by Sarah Olson
She pulled away. "Forgive me, Milady," she said, backing up and keeping her eyes down. "I’ve just been terribly worried about you."
"And I you," I looked over at Stephen. "Both of you."
Other than some cuts on his face, he seemed fine. I turned my attention back to Ethelyn. She was thinner than the last time I’d seen her but still lean and strong. Her right arm was bandaged in a couple of places, and there was a scrape on her cheek.
"I wound up hitting a reef on my way to shore," she said, noticing me eyeing her bandages. "Were you hurt?" There was genuine worry in her eyes as she scanned me from head to toe.
"I’m fine; just some scrapes and bruises which I assume is normal when you’re involved in a shipwreck," I said with a forced laugh. "Roy was hurt much worse than I, and for a while, I didn’t think he would make it."
"Is he here?" Stephen asked.
"I’m right here," Roy said, walking into the room. "It’s good to see you two are all right."
Ethelyn gave him a tight smile. "Doesn’t look like he was hurt too badly."
"Ethelyn," I admonished with a shake of my head.
"Would you like me to prove it to you?" Roy asked, making a show of beginning to unbutton his vest.
Ethelyn pursed her lips.
"Enough," I said. If there was one thing I was going to have to get Ethelyn to work on, it was keeping her distaste masked. I closed the door in an attempt to keep any of the other sailors from hearing. "There’s something we must talk about."
"Did something happen?" Ethelyn asked warily.
"In a sense," I replied. "Have Lord or Lady Dillingham told you who governs these isles?"
Stephen shook his head.
I met Ethelyn’s gaze. "It’s Richard."
She cocked her head.
Roy placed his arm across my shoulders. Ethelyn turned her gaze to him, her eyes as piercing as a hawk’s.
"As in Prince Richard," I said, ignoring the questioning look she now gave me. "Former Prince of Asteria."
A hundred questions were burning in her eyes.
"Roy knows who I am," I said, knowing that was one of them.
"You told him?" she asked.
"I had to," I replied.
"You have nothing to worry about, Ethelyn," Roy said. "I’m not going to say anything, though it will be a difficult secret to keep since Richard and his family know as well as Lord and Lady Dillingham."
"I’m gone for a couple of weeks, and you are already putting yourself in danger," Ethelyn scolded me.
"Richard is not a danger," I reassured her. "And if I hadn’t said anything, it was only a matter of time before he figured it out for himself."
"But then how do you expect to keep this from the rest of the crew? You know how dangerous it is for people to find out who you are. I can only protect you so much."
"Ethelyn, stop," I commanded. "You seem to be forgetting your place which is to serve me. I am not a child, and you are not my mother. I am telling you what has happened. I am not asking you for your advice."
"Your Highness—" Stephen began, but I put up a hand to stop him.
Ethelyn bowed her head. "Forgive me, Milady. It is not my place to question you."
I immediately felt regret at my harshness. Roy had even dropped his arms and stepped to the side as if to give my anger space. It had been a long time since I had to speak to Ethelyn in such a manner, but while I valued her friendship, I had blurred the lines of our relationship. She was meant to serve and protect me, not admonish me—especially in the presence of others.
"I’m happy to see that you are alive and well," I said. "I will have Lord Dillingham prepare for yours and the other survivor’s transport to Blue Isle in the morning. I would rather not have to stay in this house any longer than needed."
Ethelyn nodded and there was anger in Stephen’s gaze when he nodded as well.
Let him be angry.
"If you will excuse us, Roy and I are going to check on the other survivors," I said. I turned on my heel and left the room with Roy close behind.
As we neared the staircase, Roy reached out and took my arm. "Aria."
I looked back at him.
"You didn’t need to—"
The look I shot him kept him from finishing his sentence. He narrowed his eyes and laughed. "Never mind. I understand. So, is that what you look like when you’re in Asteria?"
I pursed my lips. "Are you mocking me?"
"No, it was just that today was the first time I ever saw you be a princess."
I watched him carefully. "I’m not certain how you want me to take that." After all, I despised being stern with Ethelyn or any of my handmaidens and ladies-in-waiting, but there were times a reminder was needed that they served me and not the other way around.
"I don’t mean it as an offense. It’s just that from the moment we walked into this manor, you’ve become a different person. The way you stood and talked, it all changed—as if for a moment you were . . . " he trailed off.
"Home," I finished. I knew what he meant. I had been pretending to be a commoner for a long time, and that took effort. Facing Lord and Lady Dillingham took none. I may have put a mask on to hide my annoyance with Emily, but that was who I was . . . a princess . . . a mistress of manipulation that could bring an entire room to a halt by simply walking in. Was that something to be proud of?
Roy smiled and took a step closer. "It was a chance for me to see just a little bit more of you."
I bit my lip, feeling the confidence I had when we arrived begin to leak from my bones. "I’m not certain I want to hear that you liked what you saw. It’s simple for me to become that person but that doesn’t mean I always like her."
"Because it’s a mask," he said quietly. "Something you have learned to wear well so others don’t forget who you are and trample you."
I took a steadying breath as he reached out and caressed my cheek.
"How do you know the person I am with you is not just another?" I asked.
Roy smirked. "If it is, you are even better at deception than I thought, and I will have a wonderful time breaking through." He leaned in and brushed his lips against mine.
I pulled my mouth from his and slid it to his ear. "You can try," I whispered. I stepped back, giving him a sly smile, and then sauntered down the stairs.
Chapter 30
I DIDN'T MEAN to upset you earlier," Ethelyn said as she turned down the covers on my bed.
Rupert had one of the guest rooms prepared for me. Some of the other sailors decided to move to the inn to make room for us since Richard and Regina needed a place to sleep as well. My room was across the hall from Ethelyn’s, which I could tell satisfied her. She had immediately come over to help me prepare for bed even though she knew I could continue to manage on my own until we returned to the castle.
"I’ve just been terribly worried, Milady," she said, fluffing the pillows.
"I know," I replied.
"However," she continued, "I know that I’m not to question you in front of others. It will not happen again."
I smiled and shook my head. "Don’t make promises you cannot keep, Ethelyn."
Ethelyn laughed and turned to look at me. "I’m happy to see that you are well. I don’t know what I would have done if we didn’t find you."
I walked over to the bed and sat down. "Except it would seem that you and the others were in need of being found."
"I suppose," she said. "When did Richard find you?"
"Sometime in the afternoon after the wreck. Roy would’ve died if he hadn’t."
"Roy," she said thoughtfully. "How long were you planning to keep how close the two of you have become from me?"
I rolled my eyes. "I was going to tell you, but then . . . " I trailed off as thoughts of Hashim tore into my memory. I shook my head. "I would say it began while we were in Fraedelle, but after the incident on the Enigma, I just didn’t want to think about it. It wasn’t until Roy was dying that I was able to break out of some of my
fear."
"Some?" Ethelyn asked quietly.
I looked down at my hands and smiled to myself. "He says he loves me."
Ethelyn lowered herself onto the bed. "Before or after he learned who you are?" she asked skeptically.
"Before," I replied. "I just don’t know if I feel that way—or more that I am afraid that I may. He makes me feel . . . I don’t even know how to explain it, but I never felt this way about Thomas. I’m beginning to realize that there is a chance I never truly loved Thomas."
"I think you did," Ethelyn said. "Except perhaps you didn’t love him as deeply as you thought."
I shrugged. "I suppose, but then that would mean I love Roy."
"As much as I wish you didn’t, you might," Ethelyn said. "Though do not forget that you haven’t known him long."
"You don’t trust him," I stated.
"No, I don’t. There is something I don’t like about him."
"What?"
"If I could figure it out, I would’ve already told you," she replied dryly.
I turned so I could meet her eyes. "Ethelyn, I care for him very much. I will not have you intervening while I’m trying to figure out how I feel about him. He has been very good to me."
She bowed her head. "Yes, Milady."
I sighed. "I’m going to get some rest now."
Ethelyn stood and walked to the door. "If you need anything, I’m across the hall."
"I know."
When the door closed behind her, I slid under the covers. It had been a while since I considered Ethelyn’s opinions, and while I knew her intent was to protect me, I wouldn’t start tonight.
I had only just closed my eyes when the bedroom door opened quietly. The moonlight illuminated the side of Roy’s face as he gently closed the door behind him.
I sat up. "What are you doing?" I asked, unable to hide the grin on my face.
He smirked and sat on the bed facing me. "You forgot to say good night."
"Well, good night," I said. "Will that suffice? I would like to get some sleep. It’ll probably be the first night I can soundly now that I know Ethelyn is safe."
"I know," he said. "I just felt like we didn’t get to talk much today—there were always prying ears around."
"So you’ve chosen to come to my room in the middle of the night to do so?" I asked sarcastically.
Roy chuckled. "It’s not that late. But if you’re tired, we can talk tomorrow." He leaned forward and placed a kiss on my forehead. "Good night."
"Wait," I said, as he walked back to the door. He stopped, his eyes watching me carefully in the pale light.
The thoughts and doubts I had earlier in the day began to flood my mind again. I swallowed hard. "What are we doing, Roy?"
"What do you mean?" he asked.
"You and I," I said. "What are we doing? You say you love me, but what does that even mean?"
He shook his head in confusion. "That I love you; what more is that supposed to mean?"
I put my face in my hands. "I am a princess of Asteria—you are Surman. How would loving me make something like this even work?"
I heard Roy move quickly as he came to sit beside me and pulled my hands away from my face. "Being Surman is just a part of who I am," he said quietly.
There were tears in my eyes now. "But a part that would matter because of who I am. I care for you Roy, but who would accept us? What if I do love you and we return to Asteria together? What would that look like—would you even want to live there? You were a friend of the Surman prince!"
When he remained silent, I looked up to find a small smile on his handsome face.
"That is the first time you’ve ever mentioned a future for us," he said quietly.
I pulled my hands away. "Is that all you have to say?" I snapped.
The smile vanished, and he sighed. "It wouldn’t be easy, but you don’t have to get the people of Asteria to approve—you aren’t the heir. Who you are with doesn’t matter as much as it does for your brother or even your sister."
I turned my gaze to the window. "But could you be happy among Asterians—among my parents whom your people loathe? I’ve never even asked you how you feel about them."
Roy didn’t answer immediately as if he were choosing his next words carefully. "If it meant being with you, it would be impossible for me not to be happy."
"Is that to mean that if I were not with you, you would never remain in Asteria?"
He averted his gaze.
I placed a hand on his cheek and moved his head so he was facing me. "Being with me is a commitment to Asteria," I whispered. "I may not be the heir, but they are my people, and if you cannot find room in your heart to care for them even a fraction of how much I do, then we will never work."
"You’re asking me to turn on my people," he said grimly, that strange look he got sometimes flashing across his face.
I shook my head. "No, I’m only asking that you embrace mine as well. Surmans and Asterians may never work through their differences in our lifetime, but that does not mean we can’t."
He covered the hand I still held to his cheek with his own.
"If that is something you can’t do," I whispered, every word feeling like a stabbing pain in my gut, "then we must end this."
Roy met my eyes, a sudden fierceness burning in them. "Did your parents have a hand in the murder of Queen Iryana of Surmania?"
I blinked back in surprise and shook my head. "My parents are not murderers."
He stood quickly, terrible pain flashing across his face. He braced his arms on the windowsill and stared out into the night.
"Roy?" I asked warily. I slid out of bed and stepped over to the window. "Did I say something wrong?"
"No," he replied, his voice strangled.
I placed a hand on his arm.
After a moment, he faced me again and smiled—a smile that didn’t quite reach his eyes as it usually did. "I believe you," he said. "And I believe that with your help, I can learn to embrace both your family and your people."
I took a step closer to him and lightly kissed his lips. "Then let us put aside the world and see where this leads us," I whispered.
Roy pulled me into his arms and held me in a way that felt like he would never let me go.
☐☐☐☐
The following morning, we made ready to transport the survivors to Blue Isle where Richard was going to have one of the inns prepared to house all of them. This way we could get them all out of Emily and Rupert’s hair and stay together on the same island where a passing ship would be most likely to stop—though, up until now, only one ship had been seen, but it kept a great distance between itself and the islands.
I walked down the hall of now empty guest rooms and went down the stairs. The manor was quiet as just about everyone had begun heading to the docks. I was late since I had chosen to skip breakfast and sent Ethelyn down without me. The quicker I could leave the manor without having to endure the company of Emily or Rupert, the better. I exited the front door and stepped out onto the lawn where Richard and Roy were talking to Rupert and Emily. Ethelyn was off to the side with Stephen.
"Ready to go?" Richard asked when he spotted me.
I nodded.
Roy walked over to me and offered his arm. "I packed you something to eat since you missed breakfast," he whispered.
I smiled. In truth, I was quite hungry now. "Thank you for allowing us and the sailors to stay in your home," I said to Rupert and Emily as we joined them.
"Of course; it was our pleasure, Milady," Rupert said with a swift bow.
Emily eyed me carefully and then turned her attention back to her cousin. "I suppose we will see you soon for the Summer Solstice."
"Yes," Richard replied. "We have quite the festival planned."
I hadn’t realized how quickly time had passed. The Summer Solstice was upon us, meaning all the cities and villages across Asteria would have begun preparations for the celebration. The Castle would host a feast and ball late into the night.
King Luther had done away with it along with the Winter Solstice during his reign, so it was a bit of a surprise to hear that Richard was observing it. The tradition had originally been Malanese for Malan was far older than Asteria. Since Malan refused to support King Luther’s usurping the throne, he banned the festivals and only continued those that were truly Asterian.
Richard turned to me. "You will join us, of course, if a ship has not come by then."
"I would love to," I said.
Emily gave me a smile I thought only a snake could achieve as Rupert bowed and sent us on our way to the boats.
"If we are here for the festival, keep me away from her," I whispered to Roy as we walked toward Ethelyn and Stephen.
"There’s a backstory here you must share," Roy laughed.
"One that doesn’t involve me," I said.
I glanced back over my shoulder at Emily and Rupert. "I just can’t help but feel she believes I have personally wronged her in some way."
"But you didn’t."
"No, and neither did my mother other than to marry James."
Roy chuckled. "Does that mean the king is somehow in the middle of this?"
"He courted Lady Emily for a time before the war," I said quietly. "But it’s quite silly if that’s what’s eating her since it was a long time ago and she was already engaged to Rupert by the time my mother met him." I sighed. "It would be a pity if she had spent all this time wallowing in regret of some sort."
"Some people are like that; there’s nothing you can do," Roy said. "That or your father—as in the king," he added quickly, "must really be someone great."
I smiled, my mind drifting through some of my fondest memories with him. "He is. I’m glad to have met Richard, but I would’ve never wished for him to take James’s place in my life."
We were strolling down the street now toward the docks with Ethelyn and Stephen trailing behind us and Richard in front with Regina.
"That’s why, to me, he will always be my father and Richard will just be Richard. I doubt I would ever be able to call him father anyway," I said, watching as Regina giggled at something Richard said.
"Regina is his daughter, as is Vivien. I will forever be the one he left behind, and I don’t think any amount of forgiveness could ever truly change that sentiment in my heart." The words rang so true that I felt tears sting my eyes.