Hardboiled Crime Four-Pack

by Jack Bunker

  Yun came out of the bathroom trailing Soo Jin.

  In Soo Jin’s hand was a plastic stick—it looked like a tooth brush without bristles.

  Yun pointed at the stick in Soo Jin’s hands. “Your wife has something to tell you, Mr. Norgaard.”

  “C’mon, Yun,” I complained. “Don’t be like this.”

  “Two blue lines,” said Yun.

  “Does it mean what I think it means?” I asked.

  Soo Jin said, “I’m pregnant.”

  A heavy feeling washed over me. If it was Yun’s baby, maybe I’d feel different. If Soo Jin gave birth to a girl, the child would be safe from the blood feud—but only until it reached marrying age; then any serious suitor would be murdered by the Dokos. If Soo Jin gave birth to a boy, the target would be on the kid’s back as soon as it was born, since it was the male children who carried on the family name.

  I came out of my heavy thoughts to see Shin staring at me.

  “You’ve made things worse,” said Shin. “You’ve given birth to death.”

  I returned my version of his heavy stare and said, “Get over yourself, you pretentious fuck.”

  * * *

  I poured a cup of coffee and went out back, dragging a lawn chair to a corner of the yard where no one could see me. I heard Yun’s car reversing out of the drive as she headed off to work her shift. I needed some time to myself, to mull over this latest complication. I couldn’t help feeling sorry for Soo Jin. In a perfect world, we’d be driving out to Babies “R” Us to look at cribs and rattles. Instead, Soo Jin had a husband who wasn’t really a husband and a kid set to inherit a whole set of problems as soon as it was born.

  My mind went back to what Ms. Tam had told me—that professionals were probably entering the picture. If I played this like a kidnapper in a movie, I was going to lose. I couldn’t afford to fall into a predictable role. I couldn’t be too easy to second-guess. If I was going to survive I was going to have to keep the Dokos off balance.

  I went back into the house and into the kitchen where Shin was handcuffed to the pipe under the sink. That was the status quo—if he was out of my sight he had to be handcuffed. Otherwise I let him sit in the living room and think dark thoughts or watch TV, whatever he preferred.

  His glare had softened into something less dark than hate, but still filled with loathing.

  I got my phone out of my pocket and said to Shin, “I need a number.”

  * * *

  Shin’s brother, Sang-Yong, was crisp and controlled once he realized who was on the line. I explained to him that it was not my intention to hurt his brother, the honored patriarch of the Doko family. I didn’t want a ransom. All I wanted was a signed declaration that would announce to the Korean community that the blood feud between the Doko and the Nang families had been settled to the satisfaction of all parties. I’d pay to post the declaration in the Korea Times. There would be an addendum to the declaration: that anyone not honoring the cessation of hostilities would bring great dishonor to their family.

  I was laying it on a little thick, but I figured a three-hundred-year-old blood feud deserved the inflated language of a peace treaty.

  Sang-Yong had listened carefully and then made a polite request that I remain on the line. I had no idea who he was talking to, but when he came back he said, “We will give you our answer tomorrow. Call us at the end of the day. Five.”

  Would it work? I had no idea. But it was better than hunkering down, waiting for the next shoe to drop. I had a feeling they knew exactly where I was. They’d seen me picking up Yun’s kids. For all I know, some nosy Korean saw me and Yun dancing at Warsaw Wash, or eating oysters at the farmers’ market. Once they set to connecting the dots with a vengeance, it was going to be easy for them to figure where I went to ground. The Dokos knew I witnessed firsthand how ruthless they could be. Maybe the only thing holding them back was the fear that if they backed me into a corner I’d do something final to the grand old man of the Doko clan.

  Like blow his head off with a shotgun.

  FORTY

  When Yun returned home that evening she wouldn’t look me in the eye. Instead she began preparing dinner, calling out to Soo Jin to help her. Soo Jin emerged from her room and drifted into the kitchen.

  Yun handed her a mandoline and a couple of onions and said, “Slice these.”

  Watching from the kitchen doorway, I asked, “Do you need any help?”

  Yun didn’t answer right away. Eventually she said, “You can set the table.”

  I caught Shin watching me from his chair in the living room. I thought I could see a slight smile on his face, as though he was enjoying my discomfort.

  As I set the table, I listened to Yun giving Soo Jin some advice on how to deal with her pregnancy.

  “First of all, you’re not going to be puking forever,” said Yun. “That’s going to go away. Keep a couple of saltines by the bed at all times. You eat those first thing—before you even get up. You’re going to be hungry all the time, but don’t eat like a pig. Lots of women use this as an excuse to eat chocolate, ice cream, doughnuts—all that crap. I have a juicer. You’re going to drink fresh beet juice until your pee turns purple. It’s good for your blood. Remember, what’s good for you is good for the baby. I made an appointment with a doctor, first thing in the morning, tomorrow. We’ve got to make sure you’re in good shape. Do you take any pills?”

  “No,” answered Soo Jin.

  “I’ve never seen you smoke or drink.”

  “I never smoke,” said Soo Jin.

  “Well, don’t drink, either,” said Yun. “Not while you’re pregnant.”

  “What about Frappuccinos?”

  “A fetus doesn’t need a caffeine buzz,” answered Yun. “Think about it. That little baby is depending on you.”

  Soo Jin blinked as she sliced the onions.

  Yun surprised me by giving Soo Jin a kiss on the cheek and saying, “You’re gonna do fine.”

  * * *

  That night, lying in bed with Yun, I made an attempt to explain.

  “I should have told you the truth,” I said, my head on the pillow, looking straight up at the ceiling. “But it was only one time with Soo Jin, and it was before you and I got together. I guess I was feeling like a married man. We were drinking champagne. With you, sex is wild. With Soo Jin—I don’t know—it was more like mailing a letter.”

  “You should have told me,” said Yun. “It made me feel stupid, finding out like that.”

  “You’re right. I guess I thought I could ignore it, since it was never going to happen again.”

  “That’s what you say now,” countered Yun. “Wait until she has your baby.”

  “Soo Jin is like a baby herself. I’m going to need your help.”

  “I don’t want to be your helper.”

  I tried wrapping my head around that statement and drew a blank.

  I asked, “You don’t want to help me?”

  “Not that, you idiot,” laughed Yun. “I don’t want to be your helper. I want to be your wife.”

  “You are my wife,” I said. “My real wife. We don’t need a piece of paper. You’re the one I love.”

  “You love me?” asked Yun.

  “What’d I just say?”

  “Say it again.”

  “Yeah, I guess I do.” I felt light as a feather, and shining. I’d never said that to anybody. “I do love you. I just never said it out loud.”

  “I love you, too,” said Yun.

  The lightness in my heart kept expanding. I realized that was the first time anyone had ever told me they loved me.

  * * *

  The next morning, with Yun and Soo Jin at the doctor, I sat at the dining room table and checked my banking online. Warsaw Wash was doing fine. More money was coming in than going out.

  Shin sat in the living room, watching cartoons with Mi-Cha and Tae-Yong. No matter how angry Shin might be, he was still programmed to be a grandfather. I saw him reach out with his left hand a
nd steady Tae-Yong when it looked as though he would take a tumble.

  I powered off my iPad. I was hoping that Yun wouldn’t be too long—today was my day to go to the clinic, to have blood withdrawn. I was curious what Royal would have to say. I’d been checking through the newspapers, and there was nothing about Shin Doko being kidnapped. I wondered how Shin’s disappearance was handled at the clinic, whether they suspected foul play or if they thought Shin had bailed midway through his visit.

  It was close to eleven when Yun and Soo Jin returned.

  Yun gave me a kiss and said softly, “Come with me. We have to talk.”

  I followed her into the bedroom.

  Yun said, “The reason we were so long is because we did a blood test. It’s not a hundred percent, but it’s close.”

  “A test for what?”

  “They have a new blood test called Pink or Blue,” answered Yun. “Instead of having to wait until an ultrasound, they can tell really early on whether it’s going to be a boy or girl.”

  “Tell me it’s going to be a girl.”

  Yun shook her head. “She’s gonna have a boy.”

  I let out a sigh.

  I grabbed my forehead and began pacing, saying over and over, “Oh, man.”

  “You can’t unring a bell,” said Yun. “And you rang her bell real good. You made a boy.”

  “The Doko are going to kill me,” I said. “And then they’ll come for my son. This is all too sick.”

  For a moment I had a fantasy of executing Shin and then going after the other Dokos, one by one—until there was none left. Now it was my family they were fucking with, my own flesh and blood.

  “You’re supposed to call them today, right?” asked Yun.

  “Yeah,” I said. “They’re going to tell me if they’re willing to cease and desist.”

  Yun laid a hand on my shoulder. “Maybe a few hours from now this whole thing will be over.”

  “I can hope,” I said.

  * * *

  I sat in the examination room, waiting on Royal. When he came through the door, instead of the frown I was expecting, he had a huge smile on his face.

  “Wow,” I said. “You look happy.”

  Royal extended his left hand with his fingers pointing down and said, “What do you think?”

  There was a wedding band on his ring finger.

  “You got married?”

  “It was a long and miserable relationship but a whirlwind courtship,” said Royal. “Walter came back. He heard around town that I was back in action—thanks to you—and he had a change of heart. He decided he couldn’t live without me.”

  “Congratulations,” I said. “That’s great news.”

  “Yes,” said Royal. “I went back to Rage the next night, and I was making quite the impression. All of a sudden I felt a hand on my shoulder, and I looked around and there was Walter, looking like one of those big-eyed children in the paintings. He said, ‘We have to talk.’ That’s all it took. We were always meant for each other—it just took him time to realize it.”

  “You got married quick.”

  “When you’re as old as I am there’s not a minute to waste.”

  “Let me ask you a question,” I said. “Is two guys getting married the same as a man and woman? I mean, the same forms and stuff?”

  “Exactly the same, which makes it so beautiful. I would have loved to have had my family there for the ceremony, but they’re still trying to get used to the fact that I’m gay. In their eyes I’m a sinner, so it would be too much for them to accept that I’m now a married man. I hope they eventually come around, but if they don’t—too bad. I have a right to be happy.”

  “Well, if I make it through the next couple of days, I’m inviting you over for dinner. I’d like to meet Walter.”

  “Tell me what happened,” whispered Royal. “Without actually telling me, if you know what I mean.”

  “Everything is in negotiation.”

  Royal picked up the needle to withdraw blood and said, “That’s a good thing, right?”

  FORTY-ONE

  Yun had taken the rest of the day off. She and Soo Jin we’re in the kitchen preparing an early dinner, a traditional Korean dish called bibimbap, kind of a sunny-side-up egg concoction where the yolks were broken and then mixed up with beef, chili paste, and all kinds of vegetables. Shin was sitting at the dining room table ramrod-straight in anticipation of a good meal.

  I asked him, “You want a beer?”

  He gave a curt nod, and I poured us both a glass of Hite. I sat down at the table with him. In twenty minutes I was to call Shin’s brother to hear whether they accepted my terms for a truce.

  Shin jerked his chin in the direction of Yun and said, “She’s the one. She’s your woman. Not the other.”

  “I guess you could say that,” I said. “You’ve seen Yun in action. She’s quite a woman.”

  “I know her family,” said Shin.

  “I haven’t met them yet. You could say we’ve both been preoccupied.”

  “You could walk away from Soo Jin,” said Shin. “She’s not your woman.”

  “That’s not going to happen.”

  “I could get you money. No one would have to die.”

  “It’s too late,” I said. “We’re a strange family. But we’re a family. We can’t go throwing people overboard chasing a payday.”

  Shin asked, “What was your family like?”

  “We weren’t like you Koreans,” I said. “We may have started off as immigrants, but we had no sense of tradition. We were Norwegian but you’d never know it. I’ve never been to Norway, but from what I hear, Norwegians keep to themselves. My family took it a step further—my mom and dad didn’t even socialize with their kids. So this blood feud business you’re embroiled in is like something from another world.”

  “We need maps in life,” said Shin. “They tell us where to go, but more importantly, they tell us where we’ve been.”

  “The thing about a map,” I said. “It shows a lot of possible twists and turns going forward. You Dokos are acting like the trail in front of you is the same as the one behind you—set in stone.”

  “For us it is,” said Shin.

  “It’s not set in stone for me,” I said. “It’s not something I set out to prove, but I’m proving it every day.”

  Shin took a sip of beer. Gave me a measured look. “You’ve made one misstep after another.”

  “There’s an old saying,” I said. “‘You go your way, I’ll go mine.’ I think that’s how it’s going to have to be.”

  “Your way may not lead very far into the future,” said Shin.

  “Let’s see what your brother says.”

  I got up and walked into the kitchen. Yun was stir-frying some vegetables. I gave her a kiss on the back of the neck that gave her chills.

  I said, “It’s time I made that call.”

  * * *

  I sat outside at the patio table, my cell in front of me. Jamjari was laid out prone at my feet. He was a good dog. He was beginning to depend on me for his water and food; this made me pack leader in his eyes. When my cell showed exactly five o’clock I picked it up and called Shin’s brother, Sang-Yong.

  He picked up with a simple, “Yes?”

  “This is Wes Norgaard,” I said. “During our last call I gave you terms on how we could end this.”

  “Yes, you did.”

  “What have you decided?”

  Sang-Yong said, “This is our answer…”

  In the same fraction of time I heard the crack of the rifle and felt the pain of the bullet. I sprawled across the flagstones of the patio, scrambling toward the sliding glass door. Jamjari was on his feet, letting out a deep grunting bark.

  Two more shots were fired. These missed, but one bullet shattered a flagstone, sending a shard of slate into my eye. I scurried into the house like a crab with a hot poker up its ass. Jamjari was behind me—if I was any slower he’d knock me down.

  Yun was right the
re. She pulled me inside as a fourth shot shattered the glass of the patio door. I flung the curtains shut and yelled, “Get the kids in the bathroom. Make them lie down in the tub.” Yun hurried the kids off to what I hoped was safety.

  “Soo Jin,” I yelled. “Close all the curtains and shades.”

  Shin sat like a statue. The best I can say for him is he didn’t seem to enjoy seeing my family terrified.

  I pointed at Shin and commanded Jamjari, “Watch that motherfucker.”

  Jamjari seemed to understand, since he sat on his haunches and stared at Shin.

  With the windows covered I hurried into the bedroom and got my sawed-off. I loaded it and put a box of shells in my pocket. There was blood in the corner of my eye, but I could still see. The first shot had creased my side and my arm where it was pressed against my body. I lifted up my shirt—I was bleeding but it wasn’t serious.

  My knees started shaking in a delayed reaction. I waited for another shot but none came. I heard my phone ringing outside on the patio table.

  Let it ring.

  * * *

  I sat on the edge of the tub with my shirt off as Yun cleaned my wounds with peroxide. There was a look of anguish on her face that was out of proportion to the severity of my injuries. I wanted to tell her everything would be all right. But we both knew that would be a lie. I remembered what Ms. Tam said about the Dokos sending professionals to kill me. That’s what this ambush felt like. It was more than a bunch of clueless Koreans in an orange Rubicon.

  I had one ear cocked for the police, but they never came. We were only a couple of blocks from Pico Boulevard, where Mexican gangs supplied frequent bursts of gunfire. You got used to it—in the morning you checked your car for bullet holes and went about your business.

  I’d swallowed three extra-strength Excedrin, and the pain was minimal.

  “It’s not that bad,” I said. “I got hurt worse falling off my bike when I was a kid.”

  “Stop it,” Yun said. “Don’t be an asshole.”

  Yun taped some gauze bandages in place and then peered into my eye.

  “How’s it look?” I asked.

  “I’m pissed,” she said. “They could have killed you.”