Seeming to ignore his friend’s words, Jesse picked up his shot glass again, stretching out his tongue to catch the last few drops. And then he started to cry again. This time, he said, “Seriously, Sean, you are like my brother. And your mom will never replace mine, but I love her like a mother. She’s good to me. My mom’s been gone forever but sometimes it seems like it just happened yesterday.”
“Maybe that just shows how much you loved her.”
“Maybe, but it doesn’t change the fact that my dad’s not there for us. He’s always working, and when he’s not working, he’s watching TV or yelling at us. He’s a selfish asshole—and as soon as I can move out of the house, I will.”
Sean had already known this. He and his mother had let Jesse spend the night whenever he wanted, and he could have moved in anytime. All he had to do was ask. But Sean suspected Jesse was protective of Jenna, even though the girl could take care of herself—and so he stayed.
Sean loved his mom and, when he’d been a little guy, she’d been his whole world. As Jesse continued complaining about his father, Sean fought against himself so he wouldn’t say the one thing he was thinking: at least you have a dad.
If he kept drinking, he might not be able to hold his tongue.
3
Near the end of his sophomore year in high school, Sean had several shop and mechanical classes under his belt and was getting ready to take more. Already he knew college wasn’t for him, so he knew he needed to get everything he could out of the free education he was receiving now. He would have to find his way through the world and he didn’t want to do the kinds of work his mom had over the years: convenience store clerk, hotel maid, working in a laundromat or on an assembly line.
Those wouldn’t ever satisfy him.
Already, Sean understood that he enjoyed working with his hands but he wasn’t sure what he wanted to do yet.
Meanwhile, Jesse had joined the baseball team. The coaches said he was a natural.
Sean had thought about joining band because he loved music—but he didn’t know a thing about playing instruments, so instead he helped the choir teacher with their big spring concert, learning to run the sound board. Best of all, he got paid a small stipend during shows. Helping with concerts led to getting asked to run sound during theater productions.
And that was how he met the love of his life, Nicki Sosebee.
One afternoon, Sean was sitting in one of the chairs in the cavernous auditorium, waiting for play practice to begin. When the choir teacher had witnessed Sean’s skills during the choir concert, he and the drama teacher planned to also pay the young man for his services for the musical—but practice didn’t start until four o’clock, and Sean had no quick way of getting home for just a few minutes, so he bought a soda and sat in the auditorium, waiting for people to arrive.
He wasn’t the only early bird.
A really cute girl with earthy brown hair and chocolate eyes entered from one of the doors in the back. She was laughing her ass off as she said, “See you later, silly!” through the closing door. There was a spring in her step as she made her way down the aisle. The first thing Sean noticed—as the sound guy, of course—was her voice. There was an upbeat, positive quality to it, but it didn’t seem high or giggly like a lot of girls he knew. Instead, her voice had a low, husky quality to it that made her seem older than she was.
As she walked down the aisle, she caught Sean sitting near the end of one row near the middle. “Oh, hey,” she said.
“Hey.”
Pausing, she turned to him. “You’re in my history class, aren’t you?”
“Am I?”
“Yeah, I think so,” she said, walking into the row and sitting next to him. “Smith? One o’clock?”
“Yeah, I’m in that class,” he said, sitting up straighter. “Sorry. I get bored in there, so I guess I don’t pay a lot of attention to anybody.”
He would now.
“No worries. It is kinda boring.” Again, she laughed, lighting up that entire space.
“Sean Ramsey,” he said, holding out a hand.
Now she giggled while she shook his hand. “Nicki Sosebee.”
“I’m a Winchester native. What about you?”
“Yep. Born and raised.”
“We didn’t go to school together till high school, though, right?”
“I think so. I wouldn’t have forgotten your face.”
Was that a good thing or a bad thing?
Before he could ask, she continued, “So what are you doing here, Sean Ramsey? I know you’re not in the cast.”
“Was it that obvious?”
“No—it’s just that we’ve been rehearsing for weeks now. Are you part of the stage crew?”
“I’m doing sound.”
“Ooh. That’s a big deal.”
“Not really.”
“Yeah, really. Let’s just say we don’t want a repeat of last year’s musical production. It was pretty messed up sound wise. I think that’s why they want to have dedicated sound people.”
“I guess that’s me.” While Nicki leaned over and opened her backpack, fetching out a bottle of water, Sean asked, “So what are you doing in the show?”
“I have a small part. I don’t do a lot of singing, so I have a smaller role—but I guess I can’t have all the good parts, can I?”
Sean laughed. Already, he was enamored of this girl. “Is that your way of telling me you’re sometimes the star of the show?” All this time, he’d been missing out.
“Well, not exactly. I’m usually the comic relief—and I’m okay with that. But I’m hoping when I’m a junior and senior that I’ll have meatier roles. I’m not really into musicals—but the only way to let the drama teacher know I’m serious about acting is to try out for everything. So here I am.” She opened her bottle of water and took a long drink of it.
Meanwhile, Sean was feeling great that he’d met her. She was so unlike any of the girls he’d ever met. But he had to be cool, had to project a tougher image—because no girl wanted a guy who wore his heart on his sleeve. That was what he always told Jesse at least, and Sean was convinced that was why his bro hardly ever got a date.
“So is theater your thing?”
“I don’t know. I just know I have fun doing it. Honestly, I have no idea what I want to do with my life. I only know that while I’m still in school, I want to have fun—and theater is one of those things. When I was a kid, I thought I wanted to be an actress. I don’t think so now, but I don’t really know what I want. All I know is I’m taking all these classes—history, science, geography, PE, Spanish—and none of them has helped me decide what I want to do with my life.” Smiling—with a twinkle in her eye that made Sean feel like she was sharing a secret with him—she added, “So even though I don’t have a clue what I want to do with the rest of my life, I know I want to have fun while I’m living.”
“Sounds fair.” While Sean talked the talk, though, he knew he couldn’t live that way—and that was probably what attracted him to her. She was the breeze he needed in his own life.
“What about you, Sean?” God, he loved the way his name sounded on her lips. And what the hell was wrong with him anyway? He forced himself to focus on her words instead of everything else. “Are you thinking about being a sound guy when you leave here?”
“No, not really. I’m kind of like you. School sucks for the most part but I know I don’t want to be flipping burgers all my life—so I’m trying to get out of it what I can while I’m here. I think that’ll help me figure out what I want to do.”
“Any ideas?”
“Actually, yes.” This was something he hadn’t told anyone—not his mother, not Jesse, his best friend, no one—because he wasn’t sure. He was still testing. For some reason, though, this conversation with Nicki made things seem a little clearer and even easier to consider, because it felt like they’d already made a significant connection. Jesse wasn’t ready to think about the future at all and Sean’s mom was p
ractically in mourning that her little boy was growing up—and there was no way in hell Sean would talk with one of the stupid worthless guidance counselors.
Nicki, though? It turned out that she was just what he needed.
“I’m taking an automotive class this year and that’s the first time something I was doing didn’t feel like school to me. I really get into that shit every class—but I don’t have a car to work on when I’m not here, so I don’t know if it’s something I would want to keep doing.”
“But maybe you’re on the right path?”
“Exactly.”
Nicki’s eyes lit up as if someone had plugged her in. “You know what? Applying that to myself…I didn’t realize until this year that I actually really like English class. Not all of it. I mean, I like literature and I love to read, but I’m really loving the writing part of it.” Leaning closer, she lowered her voice as if telling a deep, dark secret. “Even essays. Don’t tell anybody, Sean. That’s our secret.”
And she could trust him with it. “Your secret is safe with me, Nicki Sosebee.”
God, he loved how her entire face lit up, how the two of them were almost co-conspirators. And while he didn’t necessarily love to write, he understood where she was coming from. “So are you thinking about doing something with writing when you graduate? What could you do with that?”
“Oh, I have no freaking idea. I just know that I like it. Like with theater. I love everything about it.” She sat up, waving her water bottle as if she were pointing a finger as something dawned on her. “Actually, I was thinking about writing for the school newspaper.”
“You should. The school newspaper sucks. It’s not written well and they don’t have a consistent schedule, so it’s pretty lame.”
“Then maybe I will.”
“If you write for the school paper, I’ll start reading it.”
“Really?” Nicki grinned and even puffed out her chest, pretending to be proud, making Sean realize again that this young woman was beautiful from head to toe. But he kept his eyes glued to hers, because he didn’t need her telling him her eyes were up there. Pulling him from that thought, she asked, “Do you do a lot of reading?”
“Yeah, I actually like it. Maybe not all the stupid stuff they have us read in English class, but I do like a good book. We never had cable at home, so I had to do a lot of things to entertain myself. Reading was one of them.”
He could tell by the way Nicki opened her mouth that she was getting ready to say something else, but then a bunch of kids stormed into the auditorium, talking loudly and laughing. Once they’d settled down a bit, Nicki took the time to introduce Sean to the other kids in the cast.
She remembered his name, his whole name, and didn’t stumble once.
And that was the moment Sean fell completely head over heels with this beautiful young woman.
He couldn’t wait to tell Jesse.
* * *
Sean and his best friend were hanging out in the quad at school the next day, waiting for the first bell to ring, announcing the beginning of the day. Jesse was saying he planned to take a particular computer class next semester and was trying to talk Sean into joining him.
But he had other things on his mind.
Sean’s brain was focused on the girl he’d met yesterday, because he hadn’t stopped thinking about her since—and while he’d considered telling his friend, the last thing he wanted was to admit that Cupid had shot an arrow through his heart.
“If I learn what I need to, I could make my own videogame—and then who needs college, right?”
“Yeah, that would be cool.” Sean started to say, “So I met—”
But Jesse still had more on his mind. “So how’s the theater stuff going, getting paid?”
“Pretty cool.”
“That makes me wanna get a summer job. Wouldn’t it be sweet coming back to school next year loaded with dough?”
“I wouldn’t be loaded. I’d spend it on a ride.”
“Yeah, me, too. I’ve always wanted a Mustang. I wonder where I could get a job.”
“There’s all kinds of places, but you should start looking now. By the time we’re out for summer, all the jobs will be gone.”
“So you like doing the sound?”
“Yeah. There are worse things I could be doing.”
Jesse grinned. “Yeah, I could name all kinds of shit.”
“I don’t hate it. And yesterday I met this super cool girl.”
“Nice. Do I know her?”
“I don’t know. Her name is Nicki Sosebee.”
“Dude—you know who that is.”
“No,” Sean said. “I just met her.”
“Bro, she’s the girl I’ve been telling you about since last year. Now you know what I mean. Isn’t she the most beautiful girl on campus?”
Shit. Sean remembered a girl Jesse wouldn’t shut up about. Now having met her himself, he understood why.
But Jesse wasn’t done yet. “I think I want to lose my virginity to her.”
If Sean’s heart hadn’t been crushed by his friend’s revelation, he might’ve laughed or egged his friend on, giving him a high five. But this…this was not good at all. The bros before hos mandate demanded that Sean stop right there. No matter how compatible this woman seemed to him, no matter how much they had in common, no matter how much he wanted to get to know her better…she had already been claimed by his brother Jesse. Sean would respect that unspoken rule and leave her to him.
But that didn’t mean they couldn’t be friends and with a person like Nicki, Sean was completely attracted—but it was to more than just her natural beauty. From the short time they’d spent together, he’d discovered she was smart, she was cool, she was lively and vivacious. There were so many reasons why he wanted to be her friend—and the bros rule would never stop that.
* * *
Although Sean felt a little devastated that Nicki was the girl Jesse had had the hard-core crush on for a while now, he still thought maybe—just maybe—if some spark ignited between the two of them, he would be able to make Jesse see that he and Nicki belonged together. Sure, he’d convinced himself that just friends was a noble goal, but his heart wanted far more.
It was with those thoughts in his mind that he watched opening night of the show running the sound board. He loved seeing Nicki on stage, even though she didn’t have a huge role in this musical. The young woman had a presence onstage that was undeniable, and it was obvious that she was enjoying herself and felt comfortable up there. He was looking forward to seeing her in other plays in bigger roles. In this musical, she was in a comedic part, and Sean thought she was pretty funny the way she chewed the scenery, milking it for all it was worth.
After the show, Sean made sure to get all his work done quickly, because he wanted to go to the lobby outside the auditorium. He knew the musical director planned to have a receiving line of sorts, probably so his actors could get the kudos he thought they deserved. Hanging back a bit, Sean just wanted to get to Nicki, so he made his way down the line, occasionally nodding or saying something like good job to the cast as he walked past them—but there was no love lost for a majority of them. Most of the kids in this musical were rich kids, a bunch of silver-spooned shitheads Sean had discovered early on he didn’t care for. These kids got the big roles not because they were necessarily more talented than Nicki—he knew this already from having watched a few dress rehearsals and the first live show—but because they had money. And it was infuriating as fuck. Worse yet, these kids were full of themselves, and that was easy to see as he walked down the line. It took everything in him to not say the thoughts in his mind.
The way he kept his cool was thinking of the beautiful young woman he was making his way toward.
As he got near enough to see her past all the crowd, though, he noticed that she was standing beside some kid who hadn’t been in the play—and once Sean got even closer, he saw that she was holding hands with him. The guy wasn’t bad looking, ne
cessarily, but definitely preppy, possibly rich, certainly the kind of kid Sean used to beat the shit out of in middle school. While he didn’t know this guy personally, he’d seen him around the school once in a while.
Maybe he was a brother or a friend.
Sean comforted himself with that thought until the guy kissed her on the cheek—and she responded by kissing him on the mouth and then giggling. Still, Sean remained in denial until the guy grabbed Nicki around the waist, pulling her close and kissing her full on.
With tongue.
Motherfucker.
So it wasn’t between him and Jesse. Nicki had a boyfriend, and, for now, that was that.
Well, there was always friendship. At least, he still had that.
4
Just one week into classes during their junior year of high school, Sean and Jesse were standing outside, waiting for the morning bell to ring. Jesse said, “Dude, Nicki’s not in any of my classes this year and that blows. We’re halfway through high school and I’ve had a crush on this girl since we started. What does that say that I haven’t made a single move on her yet?”
Sean started to mention that Nicki had a boyfriend, realizing that an entire summer had passed. Maybe she didn’t anymore. There was no way he could know, because he hadn’t seen her yet this year, and he imagined after a summer full of fun, she would look more beautiful than ever. He wasn’t going to say shit to Jesse yet, but tryouts for the first play of the school year had already been held, and casting would be announced today—and Sean was now a familiar face around the theater. Even though he wouldn’t be doing anything for about six weeks until preproduction or even dress rehearsal, the director wanted to meet with him as well to clarify his needs. Also, the more Sean knew about the play, then the less prep work he would have to do when it came time to set up the sound equipment. While this play wasn’t a musical, it was about a rock band, so the director wanted good sound.
Sean didn’t know if Nicki had been cast in this play, but he knew how much she loved acting. If she wasn’t at the meeting this afternoon, he’d be surprised—but even that would create a good excuse to reach out to her. For now, though, he was guessing she had a part.
Bad Ass (Nicki Sosebee #14) Page 5