by Marie Force
Between the low, sexy beat of the music, the décor that focuses on the color black and the fragrant flowers spread throughout the big room, every one of my senses is fully engaged. My skin tingles with the desire to know more, to see more, to experience it for myself.
I wonder if Hayden has figured out that I dodged his men. If so, is he worried about what kind of trouble I might get into? What would he say if he knew where I am right now? Imagining his reaction makes me smile.
“I take it you like what you see,” Tenley says, misinterpreting my smile.
“I’m overwhelmed.”
She hands me a gin and tonic with a twist of lime. “Most people are the first time they come here. It’s a lot to take in if the scene is new to you.”
I raise my glass to her. “Cheers.”
“Cheers.” She leans in closer to me. “Now how about you tell me what you’re really doing here, Addie.”
“What the fuck do you mean you lost her?” I’m overcome with rage and fear at hearing that Gordon’s men somehow managed to lose track of Addie.
“I’m so sorry, Hayden,” Gordon says, his tone tight with displeasure. “My guys were on her. They followed her to her dad’s place in Redondo Beach, but she gave them the slip by leaving through a back door. We checked with the cab companies and Uber, and Uber will only tell us they made a pickup on the next block over around eight o’clock, but they won’t tell us who they picked up or where they took her. Calls to her cell phone are going right to voice mail, which means it’s probably off.”
“Son of a bitch.” If she gave them the slip, not only did she make them, but she’s probably up to something she doesn’t want me to know about. My fear spikes into the red zone. “I want you guys checking every high-end BDSM club in LA until you find her.”
“Umm, what makes you think that’s where she’ll be?”
“Her interest is the reason I wanted you on her in the first place.”
“And you’re sure that tracking her down at one of the clubs is the best idea?”
“Yes, I’m fucking sure! She could be in danger, Gordon. I want to know where she is.”
“I’ll get right on it and call you the minute I know anything.”
“Thanks.”
“I’m sorry again, Hayden. The men who were watching her have been reprimanded.”
“Just find her. Please find her.”
“I’m all over it.”
I put my cell phone on the coffee table where I can get to it quickly if needed and go to the bar to pour a healthy shot of Pappy, noticing that my hand is trembling. Fucking hell… Taking the glass with me, I sit on the sofa and stare at the phone, willing it to ring.
But it stays stubbornly silent while my stomach churns and my brain works overtime, sending me images of Addie at the mercy of a Dom who doesn’t love her, doesn’t care about her the way I do, doesn’t even know her. I shudder, and for a brief, terrifying moment, I fear I might vomit.
I put down the glass and drop my head into my hands, focusing on breathing my way through the nausea.
The phone rings, and I pounce.
“Whoa,” Flynn says, chuckling. “What’s with you?”
“Addie ditched Gordon’s guys. She’s out there somewhere on her own, and I have no idea what she’s up to. I’m losing my freaking mind.”
“Oh shit.”
“Yeah, not so funny anymore, is it?”
“He’s looking for her?”
“Yeah, they’re all over it, but Flynn… I mean, Jesus… We both know what can happen if she ends up in the wrong hands.”
“You have to have faith in her. She’s a smart, capable woman. If she’s venturing into our world, she’ll do so carefully and cautiously.”
“I’m ashamed to say I don’t even know who her closest friends are outside our group.”
He names a few people I’ve never heard of and then he gives me a name I recognize. Tenley Stewart, stylist to the stars and major Hollywood insider. “I had no idea she and Addie were close outside of work.”
“Why would you know? You’ve gone out of your way not to encourage anything more than friendship with Addie, and when you’re with her, you’re usually with the rest of us, too.”
“Still, I hate that I don’t know these things about her. Do you know how to get in touch with Tenley?”
“Yeah, I’ve got her number. I’ll give her a call.”
“Let me know what you find out.”
“I will. So… Listen, I was thinking after we talked earlier, and I know you’re going to flip out when I say this, but I feel like I have to say it anyway…”
“Okay.”
“Which is worse? The thought of training her yourself, or the thought of someone else’s hands all over her?”
Moaning loud enough for him to hear me, I say, “The second one.”
“You know what you have to do, Hayden.”
“I can’t.”
“Yes, you can. If I could go there with Natalie, you can with Addie.”
“What if…”
“What?”
“What if I do and I freak her out or scare her or turn her off me completely?”
“What if you don’t and she finds someone else who will?”
“God, you’re a fucking asshole today.”
“According to you, I’m a fucking asshole most of the time.”
“True.”
His laughter echoes through the phone. “The main reason I called is I wanted to talk to you about my idea for doing a film about Nat’s story. I’ve been thinking a lot about it, and I was hoping for a few minutes in the next few days if you can fit me into your schedule.”
“Yeah, sure. We’re going to be in even deeper shit if we can’t name the other one very soon. The studio is threatening to name it for us.”
“Let’s put that on the agenda for tomorrow. We’ll get this figured out.”
“I can’t really think about anything right now except for where Addie is.”
“I’ll call Tenley. Let me know what you hear.”
“I will. See you in the morning.”
“See you then.”
I put down the phone and reach for my glass, taking a couple of easy sips until I’m sure my stomach isn’t going to reject the bourbon. The heat of the liquor works its way through me, warming the pervasive chill that’s overtaken me. I’m scared shitless, and I feel like I should be out looking for her, but I haven’t the first idea where to start. It’s been years since I’ve played in any club other than ours. I can’t afford the potential exposure, so I’m extra careful and have become removed from the larger scene in the city.
When I was younger, I did it all without a care as to who might find out or who might see me. As my career grew along with interest from the paparazzi, I became much more circumspect about keeping my private life private.
I receive a text from Flynn. Tenley’s phone went straight to voice mail.
Fuck!
I texted a few of her other friends to casually ask if they’ve heard from her. I’ll let you know if I hear anything.
I text him back. Thanks for trying.
Keep me posted.
The phone rings, and when I see Gordon’s name on the caller ID, my heart stops for a brief, paralyzing moment. I grab the phone and take the call.
“Hayden.”
I can tell by the way he says my name that something is terribly wrong. “Did you find her?”
“No, but when we did the nine p.m. check on your mother, we found her unresponsive. EMTs are taking her to Cedars-Sinai. I’m sorry to have to tell you this—”
I don’t hear the rest of what he says. Jamming the phone into my back pocket, I grab my keys and run for the door. The post-rehab calm has just given way to the storm.
Chapter 11
“I don’t know what you mean.” Tenley’s audacious question has thrown me for a loop. “I told you why I’m here. It’s research.”
“Flynn would never send you to a
BDSM club by yourself to do research for him, so tell me what’s really going on.”
I’m cornered, and we both know it. “There’s a guy. He’s into this.” I gesture to the goings-on around us. “I’m not sure how I feel about it, so I wanted to find out more.”
“Is this ‘guy’ the same guy who kissed you on national TV the other night?”
“I’m not at liberty to discuss the business of the man who may or may not be that guy.”
“Fair enough. As someone who keeps most of Hollywood’s secrets, I can respect that.”
“Thank you for not pushing me to say more.”
“Your business is yours alone, Addie, and so is his. You know how I feel about the gossip in this town. The only reason I can freely explore this lifestyle is because Devon makes it easy for me. Without him, I doubt I’d take the risk.”
Devon Black joins us shortly after ten, apologizing for being late for our appointment. He’s everything Tenley said he would be and then some. Tall and fit with an arresting face, dark hair and even darker eyes that convey a sort of intensity I haven’t often encountered. Wearing a gray suit with a black button-down shirt and no tie, he greets Tenley with a brief kiss to the lips that’s somehow hotter than a deeper kiss would be from another man.
Tenley’s face flushes when he kisses her, and her eyes brighten when she looks at him. Despite her nonchalance in describing her relationship, she seems to be a woman deeply in love.
“It’s delightful to meet you, Addison.” Devon kisses the back of my hand when Tenley introduces us. “Tenley talks about you all the time, so it’s nice to finally put a gorgeous face with a name.”
I fan my face. “Okay, I’m thoroughly charmed.”
“Told you so,” Tenley says, smiling.
Devon laughs at our commentary. A drink appears on the bar in front of him, and he checks to make sure we’re set for drinks. “I hear you’re interested in my club and what goes on here.”
“You heard right.”
“And you’re new to the lifestyle?”
“I am.”
“What do you think so far?” He gestures to the big room full of decadence.
“It’s rather overwhelming at first.” I take another look around, and this time I notice the waitresses have tails extending from between smoothly rounded ass cheeks. I point to one of them. “How is that possible?”
“The tail?”
I nod, feeling like a blushing virgin as he matter-of-factly explains the various types of butt plugs, including those that have tails. “I, um, oh. Well…”
“I take it the concept is new to you?”
“It’s all new to me.”
“This’ll be fun,” he says with a broad sexy smile for Tenley. “How about we take a walk so you can see the rest?”
“There’s more?”
“Is there more, Tenley?”
“So much more,” she says. “Wait until you see.”
Devon offers each of us an arm. “Right this way, ladies.”
On fire with curiosity, I take hold of his left arm while Tenley curls her hand into crook of the right one. I tell myself I’m not doing anything wrong by looking. I haven’t betrayed Hayden or my feelings for him by further investigating a lifestyle that’s important to him. I’m after information, and Devon Black is an excellent source.
He’s patient as he explains everything we encounter. “That is what’s called a spanking bench. Note the padding that ensures the comfort of the sub.”
I hadn’t noticed the padding because I was too focused on the bright red ass cheeks of the woman bent over the contraption. “Doesn’t that hurt?”
“Tenley, do you want to answer that question?”
“It’s sort of a pleasurable kind of pain. It’s hard to describe until you’ve tried it.”
“So you like it?”
“Mmm,” she says with a low hum. “I like it.”
Devon smiles and pats her ass proprietarily. “I like it, too, but it’s not for everyone. That’s one of the best aspects of our scene—everyone is allowed to pick and choose what works for them and what doesn’t.”
“So it’s like a cafeteria plan,” I say, resorting to humor to hide my nervousness.
Devon laughs. “Something like that.”
We take a flight of stairs to the next level, which is open-gallery style and looks down on the main room below. Here the corridor is lined with sets of doors. “At my club, the left side is always the playroom and the right side is the observation room. We allow intercourse in the rooms but not on the main floor.” He opens the first right-side door. “After you.”
My heart beats a crazy staccato as I follow Tenley into a dark room. My attention is immediately drawn to the scene unfolding on the other side of a huge window. It’s a doctor’s office, and a naked woman is on the table, her feet in stirrups, her nipples clamped with metal clips. A tray of tools and objects is positioned next to the table. The “doctor” is a man and the “nurse” is another woman wearing a sexy white outfit with a demure nurse’s cap on her head. When she turns around, I see that the outfit is actually an apron with no back.
I’m not sure how to feel about what I’m seeing. Part of me is mortified to be witnessing this. But the other part is fascinated and aroused, if the sharp ache between my legs is any indication. The doctor and nurse torture the woman on the table with devices I never would’ve thought could be sexy, including a speculum that they use to open her vagina. She moans and thrashes and seems to be coming constantly as they “examine” every inch of her. I can’t believe that watching this actually turns me on, but it does.
“Let’s see what else is happening,” Devon says after we’ve watched for about fifteen minutes. He leads us from that room into another one where we see a woman bound from head to toe in an elaborate maze of ropes. The only parts of her not covered by the ropes are her breasts and genitals. She’s suspended from the ceiling, and her lover is whipping her breasts with something that makes her moan with pleasure.
“What’s that he’s using?” I ask, my voice huskier than usual.
“It’s a flogger,” Devon says.
“Does it hurt?”
Again he defers to Tenley. I can’t believe she’s done all this stuff. Girl’s been keeping some big secrets. “It stings, but it doesn’t actually hurt.”
I have a hard time understanding how it wouldn’t hurt to be repeatedly struck by something with a dozen or more leather tips, but I take her word for it.
“The most important thing to know is that everything you see happening has been negotiated in advance between the Dom and sub. We don’t believe in surprises during a scene, and the sub can put a stop to it at any time with one word that’s also negotiated in advance.”
“What’s yours?” I ask Tenley.
“Style,” she says with a big smile.
“Why am I not surprised?” I ask with a laugh.
“Tenley told me I can speak freely with you,” Devon says, “so I’ll tell you that she was about where you are when we first met at a party. She’d never heard of most of what goes on here, let alone tried it. She didn’t get to where she is now overnight. It’s a process, often undertaken by two people who have a common interest in the lifestyle as well as each other.”
“So Doms and subs are always in relationships?”
“Not in the traditional sense of the word,” Devon says. “In some cases, the only time a Dom and sub see each other is here or at another club where they might share a scene. Others live in full-time Dom/sub or Master/slave relationships.”
“Master/slave? Seriously?”
“Everyone is different, and this lifestyle caters to what makes us unique. What wouldn’t work for you works beautifully for someone else.”
As I wonder if Hayden is into the Master/slave thing, I return my attention to the couple in the next room and watch as he manipulates her suspended body so her legs are wrapped around his hips. Her mouth falls open when he enters her, and I w
atch, transfixed, as a blissful expression occupies her face.
“See that?” Devon says softly. “That’s called subspace. She’s been transported out of the here and now, and the pleasure is all there is. A lot of the subs I know are strong, competent people who love to be taken away from it all for a little while, knowing they’ll be well cared for if they let themselves go.”
As a woman who constantly keeps a thousand balls in the air, the thought of being able to let it all go for a while certainly has its appeal. “So that can work? A woman who isn’t submissive in her real life can submit here?”
“I see it all the time,” Devon says. “We have women—and men—from all walks of life who come here looking to experience something new and different. Our club’s membership includes actors and actresses whose names you’d recognize, thus the confidentiality agreement you signed upon entering the club. We take privacy and security very seriously here. Any club that doesn’t is one to be avoided.”
Since I’m not planning to take a grand tour of LA-area sex clubs, I’m comforted by this club’s high standards.
“I’m surprised to learn that men can be submissive, too.”
“Absolutely,” Devon says. “Nothing is unheard of here. You’re as likely to see a female dominatrix here as you are to see a male Dom.” After we watch the couple in the next room for a while longer, he says, “Let’s move along, shall we?”
I take a last look over my shoulder to see the couple in the next room still fully engaged in coitus. The man has stamina to spare, like someone else I know. I try to picture Hayden in this setting and can’t help but wonder what his preferences are. Is he into floggers or whips? Ropes or toys? Or maybe he likes it all. I shiver as I imagine experiencing such things with him. I want to experience everything with him, and after seeing what’s possible, that includes exploring this world.
In the next room, we see a man shackled to a large X.
“You mentioned being interested in the concept of a man as a submissive.” Devon says. “That’s what is known as a St. Andrew’s cross.”