But now, she was coming back. God willing, we could all heal from the past, forgive one another and ourselves, and begin to move forward. Together. The three of us.
My phone dinged, and I picked it up, reading the text from Slade. They were an hour out. My reaction to the news was visceral. My breathing grew labored as my chest tightened with anticipation. My palms began to sweat, and my heart beat faster. An hour, until I saw my baby girl.
Merry
I recognized the road we were on now. A long winding rural highway that we would travel for the next hour, carrying us within a mile of our final destination, Second Chance Ranch. Nan would be waiting for us, probably with cookies and cocoa, just the way she had greeted me on my first day.
I was excited to see her. I knew there would be no anger, or awkwardness, or resentment. That's just who Nan was and how she lived her life. She would welcome me with open arms and a heart full of joy and forgiveness.
Blake was another story. I instinctively knew he was still at the ranch, but I hadn't been able to bring myself to voice his name out loud or ask Slade. Slade had mentioned him, had said we were family. It was all the confirmation I had needed that he was still there, taking care of things in that steady controlling way he always had.
I had only seen Blake lose control once, and I will never forget the look on his face as he stormed out of the house that day. I realized, in that moment, that he had loved me as much as I had loved him. But I had loved Slade, too. And it was too late.
Blake had always been more intimidating than Slade. That's why he was the Dom, and Slade was the Daddy. The thought of having to face him filled me with shame. Seeing Slade again had been hard enough, but seeing Blake would be damn near excruciating.
"I can't," I whispered, choking back tears.
Only when Slade looked at me sharply, did I realize I had spoken out loud. I didn't want to talk, a fact that I indicated, with a vigorous shake of my head and my hand up in the air between us. A fact which Slade pointedly ignored.
"We will reach the ranch in forty-five minutes. If there are things you need to say, say them now."
I shook my head and watched as the tears fell onto my legs, darkening the denim where they hit my jeans.
"Then, I will talk."
Please don't, I whispered inwardly but didn't speak it out loud. I knew well enough to know arguing was pointless.
"The ranch is your home, and we are your family. That has never changed, and it never will. Your absence didn't change it, nor did your mistakes, or, for that matter, ours. You're nervous about seeing Blake; I can see it on your face. But I will tell you that, as nervous as you are, Blake is equally nervous, if not more so. You need to listen, now, and hear me good. That day, in your room, we all made mistakes. Not just you. Every single one of us. We never should have asked you to choose or ran off without hearing your side of the story; that was wrong of us. We need your forgiveness, just as much as you need ours. I hope that is something we can all give."
The tears fell hard and fast as I listened, not fully believing the words he was saying, even though I wanted to. Oh, God, how I wanted to.
"If you are willing, Merry, Blake and I both are. We are willing to talk, listen, forgive, and receive forgiveness and move forward."
I nodded, wanting it more than I could express with words. Each sentence he spoke lifted my heart and sent a chill down my spine. Especially the last one.
"But, I will warn you, Meredith, that things have changed. Things will not be the same. If we move forward, it will be together."
Chapter 4
Merry
The sight that greeted me took my breath away. It may have been the middle of the afternoon, and only the first week of December, but the ranch was decked out for Christmas. Every single outbuilding was lined with twinkling lights, and the old evergreen near the front porch was lit up, as well. A large nativity stood tall on the wrap around porch, and Santa and his reindeer graced the roof.
"She wouldn't let me come until it was finished, you know," Slade said, rolling the truck into park. "She remembered how much you loved it, how enchanted you were with the decorations when you first came."
I held my breath so I wouldn't cry, as I took it all in. The ranch looked exactly the same, giving the illusion, for a second, that time had stood still. And then, I saw movement as the old antique rocking chair creaked to life, stealing my attention. Nan.
I could see from here that time had, in fact, not stood still, as I watched the woman reach for a cane and lean on it as she pulled herself to stand. The uneven pink fuzzy shawl that graced her shoulders brought a tear to my eye. My one and only attempt at knitting, it had been truly hideous. And there it was, wrapped around her shoulders. Even the bright pink monstrosity couldn't hide the fact that Nan was a shell of the woman she once had been. The robust woman who had tamed dozens of teens and wild horses, alike, had shrunken in size, her frame now thin and frail. I stared in shock, unable to move, and then she held out her arms, and I saw that some things would never change. Her kind eyes beckoned forgiveness and redemption. Her wide smile was the warmest and most welcoming I would ever encounter, and I knew that the minute I stepped into those arms, I would be wrapped in a love that rivaled no other.
Beside me, Slade cleared his throat. "You ready? We don't get out now, she's gonna throw down that cane and near break a hip trying to get to you."
"I'm ready," I said with a nod, steeling myself as Slade jumped out of the truck and made his way to my side, throwing the door open.
It was time to go home and face the music.
Slade
Call me a softy, but when I watched Merry jump down from the truck and fly into Nan's waiting arms, I swear, my heart smiled.
I ambled behind, lugging Merry's two oversized suitcases, watching the scene unfold while trying to give the two women space.
I couldn't stop myself from hearing Nan's happy sighs or Merry's squeals of delight as the two embraced. "Merry, Merry." I heard Nan's happy whisper float across the yard, as Merry pulled away, turning to face me with a happy smile as she stood by Nan's side.
The two of them made quite a picture. Nan took that godawful pink wrap and wrapped it around Merry's shoulders, as well, so that it covered them both, and they just stood there grinning across the yard at me. I stopped and stared at them; I couldn't help it.
With Merry here, the ranch truly felt like home, more so than it had in a long time. It had taken years, tears, and prayers to get her back here and, I resolved, here is where she would stay.
Her love for Nan had gotten her here, but it would be our love for her that made her stay. We couldn't mess it up this time. We had a plan, and it was time to put it into motion.
"Okay, ladies, it's cold out here. Time to move this party inside," I ordered, reaching the front porch and walking past them to pull the door open, holding it as Merry helped Nan inside.
"Oh, Merry," Nan cried happily as she limped past me. "It's so good to have you home at the ranch where you belong. Come into the kitchen; I have cookies and cocoa waiting for you. Not homemade, though. Blake said I wasn't to be fussing in the kitchen, so I sent him out to the bakery to get some good ones. No store bought imposters for my girl. No sirreee."
Merry rolled her eyes over Nan's head and we both scoffed at Nan's stubbornness and the picture of Blake dashing around town running all Nan's errands, looking for just the right cookies. And, if I knew Nan at all, just the right flowers, too.
But then, who was I to talk, because I ditched the suitcases near the door and beat feet to the kitchen to plate cookies and boil water for cocoa? We had the pre-packaged stuff in the little pouches, but I knew Nan wasn't going to settle for that, either.
Nan met me at the door to the kitchen, and I leveled her with a pointed glare, motioning towards the breakfast nook. "Sit. Visit. I will handle this part."
Nan grumbled good naturedly under her breath, threats she couldn't possibly make good on, in this day and a
ge, but we let her keep up her illusion that she was the one in control here.
I chuckled behind her back as she made her way to the padded bench and slid into it, making room for Merry to sit beside her.
"The way these boys fuss over me, you'd think I was an invalid," she complained with twinkling eyes. "The day I can't plate some cookies and boil water for cocoa with my girl is the day you can put me in the ground."
I bit back a laugh, at the line she used daily, and slid a plate of cookies onto the table in front of her. I came back a second later with a bowl of marshmallows and two steaming mugs of fresh made cocoa.
"Nobody is saying you can't do these things, Nan," I corrected, reaching around Merry to squeeze her hand. "We're just saying, you don't need to. Blake and I love taking care of you."
A blush crept up her weathered cheeks, and she batted my hand away. "Oh, you boys. Where is Blake, anyway?"
I noticed the change in Merry's demeanor as she waited for my answer. Her back tensed, and her face went blank as she tried not to look up, attempting to give off the illusion that she wasn't listening.
"Well, now, Nan. I don't rightly know where Blake is. I just got here, remember? Your guess is as good as mine," I lied.
The truth was I had a damn good idea of Blake's whereabouts, and I was about to join him.
Blake
When the door to Merry's room pushed open, I nearly jumped out of my skin, fighting the urge to flatten myself against the wall. The suitcases rolled in, followed by a pair of worn boots I knew well, and I heaved a sigh of relief. It was only Slade.
"You sure you don't want to just come downstairs and say hello?" he scoffed.
"I dunno, man," I groaned.
"You think ambushing her in her room is the way to go?"
"Well, I thought it was, but when you put it that way, now, I'm not so sure."
Slade grimaced, throwing the suitcases onto the bed. "Blake, pull yourself together, man. Dom up. You're supposed to be the hardass between the two of us, remember?" He shook his head. "What is going on with you?"
I had been thinking the same thing all day. And the only thing I could figure was that I loved that woman, and I was deathly afraid of failure. Afraid she would look at the two of us, laugh her ass off, and run for the hills. Our plans would be ruined, and so would Christmas. I didn't say anything, and Slade just shook his head and laughed. "Man, screw the plan. Go down there and get our girl. I had my time alone with her. Have yours, you'll feel better."
I didn't have time to accept or reject the plan change before the door flew open, and Merry entered, her face like a deer in the headlights as she stared at the two of us.
Her mouth opened, and we both jumped to speak at the same time, afraid of what she would say if we gave her a chance.
"Slade, leave." She pointed at the door, and we both gaped at her. This was not going according to plan.
"Yes, ma'am." Slade nodded, removing his hat, as he walked through the open door, shooting me a look of bewilderment as he left. I sat on the bed silently as Merry closed the door behind him.
"I'm sorry."
"I'm sorry."
We both spoke at once.
She gaped at me, her mouth hanging open in surprise. "What on earth are you apologizing for, Blake? You didn't do anything."
"I didn't listen. I asked you to choose. I made assumptions that I now know were largely erroneous."
She was shaking her head, dumbfounded as I listed out my regrets. "I cheated on you!" she exclaimed.
It was my turn to shake my head. "No, baby girl, you didn't. There was no promise of exclusivity and no acts of impure nature happening on either end. I suppose you would have told us that, if we had bothered to let you explain. I'm sorry."
"Stop apologizing! You're ridiculous! It doesn't matter if we were exclusive or not. It was Slade! Your best friend. Your brother. Slade, of all people!" I watched her work herself into a frenzied state and knew that it would be better to let her continue on, airing her frustrations and feelings. There would be time to argue, later. "And no, nothing had happened with either of you, at that point, but it would have, eventually," she cried, throwing her hands in the air as she sank onto the bed beside me. "I wanted it to," she whispered, as the fight began to leave her. It was much like watching a balloon deflate.
"But it didn't."
"But I wanted it to!" Her cry was desperate and tortured. "With both of you!"
"Okay." That was what we wanted, too, but now was not the time to let her in on our little secret.
"I had to leave. I couldn't choose between you, and I couldn't come between you."
"Okay," I repeated dumbly.
"And now, Slade shows up on my doorstep, talking about forgiveness and family, and acting like we can just start over and move on. Like nothing ever happened. I wish he was right. I wish it with all my heart. But you can't forgive me, either of you. I can't ask you to do that." Her voice was thick with tears. I wanted them to fall, just so I could wipe them away.
"We've already forgiven you, baby girl. Long ago. Now, you just need to forgive yourself."
"I can't." The whine was the same one that haunted my memories.
"No, that's never been your strong suit, has it?"
She was crying in earnest now. The tears were falling, and I couldn't wipe them fast enough. "I don't deserve your forgiveness, or my own."
"You deserve the world, baby girl. And you could have it, if you could just let go."
"She can't." Slade's voice was strong as he pushed open the door and came into view, standing in the middle of the small bedroom. "Merry cannot let go of the pain she thinks she caused, and it will continue to haunt her, and every part of her life, until she is released from it. She has tried for years to escape it and has only fallen short. Isn't that right, little one?"
Merry's whole body shook as she nodded.
"We have to help her. She needs to be released from the pain and held accountable for the mistakes she did make. Even if they aren't the ones she has been hanging onto all this time."
"You're right, of course, Slade," I said, standing as I agreed.
Merry's eyes widened, her gaze bouncing between the two of us as she tried to make heads or tails of our exchange.
"We've tried forgiving her, reasoning with her, taking our own share of responsibility, none of it has worked," Slade continued. "I see only one possible course of action, Blake, don't you?"
"She needs to be punished for her perceived transgressions. It's the only way she will truly feel forgiven or be able to forgive." My eyes were on Merry's face as I answered, and the wave of relieved shock was evident in every muscle. "She needs to be spanked. By both of us."
Slade nodded sagely, and even Merry's head bobbed, though it was slight and nearly indiscernible
"Together," I finished, enjoying the shocked expression on Merry's face as what I had said sank in. She had not been expecting that.
"What? No, no. No!" She stood quickly and angled her body between ours, as if she expected a fight to break out at my pronouncement.
"I don't think you're understanding, little one." Slade stepped in, catching her chin in the crook of his finger. "We are not asking your opinion. We are telling you what is going to happen. We are willing to help you forgive yourself, and these are our terms."
She shook her head in confusion, and Slade pressed a finger to her lips. "Hush," he whispered. "Listen, little one. It is my turn to speak."
She nodded, and Slade took the space on the bed that I had previously occupied, pulling her into his lap. I sat in a desk chair across the room and prepared to watch the magic happen. I was going to have to get used to it, after all.
"Do you remember the last time we were all here together, little one? In this room?" Slade's voice was low and he spoke in hushed comforting tones. Merry appeared captivated as she nodded. I admit to feeling the same way. I had never seen the two of them together in this dynamic, and the result was oddly arousing.
"I still can't choose." Merry's whisper was pained and broken.
"Of course not," Slade agreed. "That was the problem all along. You loved us both, and we both loved you. How could you choose between two very different relationships, when both filled very different needs you had?"
"That's why I left," Merry interrupted. I could see Slade's temper rising from across the room, and I held back a chuckle. Slade hated to be interrupted.
"Back to what I was saying. You're here now, Merry, and we have all been given a second chance. We don't want you to choose. We both want you."
"Then how is that not asking me to choose?" Merry cried, interrupting him again. I could see Slade fuming. I knew then that it was time to intercede, before Slade turned her over his knee and started without me.
I stood and made short work of crossing the space between us. "That's enough, baby girl. You are being very rude with all your questioning and interrupting. If you would have just been quiet and listened, as you were asked, you'd have gotten the picture by now. So let me spell it out for you. We don't want you to choose. We want to share you."
Her eyes grew to the size of saucers and she turned to Slade for confirmation. He nodded.
"I…" Finally, she was speechless. That was good. I wasn't about to be swayed or distracted by endless questions.
"You don't have to have all the answers. I'm telling you that you are going to stay here, free of pressure and jealousy. Nothing has to be hidden, and you can have whatever you want from either of us. And from both of us together. You don't have to answer, you don't have to decide. Now is not the time for questions. But I'm telling you, baby girl, that if you consent to a spanking as a way to release the guilt that you have lived with for far too long, it will only be given by both of us. Together."
Winterland Daddies (Second Chance Ranch Book 1) Page 4