stop here and have a more interesting structure. But let's see what happens if we add even more.
Let's add yet another line to what we already have. Make it a four- stress line, and rhyme it with lines one, three, four, and five. Add it inside the structure if you want to. Don't look ahead until you've done yours.
I got:
Rhyme
Stresses
I hitched to Tulsa worn and soaked
a
4
I stopped to get a bite
x
3
The waitress stared before she spoke
a
4
Smiled and flashed her petticoats
a
4
Then rising in a curl of smoke
a
4
She vanished like some ancient ghost
a
4
Pretty interesting, huh? We're able to sustain all these lines, building pressure and excitement with each step without losing momentum. All this just because we're expecting a rhyme for bite.
Let's take one more step. Since your listeners (now giving you complete attention bordering on adoration) have been expecting a rhyme for bite all along, let's see what will happen if, in the blaze of all these spotlights, you actually produce it. Finish your section with a three-stress line, rhyming it with line two. Use your rhyming dictionary and find either perfect rhymes or family rhymes. Since you have to pick up a sound five lines earlier, the rhyme has to be as near as possible to perfect. That's also why you'll want to match the rhythm of the three-stress line.
Here's my final result:
Rhyme
Stresses
I hitched to Tulsa worn and soaked
a
4
I stopped to get a bite
b
3
The waitress stared before she spoke
a
4
Smiled and flashed her petticoats
a
4
Then rising in a curl of smoke
a
4
She vanished like some ancient ghost
a
4
A phantom in the night
b
3
All of the extra lines are lit up. Your listeners are wide awake.
Smiled and flashed her petticoats
a
4
Then rising in a curl of smoke
a
4
She vanished like some ancient ghost
a
4
A phantom in the night
b
3
As you might have guessed, the final line could have been delivered anywhere in the earlier versions, resulting in any of these structures:
1.
Rhyme
Stresses
a
4
b
3
a
4
a
4
b
3
b
3
2.
Rhyme
Stresses
a
4
b
3
a
4
a
4
a
4
EXERCISE 18
Go back with your version and adjust it to each of these structures.
See how easy it is to create interesting structure? You simply have to know what the possibilities are and, crack, you're off!
XAXA RHYME SCHEME
All of these same moves are available if you start with the other form of common meter, xaxa, which doesn't rhyme the first and third lines.
Revise your piece of common meter so lines one and three don't rhyme, and manipulate yours as I manipulate mine:
Rhyme
Stresses
I hitched to Tulsa worn and frayed
x*
4
I stopped to get a bite
a
3
The waitress stared before she spoke
x
4
Then asked me what I'd like
a
3
*x stands for any unrhymed line
The structure is slightly more relaxed, but, as you will see, the same surprises are possible:
Rhyme
Stresses
I hitched to Tulsa worn and frayed
x
4
I stopped to get a bite
a
3
The waitress stared before she spoke
x
4
Then smiled and asked me what I'd like
a
4
Our old friend, the additional stressed syllable. Now, rhyme lines three and four instead of two and four:
Rhyme
Stresses
I hitched to Tulsa worn and frayed
x
4
I stopped to get a bite
x
3
The waitress stared before she spoke
a
4
Then smiled and flashed her petticoats
a
4
Only the last two lines rhyme, again turning on spotlights, but this time the rhyme comes out of nowhere, so the structure is as surprising (unexpected closure) as her petticoats. In the full abab, her petticoats fool us. In the looser structure, they surprise us — a subtle but interesting difference.
Now the rest of the added lines are the same as the ones from our original abab exercise:
Rhyme
Stresses
I hitched to Tulsa worn and frayed
x
4
I stopped to get a bite
a
3
The waitress stared before she spoke
b
4
Smiled and flashed her petticoats
b
4
Then rising in a curl of smoke
b
4
She vanished like some ancient ghost
b
4
A phantom in the night
a
3
Either version of common meter can create interesting structure. The more interesting your struc
ture is, the more visible those wonderful ideas are. The more visible the ideas are, the stronger the interest from your listeners will be: heads up, eyes uncrossed, lives transformed.
Okay, so my last line, a phantom in the night, is pretty cheesy, and the cheese really, really shows up in this heavily spotlighted position. It would be a great place to put the song's title, wouldn't it?
EXERCISE 19
Go find a final line that's better than mine. Go to your rhyming dictionary under IT or ID. Remember, at this distance between rhymes, the sonic bond has to be pretty strong.
Learn to turn on spotlights. Then be sure to put something interesting where they shine.
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
METER:
TWO BY TWO
As we saw in chapter fourteen, common meter typically organizes music into a single eight-bar unit, running (two bars + two bars) + (two bars + two bars). The second line of common meter, comprising bars three and four, contains only three stresses, keeping the entire system moving until it is matched at line four (bars seven and eight).
When you want to organize into four-bar units rather than eight-bar units, all you have to do is match bars one and two with bars three and four. Here's the paradigm:
Eénie méenie míney móe
4 stresses
Cátch a tíger ón the tóe
4 stresses
If he hóllers máke him páy
4 stresses
Fífty dóllars évery dáy
4 stresses
The lines are four-stress balanced lines called couplets. They move differently. There's no problem stopping after line two:
Eénie méenie míney móe
4 stresses
Cátch a tíger ón the tóe
4 stresses
Not so with common meter:
Máry h↑d a l↑ttle l↑mb
4 stresses
Its fléece was whíte as snów
3 stresses
Think of line length as a traffic cop: It tells you when to stop, and when to go. Matched line lengths are stable. Unmatched lines create instability and make us move forward, looking for a place to rest. And when you rhyme matched lines, the stop sign is even stronger.
Here's a real one from A.E. Housman's “To an Athlete Dying Young”:
The tíme you wón your tówn the ráce
We cháired you thróugh the márket pláce
Mán and bóy stood chéering by
And hóme we bróught you shóulder hígh
USING COUPLETS
Couplets usually rhyme, marking stopping places for the ear. They form a lyrical and musical unit, typically four bars long. They move us forward in regular, balanced steps with four stressed notes in each two-bar section.
You can easily extend from four lines to six without getting too far off balance. Look at the first verse of “Where've You Been” by Don Henry and Jon Vezner:
Claire had all but given up
When she and Edwin fell in love
She touched his face and shook her head
In disbelief she sighed and said
In many dreams I've held you near
Now at last you're really here
The feeling is slightly unstable, since we have an odd number of couplets, yet an even number of lines, a subtle and interesting verse structure. You can use it to create a strong sense of center, yet raise expectations that something else is coming.
You can also use a couplet at the end of a section of common meter for acceleration and contrast:
Claire had all but given up
Then fell in love with Ed
She touched his face and closed her eyes
In disbelief she said
In many dreams I've held you near
Now at last you're finally here
The ending couplet creates a real sense of interest and arrival.
You can use couplets to set up an expectation of balance, then take a different route. Like this, from David Wilcox's “Eye of the Hurricane”:
Tank is full, switch is on
4 stresses
Night is warm, cops are gone
4 stresses
Rocket bike is all her own
4 stresses
It's called a hurricane
3 stresses
She told me once it‐s quite a ride
4 stresses
It's shaped so there's this place inside
4 stresses
Where, if you're moving you can hide
4 stresses
Safe within the rain
3 stresses
Neat structure! The odd fourth line stands out because we expected a four-stress rhymed couplet. Instead, we get a three-stress unrhymed line, handing us an IOU that isn't cashed in until line eight. It's a good way to create a seamless eight-line (sixteen-bar) section.
WITHOUT COUPLETS
What happens when four-stress lines aren't rhymed in couplets? Look at this section of “The End of the Innocence” by Don Henley and Bruce Hornsby:
Remember when the days were long
4 stresses
And rolled beneath a deep blue sky
4 stresses
Didn't have a care in the world
4 stresses
With mommy and daddy standin' by
4 stresses
This is a more leisurely trip, with balanced four-bar phrases that settle gently, rather than asking for forward motion. After we've seen only the first two lines,
Remember when the days were long
4 stresses
And rolled beneath a deep blue sky
4 stresses
there is no urgent push forward, as there would have been if the lines were unmatched.
Mary had a little lamb
4 stresses
Whose fleece was white as snow
3 stresses
pushes forward, while the four-stress couplets don't:
Mary had a little lamb
4 stresses
Whose fleece was white as deepest snow
4 stresses
Instead, we just roll smoothly along, in no particular hurry.
rhyme
scheme
Remember when the days were long
x
4 stresses
And rolled beneath a deep blue sky
a
4 stresses
Didn't have a care in the world
x
4 stresses
With mommy and daddy standin' by
a
4 stresses
When the next three lines come along in rhyme, we can feel the acceleration, a strong pressure building forward:
rhyme
scheme
But “happily ever after” fails
b
4 stresses
And we've been poisoned by these fairy tales
b
4 stresses
The lawyers dwell on small details
b
4 stresses
Since daddy had to fly
c
3 stresses
Seven four-stress lines in a row, and after three rhymed lines in a row, an unrhymed three-stress line! It's a huge IOU that you can actually hear being cashed in sixteen lines later, after a pre-chorus, a chorus, and the entire second verse have come in between. That's the power of the expectations these balanced lines are able to create.
It's interesting that the last line of the verse, since daddy had to fly, sounds unrhymed. It should rhyme with sky and by in lines two and four, but since the first four lines close off to form a unit, we won't hear the connection.
The next four lines move into common meter. After all the four-stress couplets in the verse, the contrast is startling:
rhyme
scheme
But I know a place where we can go
x
4 stresses
That's still untouched by men
d
3 stresses
We'll sit and watc
h the clouds roll by
x
4 stresses
And the tall grass wave in the wind
d
3 stresses
The section moves in a completely different way — in a four-line unit rather than two by two. We get a simultaneous effect of speeding up (with shorter second and fourth lines) and slowing down (less frequent rhymes). It's a great contrast to use for this transitional section (prechorus), preparing us to go back to four-stress lines:
rhyme
scheme
You can lay your head back on the ground
a
4 stresses
And let your hair fall all around me
a
4 stresses
Offer up your best defense
b
4 stresses
But this is the end