Damian swore softly under his breath. He’d likely done the damage himself. “Stop sewing, please.”
Her gaze snapped up to his, confusion in her eyes. “Why?”
“A husband buys his wife all the gowns she needs.” He gently pulled the fabric from her fingers.
Confusion clouded her eyes as she stared at him. “But—”
“We’ll marry still,” he said as he turned away. Even now, he felt a pull toward her that he steeled himself against. He’d have to take some time to order his thoughts. She’d make a good wife, an excellent lover. But he’d not allow himself to care beyond that. “I’ll have to acquire a special license, which means I need to return to London. Your job is to acquire a proper wardrobe while I’m gone.”
Her eyes crinkled. “You’re leaving? When?’
“Today,” he answered, looking away. “I’ll need nearly a week to complete the journey and return with the license.”
She shifted, her hands clasping. “I could come with you.”
Under different circumstances, he’d love the idea. But he needed time without her distracting him. The opportunity to get his emotions in hand, order their future in a way he could keep from getting hurt. “I’ll be back soon enough.”
“I’ll go with him,” Raithe said. “Company always makes a journey faster.”
“I don’t need a nanny, Balstead.” He straightened, giving the other man a long stare.
Raithe shrugged then looked at Cassandra. “Keep my fiancée company while I am gone.”
Damian debated protesting further but if he were in Balstead’s position, he’d likely do the same.
“You’re engaged?” Cassandra spun back, throwing her arms about Raithe’s neck. “That is the most wonderful news.”
Jealousy, hot and sharp stabbed through him as he watched them hug. He definitely needed time.
“Thank you. You’ll love Charlotte. Charlie, everyone calls her. She’s no wilting flower.”
“I can hardly wait.” She stepped back again, her fingers grasping Balstead’s squeezing his hands.
His own insides tightened. He had to get his emotions back under control.
Chapter Eleven
Cassandra watched her fiancé leave, dread and unease churning in her stomach. This very situation was exactly what she hadn’t wanted.
How had last night ended so terribly wrong?
She straightened, refusing to allow the tears pricking behind her eyes to fall. Should she end the engagement? In some ways, dissolving their arrangement was the best course. She’d begun their relationship with a lie. Granted, she’d never intended to actually become engaged to a duke, but even still, she couldn’t blame him for being angry.
She’d betrayed him. In a far different way than his first fiancée but it was still a betrayal.
But her shoulders sagged again. Last night had been magical, transformative. She’d come alive in his arms, rediscovering herself in ways she never imagined. And if she could find that magic again perhaps they could be…happy together?
Because the real reason she could not just walk away was that, far more than just her financial future was at risk. More than anything, it was her heart that was in danger of being ruined.
Cassandra was falling in love with Damian and if she wasn’t careful, her feelings could be crushed before they even started their life together. She rubbed her arms, then crossed the room to ring for a bath. A good soak would help her think.
But after bathing and dressing she had no more answers.
She knew the vague outlines of her soon-to-be husband. What drove him, what sort of man he was but the truth was, she needed to know him better to understand fully how to win his heart back.
She made her way down to the breakfast room to find several people she didn’t know in attendance. Raithe sat next to a beautiful dark-haired woman, along with another handsome couple.
Damian was gone. Her heart skipped a beat. How could she convince him of her good intentions if he wasn’t in attendance?
“Cassandra.” Raithe stood as she entered. “I’d like you to meet Lady Charlotte Summerset.” Raithe put his arm around the woman who’d stood next to him. Turning toward her, his eyes glowed with affection, tender and achingly sweet.
She dropped her eyes, wincing. How did Charlotte get Raithe to look at her with such a glance? She tucked her envy away and crossed to take the woman’s hands. “I am so happy to meet you.”
“And I am thrilled to meet you.” The other woman reached out her hands. “Call me, Charlie. Please,” she said. “We’re to be family.”
Raithe turned to the other man. “And this is her cousin, His Grace, The Duke of Rathmore.”
The scent of roasted meats and lightly seasoned eggs filled the air, but she couldn’t face eating a single bite. Not with her stomach churning and clenching with regret and anxiety. But she hid her discomfort, dipping into a curtsy while greeting the duke. “Your Grace,” she said.
The other man gave her a warm smile. He was classically handsome in a way that instantly put her ease. “Mrs. Winterset. A pleasure.”
“Though it will soon be Lady Danesbury, I am told.”
Cassandra grimaced, nausea threatening to rise in her throat, but she gave a quick nod of assent.
She didn’t manage to hide her internal turmoil from everyone, she realized, when Charlie’s eyes narrowed to study her carefully.
Introductions over, Cassandra crossed to the buffet and helped herself to breakfast, then pushed around the food on her plate, vainly trying to hide her lack of appetite, silent as the others chatted.
Finally, Raithe stood. “I am sorry to have to leave so soon. But I must prepare for our journey and catch up with Danesbury.”
Charlie grimaced, her hand trailing over his arm. “We’ll miss you.”
Rathmore chuckled. “I like how you lumped me into the people who shall miss Balstead.”
Everyone laughed, even Cassandra. Then she realized, Charlie had travelled here to be with her fiancé, and he was leaving as soon as they’d arrived. “Raithe, you don’t have to go. I’m sure he’ll come back.” Her voice caught on the last word as she considered him not returning.
But he shook his head. “It will be fine, Cassandra. We’ll be back before you know it.”
Charlie gave her a large smile, her eyes crinkling at the corners. Was that happiness or worry? “We should go on a walk this afternoon. You can show me the property.”
“Of course,” Cassandra answered. “I’ll show you anything you’d like. It will be your home.”
Raithe nodded as he stood again. “We’ll be leaving shortly. Your duke is anxious to get this journey started. He said something about leaving without me if I wasn’t ready on time.” Raithe quirked a half grin. “Besides. The sooner we go, the sooner we’ll return.”
She drew in a shaky breath. As things were, she wondered if that were true at all. She needed to have a private conversation with Damian. She needed to reach some understanding with Damian before he left.
She shifted, wondering how he would react. Was this a good idea or would this talk go as poorly as every other one they’d attempted to have?
Damian stood in the center of his room, tapping his foot. He and Raithe had agreed to leave at half past ten this morning. That would ensure they’d reach London by tomorrow evening and he could have a meeting with the archbishop on the following day.
He let out a long breath.
In other aspects of his life, he made quick and conclusive decisions based on instinct. They almost always worked for the best.
Except when it came to affairs of the heart.
Then he had terrible judgment, clearly. He scrubbed his hand through his hair. He likely should have just picked a debutante at random. He’d have had better luck. Then he thought about the fear and revulsion he’d likely see in her eyes.
And he remembered why he’d chosen Cassandra to begin with. When she looked at him, there was heat and fire.
But he was in danger of once again being burned.
Not physically, of course. Not like last time. Which, he had to confess, was a real improvement. Then again, she’d lied to him about her situation. What else had been a falsehood? Still, her calm, even temper suited him. Was there hope after all?
Perhaps if he could just keep some distance between them. Keep from losing all his reason and— a soft knock at the door made him turn. He knew it was Cassandra. Even her knock was light and lyrical.
Crossing the room, he opened the door to find her standing with her arms wrapped about herself. Upset as he was, he still wanted to pull her into his embrace and comfort her. She looked dejected and concerned.
“Hello,” she said, her soft voice tickling along his skin.
“Hello,” he replied, not sure what to say, precisely. They’d experienced a great high and a rather bothersome low all within a few hours’ time.
“May I come in?” she asked, pressing her palms into the folds of her skirts.
He swept his hand for her to enter into the room.
She tentatively stepped in, crossing toward the fire as she turned to face him again. “I wanted to speak with you before you left.”
He gave a single nod as he joined her by the fire.
He watched as she shifted, her gaze cast down toward the floor. “I wanted to tell you, last night, about my lie. I just got caught up in the moment.”
Realization made him scrub his face. She had been trying to tell him something. He remembered her trying multiple times. As usual, he’d barreled ahead. “I see.”
“It doesn’t excuse what I did but…” She twisted her hands together, shifting again.
He waved his hand. “It’s all right. You were trying to protect yourself.” He understood. He did. But it didn’t change the fact that he’d gotten a stiff reminder of how this situation could lead to another broken heart.
“Thank you for that.” She eyed him as she took a deep breath. “You’re not upset with me?”
“No,” he said. Which was more or less the truth. “We’re all doing the best we can to move forward with our lives and protect ourselves.”
Her eyes crinkled at the corners as she assessed him. “Protection is important.”
He didn’t step any closer as he looked into the flames of the fire. “I’ll be back in five or six days. We’ll get married right away.”
He didn’t have to look to know she moved closer to him. “Damian.” She reached for his hand, the tips of her fingers lightly stroking his palm. “I’ll understand if you don’t want to marry.” He could feel her heat, her scent wrapped about him.
He looked at her then and read the uncertainty in her beautiful hazel eyes. “I made a promise when I signed the contract and took you to bed,” he said. “I intend to keep it.”
Cassandra shook her head. “I’m not sure I want another match filled with obligation and…”
She reached her hand and touched his cheek. Just for a second.
“The alternative is that we had relations without the sanctity of marriage. Are you prepared for that?”
Her face spasmed, pain lancing across her features. There was his answer. They had to get married regardless of the lie between them.
“The past has a way of repeating itself, doesn’t it?”
Pain tightened like a band around his chest. “It certainly does.”
She drew in a deep breath. “Where do we go from here?”
He traced the outside curve of her arm. “We marry. We give you security, me an heir. We make the best of our future.”
“Make the best?” She let out a sigh and then stepped back. “I wish you safe travels.”
Then she turned and fled the room, not looking back.
He stood watching the door for the longest time. Part of him wanted to call her back and kiss her senseless. But another voice told him to keep his distance, allow some safe space between his feelings and her heart.
He couldn’t afford to give his affection to the wrong woman again.
Chapter Twelve
Cassandra stared out the window of the sitting room as the sun shined bright in the afternoon sky. Three days had passed since Damian had left. She’d attempted to be a hostess of sorts to Raithe’s guests.
She’d taken them on tours of the property. Introduced Charlie to the staff. But with each hour that ticked by, Cassandra had grown increasingly fidgety.
What if he didn’t come back? Her breath hitched. What if he did but never forgave her? She’d heard his words but there had been a feeling missing between them. The heat had been gone…what if it didn’t return and she was trapped in another cold marriage?
Was that her fate? To marry but never quite capture her husband’s true affections?
She turned from the window, smoothing her skirts, her stomach churning. That was when she started. She’d been so lost in her thoughts, she hadn’t heard Charlie and Ophelia enter but they stood just behind her, matching looks of concern on their faces. “Oh. My apologies. I didn’t hear…”
Charlie reached for her hand. “You were lost in thought.” The other woman gave her a kind smile.
Ophelia nodded. “We understand. Both of us struggled to…” She placed a finger on her chin, looking up at the ceiling.
Charlie wrinkled her nose. “Struggled to tame our rather errant rakes.”
Ophelia laughed and some of the tension in Cassandra eased. Their words made her feel as though she had allies. Other than Raithe, she’d been adrift and alone these past few years. “You struggled with Raithe?”
Charlie gave her a soft smile. “He was determined to remain unattached after his past, and of course, he was worried about you too.”
She looked down at the floor, wincing. “I never wanted to be a burden to Raithe.”
“You’re not.” Charlie squeezed her hand. “If anything, what you did for your first husband makes you a hero.”
She shook her head. “It only looks that way from the outside.”
Ophelia reached for her other hand, drawing her toward the door. “All heroes say that. Even in the great stories. They were doing what was necessary,” she said. “They didn’t have choices. They had to make sacrifices. That doesn’t mean they were any less heroic.”
“Ophelia loves literature,” Charlie added as they continued pulling her out the door and down the hall. “Shakespeare in particular.”
“Where are we going?” Cassandra asked as they started down the stairs.
“For a walk,” Ophelia answered. “Fresh air always clears the head and exercise soothes the nerves.”
Charlie wrapped an arm about her waist. “And talking will provide some clarity.”
She shook her head. “That’s very kind but I don’t think I’m ready to—” She didn’t know how to tell them that she could never share the intimate details of what she’d done with Damian. While it had been wonderful, she knew being intimate with him was also wrong. Even worse, how could she ever share with these women that she’d also considered becoming his mistress, had relations with him before they said their vows?
Ophelia opened the door and they moved into the sun, making their way to a shady wooded path.
“Let me tell you about my courtship instead. When I first met His Grace, I painted him as a hero from a story. I allowed him to kiss me. Then it became clear that he wasn’t serious about me at all. For a time, I considered ignoring him entirely until I realized he’d been hurt and needed my help.”
Cassandra paused for just a moment. This all sounded achingly familiar. “Really? You decided you needed to help him?”
“I did.”
Charlie tightened her grip on Cassandra’s waist. “You, probably better than anyone, know that Raithe needed my help. He was a bit like a lost puppy. A very naughty one.”
Cassandra held back a laugh as she looked at the beautiful brunette next to her. Raithe most certainly needed help. “How did you help him?”
One of Charl
ie’s shoulders lifted in a shrug. “Well for starters, I allowed things to develop between us physically. He needed that connection to open up.”
Cassandra’s head dipped. Did she dare confess she’d already tried that route? Or that her own lie stood between them. “What if that connection isn’t enough?”
“You must keep trying to connect,” Ophelia answered. “It took me several tries with Chase.”
She stopped walking, taking those words in. They’d been so intertwined when they’d spent the night together. It made complete sense that continuing their physical intimacy would lead to more emotional connection. “How did I not think of that,” she murmured as she nodded her head. Their words were like light shining onto the darkness.
“Your duke and Raithe will return tomorrow or the next day. Get him alone as much as possible. That’s your answer.” Charlie laced her fingers into hers. “We are going to be like family, Cassandra. Feel free to seek me out for advice at any time. Talking always provides clarity.”
For the first time since Damian had left, hope bloomed in her chest. Could she win her husband’s heart the way he’d won hers?
Damian sat on his horse, Balstead next to him. They hadn’t spoken a word in hours, hardly talked the entire trip.
He liked the other man far more for it.
Not every lord was confident enough to endure silence.
And it left him free to enjoy the journey. Birds chirped as the sun streamed through the branches of trees. The scenery had calmed his mind even as the trip tired his body.
“Can I ask you a question?” Balstead asked, finally breaking the quiet.
He looked over at the other man’s dark, menacing looks. “If you must.”
One corner of Balstead’s lips tipped up. “When you return and marry Cassandra, will you leave right away?”
He blinked. “I hadn’t considered my plans beyond the wedding.”
Balstead pulled closer to him. “I have a lovely dower house on the estate. Could I request that you stay so that Cassandra may attend my wedding?”
When to Dare an Dishonorable Duke: Regency Romance (Romancing the Rake Book 7) Page 8