‘Who will sew our clothes if we leave this place?’ Elizabeth asks. ‘Father doesn’t know how to sew.’
She’s a practical girl and she knows her mother’s limitations. It never enters her head that Beatrice might be able to sew their clothes. That’s not what mothers do in her world. The only one left for the job is herself.
Nthebolang carefully cuts the scrap of cloth away from the apron and rethreads the needle. ‘Here, sit at the table,’ she says. ‘Keep your sewing on the table, not on your lap – that will keep you from taking up your apron.’ Elizabeth begins sewing again, her face scrunched up in concentration.
Beatrice stands and walks the length of the sitting room, back and forth. ‘You know, where I grew up, I was free, free to roam. I wasn’t kept in a house, not trapped by silly rules of convention or otherwise. I’m not used to all of this. I feel as if I’ll lose my mind. I wouldn’t have agreed to any of this if I had known beforehand how I would suffer. I thought when I left Cape Town I was going to a place where I could live properly again.’
‘I heard Reverend Milner saying he has a meeting later with Kgosi Sechele and the headmen, Beaty,’ Nthebolang says. ‘When he leaves, maybe we can go for a walk. I know a place in the mountains where the bats sleep. Maybe I can take you there.’
The alliances have been drawn early on and Nthebolang tries where she can to help Beatrice navigate the complicated seas of Thomas Milner and his rules and moods. She understands the pain of others curtailing your life unfairly. Her cage is different from Beatrice’s, but it’s a cage too, so Nthebolang understands her position.
Beatrice stops and turns to Nthebolang, her eyes bright. ‘Is it a cave? I love caves.’
Nthebolang nods, smiling. Beatrice takes up watch at the window with purpose now. She has something to look forward to. She need only wait for Thomas to leave and she’ll be free.
‘Why’s he taking the wagon to the chief’s place?’ Beatrice asks, leaning out the window to get a better look. ‘He usually walks.’
Nthebolang leaves her sewing to look out the window. Thomas Milner hooks up the horses. Nthebolang spots the tarpaulin back in place, firmly covering whatever is underneath. Is it the crates she’d seen? Nthebolang suspects it is.
‘Maybe he’s going somewhere else first,’ she says. She doesn’t need Beatrice knowing what she knows; it will be more fuel for her fire against Thomas Milner. More conflict, more beatings. ‘Better for us, he’ll be gone longer.’
‘Yes … I guess so. But it’s curious. You know, the other morning he left in the wagon long before dawn. I don’t know what kind of Christian work would require that.’
‘I saw him when he returned,’ says Nthebolang. ‘He said he’d met some people from Kuruman to collect supplies.’
‘Yes, he would say that. He lies a lot. I’m good at picking lies from the truth. With him they far outweigh the honest bits.’
‘Christians shouldn’t lie, especially not a missionary,’ says Nthebolang.
‘They’re the worst. I’ve known many. I’d not trust any of them if I were you.’
Elizabeth sucks her finger, pricked by the needle yet again.
‘You must take care; let me see.’ Nthebolang reaches forward and blows lightly on the wounded finger. The girl smiles up at her. Nthebolang kisses her on the cheek. It breaks her heart to see how grateful she is for even the smallest kindness. Nthebolang rubs her hand along the girl’s cheek.
‘In the south,’ Nthebolang says carefully, wanting to get to the truth without revealing what Thomas Milner has told her, ‘do you still have people there?’
‘In the Cape? No. None of those people are mine. Never. I’m from the north along the Gariep River. But they’ve killed all of us now.’
‘They killed your parents?’ Nthebolang is surprised to hear this.
‘Yes, my parents. My two sisters, my three brothers. All of them. They killed them. All of our people. It was the church that stole me and took me to Cape Town. They lied even when I told them the truth. They told me to lie to Thomas Milner. I was light enough to be a wife for him and they wanted me gone. I was a problem for them. It was fine because I wanted to be gone too. I agreed, thinking I’d be able to escape and get back to my Kamogelo, get back to my new family in the mountains by the sea. And then I was pregnant … and had a baby. And Thomas found out about … Well, Thomas is not immune to blackmailing a person. But I’m going soon. You’ll go with me too, won’t you, Nthebolang? I know you hate this place. I know you want to leave. It’s not safe for you here.’
Nthebolang looks at Elizabeth. Beatrice never mentions leaving with her daughter and this makes her angry. Why can’t she love the girl?
Beatrice asks her again: ‘You said you needed to leave this place, and I can see that you do. When it’s time, will you go with me?’
Nthebolang nods. She doesn’t feel comfortable enough in her decision to speak the words out loud.
‘Yes, good, we’ll leave, and Thomas Milner will see who he really is and, more importantly, who I am.’ Beatrice rubs the spot between her breasts, a strange habit of hers, like she’s massaging her heart. Nthebolang thinks she’s likely not aware of doing so. ‘He thought trapping me, making me pregnant, learning my secrets and using them against me would keep me still, stop my urge to run. He’s a very stupid man, so easily seen through, like a bit of glass. But that’s good – it works in my favour. He’s under the illusion that he has the upper hand. I let him think that. I just need a bit of leverage and then we’ll be gone.’
Nthebolang wonders if it is right for Elizabeth to be hearing all of this. She looks at the girl, intent on her sewing. She wonders if either Beatrice or Thomas Milner would cry if Elizabeth were taken away from them. She thinks maybe they’d be relieved. They behave that way. As if the little girl is a burden. Though she understands Beatrice’s situation, Nthebolang wishes she would have some love for her daughter. She thinks it’s hard for Beatrice to see clearly – to her, Elizabeth is just another lock on the cage Thomas Milner has constructed. Beatrice can’t see that she’s only a little girl, an innocent child who knows nothing of the plots and intrigues between her parents. She’s caught in the middle, unfairly. Such a loving little girl who deserves none of this. But then girls often get what they do not deserve, Nthebolang thinks. She’s learned that lesson quite well.
‘He’s readying to leave,’ says Beatrice, leaning her head closer to the window. Then she sits up straight and turns back towards the room. A moment later the door opens.
‘Beatrice, I’m off for my meeting. I’ll likely not be back until after dark. Have Mary keep a plate for me,’ Thomas Milner says.
‘Yes, I’ll do that.’ Beatrice smiles at her husband; he smiles back – and neither of them means it. Thomas Milner says nothing to his daughter. He gives Nthebolang a nod, and then he leaves.
Beatrice watches him navigate the gate. She waits until he’s gone, properly gone, and then a bit longer. Then she says, ‘He’s gone. Let’s go!’
Nthebolang finds her mother outside hanging washing on the line. ‘We’re going for a walk, Mme.’
‘With the both of them?’
‘Ee, Mma. Thomas Milner has left until after dark. He says leave him a plate.’
‘Left until after dark?’ her mother says. ‘That doesn’t mean you should stay out until then. I know Beatrice – she’ll want to. Why don’t you leave Elizabeth with me? It’s too much for her.’
Nthebolang considers the hike to the mountain and then the climb up and down the other side to the cave where the bats live.
‘Yes, maybe you’re right. Perhaps that’s a better idea.’
Nthebolang fears there might be tears leaving Elizabeth behind, but she’s happy to stay when Mma Nthebolang promises to let her iron, if she’s careful. The little girl stands at the gate and waves as they head out.
Nthebolang has packed some water and bread. The walk to the mountain will take an hour at least and the cave she knows about – a
cave Motsumi once showed her – is down the other side, at least another hour if the bush is high and she suspects it will be, given the recent good rains.
They decide not to chance passing through the village for fear of stumbling across Thomas Milner or his agents, and instead they head behind the mission house and around the edge of the village to the path further out that leads to the mountain. That side is mostly the cattleposts for the people of Ntsweng. Thomas Milner will have no business there.
They meet only two people on the way to the mountain, both boys herding goats. The boys stare shamelessly at Beatrice. A white woman out in the bush is uncommon. Nthebolang tells them in Setswana that they should learn some manners, and they lower their eyes, on their way again.
On the way to the cave, they pass a very large herd of zebra and many impala. In a small patch of towering camelthorn trees, they find a mother and baby giraffe eating the pods. Nthebolang stops Beatrice from stepping over a thick python that looks very much like a fallen tree, its dark and light brown patches shining like sunlight through the leaves. Beatrice is not in the least fazed; she laughs and steps back to watch the python continue on its way.
‘When I was growing up we saw all sorts of things,’ says Beatrice. ‘We moved about, my people.’ Beatrice’s thoughts are travelling to that place and time, Nthebolang can see. ‘My new home with Kamogelo is in the mountains. I know every corner of those mountains. I’ll know them still when I return. And they’re not far away from the sea. Have you ever seen the sea, Nthebolang?’
‘No,’ she says shaking her head.
‘It’s like a big monster made of water. Moving forwards and backwards, some days quiet, some days growling so that you can’t hear the person standing right next to you. In the sea are so many kinds of animals. I’ve seen whales there bigger than three of the mission house. And seals, funny slippery animals with no proper legs.’
Nthebolang laughs.
‘Would you like to go to the sea?’ Beatrice asks.
‘Yes, I’d like to go everywhere, anywhere. I’d like to see the whole world.’
‘You don’t want to stay in Ntsweng then?’
‘For you it might seem nice. For us, it’s not – for me and my mother. I wish I could get away from all of the secrets and whispers. But I think I’ll have to travel very far to do that. Maybe to the sea. Maybe at the sea I’ll finally be free to be only myself, not carrying a burden from the past that is some people’s only description of me.’
‘Someone at church one day told me to be careful of you,’ says Beatrice. ‘They said that you’re a witch. Are you a witch, Nthebolang?’
‘Yes.’ She walks faster, putting some distance between herself and Beatrice.
Who has told Beatrice such things about her? Some jealous person, she suspects. Who are they to say such things?
‘Perhaps I’ll kill you in the cave and eat your flesh,’ says Nthebolang, trying to be playful but an edge of meanness cannot be stopped.
‘I wasn’t worried by what they said – I didn’t believe it.’ Beatrice reaches forward and rubs Nthebolang’s arm. ‘We’re friends. I don’t care about such things.’
Nthebolang keeps walking. After some time, she speaks to the ground.
‘Yes … It doesn’t matter. I try not to care about any of it. They accused my father of being a witch and killed him. An innocent man. A beautiful, loving man. Haven’t we been punished enough now? But still they talk and accuse. They should have killed us too when they killed him. Sometimes I wish they had.’ She walks faster still. ‘But one day I’ll show them. Those who did this to us will know me.’ Nthebolang’s bitter words fall sharply between them.
Beatrice catches up to her and grabs her arm to stop her. ‘We’ll leave this place, you and I – I told you. I’ll take you to the mountains. We’ll see the sea; maybe we’ll go on a small boat and catch a big fish and we’ll eat it all. We’ll leave everything bad here. There, we’ll be only happy. Your life will be yours, and mine will be mine. As it’s supposed to be. Finally we’ll be free, free as a wild white stallion, so free that this world of useless rules will need to look away from us because we will be so blinding.’
Can it be so easy? Nthebolang laughs to think of them in a tiny boat on top of a water monster, growling and tossing them about. Beatrice will keep her safe, though. Beatrice is brave and adventurous. Nthebolang used to think she was brave and strong, but up against Beatrice she thinks she’s not. Could they really leave this place behind completely? Could they drop all the badness and just leave it here like a discarded torn dress? Or would it follow her yet again?
But she wonders how Beatrice thinks she’ll be able to escape from Thomas Milner. She will have to be very cunning to get away.
They walk on again. The path is passing through a patch of acacia with thorns that can easily tear cloth and flesh if one is not careful.
Nthebolang’s mind goes to Motsumi. When the time comes, will she be able to leave him? Even though she knows he’ll soon be married, she still goes to him. This shows her how weak she is. How will she leave with Beatrice? She loves Motsumi, that she has to admit, even though she knows she has no future with him. She tells herself time and again she must stop. She must have a stronger mind, more discipline. She decides she should leave him now so that when Beatrice says they must go she’ll be ready in her mind … and in her heart. It’s easy to think she can do it out here in the bush so far from the village, but she wonders if it will be so easy when they return and Motsumi is near her.
At the base of the mountain, they stop. Nthebolang offers Beatrice some water from the bottle she brought. She drinks and hands it back to Nthebolang.
‘It looks quite steep, but I know a path,’ Nthebolang says. ‘It’s a bit meandering but it’s better than trying to climb over those rocks. They’re much bigger than they look from here. And there are a lot of thorn bushes, wicked ones.’
Beatrice follows where Nthebolang leads her. They’re on the shady side of the mountain and the sudden darkness chills them. Nthebolang’s buoyant mood shifts when she remembers where this path also leads. It’s a straight path up the hill which forks near the top. They’ll veer off and take the right path to the bats, but if they continue on the left fork, they’ll get to that place: a flat plateau at the highest point in this area, soaring high into the sky.
Motsumi told her people are taken there, sometimes walking, sometimes carried. Sometimes beaten, sometimes already nearly dead. At the top, they’re thrown off the cliff into an open cave. A bottomless cave leading to the dark place. The people, still alive, scream and their screams continue and continue – not until their body crumples on the hard floor of the cave, no; their screams continue until they are so far away they can no longer be heard. No one knows for how long they fall. Maybe they fall all the way to hell. People don’t want to know where the bottom is. They just want to be sure that the people they throw off that hill into the cave can never return. The people thrown, Nthebolang has been told, are witches. It’s the place where the Bakwena of Ntsweng kill their witches. Rarely now, since King Sechele has banned most of these practices, but occasionally the people must have their way. Nthebolang’s father’s execution is always clear in her mind. The pain is as fresh as it was that day, the loss still raw, magnified by the injustice of it all. This place brings it all back.
And then she sees Barobi’s face and anger fills her again. She sees her kind, trusting father and then Barobi. She can see nothing else for a moment and she holds on to a nearby tree to steady herself as the images pass through her mind.
‘What? What’s wrong? Are you ill?’ asks Beatrice. ‘You look as if something has frightened you? What is it?’
Nthebolang calms herself. ‘No … I … I think I went too fast. I just need a short rest, some water perhaps.’
Beatrice takes the water out of the bag. Nthebolang drinks and then hands the bottle back to her.
‘Shall we go back home?’ Beatrice suggests. ‘We can se
e the bats another day.’
‘No,’ Nthebolang says. ‘I’m fine. I’m fine. Let’s continue.’
When they get to the spot where the path divides, Beatrice asks, ‘Where does that other path lead to?’
Nthebolang pretends she doesn’t hear the question and keeps walking. ‘We shouldn’t delay. We don’t want to get caught out here at night – there are leopards.’
On the other side, the hill is not as steep. It’s a gentle gradient to the valley floor below. From above, they can see the clear savannah spreading out into the distance below them. It’s drier this side, and the bushes and trees are shorter. But the rains have been good and the grass is tall and green. Nthebolang heads along the path that leads to the bottom, and to the small cave halfway down, where the bats sleep during the heat of the day.
They walk without speaking. Beatrice has endless energy when she’s in the bush. Nthebolang wonders if it’s because her people are the roaming kind – her blood is the kind for people who move around. Her mother’s right, though; Beatrice is happy to stay out all night if she can. Nthebolang will not take chances. Thomas Milner might come home early. He’ll be very angry to hear they’ve gone out, especially out this far. He punishes Beatrice mercilessly and it’s painful for Nthebolang to see. She often thinks if Beatrice cried, or begged him to stop, he might. He’s a Christian; he has to show mercy. But Beatrice will not. She remains silent even through the most brutal beatings.
‘It’s just around here,’ says Nthebolang, turning back to look at Beatrice.
The path continues down the hill, a path taken by herd boys as they look for pastures for their cattle and goats. The way from the path to the cave is not marked, but Nthebolang has a good memory for finding things. It involves some climbing over rocks and in some places the thorn bushes are quite thick and have to be pushed back with a strong stick. Closer to the cave, the path is clearer and better marked. Nthebolang wonders why that is; she wonders who visits the cave so often that the grass and bush have been worn away around the mouth. Perhaps other animals use the cave as well.
But Deliver Us from Evil Page 14