by Rowan Shaw
"Liar," I laughed.
Adrien flashed a breathtaking smile and got off the bed to remove his shirt and briefs. I didn't know if it was appropriate to crave my boyfriend's touch so much when Noah was right next door mourning his failed relationship, but I couldn't control my rising hunger. Adrien gave me a starving look and crawled on top of me. He pulled on my belt, his eyes locked on mine the entire time.
"I hate it when you doubt yourself, Raphaël. What do I gotta do to prove there is no one else out there for me?"
"I have a little idea."
Adrien gave the naughtiest smile, slipped my pants off along with my boxers, and settled between my legs to kiss my thighs.
"Are you clean back there?" he asked.
"I took a shower before dinner."
He hummed against my skin and spread my legs. "There is no one for me but you," he repeated before giving me a first lick that made my hips jerk.
Chapter 3
NOAH
Adrien and Raphael were already sitting at the kitchen table when I woke up and joined them for breakfast. The moment I walked in, my eyes caught on Adrien's hand squeezing Raphaël's as they ate cereal. Under the table, his foot was playing with Raphaël's too, but he pulled away when he noticed me staring. Before I could even sit down, he stood from his chair to get me some coffee and placed some cracottes on the table along with butter and strawberry jam. He must have gone to the store before I woke up because I knew for a fact he hated cracottes, and it didn't look like Raphaël had touched them either.
I felt bad that he'd gone out of his way to get my favorite breakfast when my stomach was still churning enough over yesterday's events to prevent me from eating. "I'm not that hungry."
Adrien flicked his hand at me. "I'm not going to let you starve because of that jerk."
I'd already gathered Adrien wasn't fond of Hugo. It didn't take a genius to see he wasn't into my ex when the three of us were still sleeping together. But I never thought he might truly despise him. I closed my eyes, refusing to dwell on the thought, and sat on the other side of the large wooden table in their sparkling kitchen. With my cheek pressed against my palm and my elbow propped on the table, I toyed with a spoon that I twirled in my coffee. I dropped three sugars in one by one, and Raphaël watched without a word, his eyes growing at the amount of sugar I was about to consume.
Adrien sat down, then glanced at me from over his bowl of coffee as he took a sip. The concern flickering through his dark eyes only made me feel worse. "How are you this morning?"
"Great," I lied.
Raphaël cast him a flitting glance. They'd been talking about me behind my back. I could feel it, and I hated the thought of it.
"Raphaël and I think you should stay here for a little while."
I shook my head without looking at him. "I don't want to impose."
In my peripheral vision, I saw Raphaël reach out to wipe a piece of bread from the corner of Adrien's mouth. The gesture was so loving and natural, it made my heart ache. I blinked against my rising tears, and when Adrien noticed me looking, he pulled away. He didn't need to worry about me. I knew Raphaël was his world. It'd been like that ever since he'd walked into Adrien's life. Every look Adrien gave him was some kind of foreplay, lingering and persistent as if he was mentally undressing Raphaël. It had taken me a while to get used to it, but I did.
In ten years, Hugo had never looked at me like that, except when he wanted to fuck me so hard, I'd have cramps for two days. My ex always told me he wasn't the romantic kind. He didn't believe in holding hands and all that girly bullshit. Strange how he had no problem showing affection for that actor, though. In my life, I'd never seen him make love to anyone as softly as he did that guy. The whole thing made me sick to my stomach.
I closed my eyes again and tried not to think about the way Hugo had caressed him and kissed his mouth while penetrating him more gently than he ever did me—even when we were still virgins—before he spent the entire night cuddling with the guy. After years of Hugo and I doing other men, I never imagined it could hurt so much to see him with someone he actually liked, someone he wasn't willing to share with me, someone he might leave me for. Threesomes were always supposed to be for fun and pleasure, nothing else. I should have seen the break-up coming. In the end, our relationship wasn't what it used to be. We were both going through the motions.
"You can stay in the guest room as long as you want," Raphaël said. "Adrien has to work today, but I can come with you to get your stuff."
He didn't seem to realize how much junk I'd accumulated over the years. It would never fit here, no matter how big their apartment was. I'd have to throw a bunch of it away, and coercing myself to do that ripped my heart apart.
"Don't you have some studying to do?" I asked. I'd taken advantage of them enough as it was.
"I can do it afterwards."
"I can't bring all my stuff here."
"Just grab the essentials," Adrien said. "Raphaël and I can help you with the rest on Wednesday when I'm off. We'll figure it out."
"I don't think Hugo would like to see you there."
Adrien's jaw clenched in an instant. "I don't give a shit what Hugo thinks or how he feels."
His words slashed hard, leaving no doubt about his resentment. It might be best if he didn't come along at all. I knew he would fight with Hugo if my ex provoked him, and I didn't need any more drama in my life.
Chapter 4
NOAH
Just as I feared, Hugo was home when I got there to pick up the bare minimum I needed. He was standing in our living room, wearing a black tank top that hid none of his large muscular chest and protruding biceps when he folded his arms for a greeting. He was taller than me, much stronger too. His semi-long light brown hair was wet and tied in a ponytail while his gray eyes ran all over Raphaël the moment we walked in.
"Where have you been?" he asked, shifting his gaze back to me.
I raised my chin. "That stopped being your concern yesterday."
He had to know where I was. In spite of it all, it probably infuriated him that I'd spent the night at Adrien's place. He narrowed his eyes like he did any time he got pissed at me. He seemed ready to snap something nasty when the bedroom door opened. My heart sank. The actor came out, wearing nothing but briefs that molded his sickening package.
Raphaël's eyes bulged when he recognized the guy with the short black hair, the ugly fake tan, and some rectangular glasses over his short nose. The only thing that asshole had to offer was his huge dick, and I didn't even know if he could use it properly. I barely knew the guy, but I hated him. God, I hated him. Seeing him here hit me hard. I blinked against the tears pricking my eyes. I was not going to cry in front of Hugo. I'd done enough of that when he told me our relationship was over. I wasn't dropping that low again.
I raised my chin higher.
"I'm just grabbing a few things, so don't mind me," I managed to say without my voice cracking as I pushed by the actor to get into the bedroom.
When Raphaël followed me in, humiliation poured over me. The place reeked of sex, and there were brand new semen stains on the dark blue comforter. I closed my eyes and tried hard to breathe through my mouth as I opened the window. I proceeded to snatch everything I could from my chest of drawers and stuff it all in my suitcase that I'd pulled from the closet. I didn't care if my clothes got wrinkled. I wanted out of here as quickly as possible.
"What do you need me to do?" Raphaël asked just as Hugo's voice echoed behind him.
"You spent the night at Adrien's?" my ex asked. He hadn't bothered texting me to know if I was okay last night, so obviously he didn't care. Yet, he still thought he had the right to be mad that I'd sought comfort from someone else.
I wasn't sure if Raphaël could hear the threat in Hugo's voice, but he replied before I could respond, "He did."
"I should have known you'd run right back to him," Hugo let out, ignoring Raphaël.
I looked him straight in the eyes,
the muscles of my jaw tightening. "I don't see why you would care."
Hugo didn't reply. His eyes roamed my face, and for a second, I thought I saw a flash of jealousy and maybe sadness cross his gaze, but it disappeared just as quickly. Probably just my imagination.
"I don't have time to chit-chat," I said and took as many of my clothes as I possibly could. My suitcase was already full, but I forced more inside somehow.
"You're going to live with him?" Hugo asked.
I turned to him and seriously hoped it'd be the last time I'd have to look at his face. No matter how much I wanted to hate him, seeing him did nothing but cut me. "Why do you care? Where am I supposed to go?"
"I wasn't kicking you out," he replied and gave Raphaël a sidelong glare as if he expected him to leave. Raphaël didn't seem to get the message, though. Either that or he didn't care to move.
"You broke up with me," I snapped, swallowing hard when I felt rage bubbling inside. I couldn't let my anger erupt. I wasn't good at hiding my emotions, and our fights always made me look hysterical. That was why Hugo always won; he was always stoic in his anger.
"Where am I supposed to go? In the guest room while you spend all night fucking your new boyfriend? No thanks."
To my surprise, regret replaced the apathy in Hugo's eyes.
"Do you mind?" he asked Raphaël. "I would like to talk to Noah alone."
Raphaël gave me a glance to make sure I was okay. When I nodded, he left and closed the door.
"I never meant to hurt you," Hugo said calmly.
I scoffed at him, but I couldn't stop my welling tears anymore. "Do you love him?" I croaked.
He didn't lie this time. For once, I almost wished he did. He gave a nod, and that simple gesture tore through me like a knife.
"Do you love him more than you did me?"
Hugo didn't respond right away.
"I see." I hated myself for being so weak that I couldn't help getting upset and emotional.
"I've always loved you, Noah."
"Right."
"Noah, look at me."
When I wouldn't do as he said, he closed the distance between us and grabbed my wrist. "Noah, look at me!"
I shook my head. I couldn't.
I couldn't stand to watch our ten years turn to dust as if none of it mattered—as if I didn't matter.
"I've always loved you," he insisted. "I mean it, Noah."
I wished he would stop saying my name like that. My nostrils twitched as I disentangled my wrist from his grip and grabbed the last of my underwear. My suitcase was overflowing, but I sat on top to force the zipper closed.
"You never..." I breathed deeply, fighting with my luggage that refused to cooperate. "You never made love to me the way you did with him. Even when we first had sex. It was all just fucking to you."
When my suitcase wouldn't close, I kneeled in front of it, opened it up, and slammed my fists over my clothes angrily until they finally flattened.
I raised my eyes to Hugo. "Did you let him top?"
"What?"
"Did you let him top you?" I asked, still angry as I pulled the zipper shut at last.
Hugo didn't reply. I should have guessed. He wouldn't let me top him. Not once in ten years. But one night with that boyfriend-stealing asshole of his, and Hugo was ready to offer his ass like a trophy.
I shook my head and stood to my feet to pass by him, pulling my suitcase behind me. I wiped my eyes furiously, but I didn't have time to exit. Hugo stood in my way and grabbed my shoulders.
"Noah, I never meant for this to happen. It just did. You and I grew apart a long time ago, and then I met him. It wasn't something I'd planned," he said again, searching my eyes.
I refused to look at him. It hurt too much. Just to watch his lips move felt like agony. I couldn't stop envisioning them kissing the actor's skin before wrapping around his dick. I thought of the traces of cum on our bed and wanted to throw up.
"I know I wasn't the tender boyfriend you wanted. I know I failed to provide what you needed. But I did love you. I didn't mean to hurt you like this. We settled when we were so young. We convinced ourselves we were meant for each other, but I'm not the one for you. I never was, and deep down, you know it's true."
"I just don't understand. Why him? Why couldn't you be with me the way you are with him?"
"Because you and I were never meant to be."
I forced myself to look into his deep gray eyes. Deep down, I knew he was right, but that didn't excuse what he had done. It didn't help assuage the sting of his words.
"Think and say whatever you want if it will make you feel better about yourself, Hugo, but I never signed up for being cheated on. We had a deal. You broke that deal. That's on you, and I owe you no absolution."
I shouldered him out of the way and entered the living room. Raphaël was standing against the doorframe, his arms folded over his chest. When he saw me storm by, headed for the hallway, he followed me. I didn't look around for more of my stuff. I didn't want to see the actor, wherever he might be lurking at this point. Thankfully, Hugo didn't follow me this time. I didn't think I could bear the sight of him much longer.
I entered the bathroom and grabbed my vanity bag from under the sink to fill it up with all my lotions and makeup. I cursed when I realized I'd forgotten my iPad in the bedroom and asked Raphaël if he could get it for me. I couldn't go back there. I could still smell the funk of sex from that room as if it was stuck to my clothes.
"It's in my nightstand drawer. The one on the left."
Raphaël nodded and disappeared out the door while I grabbed all my bottles of shampoo—all ten of them. It was the expensive kind, and I wasn't leaving those behind for the actor to use. I would cut his damn hand off if he touched any of my stuff. Taking my boyfriend was all he was going to get.
I still had books scattered around the apartment, all graphic novels that took me years to collect, as well as my vinyl records, but I couldn't find the energy to gather them all and pack them today. I'd have to wait until Hugo was at work to come back.
When Raphaël returned with my iPad, I thanked him and let him know I was ready.
Since the bathroom door opened directly into the foyer, I didn't have to go through the living room again. I heard Hugo's voice call for me when I left and slammed the door. I rushed Raphaël along with my hand tight around his elbow and pressed the button of the elevator like a maniac. Thankfully, the elevator was still on this floor and opened its doors for us instantly. Hugo charged out of the apartment and ran to us right as I got in.
"Noah, wait!" The doors closed on his face. "Noah!"
The instant the elevator began to descend, the dam holding back my tears broke. I didn't look at Raphaël as I cried in silence the entire ride down before leading him to my car and loading my stuff into the trunk.
"I'll drive," he offered.
"I'm fine," I lied. I knew he'd never driven in the capital, and I didn't need a dent on my car to top it all.
I sat behind the wheel and got us far from the apartment as fast as the overwhelming Parisian traffic would let me.
Chapter 5
NOAH
I planned my move based on Hugo's schedule so he wasn't home when Adrien and Raphaël helped me sneak inside the apartment to bring everything back with me. To my surprise, all my boxes did fit in my temporary room, though the place was definitely cluttered. My heart cracked some more when I left the keys in Hugo's mailbox on my way out, but I didn't look back. Hurt as it might, he was right: we had drifted apart a long time ago, and he never was the right one for me. I just loathed to admit it.
It'd been one week and two days since our breakup, and I hated that I still missed him every second of each day—even if I only missed him as a constant in my life, like a bad habit I couldn't quit and needed to flush out of my system. I didn't know when my love for him had turned to a simple convenience, but I didn't miss him like I should miss a lover and boyfriend I couldn't live without.
I'd pac
ked pictures of us as keepsakes, but I probably shouldn't have. I had no intention of looking at them ever again after today. Holding one of them in my hand, I traced Hugo's face and the curve of his square jaw. He really was handsome, in a rugged, rock star kind of way. Yet, looking at him disgusted me. My years with him felt like a waste. I should have left a long time ago. I was just too scared of living without him.
The more I thought about what he had done, the angrier I got. Christmas was just around the corner, too. He had left me with nowhere to go on the holidays. I was supposed to accompany him to his moms' place, but that had flown out the window now. I wondered how he would explain my absence. His moms both loved me dearly, probably more than their own son ever did.
My parents had left for Tahiti for three weeks. I hadn't told them about the breakup either because I didn't want them to worry about me. Hugo had grown into a second son to them, too. I didn't want to break their hearts and let them know they were back to square one, with only one child. I didn't have any siblings, though not for their lack of trying. Hugo had filled that missing spot in their lives until now. I knew they'd take poorly to the news.
Adrien had already established I could spend Christmas with him and Raphaël, but I felt like a third wheel. Since Adrien didn't have a family except for his sister Céleste, and Raphaël's parents were gone to Senegal, the two of them had planned a romantic Christmas alone at home. I felt like crap intruding upon their idyllic life and ruining their special holiday, but I was too weak to reject the offer and spend Christmas alone.
I didn't have any gifts for them yet either, and I had about four days left to find something.
Through my lethargy, it took me an hour to get ready before I could go hunt for presents. Just putting my mascara and eyeliner on drained my energy. I didn't feel like making the effort, but I couldn't let myself go either. I wasn't going to look like a slob just because Hugo had decided to fuck some prick.