by Marie Force
“Yes, it is,” I say, laughing. “You haven’t seen me when I have PMS or when chemo brain kicks in.”
His brows knit adorably. “What the heck is chemo brain?”
“Confusion, forgetfulness, memory failure, tripping over my own feet, to name a few things, and irritability when any of the above occurs. It can be as short-lived as a year after chemo, or it can last forever. I haven’t had it too bad, but I’m definitely more forgetful and clumsier than I was before I had chemo. I’m also tired a lot.”
“I hate to think about you going through such an ordeal by yourself with two kids.”
“I had a lot of great support from Logan’s school community and friends like Nat and Flynn, who stepped up for us.”
“I wish I’d known you then.”
“I’m glad you didn’t. Anyway, you haven’t seen me at my worst, by any means.”
“I want to see you at your best, your worst and everything in between.”
“Can’t you understand that I want that with you, too?”
“I bet my worst is a whole lot worse than yours.”
“I want you to do something for me.”
“Anything.”
“I want you to give yourself permission to enjoy this as much as I am.”
“Are you? Enjoying it?”
“So much.” I turn his face toward me so I can kiss him. “You can’t tell?”
“Maybe you’d better show me again.”
“Hold that thought for one second while I go check on my kids.” I get up to go peek in on the kids, who are both sleeping soundly. Returning to the living room, I crook my finger at Kristian and then head for my bedroom. When he joins me, I close the door and lock it.
“What’s going on?” he asks, raising a brow.
Sliding my arms around his neck, I go up on tiptoes to kiss him. “More of this maybe?”
“Mmm,” he says against my lips. “I could be down with that.”
“And I want to talk about the things you want.” I swallow hard. “In bed.”
“What we did tonight is more than enough for me.”
“But that’s not how you like it.”
“Was there anything about what happened earlier that I didn’t seem to like?”
“You know what I mean. You want more than that.”
“Not with you.” He kisses my forehead, the end of my nose and my lips. “With you, what we did was more than enough.”
I pull free of his tight hold.
“Where’re you going?”
“Over here.” I sit on the edge of the bed and wrap my arms around my legs.
“What’s wrong?”
“Why won’t you be truthful with me?”
He slides his hands into his pockets. “I’ve been more truthful with you than I’ve ever been with anyone.”
“Then tell me why you want those things with other women but not with me.”
“I don’t need it with you. It’s already so much more just because it’s you.”
I want to believe him, but recalling what Natalie said about how Flynn and the others need kinky sex has me wondering if he’s telling me everything.
“What if I want it?”
He sits next to me on the bed. “What if you want what?”
I lick lips that have gone dry. “The things you talked about before.”
“You’re going to have to be more specific.”
“I want to submit to you.”
He sucks in a sharp deep breath. “You have no idea what you’re saying.”
I’m not sure what compels me to move, but I find myself dropping to my knees in front of him. “Teach me.”
“Aileen…”
Looking up at him, I go for my best innocent expression, hoping to tempt him. “Yes, Sir?”
Gritting his teeth, he says, “You’re playing with fire.”
“Will I get burned, Sir?” My heart beats wildly as I watch him try to decide how to proceed—and yes, I can see the dilemma he’s grappling with.
Then he unbuckles his belt and opens his pants, freeing his cock. “Is this what you want?” he asks in a sexy growl as he strokes himself.
“Tell me what you want.”
“Suck my cock.”
Yes, please… “How do you like it?”
“Wrap your hand around the base.”
I follow his direction, and he gasps when my hand brushes against his sensitive skin.
“Tighter.”
I tighten my grip.
“Stroke it. Hard and fast.”
My heart beats erratically, and I remind myself to breathe as I give him what he wants. With his hands propped behind him on the bed, his head falls back and his hips move in time with my hand. His eyes are closed, so he has no warning when I lean over him and draw the wide head into my mouth.
He gasps sharply, which fills me with satisfaction and a sense of my own power.
Pleasuring a partner has never turned me on the way it does now. I want him to love this. I want it to be the best he’s ever had, so I devote myself to him, taking his cock into my mouth and retreating, lashing him with my tongue and sucking as hard as I can. He’s so big that my lips are stretched to their limit.
He gasps and moans and thrusts his hips but doesn’t try to take over the way I expect him to.
When I sense he’s getting close, I cup his balls and roll them gently between my fingers.
“Fuck,” he mutters in that gruff, sexy tone I’ve come to love so much. “Aileen… Stop. Babe…”
I don’t stop. Instead, I stroke him faster and suck him harder.
He explodes in my mouth, something I used to hate with Rex, but with Kristian, it seems perfectly natural to swallow every drop and lick him clean while he trembles in the aftermath. Falling back on the bed, he releases a deep breath and reaches for me.
I crawl on top of him.
His arms come around me, his lips skimming my forehead.
“How’d I do?”
He grunts out a laugh. “You ruined me.”
“I want to be the best you’ve ever had, so tell me if there was something you want that I didn’t do.”
“Aileen…” He sighs. “Everything about you is the best I’ve ever had.”
Well… As far as compliments go, they don’t get much better than that. “Could I ask you something else?”
“Sure,” he says, but I hear hesitance.
“This, between us… You aren’t going to suddenly decide you can’t do it and run away from me, are you?”
“No,” he says, sounding resigned. “I’m not going to run away.”
I raise myself up on one arm so I can see his face. “Is this what you want, Kristian? Am I what you want?”
He cups my face in his big hand, his thumb dragging over my lips. “I tell myself I should stay away so you can find a nice, normal guy who can be what you need. But the thought of any other guy touching you makes me insane with jealousy. I tell myself that you could do better, that you deserve better, but I can’t stay away. I’m on my way back to you before I consciously decide to come here. From the second I first saw you, I’ve been a disaster, and that’s all your fault.”
I laugh through the tears that slide down my cheeks. Maybe you could hear those words from the guy you’re crazy about and not cry, but I’m not that strong.
He kisses away my tears. “So yeah, you’re what I want, what I need, what I crave, but you have to show me how to do this. I’ve never tried to have a normal relationship with a woman, let alone a mom of two precious kids. I’m scared to death that I’m going to fuck it up and hurt you guys somehow. That’s my biggest fear.”
His raw honesty touches me deeply, because I know it doesn’t come naturally to him. “You will fuck up and you will hurt us, and we’ll hurt you, and it’ll be messy and difficult and awful at times. That’s life and love and relationships. It’s what happens when you care.”
“I have this darkness inside of me, and you’re all light and laughte
r and joy. It would kill me if my darkness dimmed your joy.”
“Then let’s not allow that to happen. Maybe my joy will defeat your darkness.”
His lips curve into a small smile. “Wouldn’t that be something?”
“Anything is possible if you have faith in me and us and what we’re building together.”
“I feel like a greedy little boy being offered ice cream for the first time in my life.”
Does he have any idea how sweet he is? “You’d better lick it fast before it melts.”
His eyes widen with surprise at my blatant invitation, but then he pounces, turning us over so quickly, my head spins. “Don’t mind if I do.”
Chapter 18
I float through the next couple of days on a cloud of contentment unlike anything I’ve ever experienced. Work is insane as we prepare for the premiere, so time with Aileen is limited to stolen hours late at night. I go to her the second I break free of work, and she’s always happy to see me.
Last night, I didn’t get there until midnight. She met me at the door, took me by the hand, led me into her bedroom and undressed me without saying a word. I lost myself in her sweetness for hours. Today, I’m sleep-deprived and running on adrenaline and a kind of bone-deep happiness I’ve never known before. Apparently, I’m doing a piss-poor job of hiding my euphoria, because it’s the number one topic of conversation at our partner meeting on the morning before the premiere.
They talk about me like I’m not in the room hearing every word they’re saying.
“I’ve never seen him smile like that,” Jasper says.
“I know!” Mo replies. “I didn’t know he could smile like that. The dimples are on permanent display.”
“You think he’s in love?” Hayden asks.
“Could be,” Mo says. “He’s got the same dopey, gobsmacked look about him you had when Addie finally brought you up to scratch.”
Flynn cracks up laughing at the dopey face Hayden makes at Marlowe.
“What’re you laughing at?” she asks Flynn. “No one was dopier or more gobsmacked than you were when you first met Natalie.”
Flynn holds up his hands in defense. “You won’t hear me arguing.”
All eyes turn to me, and I fight the urge to squirm.
“So,” Hayden says. “What gives?”
“Are you talking to me now and not just about me?” I ask him, smiling so he’ll know I’m joking.
“Don’t be a smart-ass. Tell us what we want to know.”
“Umm, I think I’ll pass on that.” I refer to the agenda Lori printed out for the meeting. “We’ve got a lot to cover this morning and interviews starting in an hour.” We’re back-to-back today with all the major entertainment shows coming in to interview Hayden, Flynn and Marlowe about Insidious.
Flynn plays a drug addict struggling to break free of a vicious opioid addiction, Marlowe is his therapist, and Hayden directed them both to Oscar-worthy performances. We’re already hearing buzz about a repeat sweep for Quantum in next year’s awards season.
“Come on, Kris,” Marlowe says. “You gotta tell us something!”
I want to snap at her to mind her own business, but I’d never do that. These four people are the closest thing to “family” I’ve ever had, and they mean the world to me.
“Things are good.” That’s the understatement of the century. Things are magnificent.
“So you’re over that ‘flu’ you had?” Jasper asks, using his fingers to make air quotes around the word flu.
“For the most part.”
“What’s this about the flu?” Flynn asks, looking to Jasper and then to me.
“Nothing,” I say, giving Jasper a pointed look.
He smiles as he shrugs, the bastard. He likes knowing he’s made me squirm. I suppose that’s the least of what he owes me after I rode him about Ellie when they first got together. Payback is truly a bitch in this crowd.
Thankfully, we get back to business after that, but I’m painfully aware that I’ve dodged a bullet for now. I’m on borrowed time when it comes to my partners and their need to know everything that goes on in our group.
I’m usually right there with them, poking at whomever is going off the rails with a member of the opposite sex, but being on the receiving end of the pokes is another thing that’s new to me. Until now, I’ve never given them reason to be curious about my love life. They’ve often witnessed it, such as it was, firsthand at our clubs here in LA and in New York, but now I can’t imagine making love to Aileen with an audience, which is another massive change on top of the many others.
The day passes in a blur of frenetic activity, the kind I usually relish because it keeps me at the top of my game—where I do my best work. Today, I’m at the bottom of my game with my brain muzzy from lack of sleep, my attention split between work and wondering what Aileen and the kids are up to today and figuring out how many hours I have to put in at the office before I can see her.
Once again, it’s after midnight when I arrive at her place, using the key she gave me. I’ve even got a bag with me tonight so I can shower in the morning and go straight to the office for a couple of hours to deal with last-minute issues before the premiere. We’ve given up pretending that we aren’t spending every night together. So far, I’ve been lucky to avoid detection by the kids, but I’m sure it’s only a matter of time before we get caught.
She says it’s okay if they catch me there, but I’m anxious about whether that’ll cause problems. She’s told me they both like me and that I make her happy. And isn’t that something? Her kids like me, and I make her happy. Hearing that is frosting on an already delicious cake.
Aileen is asleep, so I undress quietly, use the bathroom and then slide into bed, snuggling up to her warmth and finally relaxing after an endless, stressful day.
She turns over to face me. “So late tonight.” Her voice is husky and sexy and sleepy. I marvel at how quickly I’ve become addicted to the sound of her voice and how easily I’ve fallen into the habit of sleeping with her, when I’ve always preferred to sleep alone. Not anymore. Now I don’t want to sleep without her wrapped around me.
“I think we’re finally ready.” I tip her chin up to receive my kiss, and when her mouth opens to my tongue, I lose myself in her sweet sexiness. If there’s anything better than this, I’ve yet to find it. I make slow, sultry love to her, our bodies moving together in perfect harmony, as if we’ve been doing this for years rather than days. I can’t get enough of her. I’m drunk on her taste and her scent and the heat of her pussy around my cock as she comes with soft gasps that make me wild for her.
I lose my mind as I pound into her, captivated by a feeling I can only get from being with her this way. It’s the highest of highs, and I’m truly addicted.
Her hands grasp my ass cheeks, pulling me deeper into her, and that finishes me off.
I collapse on top of her, my head spinning and my lungs burning from holding my breath. “I didn’t mean to be so rough.”
“I loved it.” She has this blissed-out look on her face that I can see in the glow of the nightlight in the bathroom.
“You’re not sore anymore?” I probably should’ve asked her that beforehand. She’d been too sore after the first night to have sex for a couple of days. I thought I’d die waiting for her to feel better.
“I’m fine. Don’t worry.”
I do worry. I worry about everything where she’s concerned—her health, her happiness, her safety, her well-being, her kids… I’m happier than I’ve ever been, and all I can think about is how long will it last before the rug gets pulled out from under me the way it always does.
For now, right in this minute, I have everything I’ve ever wanted right here in my arms, and I tell myself that’s enough.
But still… I worry.
The pampering begins just after noon. I’m happy and tired and sore and elated and completely in love with the most extraordinary man. He’s complicated and broody and sexy and loving and sw
eet and sometimes rough around the edges. And he’s seen to every detail to make sure today is another in a string of magical days for me.
Not only has he made this amazing for me, but he asked Tenley to include my daughter, who is getting her nails done right alongside me. Her hair is in rollers, and her grin stretches from ear to ear. The cut on her forehead is healing nicely, and she doesn’t complain about it hurting anymore.
Flynn came to pick up Logan to do “guy things,” as he put it, while I get ready for my big night out.
I can’t believe this is my life. A year ago today, I had just been diagnosed, and my future seemed anything but rosy. Now my illness feels like a distant nightmare that happened to someone else. I’m going to a Hollywood premiere with the man of my dreams, and we have the entire night to spend together. The last time I was this excited, the kids and I were on our way to Flynn and Nat’s wedding, not knowing I would meet someone who would change our lives so profoundly.
The screen door opens, and Natalie pokes her head in. “Knock, knock.”
“Hey, come in!” I’m thrilled to see her, as always.
“I was out doing errands and wanted to pop over to see if you need anything.”
“Since Venice Beach is nowhere near your house, you need a better story.”
“Fine,” she says, laughing as she flops down on the sofa, “I wanted to see how you’re holding up before your first big night in Hollywood.”
“I’m freaking out. I can’t believe I’m going to a premiere with Kristian and the rest of you.”
“Try to think of it as just another date.”
“Is that what you did when you went to the Golden Globes with Flynn?”
“Touché. I was a disaster.”
“Then you know exactly how I feel.”
“It’s okay, Mommy. Mr. Kristian will make sure you don’t get scared or anything.”
“That’s true, honey.” She’s right—he’ll take care of me and make sure I have a wonderful time. I love that she knows that about him and has such faith in him. I’ll have to tell him that later. It’ll mean a lot to him.